UC-NRLF 


B    3    EbM    M1E 


• ;"  :J  - 


ADVENTURES 


OF 


HUCKLEBERRY    FINN 


HUCKLEBERRY   FINN. 


FROM    THE    BUST    BY    KARL    GERHARDT. 


ADVENTURES 


OF 


HTJCKLEBEEKY    FINN 


(TOM  SAWYER'S  COMRADE). 


SCENE  :  THE  MISSISSIPPI  VALLET. 
TIME  :  FORTT  TO  FIFTY  TEAKS  AGO. 


BY 


MARK    TWAIN" 


WITH  ONE  HUNDRED  AND  SEVENTY-FOUR  ILLUSTRATIONS. 


NEW  YORK : 
CHARLES  L.  WEBSTER  AND  COMPANY. 

1886. 


i 


COPYRIGHT,  1884, 
BY  SAMUEL  L.  CLEMENS. 

[All  Jiights  Reserved.] 


NOTICE. 


PERSONS  attempting  to  find  a  motive  in  this  narrative  \vill  be  prosecuted;   persons  attempt 
ing  to  find  a  moral  in  it  will  be  banished;  persons  attempting  to  find  a  plot  in  it  will  be  shot. 

BY  ORDER  OF  THE  AUTHOR 

PEE  G.  G.,  CHIEF  OF  ORDNANCE. 


EXPLANATORY. 


IN  this  book  a  number  of  dialects  are  used,  to  wit  :  the  Missouri  negro  dia 
lect  ;  the  extremest  form  of  the  backwoods  South- Western  dialect ;  the  ordinary 
"  Pike- County  "  dialect ;  and  four  modified  varieties  of  this  last.  The  shadings 
have  not  been  done  in  a  hap-hazard  fashion,  or  by  guess-work  ;  but  pains-takingly, 
and  with  the  trustworthy  guidance  and  support  of  personal  familiarity  with  these 
several  forms  of  speech. 

I  make  this  explanation  for  the  reason  that  without  it  many  readers  would 
suppose  that  all  these  characters  were  trying  to  talk  alike  and  not  succeeding. 

THE  AUTHOR. 


CONTENTS. 


CHAPTER  I. 

PAGE 

Civilizing  Huck.— Miss  Watson.—  Tom  Sawyer  Waits        .....        17 

CHAPTER  II. 
The  Boys  Escape  Jim. — Tom  Sawyer's  Gang. — Deep-laid  Plans  ...          22 

CHAPTER  III. 
A  Good  Going-over.— Grace  Triumphant.—"  One  of  Tom  Sawyers's  Lies  "  29 

CHAPTER  IV. 

Huck  and  the  Judge. — Superstition  .......        34 

CHAPTER  V. 
Buck's  Father.—  The  Fond  Parent.—  Reform          ...  .39 

CHAPTER  VI. 
He  Went  for  Judge  Thatcher.— Huck  Decides   to  Leave. --Political  Economy.— Thrashing 

Around  ...........        45 

CHAPTER   VII. 
Laying  for  Him. — Locked  in  the  Cabin. — Sinking  the  Body. — Resting      .  .  .53 

CHAPTER  VIII. 
Sleeping  in  the  Woods. — Raising  the  Dead. — Exploring  the  Island. — Finding  Jim. — Jim's 

Escape. — Signs. — Balum  ........        61 

CHAPTER  IX. 

The  Cave. —The  Floating  House      .....  .74 


10  CONTENTS. 


CHAPTER  X. 

PAGE 

The  Find.—  Old  Hank  Bunker.  —In  Disguise          ......        79 

CHAPTER  XL 
Huck  and  the  Woman. — The  Search. — Prevarication. — Going  to  Goshen  .        84 

CHAPTER  XII. 

Slow  Navigation. — Borrowing  Things. — Boarding  the   Wreck. — The  Plotters. — Hunt 
ing  for  the  Boat  .........        93 

CHAPTER  XIIL 
Escaping  from  the  Wreck. — The  Watchman. — Sinking      .....       102 

CHAPTER  XIV. 
A  General  Good  Time.— The  Harem.— French        .  .  .109 

CHAPTER  XV. 
Huck  Loses  the  Raft.— In  the  Fog.  —Huck  Finds  the  Raft.— Trash  .  .  .115 

CHAPTER  XVI. 
Expectation. — A    White    Lie. — Floating    Currency. — Running    by    Cairo. — Swimming 

Ashore  .  .....  .  122 

CHAPTER  XVII. 
An  Evening   Call. — The  Farm  in  Arkansaw. — Interior  Decorations. — Stephen  Dowling 

Bots.— Poetical  Effusions  .  .  .  .  .  .132 

CHAPTER  XVIII. 
Col.   Grangerford. — Aristocracy. — Feuds. — The  Testament. — Recovering  the  Raft.  — The 

Wood-pile.— Pork  and  Cabbage  .  .  .  .  .  .  .143 

CHAPTER  XIX. 
Tying   Up  Day-times. — An  Astronomical  Theory. — Running  a  Temperance  Revival. — 

The  Duke  of  Bridgewater.— The  Troubles  of  Royalty  .  .  .  .  .157 

CHAPTER  XX. 
Huck  Explains. — Laying  Out  a  Campaign. — Working  the  Camp-meeting. — A  Pirate   at 

the  Camp-meeting. — The  Duke  as  a  Printer     .....  167 


CONTENTS.  11 


CHAPTER  XXI. 

PAGE 

Sword  Exercise. — Hamlet's  Soliloquy.— They  Loafed  Around  Town. — A  Lazy  Town. — 

Old  Boggs.— Dead 177 

CHAPTER  XXII. 

Sherburn. — Attending  the  Circus. — Intoxication  in  the  Ring. — The  Thrilling  Tragedy.       189 

CHAPTER  XXIII. 
Sold. — Royal  Comparisons.— Jim  Gets  Home-sick  .....      196 

CHAPTER  XXIV. 

Jim  in  Royal  Robes. — They  Take   a  Passenger. — Getting  Information. — Family  Grief.      203 

CHAPTER  XXV. 

Is  It  Them? — Singing  the  "  Doxologer." — Awful  Square — Funeral  Orgies. — A  Bad  In 
vestment         ..........       211 

CHAPTER  XXVI. 
A  Pious  King. — The  King's  Clergy. — She  Asked  His  Pardon. — Hiding  in  the  Room. — 

Buck  Takes  the  Money          ........      220 

CHAPTER  XXVII. 

The  Funeral. — Satisfying    Curiosity.— Suspicious  of    Huck, — Quick   Sales  and  Small 

Profits 230 

CHAPTER  XXVIII. 
The  Trip  to  England.— "The  Brute!"— Mary  Jane  Decides  to  Leave.— Huck  Parting 

with  Mary  Jane. — Mumps. — The  Opposition  Line  .....       239 

CHAPTER  XXIX. 

Contested  Relationship. — The  King  Explains  the  Loss. — A  Question  of  Handwriting. — 

Digging  up  the  Corpse. — Huck  Escapes      ......      250 

CHAPTER  XXX. 
The  King  Went  for  Him.— A  Royal  Row.— Powerful  Mellow        .  ..          .  .261 

CHAPTER  XXXI. 

Ominous  Plans.— News  from  Jim.— Old  Recollections.— A  Sheep  Story.— Valuable  In 
formation  266 


]  2  CONTENTS. 


CHAPTER  XXXII. 

PAGE 

Still  and  Sunday-like. — Mistaken  Identity. — Up  a  Stump. — In  a  Dilemma  .  .       277 

CHAPTER  XXXIII. 
A  Nigger  Stealer. — Southern  Hospitality. — A  Pretty  Long  Blessing. — Tar  and  Feathers  .       284 

CHAPTER  XXXIV. 

The  Hut  by  the  Ash  Hopper. — Outrageous. — Climbing  the  Lightning  Rod. — Troubled  with 

Witches          .  ........      293 

CHAPTER  XXXV. 
Escaping  Properly. — Dark  Schemes. — Discrimination  in  Stealing. — A  Deep  Hole  ,       300 

CHAPTER  XXXVI. 
The  Lightning  Rod.— His  Level  Best.— A  Bequest  to  Posterity.— A  High  Figure  .       309 

CHAPTER  XXXVII. 
The  Last  Shirt.— Mooning  Around.— Sailing  Orders.— The  Witch  Pie       .  .  .316 

CHAPTER  XXXVIII. 
The  Coat  of  Arms.— A  Skilled  Superintendent.— Unpleasant  Glory.— A  Tearful  Subject  .       324 

CHAPTER  XXXIX. 
Rats.— Lively  Bed-fellows.— The  Straw  Dummy      .  .  .  .  .  .333 

CHAPTER  XL 
Fishing. — The  Vigilance  Committee. — A  Lively  Run. — Jim  Advises  a  Doctor.       .  .       339 

CHAPTER  XLI. 
The  Doctor.— Uncle  Silas.— Sister  Hotch kiss. —Aunt  Sally  in  Trouble       .  .  .347 

CHAPTER  XLII. 
Tom  Sawyer  Wounded. — The  Doctor's  Story. — Tom  Confesses. — Aunt  Polly  Arrives. — 

Hand  Out  Them  Letters        ........      355 

CHAPTER  THE  LAST. 
Out  of  Bondage. — Paying  the  Captive. — Yours  Truly,  Huck  Finn  .  .  c       364 


ILLUSTRATIONS. 


Huckleberry  Finn.     Frontispiece 

The  Widow's. 

Learning   about    Moses   and    the 

rushers"     .... 
Miss  Watson     .... 
Huck  Stealing  Away 
They  Tip-toed  Along          .         i 

Jim 

Tom  Sawyer's  Band  of  Robbers 
Huck  Creeps  into  his  Window    . 
Miss  Watson's  Lecture 
The  Robbers  Dispersed 
Rubbing  the  Lamp 
!  !  !  !  ! 

Judge  Thatcher  surprised 
Jim  Listening 

"Pap" 

Huck  and  his  Father 

Reforming  the  Drunkard 

Falling  from  Grace 

Getting  out  of  the  Way    . 

Solid  Comfort 

Thinking  it  Over 

Raising  a  Howl 

"Git  Up"        .... 

The  Shanty      . 

Shooting  the  Pig 

Taking  a  Rest 


Bui- 


PAGE 

,  17 

18 
19 
21 
22 
24 
25 
28 
29 
31 
33 
34 
36 
37 
39 
41 
43 
44 
45 
46 
48 
51 
53 
54 
56 


In  the  Woods 

Wratching  the  Boat. 

Discovering  the  Camp  Fire 

Jim  and  the  Ghost 

Misto  Bradish's  Nigger      . 

Exploring  the  Cave 

In  the  Cave 

Jim  sees  a  Dead  Man 

They  Found  Eight  Dollars 

Jim  and  the  Snake 

Old  Hank  Bunker     . 

"A  Fair  Fit" 

"Come  In" 

"Him  and  another  Man" 

She  puts  up  a  Snack 

"Hump  Yourself" 

On  the  Raft      • 

He  sometimes  Lifted  a  Chicken 

"Please  don't,  Bill" 

"  It  ain't  Good  Morals  " 

' 'Oh!  Lordy,  Lordy!"       . 

In  a  Fix  . 

"Hello,  What's  Up?"       . 

The  Wreck        . 

We  turned  in  and  Slept    . 

Turning  over  the  Truck    . 

Solomon  and  his  Million  Wives. 

The  story  of  ' '  Sollermun  " 


PAGE 
.   61 

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.  67 

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101 
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14 


ILL  USTRA  TION8. 


Him 


"  We  Would  Sell  the  Raft "      . 
Among  the  Snags      .... 
Asleep  on  the  Raft    .... 
"It    Amounted    to     Something    being 

Raftsman  " 
"  Boy,  that's  a  Lie  " 
"Here  I  is,  Buck"   .... 
Climbing  up  the  Bank 
"Who's  There?"      .... 

"Buck" 

"  It  made  Her  look  Spidery  " 

"  They  got  him  out  and  emptied 

The  House        .... 

Col.  Grangerford 

Young  Harney  Shepherdson 

Miss  Charlotte 

"And  asked  me  if  I  Liked  Her 

"Behind  the  Wood-pile"' 

Hiding  Day-times. 

"  And  Dogs  a-Coming  " 

"  By  rights  I  am  a  Duke !  " 

"  I  am  the  Late  Dauphin  " 

Tail  Piece         .... 

On  the  Raft      . 

The  King  as  Juliet    . 

"  Courting  on  the  Sly  "     . 

"A  Pirate  for  Thirty  Years  "    . 

Another  little  Job     . 

Practising        .... 

Hamlet's  Soliloquy 

"Gimme a  Chaw" 

A  Little  Monthly  Drunk 

The  Death  of  Boggs 

Sherburn  steps  out    . 

A  Dead  Head 

He  shed  Seventeen  Suits  . 


PAGE 

.  115 
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a 

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193 


Tragedy 

Their  Pockets  Bulged 

Henry  the  Eighth  in  Boston  Harbor 

Harmless          ..... 

Adolphus          ..... 

He  fairly  emptied  that  Young  Fellow 

"  Alas,  our  Poor  Brother  " 

"You  Bet  it  is" 


Making  up  the  "  Deffisit " 

Going  for  him 

The  Doctor       .... 

The  Bag  of  Money     . 

The  Cubby        .... 

Supper  with  the  Hare-Lip 

Honest  Injun    .... 

The  Duke  looks  under  the  Bed. 

Huck  takes  the  Money 

A  Crack  in  the  Dining-room  Door 

The  Undertaker 

"He  had  a  Rat!"     . 

' '  Was  you  in  my  Room  ?  " 

Jawing 

In  Trouble        .... 
Indignation       .... 
How  to  Find  Them  . 
He  Wrote         .... 
Hannah  with  the  Mumps  . 
The  Auction      .... 
The  True  Brothers    . 
The  Doctor  leads  Huck       . 
The  Duke  Wrote 
'  Gentlemen,  Gentlemen ! " 
'  Jim  Lit  Out  "... 
The  King  shakes  Huck 
The  Duke  went  for  Him 


PAGE 

.  196 
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.  263 


ILLUSTRATIONS. 


15 


PAGE 

Spanish  Moss    .  ...  266 

"Who  Nailed  Him?"        .         .         .         .269 

Thinking 271 

He  gave  him  Ten  Cents  .  .  .  .274 
Striking  for  the  Back  Country  .  .  .275 
Still  and  Sunday-like  .  .  .  .277 
She  hugged  him  tight  .  .  .  .279 
'•Who  do  you  reck  on  it  is?"  .  .  .283 
« It  was  Tom  Sawyer "  .  .  .  .284 
"Mr.  Archibald  Nichols,  I  presume?"  .  287 
A  pretty  long  Blessing  ....  290 
Traveling  By  Rail  ...  .291 

Vittles 293 

A  Simple  Job    .         ...         .         .         .  296 

Witches 299 

Getting  Wood 300 

One  of  the  Best  Authorities       .         .         .302 

The  Breakfast-Horn 305 

Smouching  the  Knives       ....  307 
Going  down  the  Lightning-Rod          .         .   309 

Stealing  spoons 311 

Tom  advises  a  Witch  Pie  .         .  314 

The  Rubbage-Pile      ...  .316 

"  Missus,  day's  a  Sheet  Gone  "   .  .  318 


In  a  Tearing  Way 
One  of  his  Ancestors 
Jim's  Coat  of  Arms    . 
A  Tough  Job    . 
Buttons  on  their  Tails 
Irrigation 

Keeping  off  Dull  Times     . 
Sawdust  Diet     . 
Trouble  is  Brewing  . 
Fishing    .... 
Every  one  had  a  Gun 
Tom  caught  on  a  Splinter 
Jim  advises  a  Doctor 
The  Doctor      . 
Uncle  Silas  in  Danger 
Old  Mrs.  Hotchkiss  . 
Aunt  Sally  talks  to  Huck 
Tom  Sawyer  wounded 
The  Doctor  speaks  for  Jim 
Tom  rose  square  up  in  Bed 
"  Hand  out  them  Letters  " 
Out  of  Bondage 
Tom's  Liberality 
Yours  Truly      . 


FAGB 

321 

322 

324 

327 

329 

,  331 

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.  345 

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357 

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.  362 

.  364 

.  365 


• 

Kleberrv 


don't  know  about  me,  without  you 
have  read  a  book  by  the  name  of  "  The 
Adventures  of  Tom  Sawyer,"  but  that 
ain't  no  matter.  That  book  was  made 
by  Mr.  Mark  Twain,  and  he  told  the 
truth,  mainly.  There  was  things 
which  he  stretched,  but  mainly  he 
told  the  truth.  That  is  nothing.  I 
never  seen  anybody  but  lied,  one  time 
or  another,  without  it  was  Aunt  Polly, 
or  the  widow,  or  maybe  Mary.  Aunt 
Polly  —  Tom's  Aunt  Polly,  she  is  —  and 
Mary,  and  the  Widow  Douglas,  is  all 
told  about  in  that  book  —  which  is 
mostly  a  true  book  ;  with  some  stretch 
ers,  as  I  said  before. 

Now  the  way  that  the  book  winds 
up,  is  this  :  Tom  and  me  found  the  money  that  the  robbers  hid  in  the  cave, 
and  it  made  us  rich.  We  got  six  thousand  dollars  apiece  —  all  gold.  It  was  an 
awful  sight  of  money  when  it  was  piled  up.  Well,  Judge  Thatcher,  he  took  it 
and  put  it  out  at  interest,  and  it  fetched  us  a  dollar  a  day  apiece,  all  the  year 
round  —  more  than  a  body  could  tell  what  to  do  with.  The  Widow  Douglas,  she 
took  me  foi  her  son,  and  allowed  she  would  sivilize  me  ;  but  it  was  rough  living 
in  the  houue  all  the  time,  considering  how  dismal  regular  and  decent  the  widow 
was  in  all  her  ways  ;  and  so  when  I  couldn't  stand  it  no  longer,  I  lit  out.  I  got 
into  my  old  rags,  and  my  sugar-hogshead  again,  and  was  free  and  satisfied.  Bu* 


THE  wrnow's. 


18 


THE  ADVENTURES  OF  HUCKLEBERRY  FINN. 


Tom  Sawyer,  he  hunted  me  up  and  said  he  was  going  to  start  a  band  of  robbers, 
and  I  might  join  if  I  would  go  back  to  the  widow  and  be  respectable.  So  I  went 
back. 

The  widow  she  cried  over  me,  and  called  me  a  poor  lost  lamb,  and  she  called 
me  a  lot  of  other  names,  too,  but  she  never  meant  no  harm  by  it.  She  put  me 
in  them  new  clothes  again,  and  I  couldn't  do  nothing  but  sweat  and  sweat,  and 
feel  all  cramped  up.  Well,  then,  the  old  thing  commenced  again.  The  widow 
rung  a  bell  for  supper,  and  you  had  to  come  to  time.  When  you  got  to  the  table 

you  couldn't  go  right  to  eat 
ing,  but  you  had  to  wait  f©r 
the  widow  to  tuck  down  her 
head  and  grumble  a  little 
over  the  victuals,  though 
there  warn't  really  anything 
the  matter  with  them.  That 
is,  nothing  only  everything 
was  cooked  by  itself.  In  a 
barrel  of  odds  and  ends  it  is 
different ;  things  get  mixed 
up,  and  the  juice  kind  of 
swaps  around,  and  the  things 
go  better. 

After  supper  she  got  out 
her  book  and  learned  me 
about  Moses  and  the  Bui- 
rushers?  ;  and  I  was  in  a  sweat 
to  find  out  all  about  him ; 
but  by-and-by  she  let  it  out  that  Moses  had  been  dead  a  considerable  long  time  ; 
so  then  I  didn't  care  no  more  about  him  ;  because  I  don't  take  no  stock  in  dead 
people. 

Pretty  soon  I  wanted  to  smoke,  and  asked  the  widow  to  let  me.  But  she 
wouldn't.  She  said  it  was  a  mean  practice  and  wasn't  clean,  and  I  must 
try  to  not  do  it  any  more.  That  is  just  the  way  with  some  people.  They 


LEARNING  ABOUT  MOSES  AND  THE  "  EULRUSHEUS." 


MISS  WATS01T. 


19 


get  down  on  a  thing  when  they  don't  know  nothing  about  it.  Here  she 
was  a  bothering  about  Moses,  which  was  no  kin  to  her,  and  no  use  to  any 
body,  being  gone,  you  see,  yet  finding  a  power  of  fault  with  me  for  doing 
a  thing  that  had  some  good  in  it.  And  she  took  snuff  too;  of  course 
that  was  all  right,  because  she  done  it  herself. 

Her  sister,  Miss  Watson,  a  tolerable  slim  old  maid,  with  goggles  on,  had 
just  come  to  live  with  her,  and  took 
a  set  at  me  now,  with  a  spelling-book. 
She  worked  me  middling  hard  for  about 
an  hour,  and  then  the  widow  made  her 
ease  up.  I  couldn't  stood  it  much  longer. 
Then  for  an  hour  it  was  deadly  dull, 
and  I  was  fidgety.  Miss  Watson  would 
say,  "Dont  put  your  feet  up  there, 
Huckleberry;"  and  "dont  scrunch  up 
like  that,  Huckleberry — set  up  straight;" 
and  pretty  soon  she  would  say,  "Don't 
gap  and  stretch  like  that,  Huckleberry — 
why  don't  you  try  to  behave?"  Then 
she  told  me  all  about  the  bad  place, 
and  I  said  I  wished  I  was  there.  She 
got  mad,  then,  but  I  didn't  mean  no 
harm.  All  I  wanted  was  to  go  some- 
wheres  ;  all  I  wanted  was  a  change,  I 
warn't  particular.  She  said  it  was 
wicked  to  say  what  I  said ;  said  she 

wouldn't  say  it  for  the  whole  world  ;  she  was  going  to  live  so  as  to  go  to 
the  good  place.  Well,  I  couldn't  see  no  advantage  in  going  where  she 
was  going,  so  I  made  up  my  mind  I  wouldn't  try  for  it.  But  I  never  said 
so,  because  it  would  only  make  trouble,  and  wouldn't  do  no  good. 

Now  she  had  got  a  start,  and  she  went  on  and  told  me  all  about  the 
good  place.  She  said  all  a  body  would  have  to  do  there  was  to  go  around 
all  day  long  with  a  harp  and  sing,  forever  and  ever.  So  I  didn't  think 


20  THE  ADVENTURES  OF  HUCKLEBERRY  FINN. 

much  of  it.  But  I  never  said  so.  I  asked  her  if  she  reckoned  Tom 
Sawyer  would  go  there,  and,  she  said,  not  by  a  considerable  sight.  I  was 
glad  about  that,  because  I  wanted  him  and  me  to  be  together. 

Miss  Watson  she  kept  pecking  at  me,  and  it  got  tiresome  and  lonesome. 
By-and-by  they  fetched  the  niggers  in  and  had  prayers,  and  then  everybody 
was  off  to  bed.  I  went  up  to  my  room  with  a  piece  of  candle  and  put 
it  on  the  table.  Then  I  set  down  in  a  chair  by  the  window  and  tried  to 
think  of  something  cheerful,  but  it  warn't  no  use.  I  felt  so  lonesome  I 
most  wished  I  was  dead.  The  stars  was  shining,  and  the  leaves  rustled  in 
the  woods  ever  so  mournful;  and  I  heard  an  owl,  away  off,  who-whooing 
about  somebody  that  was  dead,  and  a  whippowill  and  a  dog  crying  about 
somebody  that  was  going  to  die;  and  the  wind  was  trying  to  whisper  some 
thing  to  me  and  I  couldn't  make  out  what  it  was,  and  so  it  made  the  cold 
shivers  run  over  me.  Then  away  out  in  the  woods  I  heard  that  kind  of  a 
sound  that  a  ghost  makes  when  it  wants  to  tell  about  something  that's  on  its 
mind  and  can't  make  itself  understood,  and  so  can't  rest  easy  in  its  grave 
and  has  to  go  about  that  way  every  night  grieving.  I  got  so  down-hearted 
and  scared,  I  did  wish  I  had  some  company.  Pretty  soon  a  spider  went 
crawling  up  my  shoulder,  and  I  flipped  it  off  and  it  lit  in  the  candle  ;  and 
before  I  could  budge  it  was  all  shriveled  up.  I  didn't  need  anybody  to  tell 
me  that  that  was  an  awful  bad  sign  and  would  fetch  me  some  bad  luck,  so 
I  was  scared  and  most  shook  the  clothes  off  of  me.  I  got  up  and  turned 
around  in  my  tracks  three  times  and  crossed  my  breast  every  time;  and 
then  I  tied  up  a  little  lock  of  my  hair  with  a  thread  to  keep  witches 
away.  But  I  hadn't  no  confidence.  You  do  that  when  you've  lost  a 
horse-shoe  that  you've  found,  instead  of  nailing  it  up  over  the  door,  but  I 
hadn't  ever  heard  anybody  say  it  was  any  way  to  keep  off  bad  luck  when 
you'd  killed  a  spider. 

I  set  down  again,  a  shaking  all  over,  and  got  out  my  pipe  for  a  smoke  ; 
for  the  house  was  all  as  still  as  death,  now,  and  so  the  widow  wouldn't 
know.  Well,  after  a  long  time  I  heard  the  clock  away  off  in  the  town 
go  boom  —  boom  —  boom  —  twelve  licks  —  and  all  still  again  —  stiller  than 
ever.  Pretty  soon  I  heard  a  twig  snap,  down  in  the  dark  amongst  the 

• 


TOM  SAWYER   WAITS. 


21 


trees — something  was  a  stirring.  I  set  still  and  listened.  Directly  I  could 
just  barely  hear  a  (<me-yow!  me-yow!"  down  there.  That  was  good  !  Says  I, 
"me-yow!  me-yow!"  as  soft  as  I  could,  and  then  I  put  out  the  light  and 
scrambled  out  of  the  window  onto  the  shed.  Then  I  slipped  down  to 
the  ground  and  crawled  in  amongst  the  trees,  and  sure  enough  there  was 
Tom  Sawyer  waiting  for  me. 


BUCK   STEALING   AWAi.. 


a 


went  tip-toeing  along  a  path  amongst 
the  trees  back  towards  the  end  of  the 
widow's  garden,  stooping  down  so  as 
the  branches  wouldn't  scrape  our  heads. 
When  we  was  passing  by  the  kitchen 
I  fell  over  a  root  and  made  a  noise. 
We  scrouched  down  and  laid  stilL 
Miss  Watson's  big  nigger,  named 
Jim,  was  setting  in  the  kitchen  door  5* 
we  could  see  him  pretty  clear,  because 
there  was  a  light  behind  him.  He 
got  up  and  stretched  his  neck  out 
about  a  minute,  listening.  Then  he 


''<  Who  dab?" 

He  listened  some  more;  then  he 
come  tip-toeing  down  and  stood 
right  between  us;  we  could  a  touched 
him,  nearly.  Well,  likely  it  was  min 
utes  and  minutes  that  there  warn't  a 
sound,  and  we  all  there  so  close 
together.  There  was  a  place  on  my 
ankle  that  got  to  itching  ;  but  I 

dasn't  scratch  it;  and  then  my  ear  begun  to  itch;  and  next  my  back,  right  be 
tween  my  shoulders.  Seemed  like  I'd  die  if  I  couldn't  scratch.  Well,  I've 
noticed  that  thing  plenty  of  times  since.  If  you  are  with  the  quality,  or  at  a 
funeral,  or  trying  to  go  to  sleep  when  you  ain't  sleepy — if  you  are  anywheres 


THEY  TIP-TOE^   ALONG 


TEE  BOYS  ESCAPE  JIM.  23 

sphere  it  won't  do  for  you  to  scratch,  why  you  will  itch  all  over  in  upwards  of  a 
thousand  places.  Pretty  soon  Jim  says: 

"  Say — who  is  you?  Whar  is  you?  Dog  my  cats  ef  I  didn'  hear  sumf  n.  Well, 
I  knows  what  Ps  gwyne  to  do.  Ps  gwyne  to  set  down  here  and  listen  tell  I  hears 
it  agin." 

So  he  set  down  on  the  ground  betwixt  me  and  Tom.  He  leaned  his  back  up 
against  a  tree,  and  stretched  his  legs  out  till  one  of  them  most  touched  one  of 
mine.  My  nose  begun  to  itch.  It  itched  till  the  tears  come  into  my  eyes.  But 
I  dasn't  scratch.  Then  it  begun  to  itch  on  the  inside.  Next  I  got  to  itching 
underneath.  I  didn't  know  how  I  was  going  to  set  still.  This  miserableness 
went  on  as  much  as  six  or  seven  minutes;  but  it  seemed  a  sight  longer  than  that. 
I  was  itching  in  eleven  different  places  now.  I  reckoned  I  couldn't  stand  it 
more'n  a  minute  longer,  but  I  set  my  teeth  hard  and  got  ready  to  try.  Just  then 
Jim  begun  to  breathe  heavy;  next  he  begun  to  snore — and  then  I  was  pretty  soon 
comfortable  again. 

Tom  he  made  a  sign  to  me — kind  of  a  little  noise  with  his  mouth — and  we  went 
creeping  away  on  our  hands  and  knees.  When  we  was  ten  foot  off,  Tom  whis 
pered  to  me  and  wanted  to  tie  Jim  to  the  tree  for  fun;  but  I  said  no  ;  he  might 
wake  and  make  a  disturbance,  and  then  they'd  find  out  I  warn't  in.  Then  Tom 
said  he  hadn't  got  candles  enough,  and  he  would  slip  in  the  kitchen  and  get 
some  more.  I  didn't  want  him  to  try.  I  said  Jim  might  wake  up  and  come. 
But  Tom  wanted  to  resk  it;  so  we  slid  in  there  and  got  three  candles,  and  Tom 
laid  five  cents  on  the  table  for  pay.  Then  we  got  out,  and  I  was  in  a  sweat  to 
get  away;  but  nothing  would  do  Tom  but  he  must  crawl  to  where  Jim  was,  on 
his  hands  and  knees,  and  play  something  on  him.  I  waited,  and  it  seemed  a  good 
while,  everything  was  so  still  and  lonesome. 

As  soon  as  Tom  was  back,  we  cut  along  the  path,  around  the  garden  fence, 
and  by-and-by  fetched  up  on  the  steep  top  of  the  hill  the  other  side  of  the  house. 
Tom  said  he  slipped  Jim's  hat  off  of  his  head  and  hung  it  on  a  limb  right  over 
him,  and  Jim  stirred  a  little,  but  he  didn't  wake.  Afterwards  Jim  said  the 
witches  bewitched  him  and  put  him  in  a  trance,  and  rode  him  all  over  the  State, 
and  then  set  him  under  the  trees  again  and  hung  his  hat  on  a  limb  to  show  who 
done  it.  And  next  time  Jim  told  it  he  said  they  rode  him  down  to  New  Orleans: 


24 


THE  ADVENTURES  OF  HUGKLEBERRY  FINN. 


and  after  that,  every  time  he  told  it  he  spread  it  more  and  more,  till  by-and-by 
he  said  they  rode  him  all  over  the  world,  and  tired  him  most  to  death,  and  his 
back  was  all  over  saddle-boils.  Jim  was  monstrous  proud  about  it,  and  he  got  so  he 
wouldn't  hardly  notice  the  other  niggers.  Niggers  would  come  miles  to  hear  Jim 
tell  about  it,  and  he  was  more  looked  up  to  than  any  nigger  in  that  country. 

Strange  niggers  would  stand  with  their  mouths 
open  and  look  him  all  over,  same  as  if  he  was 
a  wonder.  Niggers  is  always  talking  about 
witches  in  the  dark  by  the  kitchen  fire;  but 
whenever  one  was  talking  and  letting  on  to 
know  all  about  such  things,  Jim  would  happen 
in  and  say,  "Hm  !  What  you  know  'bout 
witches  ?  "  and  that  nigger  was  corked  up  and 
had  to  take  a  back  seat.  Jim  always  kept  that 
five-center  piece  around  his  neck  with  a  string 
and  said  it  was  a  charm  the  devil  give  to  him 
with  his  own  hands  and  told  him  he  could  cure 
anybody  with  it  and  fetch  witches  whenever  he 
wanted  to,  just  by  saying  something  to  it;  but 
he  never  told  what  it  was  he  said  to  it.  Niggers 
would  come  from  all  around  there  and  give !  Jim 
anything  they  had,  just  for  a  sight  of  that  five- 
center  piece  ;  but  they  wouldn't  touch  it,  be 
cause  the  devil  had  had  his  hands  on  it.  Jim 

JIM. 

was  most  ruined,  for  a  servant,  because  he  got 
so  stuck  up  on  account  of  having  seen  the  devil  and  been  rode  by  witches. 

Well,  when  Tom  and  me  got  to  the  edge  of  the  hill-top,  we  looked  away 
down  into  the  village  and  could  see  three  or  four  lights  twinkling,  where  there 
was  sick  folks,  may  be ;  and  the  stars  over  us  was  sparkling  ever  so  fine  ;  and 
down  by  the  village  was  the  river,  a  whole  mile  broad,  and  awful  still  and  grand. 
We  went  down  the  hill  and  found  Jo  Harper,  and  Ben  Rogers,  and  two  or  three 
more  of  the  boys,  hid  in  the  old  tanyard.  So  we  unhitched  a  skiff  and  pulled  down 
the  river  two  mile  and  a  half,  to  the  big  scar  on  the  hillside,  and  went  ashore. 


TOM  SAWYERS  GANG. 


25 


We  went  to  a  clump  of  bushes,  and  Tom  made  everybody  swear  to  keep  the 
secret,  and  then  showed  them  a  hole  in  the  hill,  right  in  the  thickest  part  of 
the  bushes.  Then  we  lit  the  candles  and  crawled  in  on  our  hands  and  knoes. 
We  went  about  two  hundred  yards,  and  then  the  cave  opened  up.  Tom  poked 
about  amongst  the  passages  and  pretty  soon  ducked  under  a  wall  where  you 
wouldn't  a  noticed  that  there  was  a  hole.  We  went  along  a  narrow  place  and 
got  into  a  kind  of  room,  all  damp  and  sweaty  and  cold,  and  there  we  stopped. 
Tom  says  : 

"  Now  we'll  start  this  band  of  robbers  and   call  it  Tom   Sawyer's   Gang. 


r~ 


TOM   SAWYERS   BAND  OF   ROBBERS. 


Everybody  that  wants  to  join  has  got  to  take  an  oath,  and  write  his  name  in 
blood." 

Everybody  was  willing.  So  Tom  got  out  a  sheet  of  paper  that  he  had  wrote 
the  oath  on,  and  read  it.  It  swore  every  boy  to  stick  to  the  band,  and  never 
tell  any  of  the  secrets ;  and  if  anybody  done  anything  to  any  boy  in  the  band, 
whichever  boy  was  ordered  to  kill  that  person  and  his  family  must  do  it,  and  he 
mustn't  eat  and  he  mustn't  sleep  till  he  had  killed  them  and  hacked  a  cross  in 


26  THE  ADVENTUEES  OF  HUCKLEBERRY  FINN. 

their  breasts,  which  was  the  sign  of  the  band.  And  nobody  that  didn't  belong 
to  the  band  could  use  that  mark,  and  if  he  did  he  must  be  sued  ;  and  if  he  done 
it  again  he  must  be  killed.  And  if  anybody  that  belonged  to  the  band  told  the 
secrets,  he  must  have  his  throat  cut,  and  then  have  his  carcass  burnt  up  and 
the  ashes  scattered  all  around,  and  his  name  blotted  off  of  the  list  with  blood 
and  never  mentioned  again  by  the  gang,  but  have  a  curse  put  on  it  and  be  forgot, 
forever. 

Everybody  said  it  was  a  real  beautiful  oath,  and  asked  Tom  if  he  got  it  out 
of  his  own  head.  He  said,  some  of  it,  but  the  rest  was  out  of  pirate  books,  and 
robber  books,  and  every  gang  that  was  high-toned  had  it. 

Some  thought  it  .would  be  good  to  kill  the  families  of  boys  that  told  the 
secrets.  Tom  said  it  was  a  good  idea,  so  he  took  a  pencil  and  wrote  it  in.  Then 
Ben  Eogers  says  : 

"  Here's  Huck  Finn,  he  hain't  got  no  family — what  you  going  to  do  'bout 
him  ?  " 

"Well,  hain't  he  got  a  father  ?"  says  Tom  Sawyer. 

"Yes,  he's  got  a  father,  but  you  can't  never  find  him,  these  days.  He  used 
to  lay  drunk  with  the  hogs  in  the  tanyard,  but  he  hain't  been  seen  in  these 
parts  for  a  year  or  more." 

They  talked  it  over,  and  they  was  going  to  rule  me  out,  because  they  said 
every  boy  must  have  a  family  or  somebody  to  kill,  or  else  it  wouldn't  be  fair 
and  square  for  the  others.  Well,  nobody  could  think  of  anything  to  do — every 
body  was  stumped,  and  set  still.  I  was  most  ready  to  cry ;  but  all  at  once  I 
thought  of  a  way,  and  so  I  offered  them  Miss  Watson — they  could  kill  her. 
Everybody  said : 

"  Oh,  she'll  do,  she'll  do.     That's  all  right.     Huck  can  come  in." 

Then  they  all  stuck  a  pin  in  their  fingers  to  get  blood  to  sign  with,  and  I 
made  my  mark  on  the  paper. 

"  Now,"  says  Ben  Eogers,  "what's  the  line  of  business  of  this  Gang  ?" 

"Nothing  only  robbery  and  murder,"  Tom  said. 

"But  who  are  we  going  to  rob  ?  houses — or  cattle — or " 

"  Stuff  !  stealing  cattle  and  such  things  ain't  robbery,  it's  burglary,"  says 
Tom  Sawyer.  "  We  ain't  burglars.  That  ain't  no  sort  of  style.  We  are  high- 


DEEP-LAID  PLANS.  27 


waymen.  We  stop  stages  and  carriages  on  the  road,  with  masks  on,  and  kill 
the  people  and  take  their  watches  and  money." 

"  Must  we  always  kill  the  people  ?" 

"  Oh,  certainly.  It's  best.  Some  authorities  think  different,  but  mostly  it's 
considered  best  to  kill  them.  Except  some  that  you  bring  to  the  cave  here  and 
keep  them  till  they're  ransomed." 

"  Ransomed  ?    What's  that  ?  " 

"I  don't  know.  But  that's  what  they  do.  I've  seen  it  in  books  ;  and  so  of 
course  that's  what  we've  got  to  do." 

"  But  how  can  we  do  it  if  we  don't  know  what  it  is  ?" 

"Why  blame  it  all,  we've  got  to  do  it.  Don't  I  tell  you  it's  in  the  books  ? 
Do  you  want  to  go  to  doing  different  from  what's  in  the  books,  and  get  things 
all  muddled  up  ?  " 

"  Oh,  that's  all  very  fine  to  say,  Tom  Sawyer,  but  how  in  the  nation  are  these 
fellows  going  to  be  ransomed  if  we  don't  know  how  to  do  it  to  them  ?  that's 
the  thing  /  want  to  get  at.  Now  what  do  you  reckon  it  is  ?  " 

"Well  1  don't  know.  But  per'aps  if  we  keep  them  till  they're  ransomed, 
it  means  that  we  keep  them  till  they're  dead." 

"  Now,  that's  something  like.  That'll  answer.  Why  couldn't  you  said  that 
before  ?  We'll  keep  them  till  they're  ransomed  to  death — and  a  bothersome  lot 
they'll  be,  too,  eating  up  everything  and  always  trying  to  get  loose." 

"How  you  talk,  Ben  Rogers.  How  can  they  get  loose  when  there's  a  guard 
over  them,  ready  to  shoot  them  down  if  they  move  a  peg  ?" 

"A  guard.  Well,  that  is  good.  So  somebody's  got  to  set  up  all  night  and 
never  get  any  sleep,  just  so  as  to  watch  them.  I  think  that's  foolishness.  Why 
can't  a  body  take  a  club  and  ransom  them  as  soon  as  they  get  here  ?  " 

"  Because  it  ain't  in  the  books  so — that's  why.  Now  Ben  Rogers,  do  you 
want  to  do  things  regular,  or  don't  you  ? — that's  the  idea.  Don't  you  reckon 
that  the  people  that  made  the  books  knows  what's  the  correct  thing  to  do  ? 
Do  you  reckon  you  can  learn  'em  anything  ?  Not  by  a  good  deal.  No,  sir, 
we'll  just  go  on  and  ransom  them  in  the  regular  way." 

"All  right.  I  don't  mind;  but  I  say  it's  a  fool  way,  anyhow.  Say — do  we 
kill  the  women,  too  ?  " 


28 


THE  ADVENTURES  OF  HUGKLEBEERY  FINN. 


"  Well,  Ben  Kogers,  if  I  was  as  ignorant  as  you  I  wouldn't  let  on.  Kill  the 
women?  No — nobody  ever  saw  anything  in  the  books  like  that.  You  fetch 
them  to  the  cave,  and  you're  always  as  polite  as  pie  to  them  ;  and  by-and-by  they 
fall  in  love  with  you  and  never  want  to  go  home  any  more." 

"  Well,  if  that's  the  way,  I'm  agreed,  but  I  don't  take  no  stock  in  it.  Mighty 
soon  we'll  have  the  cave  so  cluttered  up  with  women,  and  fellows  waiting  to  be 
ransomed,  that  there  won't  be  no  place  for  the  robbers.  But  go  ahead,  I  ain't 
got  nothing  to  say." 

Little  Tommy  Barnes  was  asleep,  now,  and  when  they  waked  him  up  he  was 
scared,  and  cried,  and  said  he  wanted  to  go  home  to  his  ma,  and  didn't  want 
to  be  a  robber  any  more. 

So  they  all  made  fun  of  him,  and  called  him  cry-baby,  and  that  made  him 
mad,  and  he  said  he  would  go  straight  and  tell  all  the  secrets.  But  Tom  give 
him  five  cents  to  keep  quiet,  and  said  we  would  all  go  home  and  meet  next 
week  and  rob  somebody  and  kill  some  people. 

Ben  Rogers  said  he  couldn't  get  out  much,  only  Sundays,  and  so  he  wanted 
to  begin  next  Sunday;  but  all  the  boys  said  it  would  be  wicked  to  do  it  on 
Sunday,  and  that  settled  the  thing.  They  agreed  to  get  together  and  fix  a  day  as 
soon  as  they  could,  and  then  we  elected  Tom  Sawyer  first  captain  and  Jo 
Harper  second  captain  of  the  Gang,  and  so  started  home. 

I  clumb  up  the  shed  and  crept  into  my  window  just  before  day  was  breaking. 
My  new  clothes  was  all  greased  up  and  clayey,  and  I  was  dog-tired. 


IIUCK  CREEPS    INTO   JUS    WINDOW. 


0 


ter 


V/ELL,  I  got  a  good  going-over  in  the  morning, 
from  old  Miss  Watson,  on  account  of  my 
clothes  ;  but  the  widow  she  didn't  scold,  but 
only  cleaned  off  the  grease  and  clay  and 
looked  so  sorry  that  I  thought  I  would  be 
have  a  while  if  I  could.  Then  Miss  Watson 
she  took  me  in  the  closet  and  prayed,  but 
nothing  come  of  it.  She  told  me  to  pray 
every  day,  and  whatever  1  asked  for  I  would 
get  it.  But  it  warn't  so.  I  tried  it.  Once 
I  got  a  fish-line,  but  no  hooks.  It  warn't 
any  good  to  me  without  hooks.  I  tried  for 
the  hooks  three  or  four  times,  but  somehow 
I  couldn't  make  it  work.  By-and-by,  one 
day,  I  asked^Miss  Watson  to  try  for  me,  but 
she  said  I  was  a  fool.  She  never  told  me 
why,  and  I  couldn't  make  it  out  no  way. 

I  set  down,  one  time,  back  in  the  woods,  and  had  a  long  think  about  it.  I 
says  to  myself,  if  a  body  can  get  anything  they  pray  for,  why  don't  Deacon 
Winn  get  back  the  money  he  lost  on  pork  ?  Why  can't  the  widow  get  back 
her  silver  snuff-box  that  was  stole  ?  Why  can't  Miss  Watson  fat  up  ?  No,  says 
I  to  myself,  there  ain't  nothing  in  it.  I  went  and  told  the  widow  about  it, 
and  she  said  the  thing  a  body  could  get  by  praying  for  it  was  "spiritual  gifts." 
This  was  too  many  for  me,  but  she  told  me  what  she  meant — I  must  help 
other  people,  and  do  everything  I  could  for  other  people,  and  look  out  for  them 
all  the  time,  and  never  think  about  myself.  This  was  including  Miss  Watson, 


WATSON'S  I/ECTTRE. 


SO  THE  ADVENTURES  OF  HUCKLEBERRY  FINN. 

as  I  took  it.  I  went  out  in  the  woods  and  turned  it  over  in  my  mind  a  long 
time,  but  I  couldn't  see  no  advantage  about  it — except  for  the  other  people — 
so  at  last  I  reckoned  I  wouldn't  worry  about  it  any  more,  but  just  let  it  go. 
Sometimes  the  widow  would  take  me  one  side  and  talk  about  Providence  in  a  way 
to  make  a  body's  mouth  water ;  but  maybe  next  day  Miss  Watson  would  take 
hold  and  knock  it  all  down  again.  I  judged  I  could  see  that  there  was  two 
Providences,  and  a  poor  chap  would  stand  considerable  show  with  the  widow's 
Providence,  but  if  Miss  Watson's  got  him  there  warn't  no  help  for  him  any  more. 
I  thought  it  all  out,  and  reckoned  I  would  belong  to  the  widow's,  if  he  wanted 
me,  though  I  couldn't  make  out  how  he  was  agoing  to  be  any  better  off  then 
than  what  he  was  before,  seeing  I  was  so  ignorant  and  so  kind  of  low-down 
and  ornery. 

Pap  he  hadn't  been  seen  for  more  than  a  year,  and  that  was  comfortable  for 
me  ;  I  didn't  want  to  see  him  no  more.  He  used  to  always  whale  me  when  he 
was  sober  and  could  get  his  hands  on  me  ;  though  I  used  to  take  to  the  woods 
most  of  the  time  when  he  was  around.  Well,  about  this  time  he  was  found  in 
the  river  drowned,  about  twelve  mile  above  town,  so  people  said.  They  judged 
it  was  him,  anyway  ;  said  this  drowned  man  was  just  his  size,  and  was  ragged, 
and  had  uncommon  long  hair— which  was  all  like  pap— but  they  couldn't  make 
nothing  out  of  the  face,  because  it  had  been  in  the  water  so  long  it  warn't  much 
like  a  face  at  all.  They  said  he  was  floating  on  his  back  in  the  water.  They 
took  him  and  buried  him  on  the  bank.  But  I  warn't  comfortable  long,  because 
I  happened  to  think  of  something.  I  knowed  mighty  well  that  a  drownded  man 
don't  float  on  his  back,  but  on  his  face.  So  I  knowed,  then,  that  this  warn't 
pap,  but  a  woman  dressed  up  in  a  man's  clothes.  So  I  was  uncomfortable  again. 
I  judged  the  old  man  would  turn  up  again  by-and-by,  though  I  wished  he 
wouldn't. 

We  played  robber  now  and  then  about  a  month,  and  then  I  resigned. 
All  the  boys  did.  We  hadn't  robbed  nobody,  we  hadn't  killed  any  people, 
but  only  just  pretended.  We  used  to  hop  out  of  the  woods  and  go  charg 
ing  down  on  hog-drovers  and  women  in  carts  taking  garden  stuff  to  market, 
but  we  never  hived  any  of  them.  Tom  Sawyer  called  the  hogs  "  ingots, " 
and  he  called  the  turnips  and  stuff  "julery"  and  we  would  go  to  the  cave 


GRACE  TRIUMPHANT. 


31 


and  pow-wow  over  what  we  had  done  and  how  many  people  we  had  killed 

and  marked.     But  I  couldn't  see  no  profit  in  it.     One  time    Tom   sent  a  boy 

to  run  about  town    with   a  blazing  stick,    which    he  called  a    slogan  (which 

was  the  sign  for  the    Gang  to  get  together),  and  then   he  said  he   had  got 

secret     news     by  his    spies    that     next    day     a   whole     parcel    of     Spanish 

merchants  and    rich  A-rabs  was    going  to   camp  in    Cave  Hollow    with  two 

hundred   elephants,  and   six   hundred  camels,   and  over  a  thousand  "sumter" 

mules,  all  loaded  down  with  di'monds,  and  they  didn't  have  only  a  guard  of 

four  hundred  soldiers,  and    so  we   would  lay  in   ambuscade,  as  he  called  it, 

and  kill  the    lot  and   scoop   the    things.       He  said  we  must    slick  up    our 

swords    and      guns,     and     get 

ready.        He    never     could    go 

after    even     a    turnip-cart    but 

he   must  have    the   swords  and 

guns    all    scoured    up    for    it  ; 

though   they  was  only  lath  and 

broom-sticks,    and    you     might 

scour   at    them    till    you  rotted 

and  then  they  warn't   worth  a 

mouthful    of    ashes  more    than 

what  they  was  before.     I  didn't 

believe    we   could    lick    such   a 

crowd  of  Spaniards  and  A-rabs, 

but   I   wanted  to  see  the  camels 

and   elephants,  so  I  was  on  hand 

next    day,      Saturday,     in     the 

ambuscade ;     and    when  we  got 

the  word,    we     rushed    out    of 

the  woods    and  down   the    hill. 

But  there   warn't    no   Spaniards 

and  A-rabs,  and  there  warn't  no 

camels    nor    no     elephants.      It 

warn't  anything    but  a    Sunday-school    picnic,    and    only    a    primer-class    at 


THE   UOBBKRS   DISPERSE!). 


32  THE  ADVENTURES  OF  HUCKLEBERRY  FINN. 

that.  We  busted  it  up,  and  chased  the  children  up  the  hollow  ;  but  we 
never  got  anything  but  some  doughnuts  and  jam,  though  Ben  Rogers  got 
a  rag  doll,  and  Jo  Harper  got  a  hymn-book  and  a  tract ;  and  then  the 
teacher  charged  in  and  made  us  drop  everything  and  cut.  I  didn't  see  no 
di'monds,  and  I  told  Tom  Sawyer  so.  He  said  there  was  loads  of  them 
there,  anyway ;  and  he  said  there  was  A-rabs  there,  too,  and  elephants 
and  things.  I  said,  why  couldn't  we  see  them,  then  ?  He  said  if  I  warn't 
go  ignorant,  but  had  read  a  book  called  "  Don  Quixote, "  I  would  know 
without  asking.  He  said  it  was  all  done  by  enchantment.  He  said  there 
was  hundreds  of  soldiers  there,  and  elephants  and  treasure,  and  so  on,  but 
we  had  enemies  which  he  called  magicians,  and  they  had  turned  the  whole 
thing  into  an  infant  Sunday  school,  just  out  of  spite.  I  said,  all  right, 
then  the  thing  for  us  to  do  was  to  go  for  the  magicians.  Tom  Sawyer  said 
I  was  a  numskull. 

"Why, "  says  he,  "a  magician  could  call  up  a  lot  of  genies,  and  they 
would  hash  you  up  like  nothing  before  you  could  say  Jack  Robinson.  They 
are  as  tall  as  a  tree  and  as  big  around  as  a  church." 

"Well,"  I  says,  "s'pose  we  got  some  genies  to  help  us — can't  we  lick 
the  other  crowd  then  ? " 

"How  you  going  to  get  them?" 

"  I  don't  know.     How  do  they  get  them  ? " 

"Why  they  rub  an  old  tin  lamp  or  an  iron  ring,  and  then  the  genies  come 
tearing  in,  with  the  thunder  and  lightning  a-ripping  around  and  the  smoke 
a-rolling,  and  everything  they're  told  to  do  they  up  and  do  it.  They  don't 
think  nothing  of  pulling  a  shot  tower  up  by  the  roots,  and  belting  a  Sunday- 
school  superintendent  over  the  head  with  it — or  any  other  man." 

"  Who  makes  them   tear  around  so  ? " 

"Why,  whoever  rubs  the  lamp  or  the  ring.  They  belong  to  whoever 
rubs  the  lamp  or  the  ring,  and  they've  got  to  do  whatever  he  says.  If  he 
tells  them  to  build  a  palace  forty  miles  long,  out  of  di'monds,  and  fill  it 
full  of  chewing  gum,  or  whatever  you  want,  and  fetch  an  emperor's 
(laughter  from  China  for  you  to  marry,  they've  got  to  do  it — and  they've 
got  to  do  it  before  sun-up  next  morning,  too.  And  more — they've  got  to 


ONE  OF  TOM  SAWYERS  LIES." 


33 


waltz  that    palace    around    over    the    country     wherever  you   want   it,    you 
understand.  " 

"Well,"  says  I,    "I  think  they  are  a  pack  of  flatheads  for  not    keeping 
the  palace    themselves  'stead  of  fooling  them  away  like   that.      And  what's 
more — if  I   was  one  of  them  I  would  see  a  man   in  Jericho   before  I  would 
drop  my  business    and    come 
to  him  for  the  rubbing  of  an 
old  tin  lamp." 

"How  you  talk,  Huck 
Finn.  Why,  you'd  have  to 
come  when  he  rubbed  it, 
whether  you  wanted  to  or 
not." 

"What,  and  I  as  high  as  /$ 
a  tree  and  as  big  as  a 
church  ?  All  right,  then  ;  I 
would  come;  but  I  lay  I'd 
make  that  man  climb  the 
highest  tree  there  was  in  the 
country." 

"  Shucks,  it  ain't  no  use 
to  talk  to  you,  Huck  Finn. 
You  don't  seem  to  know 
anything,  somehow  —  perfect 
sap-head." 

I  thought  all  this  over  for  two  or  three  days,  and  then  I  reckoned  I 
would  see  if  there  was  anything  in  it.  I  got  an  old  tin  lamp  and  an  iron 
ring  and  went  out  in  the  woods  and  rubbed  and  rubbed  till  I  sweat  like 
an  Injun,  calculating  to  build  a  palace  and  sell  it ;  but  it  warn't  no  use, 
none  of  the  genies  come.  So  then  I  judged  that  all  that  stuff  was  only 
just  one  of  Tom  Sawyer's  lies.  I  reckoned  he  believed  in  the  A-rabs  and  the 
elephants,  but  as  for  me  I  think  different.  It  had  all  the  marks  of  a, 
Sunday  school. 
3 


U'BBING   THE  LAMP. 


a 


e) 


ELL,  three  or  four  months  run  along,  and 
it  was  well  into  the  winter,  now.  I 
had  been  to  school  most  all  the  time, 
and  could  spell,  and  read,  and  write 
just  a  little,  and  could  say  the  mul 
tiplication  table  up  to  six  times  seven 
is  thirty-five,  and  I  don't  reckon  I 
could  ever  get  any  further  than  that 
if  I  was  to  live  forever.  I  don't  take 
no  stock  in  mathematics,  anyway. 

At  first  I  hated  the  school,  but  by 
and-by  I  got  so  I  could  stand  it. 
Whenever  I  got  uncommon  tired  1 
played  hookey,  and  the  hiding  I  got 
next  day  done  me  good  and  cheered 
me  up.  So  the  longer  I  went  to 
school  the  easier  it  got  to  be.  I  was 
getting  sort  of  used  to  the  widow's 
ways,  too,  and  they  warn't  so  raspj 
on  me.  Living  in  a  house,  and  sleep 
ing  in  a  bed,  pulled  on  me  pretty  tight,  mostly,  but  before  the  cold  weather  I 
used  to  slide  out  and  sleep  in  the  woods,  sometimes,  and  so  that  was  a  rest  to  me. 
I  liked  the  old  ways  best,  but  I  was  getting  so  I  liked  the  new  ones,  too,  a  little  bit. 
The  widow  said  I  was  coming  along  slow  but  sure,  and  doing  very  satisfactory.  She 
said  she  warn't  ashamed  of  me. 


BUCK  AND   THE  JUDGE.  35 

One  morning  I  happened  to  turn  over  the  salt-cellar  at  breakfast.  I  reached 
for  some  of  it  as  quick  as  I  could,  to  throw  over  my  left  shoulder  and  keep  off 
the  bad  luck,  but  Miss  Watson  was  in  ahead  of  me,  and  crossed  me  off.  She  says, 
"  Take  your  hands  away,  Huckleberry — what  a  mess  you  are  always  making."  The 
widow  put  in  a  good  word  for  me,  but  that  warn't  going  to  keep  off  the  bad  luck, 
I  knowed  that  well  enough.  I  started  out,  after  breakfast,  feeling  worried  and 
shaky,  and  wondering  where  it  was  going  to  fall  on  me,  and  what  it  was  going 
to  be.  There  is  ways  to  keep  off  some  kinds  of  bad  luck,  but  this  wasn't  one  of 
them  kind;  so  1  never  tried  to  do  anything,  but  just  poked  along  low-spirited  and 
on  the  watch-out. 

I  went  down  the  front  garden  and  dumb  over  the  stile,  where  you  go  through 
the  high  board  fence.  There  was  an  inch  of  new  snow  on  the  ground,  and  I  seen 
somebody's  tracks.  They  had  come  up  from  the  quarry  and  stood  around  the 
stile  a  while,  and  then  went  on  around  the  garden  fence.  It  was  funny  they  hadn't 
come  in,  after  standing  around  so.  I  couldn't  make  it  out.  It  was  very  curious, 
somehow.  I  was  going  to  follow  around,  but  I  stooped  down  to  look  at  the  tracks 
first.  I  didn't  notice  anything  at  first,  but  next  I  did.  There  was  a  cross  in  the 
left  boot-heel  made  with  big  nails,  to  keep  off  the  devil. 

I  was  up  in  a  second  and  shinning  down  the  hill.  I  looked  over  my  shoulder 
every  now  and  then,  but  I  didn't  see  nobody.  I  was  at  Judge  Thatcher's  as  quick 
as  I  could  get  there.  He  said: 

"  Why,  my  boy,  you  are  all  out  of  breath.     Did  you  come  for  your  interest  ?  " 

"  No  sir,"  I  says  ;  "is  there  some  for  me?" 

"  Oh,  yes,  a  half-yearly  is  in,  last  night.  Over  a  hundred  and  fifty  dollars. 
Quite  a  fortune  for  you.  You  better  let  me  invest  it  along  with  your  six  thou 
sand,  because  if  you  take  it  you'll  spend  it." 

"No  sir,"  I  says,  "I  don't  want  to  spend  it.  I  don't  want  it  at  all — nor  the 
six  thousand,  nuther.  I  want  you  to  take  it;  I  want  to  give  it  to  you — the  six 
thousand  and  all." 

He  looked  surprised.     He  couldn't  seem  to  make  it  out.     He  says: 

"  Why,  what  can  you  mean,  my  boy  ?  " 

I  says,  "Don't  you  ask  me  no  questions  about  it,  please.  You'll  take 
it— won't  vou?" 


36 


THE  ADVENTURES  OF  HUCKLEBERRY  FINN. 


He  says: 

"Well  I'm  puzzled. 

"  Please  take  it," 


Is  something  the  matter  ? " 

I,  "and  don't  ask  me  nothing — then  I  won't  have 

to  tell  no  lies." 

He  studied  a  while,  and 
then  he  says  :% 

"  Oho-o.  I  think  I  see. 
You  want  to  sell  all  your 
property  to  me — not  give  it. 
That's  the  correct  idea. " 

Then  he  wrote  something 
on  a  paper  and  read  it  over, 
and  says: 

"  There — you  see  it  says 
'for  a  consideration.'  That 
means  I  have  bought  it  of 
you  and  paid  you  for  it. 
Here's  a  dollar  for  you. 
Now,  you  sign  it." 

So  I  signed  it,  and 
left. 


JITEGE   THATCHER  SURPRISED. 


Miss  "Watson's  nigger, 
Jim,  had  a  hair-ball  as  big  as  your  fist,  which  had  been  took  out  of  the 
fourth  stomach  of  an  ox,  and  he  used  to  do  magic  with  it.  He  said  there 
was  a  spirit  inside  of  it,  and  it  knowed  everything.  So  I  went  to  him  that  night 
and  told  him  pap  was  here  again,  for  I  found  his  tracks  in  the  snow.  What 
I  wanted  to  know,  was,  what  he  was  going  to  do,  and  was  he  going  to  stay?  Jim  got 
out  his  hair-ball,  and  said  something  over  it,  and  then  he  held  it  up  and  dropped  it 
on  the  floor.  It  fell  pretty  solid,  and  only  rolled  about  an  inch.  Jim  tried  it 
again,  and  then  another  time,  and  it  acted  just  the  same.  Jim  got  down  on  his 
knees  and  put  his  ear  against  it  and  listened.  But  it  warn't  no  use ;  he  said  it 
wouldn't  talk.  He  said  sometimes  it  wouldn't  talk  without  money.  I  told  him  I 


SUPERSTITION. 


37 


had  an  old  slick  counterfeit  quarter  that  warn't  no  good  because  the  brass  showed 
through  the  silver  a  little,  and  it  wouldn't  pass  nohow,  even  if  the  brass  didn't 
show,  because  it  was  so  slick  it  felt  greasy,  and  so  that  would  tell  on  it  every  time. 
(I  reckoned  I  wouldn't  say  nothing  about  the  dollar  I  got  from  the  judge.)  I 
I  said  it  was  pretty  bad  money,  but  maybe  the  hair-ball  would  take  it,  because 
maybe  it  wouMn't  know  the  difference.  Jim  smelt  it,  and  bit  it,  and  rubbed  it, 
and  said  he  would  manage  so  the  hair-ball  would  think  it  was  good.  He  said  he 
would  split  open  a  raw  Irish  potato  and  stick  the  quarter  in  between  and  keep  it 
there  all  night,  and  next  morning  you  couldn't  see  no  brass,  and  it  wouldn't  feel 
greasy  no  more,  and  so  anybody  in  town  would  take  it  in  a  minute,  let  alone  a 
hair-ball.  Well,  I  knowed  a  potato  would  do  that,  before,  but  I  had  forgot  it. 

Jim  put  the  quarter  under  the  hair-ball  and  got  down  and  listened  again. 
This  time  he  said  the 
hair-ball  was  all  right. 
He  said  it  would  tell 
my  whole  fortune  if  I 
wanted  it  to.  I  says, 
go  on.  So  the  hair-ball 
talked  to  Jim,  and  Jim 
told  it  to  me.  He  says  : 

"  Yo'  ole  father  doan' 
know,  yit,  what  he's 
a-gwyne  to  do.  Some 
times  he  spec  he'll  go 
'way,  en  den  agin  he 
spec  he'll  stay.  De  bes' 
way  is  to  res'  easy  en  let  de  ole  man  take  his  own  way.  Dey's  two  angels  hoverin' 
roun'  'bout  him.  One  uv  'em  is  white  en  shiny,  en  'tother  one  is  black.  De 
white  one  gits  him  to  go  right,  a  little  while,  den  de  black  one  sail  in  en  bust  it 
all  up.  A  body  can't  tell,  yit,  which  one  gwyne  to  fetch  him  at  de  las'.  But 
you  is  all  right.  You  gwyne  to  have  considable  trouble  in  yo'  life,  en  considable 
joy.  Sometimes  you  gwyne  to  git  hurt,  en  sometimes  you  gwyne  to  git  sick ; 
but  every  time  you's  gwyne  to  git  well  agin.  Dey's  two  gals  flyin'  'bout  you 


88  THE  ADVENTURES  OF  HUCKLEBERRY  FINN. 

in  yo'  life.  One  uv  'em's  light  en  'tother  one  is  dark.  One  is  rich  en 
'tother  is  po'.  You's  gwyne  to  marry  de  po'  one  fust  en  de  rich  one  by- 
en-by.  You  wants  to  keep  'way  fum  de  water  as  muck  as  you  kin,  en 
don't  run  no  resk,  'kase  it's  down  in  de  bills  dat  you's  gwyne  to  git  hung." 
"When  I  lit  my  candle  and  went  up  to  my  room  that  night,  there  set 
pap,  his  own  self ! 


HAD  shut  the  door  to.  Then  I  turned 
around,  and  there  he  was.  I  used  to 
be  scared  of  him  all  the  time,  he  tanned 
me  so  much.  I  reckoned  I  was  scared 
now,  too  ;  but  in  a  minute  I  see  I  was 
mistaken.  That  is,  after  the  first  jolt, 
as  you  may  say,  when  my  breath  sort  of 
hitched — he  being  so  unexpected  ;  but 
right  away  after,  I  see  I  warn't  scared 
of  him  worth  bothering  about. 

He  was  most  fifty,  and  he  looked  it. 
His  hair  was  long  and  tangled  and  greasy, 
and  hung  down,  and  you  could  see  his 
eyes  shining  through  like  he  was  behind 
vines.  It  was  all  black,  no  gray ;  so 
was  his  long,  mixed-up  whiskers.  There 
warn't  no  color  in  his  face,  where  his 
face  showed ;  it  was  white ;  not  like 
another  man's  white,  but  a  white  to 
make  a  body  sick,  a  white  to  make  a  body's  flesh  crawl — a  tree-toad  white, 
a  fish-belly  white.  As  for  his  clothes — just  rags,  that  was  all.  He  had 
one  ankle  resting  on  Mother  knee ;  the  boot  on  that  foot  was  busted,  and 
two  of  his  toes  stuck  through,  and  he  worked  them  now  and  then.  His 
hat  was  laying  on  the  floor ;  an  old  black  slouch  with  the  top  caved  in, 
like  a  lid. 

I  stood  a-looking  at  him  ;    he  set  there  a-looking  at   me,    with   his  chair 
tilted  back  a  little.      I  set  the   candle   down.      I  noticed  the    window    was 


"PAP.1 


40  THE  ADVENTURES  OF  HUCKLEBERRY  FINN. 

up ;    so   he  had   dumb   in   by  the   shed.      He   kept    a-looking    me    all    over. 
By-and-by   he   says  : 

"  Starchy  clothes — very.      You   think  you're  a  good    deal    of    a  big-bug, 
don't  you?" 

"Maybe   I  am,   maybe  I  ain't,"  I  says. 

"Don't  you  give  me  none  o'  your  lip,"  says  he.  "You've  put  on  con- 
siderble  many  frills  since  I  been  away.  I'll  take  you  down  a  peg  before 
I  get  done  with  you.  You're  educated,  too,  they  say ;  can  read  and  write. 
You  think  you're  bettern  your  father,  now,  don't  you,  because  he  can't  ? 
/'ll  take  it  out  of  you.  Who  told  you  you  might  meddle  with  such 
hifalut'n  foolishness,  hey  ?— who  told  you  you  could  ?  " 
"The  widow.  She  told  me." 

"  The  widow,    hey  ? — and   who    told    the    widow    she    could    put    in    her 
shovel   about   a  thing  that  ain't  none   of  her  business  ? " 
"Nobody  never  told   her." 

"Well,  I'll  learn  her  how  to  meddle.  And  looky  here— you  drop  that 
school,  you  hear?  I'll  learn  people  to  bring  up  a  boy  to  put  on  airs  over 
his  own  father  and  let  on  to  be  better'n  what  he  is.  You  lemme  catch 
you  fooling  around  that  school  again,  you  hear  ?  Your  mother  couldn't 
read,  and  she  couldn't  write,  nuther,  before  she  died.  None  of  the  family 
couldn't,  before  they  died.  /  can't;  and  here  you're  a-swelling  yourself 
up  like  this.  I  ain't  the  man  to  stand  it— you  hear  ?  Say— lemme  hear 
you  read." 

I  took  up  a  book  and  begun  something  about  General  Washington  and  the 
wars.  When  I'd  read  about  a  half  a  minute,  he  fetched  the  book  a  whack  with 
his  hand  and  knocked  it  across  the  house.  He  says  : 

"It's  so.  You  can  do  it.  I  had  my  doubts  when  you  told  me.  Now  looky 
here ;  you  stop  that  putting  on  frills.  I  won't  have  it.  I'll  lay  for  you,  my 
smarty  ;  and  if  I  catch  you  about  that  school  I'll  tan  you  good.  First  you  know 
you'll  get  religion,  too.  I  never  see  such  a  son." 

He  took  up  a  little  blue  and  yaller  picture  of  some  cows  and  a  boy,  and 
says  : 

"What's  this?" 


THE  FOND  PARENT. 


"  It's  something  they  give  me  for  learning  my  lessons  good  " 

He  tore  it  up,  and  says — 

"I'll  give  you  something  better — I'll  give  you  a  cowhide." 

He  set  there  a-mumbling  and  a-growling  a  minute,  and  then  he  says — 

"  Ain't  you  a  sweet-scented  dandy,  though  ?  A  bed  ;  and  bedclothes  ;  and 
a  look'n-glass ;  and  a  piece 
of  carpet  on  the  floor — and 
your  own  father  got  to  sleep 
with  the  hogs  in  the  tanyard. 
I  never  see  such  a  son.  I 
bet  I'll  take  some  o'  these 
frills  out  o'  you  before  I'm 
done  with  you.  Why  there 
ain't  no  end  to  your  airs — 
they  say  you're  rich.  Hey  ? 
—how's  that  ?  " 

"  They  lie— that's  how." 

"  Looky  here — mind  how 
you  talk  to  me  ;  I'm  a-stand- 
ing  about  all  I  can  stand, 
now — so  don't  gimme  no  sass. 
I've  been  in  town  two  days, 
and  I  hain't  heard  nothing  but  about  you  bein'  rich.  I  heard  about  it  away 
down  the  river,  too.  That's  why  I  come.  You  git  me  that  money  to-morrow — 
I  want  it." 

"  I  hain't  got  no  money." 

"  It's  a  lie.     Judge  Thatcher's  got  it.     You  git  it.     I  want  it," 

"  I  hain't  got  no  money,  I  tell  you.     You  ask  Judge  Thatcher ;  he'll  tell  you 
the  same." 

"All  right.     I'll  ask  him  ;  and  I'll  make  him  pungle,  too,  or  I'll  know  the 
reason  why.     Say — how  much  you  got  in  your  pocket  ?    I  want  it." 

"  I  hain't  got  only  a  dollar,  and  I  want  that  to ': 

"  It  don't  make  no  difference  what  you  want  it  for— you  just  shell  it  out." 


HUCK    AND    HIS    FATHKR. 


42  THE  ADVENTURES  OF  HUCKLEBERRY  FINN. 

He  took  it  and  bit  it  to  see  if  it  was  good,  and  then  he  said  he  was  going 
down  town  to  get  some  whisky  ;  said  he  hadn't  had  a  drink  all  day.  When  he 
had  got  out  on  the  shed,  he  put  his  head  in  again,  and  cussed  me  for  putting 
on  frills  and  trying  to  be  better  than  him ;  and  when  I  reckoned  he  was  gone,  he 
come  back  and  put  his  head  in  again,  and  told  me  to  mind  about  that  school, 
because  he  was  going  to  lay  for  me  and  lick  me  if  I  didn't  drop  that. 

Next  day  he  was  drunk,  and  he  went  to  Judge  Thatcher's  and  bullyragged 
him  and  tried  to  make  him  give  up  the  money,  but  he  couldn't,  and  then  he 
swore  he'd  make  the  law  force  him. 

The  judge  and  the  widow  went  to  law  to  get  the  court  to  take  me  away  from 
him  and  let  one  of  them  be  my  guardian  ;  but  it  was  a  new  judge  that  had  just 
come,  and  he  didn't  know  the  old  man  ;  so  he  said  courts  mustn't  interfere  and 
separate  families  if  they  could  help  it ;  said  he'd  druther  not  take  a  child  away 
from  its  father.  So  Judge  Thatcher  and  the  widow  had  to  quit  on  the 
business. 

That  pleased  the  old  man  till  he  couldn't  rest.  He  said  he'd  cowhide  me  till 
I  was  black  and  blue  if  I  didn't  raise  some  money  for  him.  I  borrowed  three 
dollars  from  Judge  Thatcher,  and  pap  took  it  and  got  drunk  and  went  a-blowing 
around  and  cussing  and  whooping  and  carrying  on  ;  and  he  kept  it  up  all 
over  town,  with  a  tin  pan,  till  most  midnight ;  then  they  jailed  him,  and 
next  day  they  had  him  before  court,  and  jailed  him  again  for  a  week.  But  he 
said  he  was  satisfied  ;  said  he  was  boss  of  his  son,  and  he'd  make  it  warm  for 
Mm. 

When  he  got  out  the  new  judge  said  he  was  agoing  to  make  a  man  of  him. 
So  he  took  him  to  his  own  house,  and  dressed  him  up  clean  and  nice,  and  had 
him  to  breakfast  and  dinner  and  supper  with  the  family,  and  was  just  old  pie  to 
him,  so  to  speak.  And  after  supper  he  talked  to  him  about  temperance  and  such 
things  till  the  old  man  cried,  and  said  he'd  been  a  fool,  and  fooled  away  his  life  ; 
but  now  he  was  agoing  to  turn  over  a  new  leaf  and  be  a  man  nobody  wouldn't  be 
ashamed  of,  and  he  hoped  the  judge  would  help  him  and  not  look  down  on  him. 
The  judge  said  he  could  hug  him  for  them  words  ;  so  he  cried,  and  his  wife  she 
cried  again  ;  pap  said  he'd  been  a  man  that  had  always  been  misunderstood  before, 
and  the  judge  said  he  believed  it.  The  old  man  said  that  what  a  man  wanted 


REFORM. 


43 


that  was  down,  was  sympathy  ;  and  the  judge  said  it  was  so  ;  so  they  cried 
again.  And  when  it  was  bedtime,  the  old  man  rose  up  and  held  out  his 
hand,  and  says  : 

"  Look  at  it  gentlemen,  and  ladies  all ;  take  ahold  of  it ;  shake  it.  There's 
a  hand  that  was  the  hand  of  a  hog ;  but  it  ain't  so  no  more  ;  it's  the  hand 
of  a  man  that's  started  in  on  a  new  life,  and  ?11  die  before  he'll  go  back.  You 
mark  them  words — don't  forget  I  said  them.  It's  a  clean  hand  now ;  shake 
it— don't  be  afeard." 


REFORMING   ""HE  DRUNKARD. 


So  they  shook  it,  one  after  the  other,  all  around,  and  cried.  The  judge's 
wife  she  kissed  it.  Then  the  old  man  he  signed  a  pledge— made  his  mark.  The 
judge  said  it  was  the  holiest  time  on  record,  or  something  like  that.  Then 
they  tucked  the  old  man  into  a  beautiful  room,  which  was  the  spare  room,  and 
in  the  night  sometime  he  got  powerful  thirsty  and  dumb  out  onto  the  porch-roof 
and  slid  down  a  stanchion  and  traded  his  new  coat  for  a  jug  of  forty-rod,  and 
dumb  back  again  and  had  a  good  old  time  ;  and  towards  daylight  he  crawled  out 
again,  drunk  as  a  fiddler,  and  rolled  off  the  porch  and  broke  his  left  arm  in 
two  places  and  was  most  froze  to  death  when  somebody  found  him  after  sun-up. 


44 


THE  ADVENTURES  OF  HUCKLEBERRY  FINN. 


And  when  they  come  to  look  at  that  spare  room,  they  had  to  take  soundings 
before  they  could  navigate  it. 

The  judge  he  felt  kind  of  sore.     He  said  he  reckoned  a  body  could  reform 
the  ole  man  with  a  shot-gun,  maybe,  but  he  didn't  know  no  other  way. 


FALLING   FKOM  QUACK. 


E.LL,  pretty  soon  the  old  man  was  up  and 
around  again,  and  then  he  went  for 
Judge  Thatcher  in  the  courts  to  make 
him  give  up  that  money,  and  he  went 
for  me,  too,  for  not  stopping  school. 
He  catched  me  a  couple  of  times  and 
thrashed  me,  but  I  went  to  school  just 
the  same,  and  dodged  him  or  out-run 
him  most  of  the  time.  I  didn't  want 
to  go  to  school  much,  before,  but  I 
reckoned  I'd  go  now  to  spite  pap. 
That  law  trial  was  a  slow  business  ; 
appeared  like  they  warn't  ever  going 
to  get  started  on  it ;  so  every  now  and 
then  I'd  borrow  two  or  three  dollars 
off  of  the  judge  for  him,  to  keep  from 
getting  a  cowhiding.  Every  time  he  got  money  he  got  drunk  ;  and  every  time 
he  got  drunk  he  raised  Cain  around  town  ;  and  every  time  he  raised  Cain  he  got 
jailed.  He  was  just  suited — this  kind  of  thing  was  right  in  his  line. 

He  got  to  hanging  around  the  widow's  too  much,  and  so  she  told  him  at  last, 
that  if  he  didn't  quit  using  around  there  she  would  make  trouble  for  him.  Well, 
wasn't  he  mad  ?  He  said  he  would  show  who  was  Huck  Finn's  boss.  So  he 
watched  out  for  me  one  day  in  the  spring,  and  catched  me,  and  took  me  up  the 
river  about  three  mile,  in  a  skiff,  and  crossed  over  to  the  Illinois  shore  where  it 
was  woody  and  there  warn't  no  houses  but  an  old  log  hut  in  a  place  where  the 
timber  was  so  thick  you  couldn't  find  it  if  you  didn't  know  where  it  was. 


GETTING   OUT   OP  THE  WAT. 


46 


THE  ADVENTURES  OF  HUCKLEBERRY  FINN. 


He  kept  me  with  him  all  the  time,  and  I  never  got  a  chance  to  run  off.  We 
lived  in  that  old  cabin,  and  he  always  locked  the  door  and  put  the  key  under  his 
head,  nights.  He  had  a  gun  which  he  had  stole,  I  reckon,  and  we  fished  and 
hunted,  and  that  was  what  we  lived  on.  Every  little  while  he  locked  me  in  and 
went  down  to  the  store,  three  miles,  to  the  ferry,  and  traded  fish  and  game  for 
whisky  and  fetched  it  home  and  got  drunk  and  had  a  good  time,  and  licked  me. 
The  widow  she  found  out  where  I  was,  by-and-by,  and  she  sent  a  man  over  to  try 


SOLID  COMFORT. 


to  get  hold  of  me,  but  pap  drove  him  off  with  the  gun,  and  it  warn't  long  after 
that  till  I  was  used  to  being  where  I  was,  and  liked  it,  all  but  the  cowhide  part. 
It  was  kind  of  lazy  and  jolly,  laying  off  comfortable  all  day,  smoking  and 
fishing,  and  no  books  nor  study.  Two  months  or  more  run  along,  and  my 
clothes  got  to  be  all  rags  and  dirt,  and  I  didn't  see  how  I'd  ever  got  to  like  it  so  well 
at  the  widow's,  where  you  had  to  wash,  and  eat  on  a  plate,  and  comb  up,  and  go  to 
bed  and  get  up  regular,  and  be  forever  bothering  over  a  book  and  have  old  Miss 
Watson  pecking  at  you  all  the  time.  I  didn't  want  to  go  back  no  more.  I  had 
stopped  cussing,  because  the  widow  didn't  like  it ;  but  now  I  took  to  it  again  be- 


BUCK  DECIDES  TO  LEAVE.  47 

cause  pap  hadn't  no  objections.     It  was  pretty  good  times  up  in  the  woods  there, 
take  it  all  around. 

But  by-and-by  pap  got  too  handy  with  his  hick'ry,  and  I  couldn't  stand  it.  I  was 
all  over  welts.  He  got  to  going  away  so  much,  too,  and  locking  me  in.  Once  he 
locked  me  in  and  was  gone  three  days.  It  was  dreadful  lonesome.  I  judged  he 
had  got  drowned  and  I  wasn't  ever  going  to  get  out  any  more.  I  was  scared.  I 
made  up  my  mind  I  would  fix  up  some  way  to  leave  there.  I  had  tried  to 
get  out  of  that  cabin  many  a  time,  but  I  couldn't  find  no  way.  There  warn't  a 
window  to  it  big  enought  for  a  dog  to  get  through.  I  couldn't  get  up  the  chimbly, 
it  was  too  narrow.  The  door  was  thick  solid  oak  slabs.  Pap  was  pretty  carefu" 
not  to  leave  a  knife  or  anything  in  the  cabin  when  he  was  away  ;  I  reckon  I  had 
hunted  the  place  over  as  much  as  a  hundred  times  ;  well,  I  was  'most  all  tho  time 
at  it,  because  it  was  about  the  only  way  to  put  in  the  time.  But  this  time  I  found 
something  at  last ;  I  found  an  old  rusty  wood-saw  without  any  handle  ;  it  was 
laid  in  between  a  rafter  and  the  clapboards  of  the  roof.  I  greased  it  up  and  went 
to  work.  There  was  an  old  horse-blanket  nailed  against  the  logs  at  the  far  end 
of  the  cabin  behind  the  table,  to  keep  the  wind  from  blowing  through  the  chinks 
and  putting  the  candle  out.  I  got  under  the  table  and  raised  the  blanket  and 
went  to  work  to  saw  a  section  of  the  big  bottom  log  out,  big  enough  to  let  me 
through.  Well,  it  was  a  good  long  job,  but  I  was  getting  towards  the  end  of  it 
when  I  heard  pap's  gun  in  the  woods.  I  got  rid  of  the  signs  of  my  work,  and 
dropped  the  blanket  and  hid  my  saw,  and  pretty  soon  pap  come  in. 

Pap  warn't  in  a  good  humor — so  he  was  his  natural  self.  He  said  he  was  down 
to  town,  and  everything  was  going  wrong.  His  lawyer  said  he  reckoned  he 
would  win  his  lawsuit  and  get  the  money,  if  they  ever  got  started  on  the  trial; 
but  then  there  was  ways  to  put  it  off  a  long  time,  and  Judge  Thatcher  knowed 
how  to  do  it.  And  he  said  people  allowed  there'd  be  another  trial  to  get  me  away 
from  him  and  give  me  to  the  widow  for  my  guardian,  and  they  guessed  it  would' 
win,  this  time.  This  shook  me  up  considerable,  because  I  didn't  want  to  go  back  to 
the  widow's  any  more  and  be  so  cramped  up  and  sivilized,  as  they  called  it.  Then 
the  old  man  got  to  cussing,  and  cussed  everything  and  everybody  he  could  think  of, 
and  then  cussed  them  all  over  again  to  make  sure  he  hadn't  skipped  any,  ancf 
after  that  he  polished  off  with  a  kind  of  a  general  cuss  all  round,  including  a  con- 


48 


THE  ADVENTURES  OF  HUCKLEBERRY  FINN. 


siderable  parcel  of  people  which  he  didn't  know  the  names  of,  and  so  called  them 
what's-his-name,  when  he  got  to  them,  and  went  right  along  with  his  cussing. 

He  said  he  would  like  to  see  the  widow  get  me.  He  said  he  would  watch 
out,  and  if  they  tried  to  come  any  such  game  on  him  he  knowed  of  a  place 
six  or  seven  mile  off,  to  stow  me  in,  where  they  might  hunt  till  they  dropped 
and  they  couldn't  find  me.  That  made  me  pretty  uneasy  again,  but  only  for 
a  minute  ;  I  reckoned  I  wouldn't  stay  on  hand  till  he  got  that  chance. 

The  old  man  made  me  go  to  the  skiff  and  fetch  the  things  he  had 
got.  There  was  a  fifty-pound  sack  of  corn  meal,  and  a  side  of  bacon, 
ammunition,  and  a  four-gallon  jug  of  whisky,  and  an  old  book  and  two 
newspapers  for  wadding,  besides  some  tow.  I  toted  up  a  load,  and  went 
back  and  set  down  on  the  bow  of  the  skiff  to  rest.  I  thought  it  all  over, 

and  1  reckoned  I  would  walk 
off  with  the  gun  and  some 
lines,  and  take  to  the  woods 
when  I  run  away.  I  guessed 
I  wouldn't  stay  in  one  place, 
but  just  tramp  right  across  the 
country,  mostly  night  times, 
and  hunt  and  fish  to  keep  alive, 
and  so  get  so  far  away  that 
the  old  man  nor  the  widow 
couldn't  ever  find  me  any  more. 
I  judged  I  would  saw  out  and 
leave  that  night  if  pap  got 
drunk  enough,  and  I  reckoned 
he  would.  I  got  so  full  of  it 
I  didn't  notice  how  long  I 
was  staying,  till  the  old  man 
hollered  and  asked  me  whether 
I  was  asleep  or  drownded. 
I  got  the  things  all  up  to  the  cabin,  and  then  it  was  about  dark. 
While  I  was  cooking  supper  the  old  man  took  a  swig  or  two  and  got  sort 


THINKING  IT  OVKR. 


POLITICAL  ECONOMY. 


of  warmed  up,  and  went  to  ripping  again.  He  had  been  drunk  over  in 
town,  and  laid  in  the  gutter  all  night,  and  he  was  a  sight  to  look  at. 
A  body  would  a  thought  he  was  Adam,  he  was  just  all  mud.  Whenever 
his  liquor  begun  to  work,  he  most  always  went  for  the  govment.  This 
time  he  says : 

"  Call  this  a  govment !  why,  just  look  at  it  and  see  what  it's  like. 
Here's  the  law  a-standing  ready  to  take  a  man's  son  away  from  him — a 
man's  own  son,  which  he  has  had  all  the  trouble  and  all  the  anxiety  and 
all  the  expense  of  raising.  Yes,  just  as  that  man  has  got  that  son  raised 
at  last,  and  ready  to  go  to  work  and  begin  to  do  suthin'  for  him  and  give 
him  a  rest,  the  law  up  and  goes  for  him.  And  they  call  that  govment ! 
That  ain't  all,  nuther.  The  law  backs  that  old  Judge  Thatcher  up  and 
helps  him  to  keep  me  out  o'  my  property.  Here's  what  the  law  does. 
The  law  takes  a  man  worth  six  thousand  dollars  and  upards,  and  jams  him 
into  an  old  trap  of  a  cabin  like  this,  and  lets  him  go  round  in  clothes 
that  ain't  fitten  for  a  hog.  They  call  that  govment !  A  man  can't  get 
his  rights  in  a  govment  like  this.  Sometimes  I've  a  mighty  notion  to 
just  leave  the  country  for  good  and  all.  Yes,  and  I  told  'em  so ;  I  told  old 
Thatcher  so  to  his  face.  Lots  of  'em  heard  me,  and  can  tell  what  I  said. 
Says  I,  for  two  cents  I'd  leave  the  blamed  country  and  never  come  anear 
it  agin.  Them's  the  very  words.  I  says,  look  at  my  hat — if  you  call 
it  a  hat— but  the  lid  raises  up  and  the  rest  of  it  goes  down  till  it's  below 
my  chin,  and  then  it  ain't  rightly  a  hat  at  all,  but  more  like  my  head 
was  shoved  up  through  a  jint  o'  stove-pipe.  Look  at  it,  says  I — such  a 
hat  for  me  to  wear — one  of  the  wealthiest  men  in  this  town,  if  I  could  git 
my  rights. 

"  Oh,  yes,  this  is  a  wonderful  govment,  wonderful.  Why,  looky  here. 
There  was  a  free  nigger  there,  from  Ohio ;  a  mulatter,  most  as  white  as 
a  white  man.  He  had  the  whitest  shirt  on  you  ever  see,  too,  and  the 
shiniest  hat ;  and  there  ain't  a  man  in  that  town  that's  got  as  fine  clothes 
as  what  he  had  ;  and  he  had  a  gold  watch  and  chain,  and  a  silver-headed 
cane — the  awfulest  old  gray-headed  nabob  in  the  State.  And  what  do  you 
think  ?  they  said  he  was  a  p'fessor  in  a  college,  and  could  talk  all  kinds 


50  THE  ADVENTURES  OF  HUCKLEBERRY  FINN. 

of  languages,  and  knowed  everything.  And,  that  ain't  the  wust.  They  said 
he  could  vote,  when  he  was  at  home.  Well,  that  let  me  out.  Thinks  I, 
what  is  the  country  a-coming  to  ?  It  was  'lection  day,  and  I  was  just  about 
to  go  and  vote,  myself,  if  I  warn't  too  drunk  to  get  there ;  but  when 
they  told  me  there  was  a  State  in  this  country  where  they'd  let  that 
nigger  vote,  I  drawed  out.  I  says  I'll  never  vote  agin.  Them's  the  very 
words  I  said  ;  they  all  heard  me ;  and  the  country  may  rot  for  all  me — 
I'll  never  vote  agin  as  long  as  I  live.  And  to  see  the  cool  way  of  that 
nigger — wny?  he  wouldn't  a  give  me  the  road  if  I  hadn't  shoved  him  out 
o'  the  way.  I  says  to  the  people,  why  ain't  this  nigger  put  up  at  auction 
and  sold  ? — that's  what  I  want  to  know.  And  what  do  you  reckon  they 
said  ?  Why,  they  said  he  couldn't  be  sold  till  he'd  been  in  the  State  six 
months,  and  he  hadn't  been  there  that  long  yet.  There,  now — that's  a 
specimen.  They  call  that  a  govment  that  can't  sell  a  free  nigger  till  he's 
been  in  the  State  six  months.  Here's  a  govment  that  calls  itself  a  govment, 
and  lets  on  to  be  a  govment,  and  thinks  it  is  a  govment,  and  yet's  got 
to  set  stock-still  for  six  whole  months  before  it  can  take  ahold  of  a  prowling, 

thieving,  infernal,  white-shirted  free  nigger,  and " 

Pap  was  agoing  on  so,  he  never  noticed  where  his  old  limber  legs  was 
taking  him  to,  so  he  went  head  over  heels  over  the  tub  of  salt  pork,  and 
barked  both  shins,  and  the  rest  of  his  speech  was  all  the  hottest  kind  of 
language — mostly  hove  at  the  nigger  and  the  govment,  though  he  give  the 
tub  some,  too,  all  along,  here  and  there.  He  hopped  around  the  cabin 
considerable,  first  on  one  leg  and  then  on  the  other,  holding  first  one  shin 
and  then  the  other  one,  and  at  last  he  let  out  with  his  left  foot  all  of  a 
sudden  and  fetched  the  tub  a  rattling  kick.  But  it  warn't  good  judgment, 
because  that  was  the  boot  that  had  a  couple  of  his  toes  leaking  out  of  the 
front  end  of  it ;  so  now  he  raised  a  howl  that  fairly  made  a  body's  hair 
raise,  and  down  he  went  in  the  dirt,  and  rolled  there,  and  held  his  toes ; 
and  the  cussing  he  done  then  laid  over  anything  he  had  ever  done  previous. 
He  said  so  his  own  self,  afterwards.  He  had  heard  old  Sowberry  Hagan 
in  his  best  days,  and  he  said  it  laid  over  him,  too ;  but  I  reckon  that  waa 
sort  of  piling  it  on,  maybe. 


THRASHING  AROUND. 


51 


After  supper  pap  took  the  jug,  and  said  he  had  enough  whisky  there  for 
two   drunks  and   one    delirium 
tremens.        That     was     always 


was 

his  word.  I  judged  he  would 
be  blind  drunk  in  about  an 
hour,  and  then  I  would  steal 
the  key,  or  saw  myself  out, 
one  or  '  tother.  He  drank,  and 
drank,  and  tumbled  down  on 
his  blankets,  by-and-by ;  but 
luck  didn't  run  my  way.  He 
didn't  go  sound  asleep,  but 
was  uneasy.  He  groaned,  and 
moaned,  and  thrashed  around 
this  way  and  that,  for  a  long 
time.  At  last  I  got  so  sleepy 
I  couldn't  keep  my  eyes  open, 
all  I  could  do,  and  so  before 
1  knowed  what  I  was  about 
I  was  sound  asleep,  and  the 
candle  burning. 

I  don't  know  how  long  I  was  asleep,  but  all  of  a  sudden  there  was  an 
awful  scream  and  I  was  up.  There  was  pap,  looking  wild  and  skipping 
around  every  which  way  and  yelling  about  snakes.  He  said  they  was  crawl 
ing  up  his  legs  ;  and  then  he  would  give  a  jump  and  scream,  and  say  one 
had  bit  him  on  the  cheek — but  I  couldn't  see  no  snakes.  He  started  and 
run  round  and  round  the  cabin,  hollering  ' '  take  him  off !  take  him  off ! 
he's  biting  me  on  the  neck  ! "  I  never  see  a  man  look  so  wild  in  the  eyes. 
Pretty  soon  he  was  all  fagged  out,  and  fell  down  panting ;  then  he  rolled 
over  and  over,  wonderful  fast,  kicking  things  every  which  way,  and  striking 
and  grabbing  at  the  air  with  his  hands,  and  screaming,  and  saying  there  was 
devils  ahold  of  him.  He  wore  out,  by-and-by,  and  laid  still  a  while, 
moaning.  Then  he  laid  stiller,  and  didn't  make  a  sound.  I  could  hear 


RAISING   A  HOWL. 


52  THE  ADVENTURES  OF  HUCKLEBERRY  FINN. 

the  owls  and  the  wolves,  away  off  in  the  woods,  and  it  seemed  terrible 
still.  He  was  laying  over  by  the  corner.  By-and-by  he  raised  up,  part 
way,  and  listened,  with  his  head  to  one  side.  He  says  very  low : 

"  Tramp— tramp— tramp  ;  that's  the  dead  ;  tramp — tramp — tramp  ;  they're 
coming  after  me ;  but  I  won't  go—  Oh,  they're  here!  don't  touch  me— don't! 
hands  off— they're  cold  ;  let  go—  Oh,  let  a  poor  devil  alone!" 

Then  he  went  down  on  all  fours  and  crawled  off  begging  them  to  let 
him  alone,  and  he  rolled  himself  up  in  his  blanket  and  wallowed  in  under  the 
old  pine  table,  still  a-begging ;  and  then  he  went  to  crying.  I  could  hear 
him  through  the  blanket. 

By-and-by  he  rolled  out  and  jumped  up  on  his  feet  looking  wild,  and 
he  see  me  and  went  for  me.  He  chased  me  round  and  round  the  place, 
with  a  clasp-knife,  calling  me  the  Angel  of  Death  and  saying  he  would 
kill  me  and  then  I  couldn't  come  for  him  no  more.  I  begged,  and  told 
him  I  was  only  Huck,  but  he  laughed  such  a  screechy  laugh,  and  roared 
and  cussed,  and  kept  on  chasing  me  up.  Once  when  I  turned  short  and 
dodged  under  his  arm  he  made  a  grab  and  got  me  by  the  jacket  between 
my  shoulders,  and  I  thought  I  was  gone  ;  but  I  slid  out  of  the  jacket 
quick  as  lightning,  and  saved  myself.  Pretty  soon  he  was  all  tired  out, 
and  dropped  down  with  his  back  against  the  door,  and  said  he  would  rest 
a  minute  and  then  kill  me.  He  put  his  knife  under  him,  and  said  he 
would  sleep  and  get  strong,  and  then  he  would  see  who  was  who. 

So  he  dozed  off,  pretty  soon.  By-and-by  I  got  the  old  split-bottom 
chair  and  dumb  up,  as  easy  as  I  could,  not  to  make  any  noise,  and  got 
down  the  gun.  I  slipped  the  ramrod  down  it  to  make  sure  it  was  loaded, 
and  then  I  laid  it  across  the  turnip  barrel,  pointing  towards  pap,  and  set 
down  behind  it  to  wait  for  him  to  stir.  And  how  slow  and  still  the  time 
did  drag  along. 


up!   what  you  'bout!" 

I  opened  my  eyes  and  looked 
around,  trying  to  make  out  where  I 
was.  It  was  after  sun-up,  and  I  had 
been  sound  asleep.  Pap  was  standing 
over  me,  looking  sour — and  sick,  too. 
He  says — 

"What  you  doin'  with  this 
gun?" 

I  judged  he  didn't  know  nothing 
about  what  he  had  been  doing,  so  I 


"GIT  UP.' 


"Somebody  tried  to  get  in,   so   I 
was  laying  for  him." 

"Why  didn't  you  roust  me  out?" 
"  Well  I  tried  to,  but  I  couldn't ; 


I  couldn't  budge  you." 

"Well,  all  right.  Don't  stand  there  palavering  all  day,  but  out  with 
you  and  see  if  there's  a  fish  on  the  lines  for  breakfast.  I'll  be  along  in 
a  minute." 

He  unlocked  the  door  and  I  cleared  out,  up  the  river  bank.  I 
noticed  some  pieces  of  limbs  and  such  things  floating  down,  and  a  sprink 
ling  of  bark ;  so  I  knowed  the  river  had  begun  to  rise.  I  reckoned  I 
would  have  great  times,  now,  if  I  was  over  at  the  town.  The  June  rise 
used  to  be  always  luck  for  me  ;  because  as  soon  as  that  rise  begins,  here 
comes  cord-wood  floating  down,  and  pieces  of  log  rafts — sometimes  a  dozen 


54 


THE  ADVENTURES  OF  HUCKLEBERRY  FINN. 


logs  together ;  so  all  you  have   to  do  is  to  catch  them  and   sell  them    to  the 
wood  yards  and  the  sawmill. 

I  went  along  up  the  bank  with  one  eye  out  for  pap  and  'tother  one  out  for 
what  the  rise  might  fetch  along.  Well,  all  at  once,  here  comes  a  canoe  ;  just  a 
beauty,  too,  about  thirteen  or  fourteen  foot  long,  riding  high  like  a  duck.  I 
shot  head  first  off  of  the  bank,  like  a  frog,  clothes  and  all  on,  and  struck  out 
for  the  canoe.  I  just  expected  there'd  be  somebody  laying  down  in  it,  because 
people  often  done  that  to  fool  folks,  and  when  a  chap  had  pulled  a  skiff  out  most 


THE  SUANTY. 


to  it  they'd  raise  up  and  laugh  at  him.  But  it  warn't  so  this  time.  It  was  a 
drift-canoe,  sure  enough,  and  I  dumb  in  and  paddled  her  ashore.  Thinks  I, 
the  old  man  will  be  glad  when  he  sees  this— she's  worth  ten  dollars.  But  when 
I  got  to  shore  pap  wasn't  in  sight  yet,  and  as  I  was  running  her  into  a  little 
creek  like  a  gully,  all  hung  over  with  Tines  and  willows,  I  struck  another  idea  ; 
I  judged  I'd  hide  her  good,  and  then,  stead  of  taking  to  the  woods  when  I  run 
off,  I'd  go  down  the  river  about  fifty  mile  and  camp  in  one  place  for  good,  and 
not  have  such  a  rough  time  tramping  on  foot. 


LOCKED  IN  THE  CABIN.  55 


It  was  pretty  close  to  the  shanty,  and  I  thought  I  heard  the  old  man  coming, 
all  the  time  ;  but  I  got  her  hid  ;  and  then  I  out  and  looked  around  a  bunch  of 
willows,  and  there  was  the  old  man  down  the  path  apiece  just  drawing  a  bead  on 
a  bird  with  his  gun.  So  he  hadn't  seen  anything. 

When  he  got  along,  I  was  hard  at  it  taking  up  a  "  trot"  line.  He  abused  me  a 
little  for  being  so  slow,  but  I  told  him  I  fell  in  the  river  and  that  was  what  made 
me  so  long.  I  knowed  he  would  see  I  was  wet,  and  then  he  would  be  asking 
questions.  "We  got  five  cat-fish  off  of  the  lines  and  went  home. 

While  we  laid  off,  after  breakfast,  to  sleep  up,  both  of  us  being  about  wore 
out,  I  got  to  thinking  that  if  I  could  fix  up  some  way  to  keep  pap  and  the  widow 
from  trying  to  follow  me,  it  would  be  a  certainer  thing  than  trusting  to  luck  to 
get  far  enough  off  before  they  missed  me  ;  you  see,  all  kinds  of  things  might 
happen.  Well,  I  didn't  see  no  way  for  a  while,  but  by-and-by  pap  raised  up  a 
minute,  to  drink  another  barrel  of  water,  and  he  says  : 

"  Another  time  a  man  comes  a-prowling  round  here,  you  roust  me  out,  you 
hear  ?  That  man  warn't  here  for  no  good.  I'd  a  shot  him.  Next  time,  you 
roust  me  out,  you  hear  ? " 

Then  he  dropped  down  and  went  to  sleep  again — but  what  he  had  been  saying 
give  me  the  very  idea  I  wanted.  I  says  to  myself,  I  can  fix  it  now  so  nobody 
won't  think  of  following  mo. 

About  twelve  o'clock  we  turned  out  and  went  along  up  the  bank.  The  river 
was  coming  up  pretty  fast,  and  lots  of  drift-wood  going  by  on  the  rise.  By-and- 
by,  along  comes  part  of  a  log  raft — nine  logs  fast  together.  We  went  out  with 
the  skiff  and  towed  it  ashore.  Then  we  had  dinner.  Anybody  but  pap  would  a 
waited  and  seen  the  day  through,  so  as  to  catch  more  stuff  ;  but  that  warn't  pap's 
style.  Nine  logs  was  enough  for  one  time ;  he  must  shove  right  over  to  town 
and  sell.  So  he  locked  me  in  and  took  the  skiff  and  started  off  towing  the  raft 
about  half-past  three.  I  judged  he  wouldn't  come  back  that  night.  I  waited 
till  I  reckoned  he  had  got  a  good  start,  then  I  out  with  my  saw  and  went  to 
work  on  that  log  again.  Before  he  was  'tother  side  of  the  river  I  was  out  of  the 
hole  ;  him  and  his  raft  was  just  a  speck  on  the  water  away  off  yonder. 

I  took  the  sack  of  corn  meal  and  took  it  to  where  the  canoe  was  hid,  and 
shoved  the  vines  and  branches  apart  and  put  it  in  ;  then  I  done  the  same  with 


56 


THE  ADVENTURES  OF  HUCKLEBERRY  FINN. 


the  side  of  bacon ;  then  the  whisky  jug  ;  I  took  all  the  coffee  and  sugar  there 
was,  and  all  the  ammunition  ;  I  took  the  wadding ;  I  took  the  bucket  and  gourd, 
I  took  a  dipper  and  a  tin  cup,  p-nd  my  old  saw  and  two  blankets,  and  the  skillet 
and  the  coffee-pot.  I  took  fish-lines  and  matches  and  other  things — everything 
that  was  worth  a  cent.  I  cleaned  out  the  place.  I  wanted  an  axe,  but  there 
wasn't  any,  only  the  one  out  at  the  wood  pile,  and  I  knowed  why  I  was  going  to 
leave  that.  I  fetched  out  the  gun,  and  now  I  was  done. 

I  had  wore  the  ground  a  good  deal,  crawling/out  of  the  hole  and  dragging  out 


SHOOTING   THE   PIG. 


so  many  things.  So  I  fixed  that  as  good  as  I  could  from  the  outside  by  scattering 
dust  on  the  place,  which  covered  up  the  smoothness  and  the  sawdust.  Then  I 
fixed  the  piece  of  log  back  into  its  place,  and  put  two  rocks  under  it  and  one 
against  it  to  hold  it  there,— for  it  was  bent  up  at  that  place,  and  didn't  quite 
touch  ground.  If  you  stood  four  or  five  foot  away  and  didn't  know  it  was  sawed, 
you  wouldn't  ever  notice  it ;  and  besides,  this  was  the  back  of  the  cabin  and  it 
warn't  likely  anybody  would  go  fooling  around  there. 

It  was  all  grass  clear  to  the  canoe  ;  so  I  hadn't  left  a  track.     I  followed 


SINKING   THE  BODY.  57 


around  to  see.  I  stood  on  the  bank  and  looked  out  over  the  river.  All  safe. 
So  I  took  the  gun  and  went  up  a  piece  into  the  woods  and  was  hunting  around 
for  some  birds,  when  I  see  a  wild  pig  ;  hogs  soon  went  wild  in  them  bottoms 
after  they  had  got  away  from  the  prairie  farms.  I  shot  this  fellow  and  took 
him  into  camp. 

I  took  the  axe  and  smashed  in  the  door — I  beat  it  and  hacked  it  considerable, 
a-doing  it.  I  fetched  the  pig  in  and  took  him  back  nearly  to  the  table  and 
hacked  into  his  throat  with  the  ax,  and  laid  him  down  on  the  ground  to  bleed — 
I  say  ground,  because  it  was  ground — hard  packed,  and  no  boards.  Well,  next  I 
took  an  old  sack  and  put  a  lot  of  big  rocks  in  it, — all  I  could  drag — and  I  started 
it  from  the  pig  and  dragged  it  to  the  door  and  through  the  woods  down  to  the 
river  and  dumped  it  in,  and  down  it  sunk,  out  of  sight.  You  could  easy  see  that 
something  had  been  dragged  over  the  ground.  I  did  wish  Tom  Sawyer  was 
there,  I  knowed  he  would  take  an  interest  in  this  kind  of  business,  and  throw  in 
the  fancy  touches.  Nobody  could  spread  himself  like  Tom  Sawyer  in  such  a 
thing  as  that. 

Well,  last  I  pulled  out  some  of  my  hair,  and  bloodied  the  ax  good,  and  stuck  it 
on  the  back  side,  and  slung  the  ax  in  the  corner.  Then  I  took  up  the  pig  and  held 
him  to  my  breast  with  my  jacket  (so  he  couldn't  drip)  till  I  got  a  good  piece  be 
low  the  house  and  then  dumped  him  into  the  river.  Now  I  thought  of  something 
else.  So  I  went  and  got  the  bag  of  meal  and  my  old  saw  out  of  the  canoe  and 
fetched  them  to  the  house.  I  took  the  bag  -to  where  it  used  to  stand,  and  ripped 
a  hole  in  the  bottom  of  it  with  the  saw,  for  there  warn't  no  knives  and  forks  on 
the  place — pap  done  everything  with  his  clasp-knife,  about  the  cooking.  Then 
I  carried  the  sack  about  a  hundred  yards  across  the  grass  and  through  the  willows 
east  of  the  house,  to  a  shallow  lake  that  was  five  mile  wide  and  full  of  rushes— 
and  ducks  too,  you  might  say,  in  the  season.  There  was  a  slough  or  a  creek 
leading  out  of  it  on  the  other  side,  that  went  miles  away,  I  don't  know  where, 
but  it  didn't  go  to  the  river.  The  meal  sifted  out  and  made  a  little  track  all  the 
way  to  the  lake.  I  dropped  pap's  whetstone  there  too,  so  as  to  look  like  it  had 
been  done  by  accident.  Then  I  tied  up  the  rip  in  the  meal  sack  with  a  string, 
so  it  wouldn't  leak  no  more,  and  took  it  and  my  saw  to  the  canoe  again. 

It  was  about  dark,  now ;  so  I  dropped  the  canoe  down  the  river  under  some 


58  THE  ADVENTURES  OF  HUCKLEBERRY  FINN. 

willows  that  hung  over  the  bank,  and  waited  for  the  moon  to  rise.  I  made  fast 
to  a  willow ;  then  I  took  a  bite  to  eat,  and  by-and-by  laid  down  in  the  canoe  to 
smoke  a  pipe  and  lay  out  a  plan.  I  says  to  myself,  they'll  follow  the  track  of 
that  sackful  of  rocks  to  the  shore  and  then  drag  the  river  for  me.  And  they'll 
follow  that  meal  track  to  the  lake  and  go  browsing  down  the  creek  that  leads 
out  of  it  to  find  the  robbers  that  killed  me  and  took  the  things.  They  won't 
ever  hunt  the  river  for  anything  but  my  dead  carcass.  They'll  soon  get  tired  of 
that,  and  won't  bother  no  more  about  me.  All  right ;  I  can  stop  anywhere  I 
want  to.  Jackson's  Island  is  good  enough  for  me ;  I  know  that  island  pretty 
well,  and  nobody  ever  comes  there.  And  then  I  can  paddle  over  to  town,  nights, 
and  slink  around  and  pick  up  things  I  want.  Jackson's  Island's  the  place. 

I  was  pretty  tired,  and  the  first  thing  I  knowed,  I  was  asleep.  When  I 
woke  up  I  didn't  know  where  I  was,  for  a  minute.  I  set  up  and  looked 
around,  a  little  scared.  Then  I  remembered.  The  river  looked  miles  and  miles 
across.  The  moon  was  so  bright  I  could  a  counted  the  drift  logs  that  went  a 
slipping  along,  black  and  still,  hundred  of  yards  out  from  shore.  Everything  was 
dead  quiet,  and  it  looked  late,  and  smelt  late.  You  know  what  I  mean — I  don't 
know  the  words  to  put  it  in. 

I  took  a  good  gap  and  a  stretch,  and  was  just  going  to  unhitch  and  start,  when 
I  heard  a  sound  away  over  the  water.  I  listened.  Pretty  soon  I  made  it  out.  It 
was  that  dull  kind  of  a  regular  sound  that  comes  from  oars  working  in  rowlocks 
when  it's  a  still  night.  I  peeped  out  through  the  willow  branches,  and  there 
it  was — a  skiff,  away  across  the  water.  I  couldn't  tell  how  many  was  in  it.  It 
kept  a-coming,  and  when  it  was  abreast  of  me  I  see  there  warn't  but  one  man  in 
it.  Thinks  I,  maybe  it's  pap,  though  I  warn't  expecting  him.  He  dropped 
below  me,  with  the  current,  and  by-and-by  he  come  a-swinging  up  shore  in  tho 
easy  water,  and  he  went  by  so  close  I  could  a  reached  out  the  gun  and  touched 
him.  Well,  it  was  pap,  sure  enough — and  sober,  too,  by  the  way  he  laid  to  his 
oars. 

I  didn't  lose  no  time.  The  next  minute  I  was  a-spinning  down  stream  soft  but 
quick  in  the  shade  of  the  bank.  I  made  two  mile  and  a  half,  and  then  struck 
out  a  quarter  of  a  mile  or  more  towards  the  middle  of  the  river,  because  pretty 
soon  I  would  be  passing  the  ferry  landing  and  people  might  see  me  and  hail 


RESTING. 


59 


me.  I  got  out  amongst  the  drift-wood  and  then  laid  down  in  the  bottom  of  the 
canoe  and  let  her  float.  I  laid  there  and  had  a  good  rest  and  a  smoke  out  of  my 
pipe,  looking  away  into  the  sky,  not  a  cloud  in  it.  The  sky  looks  ever  so  deep 
when  you  lay  down  on  your  back  in  the  moonshine  ;  I  never  knowed  it  before. 
And  how  far  a  body  can  hear  on  the  water  such  nights  !  I  heard  people  talking  at 
the  ferry  landing.  I  heard  what  they  said,  too,  every  word  of  it.  One  man  said 
it  was  getting  towards  the  long  days  and  the  short  nights,  now.  'Tother  one  said 


TAKING  A    REST. 


tliis  warn't  one  of  the  short  ones,  he  reckoned — and  then  they  laughed,  and  he  said  it 
over  again  and  they  laughed  again  ;  then  they  waked  up  another  fellow  and  told 
him,  and  laughed,  but  he  didn't  laugh  ;  he  ripped  out  something  brisk  and  said  let 
him  alone.  The  first  fellow  said  he  'lowed  to  tell  it  to  his  old  woman — she  would 
think  it  was  pretty  good  ;  but  he  said  that  warn't  nothing  to  some  things  he  had 
said  in  his  time.  I  heard  one  man  say  it  was  nearly  three  o'clock,  and  he  hoped 
daylight  wouldn't  wait  more  than  about  a  week  longer.  After  that,  the  talk  got 
further  and  further  away,  and  I  couldn't  make  out  the  words  any  more,  but  I  could 
hear  the  mumble  ;  and  now  and  then  a  laugh,  too,  but  it  seemed  a  long  ways  off. 


60  THE  ADVENTURES  OF  HUCKLEBERRY  FINN. 

I  was  away  below  the  ferry  now.  I  rose  up  and  there  was  Jackson's 
Island,  about  two  mile  and  a  half  down  stream,  heavy-timbered  and  standing 
up  out  of  the  middle  of  the  river,  big  and  dark  and  solid,  like  a  steamboat 
without  any  lights.  There  warn't  any  signs  of  the  bar  at  the  head — it  was 
all  under  water,  now. 

It  didn't  take  me  long  to  get  there.  I  shot  past  the  head  at  a  ripping 
rate,  the  current  was  so  swift,  and  then  I  got  into  the  dead  water  and  landed 
on  the  side  towards  the  Illinois  shore.  I  run  the  canoe  into  a  deep  dent  in 
the  bank  that  I  knowed  about ;  I  had  to  part  the  willow  branches  to  get  in ; 
and  when  I  made  fast  nobody  could  a  seen  the  canoe  from  the  outside. 

I  went  up  and  set  down  on  a  log  at  the  head  of  the  island  and  looked 
out  on  the  big  river  and  the  black  driftwood,  and  away  over  to  the  town, 
three  mile  away,  where  there  was  three  or  four  lights  twinkling.  A  monstrous 
big  lumber  raft  was  about  a  mile  up  stream,  coming  along  down,  with  a 
lantern  in  the  middle  of  it.  I  watched  it  come  creeping  down,  and  when  it 
was  most  abreast  of  where  I  stood  I  heard  a  man  say,  "  Stern  oars,  there  ! 
heave  her  head  to  stabboard  !"  I  heard  that  just  as  plain  as  if  the  man  was 
by  my  side. 

There  was  a  little  gray  in  the  sky,  now ;  so  I  stepped  into  the  woods  and 
laid  down  for  a  nap  before  breakfast. 


SUN  was  up  so  high  when  I  waked, 
that  I  judged  it  was  after  eight  o'clock. 
I  laid  there  in  the  grass  and  the  cool 
shade,  thinking  about  things  and  feeling 
rested  and  ruther  comfortable  and  satis 
fied.  I  could  see  the  sun  out  at  one  or 
two  holes,  but  mostly  it  was  big  trees 
all  about,  and  gloomy  in  there  amongst 
them.  There  was  freckled  places  on 
the  ground  where  the  light  sifted  down 
through  the  leaves,  and  the  freckled 
places  swapped  about  a  little,  showing 
there  was  a  little  breeze  up  there.  A 
couple  of  squirrels  set  on  a  limb  and 
jabbered  at  me  very  friendly. 

I  was  powerful  lazy  and  comfortable — 
didn't  want  to  get  up  and  cook  breakfast.  Well,  I  was  dozing  off  again, 
when  I  thinks  I  hears  a  deep  sound  of  "  boom ! "  away  up  the  river.  I 
rouses  up  and  rests  on  my  elbow  and  listens ;  pretty  soon  I  hears  it  again. 
I  hopped  up  and  went  and  looked  out  at  a  hole  in  the  leaves,  and  I  see 
a  bunch  of  smoke  laying  on  the  water  a  long  ways  up — about  abreast  the 
ferry.  And  there  was  the  ferry-boat  full  of  people,  floating  along  down.  I 
knowed  what  was  the  matter,  now.  "Boom!"  I  see  the  white  smoke 


IN   THE   WOODS. 


62  THE  ADVENTURES  OF  HUCKLEBERRY  FINN. 

squirt  out  of  the  ferry-boat's  side.  You  see,  they  was  firing  cannon  over  the 
water,  trying  to  make  my  carcass  come  to  the  top. 

I  was  pretty  hungry,  but  it  warn't  going  to  do  for  me  *to  start  a  fire, 
because  they  might  see  the  smoke.  So  I  set  there  and  watched  the  cannon- 
smoke  and  listened  to  the  boom.  The  river  was  a  mile  wide,  there,  and 
it  always  looks  pretty  on  a  summer  morning — so  I  was  having  a  good  enough 
time  seeing  them  hunt  for  my  remainders,  if  I  only  had  a  bite  to  eat. 
Well,  then  1  happened  to  think  how  they  always  put  quicksilver  in  loaves 
of  bread  and  float  them  off  because  they  always  go  right  to  the  drownded 
carcass  and  stop  there.  So  says  I,  I'll  keep  a  lookout,  and  if  any  of  them's 
floating  around  after  me,  I'll  give  them  a  show.  I  changed  to  the  Illinois 
edge  of  the  island  to  see  what  luck  I  could  have,  and  I  warn't  disappointed. 
A  big  double  loaf  come  along,  and  I  most  got  it,  with  a  long  stick,  but 
my  foot  slipped  and  she  floated  out  further.  Of  course  I  was  where  the 
current  set  in  the  closest  to  the  shore — I  knowed  enough  for  that.  But  by-and-by 
along  comes  another  one,  and  this  time  I  won.  I  took  out  the  plug  and 
shook  out  the  little  dab  of  quicksilver,  and  set  my  teeth  in.  It  was  "baker's 
bread" — what  the  quality  eat — none  of  your  low-down  corn-pone. 

I  got  a  good  place  amongst  the  leaves,  and  set  there  on  a  log,  munching 
the  bread  and  watching  the  ferry-boat,  and  very  well  satisfied.  And  then 
something  struck  me.  I  says,  now  I  reckon  the  widow  or  the  parson  or 
somebody  prayed  that  this  bread  would  find  me,  and  here  it  has  gone  and 
done  it.  So  there  ain't  no  doubt  but  there  is  something  in  that  thing. 
That  is,  there's  something  in  it  when  a  body  like  the  widow  or  the  parson 
prays,  but  it  don't  work  for  me,  and  I  reckon  it  don't  work  for  only  just 
the  right  kind. 

I  lit  a  pipe  and  had  a  good  long  smoke  and  went  on  watching.  The 
ferry-boat  was  floating  with  the  current,  and  I  allowed  I'd  have  a  chance 
to  see  who  was  aboard  when  she  come  along,  because  she  would  come  in 
close,  where  the  bread  did.  When  she'd  got  pretty  well  along  down  towards 
me,  I  put  out  my  pipe  and  went  to  where  I  fished  out  the  bread,  and 
laid  down  behind  a  log  on  the  bank  in  a  little  open  place.  Where  the 
log  forked  I  could  peep  through. 


RAISING   THE  DEAD. 


63 


By-and-by  she  come  along,  and  she  drifted  in  so  close  that  they  could 
a  run  out  a  plank  and  walked  ashore.  Most  everybody  was  on  the  boat. 
Pap,  and  Judge  Thatcher,  and  Bessie  Thatcher,  and  Jo  Harper,  and  Toin 
Sawyer,  and  his  old  Aunt  Polly,  and  Sid  and  Mary,  and  plenty  more.  Every 
body  was  talking  about  the  murder,  but  the  captain  broke  in  and  says  : 

"  Look  sharp,  now  ;  the  current  sets  in  the  closest  here,  and  maybe  he's 
washed  ashore  and  got  tangled  amongst  the  brush  at  the  water's  edge.  I  hope  so, 
anyway." 

I  didn't  hope  so.  They  all  crowded  up  and  leaned  over  the  rails,  nearly  in 
my  face,  and  kept  still,  watching  with  all  their  might.  I  could  see  them  first- 
rate,  but  they  couldn't  see 


me. 
out 


Then  the  captain  sung 


"Stand  away!"  and  the 
cannon  let  off  such  a  blast 
right  before  me  that  it  made 
me  deef  with  the  noise  and 
pretty  near  blind  with  the 
smoke,  and  I  judged  I  was 
gone.  If  they'd  a  had  some 
bullets  in,  I  reckon  they'd  a 
got  the  corpse  they  was  after. 
Well,  I  see  I  warn't  hurt, 
thanks  to  goodness.  The  boat 
floated  on  and  went  out  of  sight 
around  the  shoulder  of  the  isl 
and.  I  could  hear  the  boom 
ing,  now  and  then,  further  and 
further  off,  and  by-and-by  after 
an  hour,  I  didn't  hear  it  no 
more.  The  island  was  three 
mile  long.  I  judged  they  had 
got  to  the  foot,  and  was  giving  it  up. 


WATCHING    THE    BOAT. 


But  they  didn't  yet  a  while.     They  turned 


THE  ADVENTURES  OF  HUCKLEBERRY  FINN. 


around  the  foot  of  the  island  and  started  up  the  channel  on  the  Missouri  side, 
under  steam,  and  booming  once  in  a  while  as  they  went.  I  crossed  over  to 
Jhat  side  and  watched  them.  When  they  got  abreast  the  head  of  the  island  they 
quit  shooting  and  dropped  over  to  the  Missouri  shore  and  went  home  to  the 
town. 

I  knowed  I  was  all  right  now.  Nobody  else  would  come  a-hunting  after  me. 
I  got  my  traps  out  of  the  canoe  and  made  me  a  nice  camp  in  the  thick  woods. 
I  made  a  kind  of  a  tent  out  of  my  blankets  to  put  my  things  under  so  the  rain 
couldn't  get  at  them.  I  catched  a  cat-fish  and  haggled  him  open  with  my  saw, 

and  towards  sundown  I  started 
my  camp  fire  and  had  supper. 
Then  I  set  out  a  line  to  catch 
some  fish  for  breakfast. 

When  it  was  dark  I  set  by  my 
camp  fire  smoking,  and  feeling 
pretty  satisfied  ;  but  by-and-by  it 
got  sort  of  lonesome,  and  so  I 
went  and  set  on  the  bank  and 
listened  to  the  currents  washing 
along,  and  counted  the  stars  and 
drift-logs  and  rafts  that  come 
down,  and  then  went  to  bed ; 
there  ain't  no  better  way  to  put 
in  time  when  you  are  lonesome  ; 
you  can't  stay  so,  you  soon  get 
over  it. 

And  so  for  three  days  and 
nights.  No  difference— just  the 
same  thing.  But  the  next  day 
I  went  exploring  around  down 
through  the  island.  I  was  boss  of  it ;  it  all  belonged  to  me,  so  to  say,  and  I 
wanted  to  know  all  about  it ;  but  mainly  I  wanted  to  put  in  the  time.  I 
found  plenty  strawberries,  ripe  and  prime ;  and  green  summer-grapes,  and 


DISCOVERING  THE  CAMP  FIRE. 


EXPLORING   TEE  ISLAND.  65 


green  razberries ;  and  the  green  blackberries  was  just  beginning  to  show. 
They  would  all  come  handy  by-and-by,  I  judged. 

Well,  I  went  fooling  along  in  the  deep  woods  till  I  judged  I  warn't  far  from 
the  foot  of  the  island.  I  had  my  gun  along,  but  I  hadn't  shot  nothing  ;  it  was 
for  protection  ;  thought  I  would  kill  some  game  nigh  home.  About  this  time 
I  mighty  near  stepped  on  a  good  sized  snake,  and  it  went  sliding  off  through 
the  grass  and  flowers,  and  I  after  it,  trying  to  get  a  shot  at  it.  I  clipped  along, 
and  all  of  a  sudden  I  bounded  right  on  to  the  ashes  of  a  camp  fire  that  was 
still  smoking. 

My  heart  jumped  up  amongst  my  lungs.  I  never  waited  for  to  look  further, 
but  uncocked  my  gun  and  went  sneaking  back  on  my  tip-toes  as  fast  as  ever  I 
could.  Every  now  and  then  I  stopped  a  second,  amongst  the  thick  leaves,  and 
listened ;  but  my  breath  come  so  hard  I  couldn't  hear  nothing  else.  I  slunk 
along  another  piece  further,  then  listened  again  ;  and  so  on,  and  so  on  ;  if  I 
see  a  stump,  I  took  it  for  a  man  ;  if  I  trod  on  a  stick  and  broke  it,  it  made  me 
feel  like  a  person  had  cut  one  of  my  breaths  in  two  and  I  only  got  half,  and  the 
short  half,  too. 

When  I  got  to  camp  I  warn't  feeling  very  brash,  there  warn't  much  sand  in 
my  craw  ;  but  I  says,  this  ain't  no  time  to  be  fooling  around.  So  I  got  all  my 
traps  into  my  canoe  again  so  as  to  have  them  out  of  sight,  and  I  put  out  the  fire 
and  scattered  the  ashes  around  to  look  like  an  old  last  year's  camp,  and  then 
clumb  a  tree. 

I  reckon  I  was  up  in  the  tree  two  hours  ;  but  I  didn't  see  nothing,  I  didn't 
hear  nothing — I  only  thought  I  heard  and  seen  as  much  as  a  thousand  things. 
Well,  I  couldn't  stay  up  there  forever  ;  so  at  last  I  got  down,  but  I  kept  in  the 
thick  woods  and  on  the  lookout  all  the  time.  All  I  could  get  to  eat  was  berries 
and  what  was  left  over  from  breakfast. 

By  the  time  it  was  night  I  was  pretty  hungry.  So  when  it  was  good  and 
dark,  I  slid  out  from  shore  before  moonrise  and  paddled  over  to  the  Illinois 
bank — about  a  quarter  of  a  mile.  I  went  out  in  the  woods  and  cooked  a  supper, 
and  I  had  about  made  up  my  mind  I  would  stay  there  all  night,  when  I  hear  a 
plunkety-plunk,  plurikety-plurik,  and  says  to  myself,  horses  coming ;  and  next  I 
hear  people's  voices.  I  got  everything  into  the  canoe  as  quick  as  I  could,  and 
5 


66  THE  ADVENTURES  OF  HUCKLEBERRY  FINN.     . 

then  went  creeping  through  the  woods  to  see  what  I  could  find  out.  I  hadn't 
got  far  when  I  hear  a  man  say  : 

"  We  better  camp  here,  if  we  can  find  a  good  place ;  the  horses  is  about  beat 
out.  Let's  look  around." 

I  didn't  wait,  but  shoved  out  and  paddled  away  easy.  I  tied  up  in  the  old 
place,  and  reckoned  I  would  sleep  in  the  canoe. 

I  didn't  sleep  much.  I  couldn't,  somehow,  for  thinking.  And  every  time  I 
waked  up  I  thought  somebody  had  me  by  the  neck.  So  the  sleep  didn't  do  me 
no  good.  By-and-by  I  says  to  myself,  I  can't  live  this  way ;  I'm  agoing  to  find 
out  who  it  is  that's  here  on  the  island  with  me  ;  I'll  find  it  out  or  bust.  Well,  I 
felt  better,  right  off. 

So  I  took  my  paddle  and  slid  out  from  shore  just  a  step  or  two,  and  then  let 
the  canoe  drop  along  down  amongst  the  shadows.  The  moon  was  shining,  and 
outside  of  the  shadows  it  made  it  most  as  light  as  day.  I  poked  along  well  onto 
an  hour,  everything  still  as  rocks  and  sound  asleep.  Well  by  this  time  I  was 
most  down  to  the  foot  of  the  island.  A  little  ripply,  cool  breeze  begun  to  blow, 
and  that  was  as  good  as  saying  the  night  was  about  done.  I  give  her  a  turn  with 
the  paddle  and  brung  her  nose  to  shore  ;  then  I  got  my  gun  and  slipped  out  and 
into  the  edge  of  the  woods.  I  set  down  there  on  a  log  and  looked  out  through 
the  leaves.  I  see  the  moon  go  off  watch  and  the  darkness  begin  to  blanket  the 
river.  But  in  a  little  while  I  see  a  pale  streak  over  the  tree-tops,  and  knowed  the 
day  was  coming.  So  I  took  my  gun  and  slipped  off  towards  where  I  had  run 
across  that  camp  fire,  stopping  every  minute  or  two  to  listen.  But  I  hadn't  no 
luck,  somehow  ;  I  couldn't  seem  to  find  the  place.  But  by-and-by,  sure  enough, 
I  catched  a  glimpse  of  fire,  away  through  the  trees.  I  went  for  it,  cautious  and 
slow.  By-and-by  I  was  close  enough  to  have  a  look,  and  there  laid  a  man  on  the 
ground.  It  most  give  me  the  fan-tods.  He  had  a  blanket  around  his  head,  and 
his  head  was  nearly  in  the  fire.  I  set  there  behind  a  clump  of  bushes,  in 
about  six  foot  of  him,  and  kept  my  eyes  on  him  steady.  It  was  getting  gray 
daylight,  now.  Pretty  soon  he  gapped,  and  stretched  himself,  and  hove  off 
the  blanket,  and  it  was  Miss  Watson's  Jim  !  I  bet  I  was  glad  to  see  him.  I 

Hello,  Jim  !  "  and  skipped  out. 


FINDING  JIM. 


67 


He  bounced  up  and  stared  at  me  wild.     Then  he  drops  down  on  hi?  knees, 
and  puts  his  hands  together  and  says  : 

"Doan'  hurt  me — don't!     I  hain't  ever  done  no  harm  to  a  ghos',      I  awluz 


JIM    AND    THE    GHOST. 


liked  dead  people,  en  done  all  I  could  for  'em.  You  go  en  git  in  de  river  agin, 
whah  you  b'longs,  en  doan'  do  nuffn  to  Ole  Jim,  'at  'uz  awluz  yo'  fren'." 

Well,  I  warn't  long  making  him  understand  I  warn't  dead.  I  was  ever  so  glad 
to  see  Jim.  I  warn't  lonesome,  now.  I  told  him  I  warn't  afraid  of  Mm  telling 
the  people  where  I  was.  I  talked  along,  but  he  only  set  there  and  looked  at  me  ; 
never  said  nothing.  Then  I  says  : 

"  It's  good  daylight.     Le's  get  breakfast.     Make  up  your  camp  fire  good." 

"What's  de  use  er  makin'  up  de  camp  fire  to  cook  strawbries  en  sich  truck  : 
But  you  got  a  gun,  hain't  you  ?  Den  we  kin  git  sumfn  better  den  strawbries. " 

"  Strawberries  and  such  truck,"  I  says.     "Is  that  what  you  live  on  ?" 

"  I  couldn'  git  nuffn  else,"  he  says. 

"  Why,  how  long  you  been  on  the  island,  Jim  ?  " 

"  I  come  heah  de  night  arter  you's  killed.  " 


68  THE  ADVENTURES  OF  HUCKLEBERRY  FINN. 

"What,  all  that  time?" 

"  Yes-indeedy." 

"  And  ain't  you  had  nothing  but  that  kind  of  rubbage  to  eat  ?  " 

"  No,  sah — nuffn  else." 

"  Well,  you  must  be  most  starved,  ain't  you  ?  ' 

"  I  reck'n  I  could  eat  a  hoss.  I  think  I  could.  How  long  you  ben  on  de 
islan'?" 

"  Since  the  night  I  got  killed." 

"  No  !  W'y,  what  has  you  lived  on  ?  But  you  got  a  gun.  Oh,  yes,  you  got  a 
gun.  Dat's  good.  Now  you  kill  sumfn  en  Fll  make  up  de  fire." 

So  we  went  over  to  where  the  canoe  was,  and  while  he  built  a  fire  in  a  grassy 
open  place  amongst  the  trees,  I  fetched  meal  and  bacon  and  coffee,  and  coffee-pot 
and  frying-pan,  and  sugar  and  tin  cups,  and  the  nigger  was  set  back  consider 
able,  because  he  reckoned  it  was  all  done  with  witchcraft.  I  catched  a  good  big 
cat-fish,  too,  and  Jim  cleaned  him  with  his  knife,  and  fried  him. 

When  breakfast  was  ready,  we  lolled  on  the  grass  and  eat  it  smoking  hot. 
Jim  laid  it  in  with  all  his  might,  for  he  was  most  about  starved.  Then  when  we 
had  got  pretty  well  stuffed,  we  laid  off  and  lazied. 

By-and-by  Jim  says  : 

"  But  looky  here,  Huck,  who  wuz  it  dat  'uz  killed  in  dat  shanty,  ef  it  warn't 
you  ?  " 

Then  I  told  him  the  whole  thing,  and  he  said  it  was  smart.  He  said  Tom 
Sawyer  couldn't  get  up  no  better  plan  than  what  I  had.  Then  I  says  : 

"  How  do  you  come  to  be  here,  Jim,  and  how'd  you  get  here  ?" 

He  looked  pretty  uneasy,  and  didn't  say  nothing  for  a  minute.  Then  he 
says  : 

"Maybe  I  better  not  tell." 

"Why,  Jim?" 

"  Well,  dey's  reasons.  But  you  wouldn'  tell  on  me  ef  I  'uz  to  tell  you,  would 
you,  Huck  ?  " 

"Blamed  if  I  would,  Jim." 

"  Weil,  I  b'lieve  you,  Huck.    I -I  run  off." 

"  Jim  ! " 


JIM'S  ESCAPE.  •  69 


"But  mind,  you  said  you  wouldn't  tell — you  know  you  said  you  wouldn't  tell, 
Huck." 

"  Well,  I  did.  I  said  I  wouldn't,  and  I'll  stick  to  it.  Honest  injun  I  will. 
People  would  call  me  a  low  down  Ablitionist  and  despise  me  for  keeping  mum — 
but  that  don't  make  no  difference.  I  ain't  agoing  to  tell,  and  I  ain't  agoing  back 
there  anyways.  So  now,  le's  know  all  about  it." 

"  Well,  you  see,  it  Juz  dis  way.  Ole  Missus — dat's  Miss  Watson — she  pecks 
on  me  all  de  time,  en  treats  me  pooty  rough,  but  she  awluz  said  she  wouldn' 
sell  me  down  to  Orleans.  But  I  noticed  dey  wuz  a  nigger  trader  roun'  de  place 
considable,  lately,  en  I  begin  to  git  oneasy.  Well,  one  night  I  creeps  to  de 
do',  pooty  late,  en  de  do'  warn't  quite  shet,  en  I  hear  ole  missus  tell  de 
widder  she  gwyne  to  sell  me  down  to  Orleans,  but  she  didn'  want  to,  but  she 
could  git  eight  hund'd  dollars  for  me,  en  it  'uz  sich  a  big  stack  o'  money  she 
couldn'  resis'.  De  widder  she  try  to  git  her  to  say  she  wouldn'  do  it,  but  I 
never  waited  to  hear  de  res'.  I  lit  out  mighty  quick,  I  tell  you. 

"  I  tuck  out  en  shin  down  de  hill  en  'spec  to  steal  a  skift  'long  de  sho' 
som'ers  'boye  de  town,  but  dey  wuz  people  a-stirrin'  yit,  so  I  hid  in  de  ole 
tumble-down  cooper  shop  on  de  bank  to  wait  for  everybody  to  go  'way.  Well, 
I  wuz  dah  all  night.  Dey  wuz  somebody  roun'  all  de  time.  'Long  'bout  six 
in  de  mawnin',  skifts  begin  to  go  by,  en  'bout  eight  er  nine  every  skift  dat 
went  'long  wuz  talkin'  'bout  how  yo'  pap  come  over  to  de  town  en  say  you's 
killed.  Dese  las'  skifts  wuz  full  o'  ladies  en  genlmen  agoin'  over  for  to  see 
de  place.  Sometimes  dey'd  pull  up  at  de  sho'  en  take  a  res'  b'fo'  dey  started 
acrost,  so  by  de  talk  I  got  to  know  all  'bout  de  killin'.  I  'uz  powerful  sorry 
you's  killed,  Huck,  but  I  ain't  no  mo',  now. 

"  I  laid  dah  under  de  shavins  all  day.  I  'uz  hungry,  but  I  warn't  af eared ; 
bekase  I  knowed  ole  missus  en  de  widder  wuz  goin'  to  start  to  de  camp-meetn' 
right  arter  breakfas'  en  be  gone  all  day,  en  dey  knows  I  goes  off  wid  de  cattle 
'bout  daylight,  so  dey  wouldn'  'spec  to  see  me  roun'  de  place,  en  so  dey 
wouldn'  miss  me  tell  arter  dark  in  de  evenin'.  De  yuther  servants  wouldn' 
miss  me,  kase  dey'd  shin  out  en  take  holiday,  soon  as  de  ole  folks  'uz  out'n 
de  way. 

"Well,  when  it  come  dark  I  tuck  out  up  de  river  road,   en  went  'bout 


70  THE  ADVENTURES  OF  HUCKLEBERRY  FINN. 

two  mile  er  more  to  whah  dey  warn't  no  houses.  I'd  made  up  my  mine 
'bout  what  Fs  agwyne  to  do.  You  see  ef  I  kep'  on  tryin'  to  git  away  afoot, 
de  dogs  'ud  track  me  ;  ef  I  stole  a  skift  to  cross  over,  dey'd  miss  dat  skift, 
you  see,  en  dey'd  know  'bout  whah  I'd  Ian'  on  de  yuther  side  en  whah  to 
pick  up  my  track.  So  I  says,  a  ran8  is  what  I's  arter;  it  doan'  make  no 
track. 

"I  see  a  light  a-comin'  roun'  de  p'int,  bymeby,  so  I  wade'  in  en  shove'  a 
log  ahead  o'  me,  en  swum  more'n  half-way  acrost  de  river,  en  got  in  'mongst 
de  drift-wood,  en  kep'  my  head  down  low,  en  kinder  swum  agin  de  current 
tell  de  raff  come  along.  Den  I  swum  to  de  stern  uv  it,  en  tuck  aholt.  It 
clouded  up  en  'uz  pooty  dark  for  a  little  while.  So  I  dumb  up  en  laid 
down  on  de  planks.  De  men  'uz  all  'way  yonder  in  de  middle,  whah  de 
lantern  wuz.  De  river  wuz  arisin'  en  dey  wuz  a  good  current ;  so  I  reckVd 
'at  by  fo'  in  de  mawnin'  I'd  be  twenty-five  mile  down  de  river,  en  den  I'd  slip 
in,  jis'  b'fo'  daylight,  en  swim  asho'  en  take  to  de  woods  on  de  Illinoi  side. 

"  But  I  didn'  have  no  luck.  When  we  'uz  mos'  down  to  de  head  er  de 
islan',  a  man  begin  to  come  aft  wid  de  lantern.  I  see  it  warn't  no  use  fer 
to  wait,  so  I  slid  overboad,  en  struck  out  fer  de  islan1.  Well,  I  had  a  notion 
I  could  Ian'  mos'  anywhers,  but  I  couldn't— bank  too  bluff.  I  'uz  mos'  to 
de  foot  er  de  islan'  b'fo'  I  foun'  a  good  place.  I  went  into  de  woods  en 
jedged  I  wouldn'  fool  wid  raffs  no  mo',  long  as  dey  move  de  lantern  roun' 
so.  I  had  my  pipe  en  a  plug  er  dog-leg,  en  some  matches  in  my  cap,  en  dey 
warn't  wet,  so  I  'uz  all  right." 

"And  so  you  ain't  had  no  meat  nor  bread  to  eat  all  this  time?  Why 
didn't  you  get  mud-turkles  ? " 

"  How  you  gwyne  to  git'm  ?  You  can't  slip  up  on  um  en  grab  um ;  en 
how's  a  body  gwyne  to  hit  um  wid  a  rock  ?  How  could  a  »body  do  it  in  de 
night  ?  en  I  warn't  gwyne  to  show  mysef  on  de  bank  in  de  daytime." 

"Well,  that's  so.  You've  had  to  keep  in  the  woods  all  the  time,  of 
course.  Did  you  hear  'em  shooting  the  cannon  ?" 

"Oh,  yes.  I  knowed  dey  was  arter  you.  I  see  um  go  by  heah  ;  watched 
um  tiioo  Se  bushes," 

Some  young  birds  come  along,  flying  a  yard  or  two  at  a  time  and  lighting. 


SIGNS.  71 


Jim  said  it  was  a  sign  it  was  going  to  rain.  He  said  it  was  a  sign  when  young 
chickens  flew  that  way,  and  so  he  reckoned  it  was  the  same  way  when  young 
birds  done  it.  I  was  going  to  catch  some  of  them,  but  Jim  wouldn't  let  me. 
He  said  it  was  death.  He  said  his  father  laid  mighty  sick  once,  and  some  of 
them  catched  a  bird,  and  his  old  granny  said  his  father  would  die,  and  he 
did. 

And  Jim  said  you  musn't  count  the  things  you  are  going  to  cook  for  dinner, 
because  that  would  bring  bad  luck.  The  same  if  you  shook  the  table-cloth 
after  sundown.  And  he  said  if  a  man  owned  a  bee-hive,  and  that  man  died, 
the  bees  must  be  told  about  it  before  sun-up  next  morning,  or  else  the  bees 
would  all  weaken  down  and  quit  work  and  die.  Jim  said  bees  wouldn't  sting 
idiots ;  but  I  didn't  believe  that,  because  I  had  tried  them  lots  of  times 
myself,  and  they  wouldn't  sting  me. 

I  had  heard  about  some  of  these  things  before,  but  not  all  of  them. 
Jim  knowed  all  kinds  of  signs.  He  said  he  knowed  most  everything. 
I  said  it  looked  to  me  like  all  the  signs  was  about  bad  luck,  and  so  I  asked 
him  if  there  warn't  any  good-luck  signs.  He  says  : 

"Mighty  few— an'  dey  am'  no  use  to  a  body.  What  you  want  to 
know  when  good  luck's  a-comin'  for  ?  want  to  keep  it  off  ?  "  And  he  said  : 
"Ef  you's  got  hairy  arms  en  a  hairy  breas',  it's  a  sign  dat  you's  agwyne 
to  be  rich.  Well,  dey's  some  use  in  a  sign  like  dat,  'kase  it's  so  fur 
ahead.  You  see,  maybe  you's  got  to  be  po '  a  long  time  fust,  en  so  you 
might  git  discourage'  en  kill  yo'sef  'f  you  didn'  know  by  de  sign  dat  you 
gwyne  to  be  rich  bymeby." 

"  Have  you  got  hairy  arms   and   a  hairy  breast,   Jim  ? " 

'"What's  de  use  to   ax  dat    question?  don'  you   see   I  has?" 

"Well,   are  you  rich?" 

"No,  but  I  ben  rich  wunst,  and  gwyne  to  be  rich  agin  Wunst  I  had 
foteen  dollars,  but  I  tuck  to  specalat'n',  en  got  busted  out." 

"What  did  you   speculate  in,  Jim?" 

"Well,   fust  I  tackled  stock." 

"What  kind  of  stock  ?" 

"Why,    live    stock.      Cattle,  you   know.      I  put    ten     dollars    in  a   cow. 


THE  ADVENTURES  OF  HUCKLEBERRY  FINN. 


But  I  ain'   gwyne    to    resk    no  mo'   money  in  stock.       De   cow    up  'n'  died 

on  my  ban's." 

"So  you  lost  the  ten   dollars." 

"  No,  I  didn?  lose  it  all.     I  on'y  los'  'bout  nine  of  it.     I  sole  de  hide  en 

taller  for  a  dollar  en    ten  cents." 

"  You    had    five     dollars   and     ten  cents    left.     Did     you    speculate    any 

more  ?  " 

"  Yes.      You    know    dat  one-laigged    nigger    dat    b'longs    to  old    Misto 

Bradish  ?  well,  he  sot  up  a 
bank,  en  say  anybody  dat  put 
1  '  in  a  dollar  would  git  fo' 
dollars  mo'  at  de  en'  er  de 
year.  Well,  all  de  niggers  went 
in,  but  dey  didn'  have  much. 
I  wuz  de  on'y  one  dat  had 
much.  So  I  stuck  out  for  mo> 
dan  fo'  dollars,  en  I  said  'f  I 
didn'  git  it  I'd  start  a  bank 
mysef.  Well  o'  course  dat 
nigger  want'  to  keep  me  out  er 
de  business,  bekase  he  say 
dey  warn't  business  'nough  for 
two  banks,  so  he  say  I  could 
put  in  my  five  dollars  en  he 
pay  me  thirty-five  at  de  en' 
er  de  year. 

"So  I  done  it.  Den  1 
reck'n'd  I'd  inves'  de  thirty- 
five  dollars  right  off  en  keep 
things  a-movin'.  Dey  wuz  a 

nigger    name'   Bob,    dat   had   ketched  a    wood-flat,     en     his    marster     didn' 

know   it ;     en     I  bought    it  off'n  him   en   told   him     to    take    de    thirty-five 

dollars  when  de  en'  er  de  year   come  ;   but    somebody  stole   de  wood-flat  dat 


MISTO  BRADISH'S    NIGGER. 


BALUM."  73 


night,  en  nex'  day  de  one-laigged  nigger  say  de  bank  's  busted.  So  dey 
didn'  none  uv  us  git  no  money." 

"What  did  you  do  with  the  ten  cents,  Jim?" 

"Well,  I  'uz  gwyne  to  spen'  it,  but  I  had  a  dream,  en  de  dream  tole 
me  to  give  it  to  a  nigger  name'  Balum — Balum's  Ass  dey  call  him  for  short, 
he's  one  er  dem  chuckle-heads,  you  know.  But  he's  lucky,  dey  say,  en  I 
see  I  warn't  lucky.  De  dream  say  let  Balum  inves'  de  ten  cents  en  he'd 
make  a  raise  for  me.  Well,  Balum  he  tuck  de  money,  en  when  he  wuz 
in  church  he  hear  de  preacher  say  dat  whoever  give  to  de  po'  leu'  to  de 
Lord,  en  boun'  to  git  his  money  back  a  hund'd  times.  So  Balum  he  tuck 
en  give  de  ten  cents  to  de  po,'  en  laid  low  to  see  what  wuz  gwyne  to 
come  of  it." 

"Well,  what   did  come  of  it,  Jim?" 

"Nuffn'  never  come  of  it.  I  couldn'  manage  to  k'leck  dat  money  no 
way ;  en  Balum  he  couldn'.  I  ain'  gwyne  to  len'  no  mo'  money  'dout  I 
see  de  security.  Boun'  to  git  yo'  money  back  a  hund'd  times,  de  preacher 
says !  Ef  I  could  git  de  ten  cents  back,  I'd  call  it  squah,  en  be  glad  er 
de  t^hanst." 

"Well,  it's  all  right,  anyway,  Jim,  long  as  you're  going  to  be  rich 
again  some  time  or  other." 

"Yes — en  Fs  rich  now,  come  to  look  at  it.  I  owns  mysef,  en  Fs 
wuth  eight  hund'd  dollars.  I  wisht  I  had  de  money,  I  wouldn'  want  no 


WANTED  to  go  and  look  at  a 
place  right  about  the  middle  of 
the  island,  that  I'd  found  when  I 
was  exploring;  so  we  started,  and 
soon  got  to  it,  because  the  island 
was  only  three  miles  long  and  a 
quarter  of  a  mile  wide. 

This  place  was  a  tolerable  long 
steep  hill  or  ridge,  about  forty 
foot  high.  We  had  a  rough  time 
getting  to  the  top,  the  sides  was 
so  steep  and  the  bushes  so  thick. 
We  tramped  and  dumb  around 
all  over  it,  and  by-and-by  found 
a  good  big  cavern  in  the  rock, 
most  up  to  the  top  on  the  side 
towards  Illinois.  The  cavern  was 
as  big  as  two  or  three  rooms 
bunched  together,  and  Jim  could 
stand  up  straight  in  it.  It  was 
cool  in  there.  Jim  was  for  putting 
our  traps  in  there,  right  away, 
but  I  said  we  didn't  want  to  be 
climbing  up  and  down  there  all  the  time. 

Jim  said  if  we  had  the  canoe  hid  in  a  good  place,  and  had  all  the 
traps  in  the  cavern,  we  could  rush  there  if  anybody  was  to  come  to  the 
island,  and  they  would  never  find  us  without  dogs.  And  besides,  he  said 
them  little  birds  had  said  it  was  going  to  rain,  and  did  I  want  the  things 
to  get  wet  ? 


EXPLORING  THE  CAVE. 


THE  CAVE. 


75 


So  we  went  back  and  got  the  canoe  and  paddled  up  abreast  the  cavern,  and 
lugged  all  the  traps  up  there.  Then  we  hunted  up  a  place  close  by  to  hide  the 
canoe  in,  amongst  the  thick  willows.  We  took  some  fish  off  of  the  lines  and 
set  them  again,  and  begun  to  get  ready  for  dinner. 

The  door  of  the  cavern  was  big  enough  to  roll  a  hogshead  in,  and  on  one 
side  of  the  door  the  floor  stuck  out  a  little  bit  and  was  flat  and  a  good  place  to 
build  a  fire  on.  So  we  built  it  there  and  cooked  dinner. 

AVe  spread  the  blankets  inside  for  a  carpet,  and  eat  our  dinner  in  there. 


IK   THE  CAVE. 


We  put  all  the  other  things  handy  at  the  back  of  the  cavern.  Pretty  soon  it 
Darkened  up  and  begun  to  thunder  and  lighten  ;  so  the  birds  was  right  about  it. 
Directly  it  begun  to  rain,  and  it  rained  like  all  fury,  too,  and  I  never  see  the 
wind  blow  so.  It  was  one  of  these  regular  summer  storms.  It  would  get  so 
dark  that  it  looked  all  blue-black  outside,  and  lovely  ;  and  the  rain  would  thrash 
along  by  so  thick  that  the  trees  off  a  little  ways  looked  dim  and  spider-webby  ; 
and  here  would  come  a  blast  of  wind  that  would  bend  the  trees  down  and  turn 
up  the  pale  underside  of  the  leaves ;  and  then  a  perfect  ripper  of  a  gust  would 
follow  along  and  set  the  branches  to  tossing  their  arms  as  if  they  was  just  wild  ; 


76  THE  ADVENTURES  OF  HUCKLEBERRY  FINN. 

and  next,  when  it  was  just  about  the  bluest  and  blackest— -fst !  it  was  as  bright 
as  glory  and  you'd  have  a  little  glimpse  of  tree-tops  a-plunging  about,  away  off 
yonder  in  the  storm,  hundreds  of  yards  further  than  you  could  see  before  ;  dark 
as  sin  again  in  a  second,  and  now  you'd  hear  the  thunder  let  go  with  an  awful 
crash  and  then  go  rumbling,  grumbling,  tumbling  down  the  sky  towards  the 
under  side  of  the  world,  like  rolling  empty  barrels  down  stairs,  where  it's  long 
stairs  and  they  bounce  a  good  deal,  you  know. 

"  Jim,  this  is  nice,"  I  says.  "  I  wouldn't  want  to  be  nowhere  else  but  here. 
Pass  me  along  another  hunk  of  fish  and  some  hot  corn-bread." 

"  Well,  you  wouldn't  a  ben  here,  'f  it  hadn't  a  ben  for  Jim.  You'd  a  ben 
down  dah  in  de  woods  widout  any  dinner,  en  gittn'  mos'  drownded,  too,  dat  you 
would,  honey.  Chickens  knows  when  its  gvvyne  to  rain,  en  so  do  de  birds,  chile. " 

The  river  went  on  raising  and  raising  for  ten  or  twelve  days,  till  at  last  it  was 
over  the  banks.  The  water  was  three  or  four  foot  deep  on  the  island  in  the  low 
places  and  on  the  Illinois  bottom.  On  that  side  it  was  a  good  many  miles  wide  ; 
but  on  the  Missouri  side  it  was  the  same  old  distance  across — a  half  a  mile — 
because  the  Missouri  shore  was  just  a  wall  of  high  bluffs. 

Daytimes  we  paddled  all  over  the  island  in  the  canoe.  It  was  mighty  cool 
and  shady  in  the  deep  woods  even  if  the  sun  was  blazing  outside.  We  went 
winding  in  and  out  amongst  the  trees ;  and  sometimes  the  vines  hung  so  thick 
we  had  to  back  away  and  go  some  other  way.  Well,  on  every  old  broken-down 
tree,  you  could  see  rabbits,  and  snakes,  and  such  things  ;  and  when  the  island 
had  been  overflowed  a  day  or  two,  they  got  so  tame,  on  account  of  being  hungry, 
that  you  could  paddle  right  up  and  put  your  hand  on  them  if  you  wanted  to  ; 
but  not  the  snakes  and  turtles — they  would  slide  off  in  the  water.  The  ridge 
our  cavern  was  in,  was  full  of  them.  We  could  a  had  pets  enough  if  we'd  wanted 
them. 

One  night  we  catched  a  little  section  of  a  lumber  raft — nice  pine  planks. 
It  was  twelve  foot  wide  and  about  fifteen  or  sixteen  foot  long,  and  the  top  stood 
above  water  six  or  seven  inches,  a  solid  level  floor.  We  could  see  saw-logs  go 
by  in  the  daylight,  sometimes,  but  we  let  them  go ;  we  didn't  show  ourselves  in 
daylight. 

Another  night,  when  we  was  up  at  the  head  of  the  island,  just  before  daylight, 


THE  FLOATING  SOUSE. 


here  comes  a  frame  house  down,  on  the  west  side.  She  was  a  two-story,  and 
tilted  over,  considerable.  We  paddled  out  and  got  aboard — dumb  in  at  an 
up-stairs  window.  But  it  was  too  dark  to  see  yet,  so  we  made  the  canoe  fast 
and  set  in  her  to  wait  for  daylight. 

The  light  begun  to  come  before  we  got  to  the  foot  of  the  island.  Then  we 
looked  in  at  the  window.  We  could  make  out  a  bed,  and  a  table,  and  two  old 
chairs,  and  lots  of  things  around  about  on  the  floor ;  and  there  was  clothes 


JIM  SEES   A  DEAD  MAN. 


hanging  against  the  wall.  There  was  something  laying  on  the  floor  in  the  far 
corner  that  looked  like  a  man.  So  Jim  says  : 

"  Hello,  you  ! " 

But  it  didn't  budge.     So  I  hollered  again,  and  then  Jim  says  : 

"  De  man  ain't  asleep— he's  dead.     You  hold  still — I'll  go  en  see." 

He  went  and  bent  down  and  looked,  and  says  : 

"  It's  a  dead  man.  Yes,  indeedy  ;  naked,  too.  He's  ben  shot  in  de  back. 
I  reck'n  he's  ben  dead  two  er  three  days.  Come  in,  Huck,  but  doan'  look  at  his 
face — it's  too  gashly." 


78  THE  ADVENTURES  OF  HUCKLEBERRY  FINN. 

I  didn't  look  at  him  at  all.  Jim  throwed  some  old  rags  over  him,  but  he 
needn't  done  it ;  I  didn't  want  to  see  him.  There  was  heaps  of  old  greasy 
cards  scattered  around  over  the  floor,  and  old  whisky  bottles,  and  a  couple  of 
masks  made  out  of  black  cloth  ;  and  all  over  the  walls  was  the  ignorantest  kind 
of  words  and  pictures,  made  with  charcoal.  There  was  two  old  dirty  calico 
dresses,  and  a  sun-bonnet,  and  some  women's  under-clothes,  hanging  against 
the  wall,  and  some  men's  clothing,  too.  We  put  the  lot  into  the  canoe  ;  it  might 
come  good.  There  was  a  boy's  old  speckled  straw  hat  on  the  floor  ;  I  took  that 
too.  And  there  was  a  bottle  that  had  had  milk  in  it ;  and  it  had  a  rag  stopper 
for  a  baby  to  suck.  We  would  a  took  the  bottle,  but  it  was  broke.  There  was 
a  seedy  old  chest,  and  an  old  hair  trunk  with  the  hinges  broke.  They  stood  open, 
but  there  warn't  nothing  left  in  them  that  was  any  account.  The  way  things  was 
scattered  about,  we  reckoned  the  people  left  in  a  hurry  and  warn't  fixed  so  as  to 
carry  off  most  of  their  stuff. 

We  got  an  old  tin  lantern,  and  a  butcher  knife  without  any  handle,  and  a  bran- 
new  Barlow  knife  worth  two  bits  in  any  store,  and  a  lot  of  tallow  candles,  and  a 
tin  candlestick,  and  a  gourd,  and  a  tin  cup,  and  a  ratty  old  bed-quilt  off  the  bed, 
and  a  reticule  with  needles  and  pins  and  beeswax  and  buttons  and  thread  and  all 
such  truck  in  it,  and  a  hatchet  and  some  nails,  and  a  fish-line  as  thick  as  my 
little  finger,  with  some  monstrous  hooks  on  it,  and  a  roll  of  buckskin,  and  a  leather 
dog-collar,  and  a  horse-shoe,  and  some  vials  of  medicine  that  didn't  have  no  label 
on  them  ;  and  just  as  we  was  leaving  I  found  a  tolerable  good  curry-comb,  ancl  Jim 
he  found  a  ratty  old  fiddle-bow,  and  a  wooden  leg.  The  straps  was  broke  off  of  it, 
but  barring  that,  it  was  a  good  enough  leg,  though  it  was  too  long  for  me  and  not 
long  enough  for  Jim,  and  we  co'  Jdn't  find  the  other  one,  though  we  hunted  all 
around. 

And  so,  take  it  all  around,  we  made  a  good  haul.  When  we  was  ready  to  shove 
off,  we  was  a  quarter  of  a  mile  below  the  island,  and  it  was  pretty  broad  day  ;  so  I 
made  Jim  lay  down  in  the  canoe  and  cover  up  with  the  quilt,  because  if  he  set  up, 
people  could  tell  he  was  a  nigger  a  good  ways  off.  I  paddled  over  to  the  Illinois 
shore,  and  drifted  down  most  a  half  a  mile  doing  it.  I  crept  up  the  dead  water 
under  the  bank,  and  hadn't  no  accidents  and  didn't  see  nobody.  We  got  home 
all  safe. 


AFTER  breakfast  I  wanted  to  talk 
about  the  dead  man  and  guess  out  how 
he  come  to  be  killed,  but  Jim  didn't 
want  to.  He  said  it  would  fetch  bad 
luck ;  and  besides,  he  said,  he  might 
come  and  ha'nt  us  ;  he  said  a  man 
that  warn't  buried  was  more  likely  to 
go  a-ha'nting  around  than  one  that 
was  planted  and  comfortable.  That 
sounded  pretty  reasonable,  so  I  didn't 
say  no  more  ;  but  I  couldn't  keep 
from  studying  over  it  and  wishing  I 
knowed  who  shot  the  man,  and  what 
they  done  it  for. 

We  rummaged  the  clothes  we'd  got, 
and  found  eight  dollars  in  silver  sewed 
up  in  the  lining  of  an  old  blanket  over 
coat.  Jim  said  he  reckoned  the  people 
in  that  house  stole  the  coat,  because 
if  they'd  a  knowed  the  money  was  there  they  wouldn't  a  left  it.  I  said  I  reckoned 
they  killed  him,  too  ;  but  Jim  didn't  want  to  talk  about  that.  I  says  : 

"  Now  you  think  it's  bad  luck  ;  but  what  did  you  say  when  I  fetched  in  the 
snake-skin  that  I  found  on  the  top  of  the  ridge  day  before  yesterday  ?  You  said 
it  was  the  worst  bad  luck  in  the  world  to  touch  a  snake-skin  with  my  hands. 
Well,  here's  your  bad  luck  !  We've  raked  in  all  this  truck  and  eight  dollars  be 
sides.  I  wish  we  could  have  some  bad  luck  like  this  every  day,  Jim." 


THEY   POUND   EIGHT    DOLLARS. 


80 


THE  ADVENTURES  OF  HUCKLEBERRY  FINN. 


"  Never  you  mind,  honey,  never  you  mind.  Don't  you  git  too  peart.  It's 
a-comin'.  Mind  I  tell  you,  it's  a-comin'." 

It  did  come,  too.  It  was  a  Tuesday  that  we  had  that  talk.  Well,  after  dinner 
Friday,  we  was  laying  around  in  the  grass  at  the  upper  end  of  the  ridge,  and  got 
out  of  tobacco.  I  went  to  the  cavern  to  get  some,  and  found  a  rattlesnake  in 
there.  I  killed  him,  and  curled  him  up  on  the  foot  of  Jim's  blanket,  ever  so 
natural,  thinking  there'd  be  some  fun  when  Jim  found  him  there.  Well,  by 
night  I  forgot  all  about  the  snake,  and  when  Jim  flung  himself  down  on  the 

blanket  while  I  struck  a  light, 
the  snake's  mate  was  there, 
and  bit  him. 

He  jumped  up  yelling,  and 
the  first  thing  the  light  showed 
was  the  varmint  curled  up  and 
ready  for  another  spring.  I  laid 
him  out  in  a  second  with  a 
stick,  and  Jim  grabbed  pap's 
whisky  jug  and  begun  to  pour 
it  down. 

He  was  barefooted,  and  the 
snake  bit  him  right  on  the  heel. 
That  all  comes  of  my  being 
such  a  fool  as  to  not  remember 
that  wherever  you  leave  a  dead 
snake  its  mate  always  comes 
there  and  curls  around  it.  Jim 
told  me  to  chop  off  the  snake's 
head  and  throw  it  away,  and 
then  skin  the  body  and  roast  a 
piece  of  it.  I  done  it,  and  he 

JIM    AND  THE   8NAKE. 

eat  it  and  said   it  would  help 

cure  him.     He  made  me  take  off  the  rattles  and  tie  them  around  his  wrist,  too. 
He  said  that  that  would  help.      Then  I  slid  out  quiet  and  throwed  the  snakes 


OLD  HANK  BUNKER. 


81 


clear  away  amongst  the  bushes ;  for  I  warn't  going  tr  let  Jim  find  out  it  was 
all  my  fault,  not  if  I  could  help  it. 

Jim  sucked  and  sucked  at  the  jug,  and  now  and  then  he  got  out  of  his 
head  and  pitched  around  and  yelled  ;  but  every  time  he  come  to  himself  he  went  to 
sucking  at  the  jug  again.  His  foot  swelled  up  pretty  big,  and  so  did  his  leg  ; 
but  by-and-by  the  drunk  begun  to  come,  and  so  I  judged  he  was  all  right ;  but 
I'd  druther  been  bit  with  a  snake  than  pap's  whisky. 

Jim  was  laid  up  for  four  days  and  nights.  Then  the  swelling  was  all  gone  and 
he  was  around  again.  I  made  up  my  mind  I  wouldn't  ever  take  aholt  of  a 
snake-skin  again  with  my  hands, 
now  that  I  see  what  had  come  of 
it.  Jim  said  he  reckoned  I  would 
believe  him  next  time.  And  he 
said  that  handling  a  snake-skin  was 
such  awful  bad  luck  that  maybe 
we  hadn't  got  to  the  end  of  it  yet. 
He  said  he  druther  see  the  new 
moon  over  his  left  shoulder  as  much 
as  a  thousand  times  than  take  up  a 
snake-skin  in  his  hand.  "Well,  I 
was  getting  to  feel  that  way  myself, 
though  I've  always  reckoned  that 
looking  at  the  new  moon  over  your 
left  shoulder  is  one  of  the  carelessest 
and  foolishest  things  a  body  can  do. 
Old  Hank  Bunker  done  it  once,  and 
bragged  about  it;  and  in  less  than 
two  years  he  got  drunk  and  fell  off 
of  the  shot  tower  and  spread  himself 
out  so  that  he  was  just  a  kind  of  a  layer,  as  you  may  say  ;  and  they  slid  him 
edgeways  between  two  barn  doors  for  a  coffin,  and  buried  him  so,  so  they  say,  but 
I  didn't  see  it.  Pap  told  me.  But  anyway,  it  all  come  of  looking  at  the  moon 
that  way,  like  a  fool. 


OLD  HANK  BUNKER. 


82 


THE  ADVENTURES  OF  HUCKLEBERRY  FINN. 


Well,  the  days  went  along,  and  the  river  went  down  between  its  banks  again  ; 
and  about  the  first  thing  we  done  was  to  bait  one  of  the  big  hooks  with  a  skinned 
rabbit  and  set  it  and  catch  a  cat-fish  that  was  as  big  as  a  man,  being  six  foot  two 
inches  long,  and  weighed  over  two  hundred  pounds.  We  couldn't  handle  him, 
of  course  ;  he  would  a  flung  us  into  Illinois.  We  just  set  there  and  watched  him 
rip  and  tear  around  till  he  drownded.  We  found  a  brass  button  in  his  stomach, 
and  a  round  ball,  and  lots  of  rubbage.  We  split  the  ball  open  with  the  hatchet, 
and  there  was  a  spool  in  it.  Jim  said  he'd  had  it  there  a  long  time,  to  coat  it 


-A 


FAlli    FIT." 


over  so  and  make  a  ball  of  it.  It  was  as  big  a  fish  as  was  ever  catched  in  the 
Mississippi,  I  reckon.  Jim  said  he  hadn't  ever  seen  a  bigger  one.  He  would  a 
been  worth  a  good  deal  over  at  the  village.  They  peddle  out  such  a  fish  as  that 
by  the  pound  in  the  market  house  there  ;  everybody  buys  some  of  him  ;  his 
meat's  as  whifce  as  snow  and  makes  a  good  fry. 

Next  morning  I  said  it  was  getting  slow  and  dull,  and  I  wanted  to  get  a 
stirring  up,  some  way.  I  said  I  reckoned  I  would  slip  over  the  river  and  find  out 
what  was  going  on.  Jim  liked  that  notion  ;  but  he  said  I  must  go  in  the  dark 


72V  DISGUISE.  83 


and  look  sharp.  Then  he  studied  it  over  and  said,  couldn't  I  put  on  some  of 
them  old  things  and  dress  up  like  a  girl  ?  That  was  a  good  notion,  too.  So  we 
shortened  up  one  of  the  calico  gowns  and  I  turned  up  my  trowser-legs  to  my 
knees  and  got  into  it.  Jim  hitched  it  behind  with  the  hooks,  and  it  was  a  fair 
fit.  I  put  on  the  sun-bonnet  and  tied  it  under  my  chin,  and  then  for  a  body  to 
look  in  and  see  my  face  was  like  looking  down  a  joint  of  stove-pipe.  Jim  said 
nobody  would  know  me,  even  in  the  daytime,  hardly.  I  practiced  around  all  day 
to  get  the  hang  of  the  things,  and  by-and-by  I  could  do  pretty  well  in  them,  only 
Jim  said  I  didn't  walk  like  a  girl ;  and  he  said  I  must  quit  pulling  up  my  gown 
to  get  at  my  britches  pocket.  I  took  notice,  and  done  better. 

I  started  up  the  Illinois  shore  in  the  canoe  just  after  dark. 

I  started  across  to  the  town  from  a  little  below  the  ferry  landing,  and  the 
drift  of  the  current  fetched  me  in  at  the  bottom  of  the  town.  I  tied  up  and 
started  along  the  bank.  There  was  a  light  burning  in  a  little  shanty  that  hadn't 
been  lived  in  for  a  long  time,  and  I  wondered  who  had  took  up  quarters  there.  I 
slipped  up  and  peeped  in  at  the  window.  There  was  a  woman  about  forty  year 
old  in  there,  knitting  by  a  candle  that  was  on  a  pine  table.  I  didn't  know  her 
face  ;  she  was  a  stranger,  for  you  couldn't  start  a  face  in  that  town  that  I  didn't 
know.  Now  this  was  lucky,  because  I  was  weakening  ;  I  was  getting  afraid  I 
had  come  ;  people  might  know  my  voice  and  find  me  out  But  if  this  woman 
had  been  in  such  a  little  town  two  days  she  could  tell  me  all  I  wanted  to  know  ; 
so  I  knocked  at  the  door,  and  made  up  my  mind  I  wouldn't  forget  I  was  a  girl. 


'OME   in,"   says   the  woman,  and  I  did. 
She  says  : 

"Take  a  cheer." 

I  done   it.     She  looked  me  all  over 
with  her  little  shiny  eyes,  and  says  : 
"  What  might  your  name  be  ?  " 
"Sarah  Williams." 
"Where  'bouts  do  you  live  ?    In  this 
neighborhood  ?  " 

"No'm.  In  Hookerville,  seven  mile 
below.  I've  walked  all  the  way  and  I'm 
all  tired  out." 

"Hungry,  too,  I  reckon.  I'll  find 
you  something." 

"  No'm,  I  ain't  hungry.  I  was  so 
hungry  I  had  to  stop  two  mile  below 
here  at  a  farm  ;  so  I  ain't  hungry  no 

more.  It's  what  makes  me  so  late.  My  mother's  down  sick,  and  out  of  money 
and  everything,  and  I  come  to  tell  my  uncle  Abner  Moore.  He  lives  at  the 
upper  end  of  the  town,  she  says.  I  hain't  ever  been  here  before.  Do  you 
know  him  ?  " 

"  No  ;  but  I  don't  know  everybody  yet.  I  haven't  lived  here  quite  two  weeks. 
It's  a  considerable  ways  to  the  upper  end  of  the  town.  You  better  stay  here  all 
night.  Take  off  your  bonnet. " 


\ 


HUGE   AND  THE   WOMAN.  85 

"  No,"  I  says,  '  l  I'll  rest  a  while,  I  reckon,  and  go  on.  I  ain't  afeard  of  the 
dark." 

She  said  she  wouldn't  let  me  go  by  myself,  but  her  husband  would  be  in  by- 
and-by,  maybe  in  a  hour  and  a  half,  and  she'd  send  him  along  with  me.  Then  she 
got  to  talking  about  her  husband,  and  about  her  relations  up  the  river,  and  her 
relations  down  the  river,  and  about  how  much  better  off  they  used  to  was,  and  how 
they  didn't  know  but  they'd  made  a  mistake  coming  to  our  town,  instead  of  let 
ting  well  alone  —  and  so  on  and  so  on,  till  I  was  afeard  /  had.  made  a  mistake  com 
ing  to  her  to  find  out  what  was  going  on  in  the  town  ;  but  by-and-by  she 
dropped  onto  pap  and  the  murder,  and  then  I  was  pretty  willing  to  let  her  clatter 
right  along.  She  told  about  me  and  Tom  Sawyer  finding  the  six  thousand 
dollars  (only  she  got  it  ten)  and  all  about  pap  and  what  a  hard  lot  he  was, 
and  what  a  hard  lot  I  was,  and  at  last  she  got  down  to  where  I  was  murdered. 
I  says  : 

"  Who  done  it  ?  We've  heard  considerable  about  these  goings  on,  down  in 
Hookerville,  but  we  don't  know  who  'twas  that  killed  Huck  Finn  ." 

"  Well,  I  reckon  there's  a  right  smart  chance  of  people  here  that  'd  like  to 
know  who  killed  him.  Some  thinks  old  Finn  done  it  himself." 

"No—  is  that  so?" 

"  Most  everybody  thought  it  at  first.  He'll  never  know  how  nigh  he  come  to 
getting  lynched.  But  before  night  they  changed  around  and  judged  it  was  done 
by  a  runaway  nigger  named  Jim." 


I  stopped.  I  reckoned  I  better  keep  still.  She  run  on,  and  never  noticed  1 
had  put  in  at  all. 

"  The  nigger  ran  off  the  very  night  Huck  Finn  was  killed.  So  there's  a  re 
ward  out  for  him  —  three  hundred  dollars.  And  there's  a  reward  out  for  old  Finn 
too  —  two  hundred  dollars.  You  see,  he  come  to  town  the  morning  after  the 
murder,  and  told  about  it,  and  was  out  with  'em  on  the  ferry-boat  hunt,  and 
right  away  after  he  up  and  left.  Before  night  they  wanted  to  lynch  him,  but  he 
was  gone,  you  see.  Well,  next  day  they  found  out  the  nigger  was  gone  ;  they 
found  out  he  hadn't  ben  seen  sence  ten  o'clock  the  night  the  murder  was  done. 
So  then  they  put  it  on  him,  you  see,  and  while  they  was  full  of  it,  next  day  back 


86  THE  ADVENTURES  OF  HUCKLEBERRY 

comes  old  Finn  and  went  boo-hooing  to  Judge  Thatcher  to  get  money  to  hunt 
for  the  nigger  all  over  Illinois  with.  The  judge  give  him  some,  and  that  evening 
he  got  drunk  and  was  around  till  after  midnight  with  a  couple  of  mighty  hard  look 
ing  strangers,  and  then  went  off  with  them.  Well,  he  hain't  come  back  sence, 
and  they  ain't  looking  for  him  back  till  this  thing  blows  over  a  little,  for  people 
thinks  now  that  he  killed  his  boy  and  fixed  things  so  folks  would  think  robbers  done 
it,  and  then  he'd  get  Huck's  money  without  having  to  bother  a  long  time  with  a 
lawsuit.  People  do  say  he  warn't  any  too  good  to  do  it.  Oh,  he's  sly,  I  reckon. 
If  he  don't  come  back  for  a  year,  he'll  be  all  right.  You  can't  prove  anything  on 
him,  you  know ;  everything  will  be  quieted  down  then,  and  he'll  walk  into  Huck's 
money  as  easy  as  nothing. " 

"  Yes,  I  reckon  so,  'm.  I  don't  see  nothing  in  the  way  of  it.  Has  everybody 
quit  thinking  the  nigger  done  it  ?  " 

"  Oh,  no,  not  everybody.  A  good  many  thinks  he  done  it.  But  they'll  get 
the  nigger  pretty  soon,  now,  and  maybe  they  can  scare  it  out  of  him." 

"  Why,  are  they  after  him  yet  ?  " 

"Well,  you're  innocent,  ain't  you!  Does  three  hundred  dollars  lay  round 
every  day  for  people  to  pick  up  ?  Some  folks  thinks  the  nigger  ain't  far  from 
here.  I'm  one  of  them— but  I  hain't  talked  it  around.  A  few  days  ago  I  was 
talking  with  an  old  couple  that  lives  next  door  in  the  log  shanty,  and  they  happened 
to  say  hardly  anybody  ever  goes  to  that  island  over  yonder  that  they  call  Jackson's 
Island.  Don't  anybody  live  there  ?  says  I.  No,  nobody,  says  they.  I  didn't  say 
any  more,  but  I  done  some  thinking.  I  was  pretty  near  certain  I'd  seen  smoke 
over  there,  about  the  head  of  the  island,  a  day  or  two  before  that,  so  I  says  to  my 
self,  like  as  not  that  nigger's  hiding  over  there  ;  anyway,  says  I,  it's  worth  the 
trouble  to  give  the  place  a  hunt.  I  hain't  seen  any  smoke  sence,  so  I  reckon 
maybe  he's  gone,  if  it  was  him ;  but  husband's  going  over  to  see — him  and  another 
man.  He  was  gone  up  the  river  ;  but  he  got  back  to-day  and  I  told  him  as  soon 
as  he  got  here  two  hours  ago." 

I  had  got  so  uneasy  I  couldn't  set  still.  I  had  to  do  something  with  my 
hands ;  so  I  took  up  a  needle  off  of  the  table  and  went  to  threading  it.  My 
hands  shook,  and  I  was  making  a  bad  job  of  it.  When  the  woman  stopped 
talking,  I  looked  up,  and  she  was  looking  at  me  pretty  curious,  and  smiling  a 


THE  SEARCH. 


87 


little.     I  put  down  the  needle  and  thread  and  let  on  to  be  interested — and  I  was, 
too — and  says  : 

•"'  Three  hundred  dollars  is  a  power  of  money.    I  wish  my  mother  could  get 
it.      Is  your  husband   going 
over  there  to-night  ?  " 

"Oh,  yes.  He  went  up 
town  with  the  man  I  was 
telling  you  of,  to  get  a  boat 
and  see  if  they  could  borrow 
another  gun.  They'll  go  over 
after  midnight." 

"  Couldn't  they  see  better 
if  they  was  to  wait  till  day 
time  ?  " 

"  Yes.  And  couldn't  the 
nigger  see  better,  too  ?  After 
midnight  he'll  likely  be  asleep, 
and  they  can  slip  around 
through  the  woods  and  hunt 
up  his  camp  fire  all  the  better 
for  the  dark,  if  he's  got  one." 

"I  didn't  think  of  that." 

The  woman  kept  looking 
at  me  pretty  curious,  and  I  didn't  feel  a  bit  comfortable.  Pretty  soon  she  says  : 

"  What  did  you  say  your  name  was,  honey  ? " 

"  M— Mary  Williams." 

Somehow  it  didn't  seem  to  me  that  I  said  it  was  Mary  before,  so  I  didn't 
look  up ;  seemed  to  me  I  said  it  was  Sarah  ;  so  I  felt  sort  of  cornered,  and 
was  afeared  maybe  I  was  looking  it,  too.  I  wished  the  woman  would  say  some 
thing  more  ;  the  longer  she  set  still,  the  uneasier  I  was.  But  now  she  says  : 

"  Honey,  I  thought  you  said  it  was  Sarah  when  you  first  come  in  ?  " 
"  Oh,  yes'm,  I  did.     Sarah  Mary  Williams.     Sarah's  my  first  name.     Some 
calls  me  Sarah,  some  calls  me  Mary." 


"  HIM   AND   ANOTHER  MAN." 


88  THE  ADVENTURES  OF  HUCKLEBERRY  FINN. 

"  Oh,  that's  the  way  of  it  ?  " 

"Yes'm." 

I  was  feeling  better,  then,  but  I  wished  I  was  out  of  there,  anyway.  I 
couldn't  look  up  yet. 

Well,  the  woman  fell  to  talking  about  how  hard  times  was,  and  how  poor 
they  had  to  live,  and  how  the  rats  was  as  free  as  if  they  owned  the  place, 
and  so  forth,  and  so  on,  and  then  I  got  easy  again.  She  was  right  about 
the  rats.  You'd  see  one  stick  his  nose  out  of  a  hole  in  the  corner  every 
little  while.  She  said  she  had  to  have  things  handy  to  throw  at  them  when 
she  was  alone,  or  they  wouldn't  give  her  no  peace.  She  showed  me  a  bar 
of  lead,  twisted  up  into  a  knot,  and  said  she  was  a  good  shot  with  it 
generly,  but  she'd  wrenched  her  arm  a  day  or  two  ago,  and  didn't  know 
whether  she  could  throw  true,  now.  But  she  watched  for  a  chance,  and 
directly  she  banged  away  at  a  rat,  but  she  missed  him  wide,  and  said  "  Ouch  ! " 
it  hurt  her  arm  so.  Then  she  told  me  to  try  for  the  next  one.  I  wanted 
to  be  getting  away  before  the  old  man  got  back,  but  of  course  I  didn't  let  on. 
I  got  the  thing,  and  the  first  rat  that  showed  his  nose  I  let  drive,  and  if  he'd 
a  stayed  where  he  was  he'd  a  been  a  tolerable  sick  rat.  She  said  that  that  was  first- 
rate,  and  she  reckoned  I  would  hive  the  next  one.  She  went  and  got  the  lump 
of  lead  and  fetched  it  back  and  brought  along  a  hank  of  yarn,  which  she  wanted 
me  to  help  her  with.  I  held  up  my  two  hands  and  she  put  the  hank  over  them 
and  went  on  talking  about  her  and  her  husband's  matters.  But  she  broke  off 
to  say : 

"  Keep  your  eye  on  the  rats.     You  better  have  the  lead  in  your  lap,  handy." 

So  she  dropped  the  lump  into  my  lap,  just  at  that  moment,  and  I  clapped  my 
legs  together  on  it  and  she  went  on  talking.  But  only  about  a  minute.  Then 
she  took  off  the  hank  and  looked  me  straight  in  the  face,  but  very  pleasant,  and 
says  : 

"  Come,  now— what's  your  real  name  ?  " 

"Wh-what,  mum?" 

"  What's  your  real  name  ?     Is  it  Bill,  or  Tom,  or  Bob  ?— or  what  is  it  ?  " 

I  reckon  I  shook  like  a  leaf,  and  I  didn't  know  hardly  what  to  do.      But  I 


PREVARICATION.  89 


"  Please  to  don't  poke  fun  at  a  poor  girl  like  me,  mum.  If  I'm  in  the  way, 
here,  I'll— 

"  No,  you  won't.  Set  down  and  stay  where  you  are.  I  ain't  going  to  hurt 
you,  and  I  ain't  going  to  tell  on  you,  nuther.  You  just  tell  me  your  secret,  and 
trust  me.  I'll  keep  it  ;  and  what's  more,  I'll  help  you.  So'll  my  old  man,  if  you 
want  him  to.  You  see,  you're  a  runaway  'prentice — that's  all.  It  ain't  any 
thing.  There  ain't  any  harm  in  it.  You've  been  treated  had,  and  you  made  up 
your  mind  to  cut.  Bless  you,  child,  I  wouldn't  tell  on  you.  Tell  me  all  about 
it,  now— that's  a  good  boy." 

So  I  said  it  wouldn't  be  no  use  to  try  to  play  it  any  longer,  and  I  would  just 
make  a  clean  breast  and  tell  her  everything,  but  she  mustn't  go  back  on  her 
promise.  Then  I  told  her  my  father  and  mother  was  dead,  and  the  law  had 
bound  me  out  to  a  mean  old  farmer  in  the  country  thirty  mile  back  from  the 
river,  and  he  treated  me  so  bad  I  couldn't  stand  it  no  longer ;  he  went  away  to 
be  gone  a  couple  of  days,  and  so  I  took  my  chance  and  stole  some  of  his  daugh 
ter's  old  clothes,  and  cleared  out,  and  I  had  been  three  nights  coming  the  thirty 
miles  ;  I  traveled  nights,  and  hid  day-times  and  slept,  and  the  bag  of  bread  and 
meat  I  carried  from  home  lasted  me  all  the  way  and  I  had  a  plenty.  I  said  I 
believed  my  uncle  Abner  Moore  would  take  care  of  me,  and  so  that  was  why  I 
struck  out  for  this  town  of  Goshen." 

"  Goshen,  child  ?  This  ain't  Goshen.  This  is  St.  Petersburg.  Goshen's  ten 
mile  further  up  the  river.  Who  told  you  this  was  Goshen  ?" 

"  Why,  a  man  I  met  at  day-break  this  morning,  just  as  I  was  going  to  turn 
into  the  woods  for  my  regular  sleep.  He  told  me  when  the  roads  forked  I  must 
take  the  right  hand,  and  five  mile  would  fetch  me  to  Goshen." 

"  He  was  drunk  I  reckon.     He  told  you  just  exactly  wrong." 

"  Well,  he  did  act  like  he  was  drunk,  but  it  ain't  no  matter  now.  I  got  to  be 
moving  along.  I'll  fetch  Goshen  before  day-light. " 

"Hold  on  a  minute.     I'll  put  you  up  a  snack  to  eat.     You  might  want  it." 

So  she  put  me  up  a  snack,  and  says  : 

"  Say — when  a  cow's  laying  down,  which  end  of  her  gets  up  first  ?  Answer 
up  prompt,  now — don't  stop  to  study  over  it.  Which  end  gets  up  first  ?  " 

"The  hind  end,  mum." 


90 


THE  ADVENTURES  OF  HUCKLEBERRY  FINN. 


"Well,  then,  ahorse?" 
"  The  for'rard  end,  mum." 
Which  side  of  a  tree  does  the  most  moss  grow  on  ? " 

"North  side." 

"  If  fifteen  cows  is  browsing  on 
a  hillside,  how  many  of  them  eats 
with  their  heads  pointed  the  same 
direction  ?" 

"  The  whole  fifteen,  mum." 
"  Well,  I  reckon  you  have  lived 
in  the  country.  I  thought  maybe 
you  was  trying  to  hocus  me 
again.  What's  your  real  name, 
now?" 

"George  Peters,  mum." 
"  Well,  try  to  remember  it, 
George.  Don't  forget  and  tell  me 
it's  Elexander  before  you  go,  and 
then  get  out  by  saying  it's  George- 
Elexander  when  I  catch  you. 
And  don't  go  about  women  in 
that  old  calico.  You  do  a  girl 
tolerable  poor,  but  you  might 
fool  men,  maybe.  Bless  you, 
child,  when  you  set  out  to  thread 

a  needle,  don't  hold  the  thread  still  and  fetch  the  needle  up  to  it ;  hold 
the  needle  still  and  poke  the  thread  at  it— that's  the  way  a  woman  most  always 
does ;  but  a  man  always  does  'tother  way.  And  when  you  throw  at  a  rat  or 
anything,  hitch  yourself  up  a  tip-toe,  and  fetch  your  hand  up  over  your  head  as 
awkard  as  you  can,  and  miss  your  ra,t  about  six  or  seven  foot.  Throw  stiff-armed 
from  the  shoulder,  like  there  was  a  pivot  there  for  it  to  turn  on — like  a  girl ;  not 
from  the  wrist  and  elbow,  with  your  arm  out  to  one  side,  like  a  boy.  And  mind 
you,  when  a  girl  tries  to  catch  anything  in  her  lap,  she  throws  her  knees  apart ; 


8IIK  PUTS  UP  A  SNACK. 


GOING  TO  GOSHEN. 


91 


she  don't  clap  them  together,  the  way  you  did  when  you  catched  the  lump  of 
lead.  Why,  I  spotted  you  for  a  boy  when  you  was  threading  the  needle  ;  and  I 
contrived  the  other  things  just  to  make  certain.  Now  trot  along  to  your  uncle, 
Sarah  Mary  Williams  George  Elexander  Peters,  and  if  you  get  into  trouble  you 
send  word  to  Mrs.  Judith  Loftus,  which  is  me,  and  I'll  do  what  1  can  to  get  you 
out  of  it.  Keep  the  river  road,  all  the  way,  and  next  time  you  tramp,  take  shoes 


"  HUMP    YOUPSELF.  " 

and  socks  with  you.     The  river  road's  a  rocky  one,  and  your  feet  '11  be  in  a 
condition  when  you  get  to  Goshen,  I  reckon." 

I  went  up  the  bank  about  fifty  yards,  and  then  I  doubled  on  my  tracks  and 
slipped  back  to  where  my  canoe  was,  a  good  piece  below  the  house.  I  jumped  in 
and  was  off  in  a  hurry.  I  went  up  stream  far  enough  to  make  the  head  of  the 
island,  and  then  started  across  I  took  off  the  sun-bonnet,  for  I  didn't  want  no 
blinders  on,  then.  When  I  was  about  the  middle,  I  hear  the  clock  begin  to 
strike  ;  so  I  stops  and  listens  ;  the  sound  come  faint  over  the  water,  but  clear — 
eleven.  When  I  struck  the  head  of  the  island  I  never  waited  to  blow,  though  J 


92  THE  ADVENTURES  OF  HUCKLEBERRY  FINN.* 

was  most  winded,  but  I  shoved  right  into  the  timber  where  my  old  camp  used 
to  be,  and  started  a  good  fire  there  on  a  high-and-dry  spot. 

Then  I  jumped  in  the  canoe  and  dug  out  for  our  place  a  mile  and  a  half 
below,  as  hard  as  I  could  go.  I  landed,  and  slopped  through  the  timber  and 
up  the  ridge  and  into  the  cavern.  There  Jim  laid,  sound  asleep  on  the  ground. 
I  roused  him  out  and  says  : 

"  Git  up  and  hump  yourself,  Jim  !  There  ain't  a  minute  to  lose.  They're 
after  us  ! " 

Jim  never  asked  no  questions,  he  never  said  a  word  ;  but  the  way  he  worked 
for  the  next  half  an  hour  showed  about  how  he  was  scared.  By  that  time 
everything  we  had  in  the  world  was  on  our  raft  and  she  was  ready  to  be  shoved 
out  from  the  willow  cove  where  she  was  hid.  We  put  out  the  camp  fire  at 
the  cavern  the  first  thing,  and  didn't  show  a  candle  outside  after  that. 

I  took  the  canoe  out  from  shore  a  little  piece  and  took  a  look,  but  if  there 
was  a  boat  around  I  couldn't  see  it,  for  stars  and  shadows  ain't  good  to  see  by. 
Then  we  got  out  the  raft  and  slipped  along  down  in  the  shade,  past  the  foot 
of  the  island  dead  still,  never  saying  a  word. 


'JIA-bter 

a  A  I  V^ 


MUST  a  been  close  onto  one  o'clock 
when  we  got  below  the  island  at  last, 
and  the  raft  did  seem  to  go  mighty  slow. 
If  a  boat  was  to  come  along,  we  was 
going  to  take  to  the  canoe  and  break  for 
the  Illinois  shore  ;  and  it  was  well  a  boat 
didn't  come,  for  we  hadn't  ever  thought 
to  put  the  gun  into  the  canoe,  or  a  fish 
ing-line  or  anything  to  eat.  "We  was  in 
ruther  too  much  of  a  sweat  to  think  of 
so  many  things.  It  warn't  good  judg 
ment  to  put  everything  on  the  raft. 

If  the  men  went  to  the  island,  I  just 
expect  they  found  the  camp  fire  I  built, 
and  watched  it  all  night  for  Jim  to 
come.  Anyways,  they  stayed  away  from 
us,  and  if  my  building  the  fire  never 
fooled  them  it  warn't  no  fault  of  mine.  I  played  it  as  low-down  on  them 
as  I  could. 

When  the  first  streak  of  day  begun  to  show,  we  tied  up  to  a  tow-head  in  a 
big  bend  on  the  Illinois  side,  and  hacked  off  cotton-wood  branches  with  the 
hatchet  and  covered  up  the  raft  with  them  so  she  looked  like  there  had  been 
a .  cave-in  in  the  bank  there.  A  tow-head  is  a  sand-bar  that  has  cotton-woods 
on  it  as  thick  as  harrow-teeth. 

We  had  mountains  on  the  Missouri  shore  and  heavy  timber  on  the  Illinois  side, 


ON    THE     RAPT. 


94  THE  ADVENTURES  OF  HUCKLEBERRY  FINN. 

and  the  channel  was  down  the  Missouri  shore  at  that  place,  so  we  warn't  afraid 
of  anybody  running  across  us.  We  laid  there  all  day  and  watched  the  rafts  and 
steamboats  spin  down  the  Missouri  shore,  and  up-bound  steamboats  fight  the 
big  river  in  the  middle.  I  told  Jim  all  about  the  time  I  had  jabbering  with 
that  woman  ;  and  Jim  said  she  was  a  smart  one,  and  if  she  was  to  start  after  us 
herself  she  wouldn't  set  down  and  watch  a  camp  fire — no,  sir,  she'd  fetch  a 
dog.  Well,  then,  I  said,  why  couldn't  she  tell  her  husband  to  fetch  a  dog  ?  Jim 
said  he  bet  she  did  think  of  it  by  the  time  the  men  was  ready  to  start,  and  he 
believed  they  must  a  gone  up  town  to  get  a  dog  and  so  they  lost  all  that  time,  01 
else  we  wouldn't  be  here  on  a  tow-head  sixteen  or  seventeen  mile  below  the  village 
— no,  indeedy,  we  would  be  in  that  same  old  town  again.  So  I  said  I  didn't  care 
what  was  the  reason  they  didn't  get  us,  as  long  as  they  didn't. 

When  it  was  beginning  to  come  on  dark,  we  poked  our  heads  out  of  the  cot- 
tonwood  thicket  and  looked  up,  and  down,  and  across ;  nothing  in  sight ;  so  Jim 
took  up  some  of  the  top  planks  of  the  raft  and  built  a  snug  wigwam  to  get  under 
in  blazing  weather  and  rainy,  and  to  keep  the  things  dry.  Jim  made  a  floor  for 
the  wigwam,  and  raised  it  a  foot  or  more  above  the  level  of  the  raft,  so  now  the 
blankets  and  all  the  traps  was  out  of  the  reach  of  steamboat  waves.  Eight  in  the 
middle  of  the  wigwam  we  made  a  layer  of  dirt  about  five  or  six  inches  deep  with 
a  frame  around  it  for  to  hold  it  to  its  place  ;  this  was  to  build  a  fire  on  in  sloppy 
weather  or  chilly  ;  the  wigwam  would  keep  it  from  being  seen.  We  made  an  ex 
tra  steering  oar,  too,  because  one  of  the  others  might  get  broke,  on  a  snag  or 
something.  We  fixed  up  a  short  forked  stick  to  hang  the  old  lantern  on  ;  be 
cause  we  must  always  light  the  lantern  whenever  we  see  a  steamboat  coming  down 
stream,  to  keep  from  getting  run  over  ;  but  we  wouldn't  have  to  light  it  for  up 
stream  boats  unless  we  see  we  was  in  what  they  call  a  "  crossing  ; "  for  the  river 
was  pretty  high  yet,  very  low  banks  being  still  a  little  under  water  ;  so  up-bound 
boats  didn't  always  run  the  channel,  but  hunted  easy  water. 

This  second  night  we  run  between  seven  and  eight  hours,  with  a  current  that 
was  making  over  four  mile  an  hour.  We  catched  fish,  and  talked,  and  we  took  a 
swim  now  and  then  to  keep  off  sleepiness.  It  was  kind  of  solemn,  drifting  down 
the  big  still  river,  laying  on  our  backs  looking  up  at  the  stars,  and  we  didn't 
ever  feel  like  talking  loud,  and  it  warn't  often  that  we  laughed,  only  a  little 


BORROWING  THINGS. 


95 


kind  of  a  low  chuckle.  We  had  mighty  good  weather,  as  a  general  thing,  and  noth 
ing  ever  happened  to  us  at  all,  that  night,  nor  the  next,  nor  the  next. 

Every  night  we  passed  towns,  some  of  them  away  up  on  black  hillsides,  noth 
ing  but  just  a  shiny  bed  of  lights,  not  a  house  could  you  see.  The  fifth  night 
we  passed  St.  Louis,  and  it  was  like  the  whole  world  lit  up.  In  St.  Petersburg 
they  used  to  say  there  was  twenty  or  thirty  thousand  people  in  St.  Louis,  but  I 
never  believed  it  till  I  see  that  wonderful  spread  of  lights  at  two  o'clock  that  still 
night.  There  warn't  a  sound  there  ;  everybody  was  asleep. 

Every  night,  now,  I  used  to  slip  ashore,  towards  ten  o'clock,  at  some  little 
village,  and  buy  ten  or  fifteen  cents'  worth  of  meal  or  bacon  or  other  stuff  to  eat ; 
and  sometimes  I  lifted  a  chicken  that  warn't  roosting  comfortable,  and  took  him 
along.     Pap  always  said,  take  a 
chicken  when  you  get  a  chance, 
because  if  you  don't  want  him 
yourself  you  can  easy  find  some 
body  that  does,  and  a  good  deed 
ain't  ever  forgot.     I  never  see 
pap  when  he  didn't  want  the 
chicken  himself,  but  that  is  what 
he  used  to  say,  anyway. 

Mornings,  before  daylight,  I 
slipped  into  corn  fields  and  bor 
rowed  a  watermelon,  or  a  mush- 
melon,  or  a  punkin,  or  some 
new  corn,  or  things  of  that  kind. 
Pap  always  said  it  warn't  no 
harm  to  borrow  things,  if  you 
was  meaning  to  pay  them  back, 
sometime ;  but  the  widow  said 
it  warn't  anything  but  a  soft 
name  for  stealing,  and  no  decent 
body  would  do  it.  Jim  said  he  reckoned  the  widow  was  partly  right  and  pap 
was  partly  right ;  so  the  best  way  would  be  for  us  to  pick  out  two  or  three 


HE   SOMETIMES  LIFTED   A   CHICKEN. 


96  THE  ADVENTURES  OF  HUCKLEBERRY  FINN. 

things  from  the  list  and  say  we  wouldn't  borrow  them  anymore — then  he  reckoned 
it  wouldn't  be  no  harm  to  borrow  the  others.  So  we  talked  it  over  all  one  night, 
drifting  along  down  the  river,  trying  to  make  up  our  minds  whether  to  drop  the 
watermelons,  or  the  cantelopes,  or  the  mushmelons,  or  what.  But  towards  day 
light  we  got  it  all  settled  satisfactory,  and  concluded  to  drop  crabapples  and 
p'simmons.  We  warn't  feeling  just  right,  before  that,  but  it  was  all  comfortable 
now.  I  was  glad  the  way  it  come  out,  too,  because  crabapples  ain't  ever  good, 
and  the  p'simmons  wouldn't  be  ripe  for  two  or  three  months  yet. 

We  shot  a  water-fowl,  now  and  then,  that  got  up  too  early  in  the  morning  or 
didn't  go  to  bed  early  enough  in  the  evening.  Take  it  all  around,  we  lived  pretty 
high. 

The  fifth  night  below  St.  Louis  we  had  a  big  storm  after  midnight,  with  a 
power  of  thunder  and  lightning,  and  the  rain  poured  down  in  a  solid  sheet.  We 
stayed  in  the  wigwam  and  let  the  raft  take  care  of  itself.  When  the  lightning 
glared  out  we  could  see  a  big  straight  river  ahead,  and  high  rocky  bluffs  on  both 
sides.  By-and-by  says  I,  "  Hel-fo,  Jim,  looky  yonder  !  "  It  was  a  steamboat  that 
had  killed  herself  on  a  rock.  We  was  drifting  straight  down  for  her.  The  lightning 
showed  her  very  distinct.  She  was  leaning  over,  with  part  of  her  upper  deck 
above  water,  and  you  could  see  every  little  chimbly-guy  clean  and  clear,  and  a 
chair  by  the  big  bell,  with  an  old  slouch  hat  hanging  on  the  back  of  it  when  the 
flashes  come. 

Well,  it  being  away  in  the  night,  and  stormy,  and  all  so  mysterious-like,  f 
felt  just  the  way  any  other  boy  would  a  felt  when  I  see  that  wreck  laying 
there  so  mournful  and  lonesome  in  the  middle  of  the  river.  I  wanted  to 
get  aboard  of  her  and  slink  around  a  little,  and  see  what  there  was  there.  So 
I  says  : 

"  Le's  land  on  her,  Jim." 

But  Jim  was  dead  against  it,  at  first.     He  says  : 

"  I  doan'  want  to  go  fool'n  'long  er  no  wrack.  We's  doin'  blame'  well,  en  we 
better  let  blame'  well  alone,  as  de  good  book  says.  Like  as  not  dey's  a  watchman 
on  dat  wrack.' 

"  Watchman  your  grandmother,"  I  says  ;  "  there  ain't  nothing  to  watch  but 
the  texas  and  the  pilot-house ;  and  do.  you  reckon  anybody's  going  to  resk  his 


BOARDING   THE  WRECK  97 


life  for  a  texas  and  a  pilot-house  such  a  night  as  this,  when  it's  likely  to  break  up 
and  wash  off  down  the  river  any  minute  ?  "  Jim  couldn't  say  nothing  to  that, 
so  he  didn't  try.  "  And  besides,"  I  says,  "we  might  borrow  something  worth 
having,  out  of  the  captain's  stateroom.  Seegars,  /  bet  you — and  cost  five  cents 
apiece,  solid  cash.  Steamboat  captains  is  always  rich,  and  get  sixty  dollars  a 
month,  and  they  don't  care  a  cent  what  a  thing  costs,  you  know,  long  as  they 
want  it.  Stick  a  candle  in  your  pocket ;  I  can't  rest,  Jim,  till  we  give  her  a 
rummaging.  Do  you  reckon  Tom  Sawyer  would  ever  go  by  this  thing  ?  Not 
for  pie,  he  wouldn't.  He'd  call  it  an  adventure — that's  what  he'd  call  it ; 
and  he'd  land  on  that  _  wreck  if  it  was  his  last  act.  And  wouldn't  he  throw 
style  into  it  ? — wouldn't  he  spread  himself,  nor  nothing  ?  Why,  you'd  think  it 
was  Christopher  C'lumbus  discovering  Kingdom-Come.  I  wish  Tom  Sawyer 
ivas  here." 

Jim  he  grumbled  a  little,  but  give  in.  He  said  we  mustn't  talk  any  more 
than  we  could  help,  and  then  talk  mighty  low.  The  lightning  showed  us  the 
wreck  again,  just  in  time,  and  we  fetched  the  starboard  derrick,  and  made 
fast  there. 

The  deck  was  high  out,  here.  We  went  sneaking  down  the  slope  of  it  to 
labboard,  in  the  dark,  towards  the  texas,  feeling  our  way  slow  with  our  feet,  and 
spreading  our  hands  out  to  fend  off  the  guys,  for  it  was  so  dark  we  couldn't  see 
no  sign  of  them.  Pretty  soon  we  struck  the  forward  end  of  the  skylight,  and 
dumb  onto  it ;  and  the  next  step  fetched  us  in  front  of  the  captain's  door,  which 
was  open,  and  by  Jimminy,  away  down  through  the  texas-hall  we  see  a  Jight ! 
and  all  in  the  same  second  we  seem  to  hear  low  voices  in  yonder  ! 

Jim  whispered  and  said  he  was  feeling  powerful  sick,  and  told  me  to  come 
along.  I  says,  all  right ;  and  was  going  to  start  for  the  raft ;  but  just  then  I 
heard  a  voice  wail  out  and  say  : 

"  Oh,  please  don't,  boys  ;  I  swear  I  won't  ever  tell !" 

Another  voice  said,  pretty  loud  : 

"  It's  a  lie,  Jim  Turner.  You've  acted  this  way  before.  You  always  want 
more'n  your  share  of  the  truck,  and  you've  always  got  it,  too,  because  you've 
swore  't  if  you  didn't  you'd  tell.  But  this  time  you've  said  it  jest  one  time  too 
many.  You're  the  meanest,  treacherousest  hound  in  this  country." 


98 


THE  ADVENTURES  OF  HUCKLEBERRY  FINN. 


By  this  time  Jim  was  gone  for  the  raft.  I  was  just  a-biling  with  curiosity  ; 
and  I  says  to  myself,  Torn  Sawyer  wouldn't  back  out  now,  and  so  1  won't  either ; 
I'm  agoing  to  see  what's  going  on  here.  So  I  dropped  on  my  hands  and  knees, 
in  the  little  passage,  and  crept  aft  in  the  dark,  till  there  warn't  but  about  one 
stateroom  betwixt  me  and  the  cross-hall  of  the  texas.  Then,  in  there  I  see  a  man 
stretched  on  the  floor  and  tied  hand  and  foot,  and  two  men  standing  over  him, 


"PLEASE  DON'T,  BILL  " 

and  one  of  them  had  a  dim  lantern  in  his  hand,  and  the  other  one  had  a  pistol. 
This  one  kept  pointing  the  pistol  at  the  man's  head  on  the  floor  and  saying— 

"  I'd  like  to  !    And  I  orter,  too,  a  mean  skunk  ! " 

The  man  on  the  floor  would  shrivel  up,  and  say  :  "  Oh,  please  don't,  Bill— I 
hain't  ever  goin'  to  tell." 

And  every  time  he  said  that,  the  man  with  the  lantern  would  laugh,  and  say  : 

"'Deed  you  ain't!  You  never  said  no  truer  thing  'n  that,  you  bet  you." 
And  once  he  said  :  "  Hear  him  beg  !  and  yit  if  we  hadn't  got  the  best  of  him 
and  tied  him,  he'd  a  killed  us  both.  And  what /or?  Jisfc  for  noth'n.  Jist  be- 


TEE  PLOTTERS.  99 


cause  we  stood  on  our  rights — that's  what  for.  But  I  lay  you  ain't  agoin'  to 
threaten  nobody  anymore,  Jim  Turner.  Put  up  that  pistol,  Bill." 

Bill  says  : 

"  I  don't  want  to,  Jake  Packard.  I'm  for  killin'  him — and  didn't  he  kill  old 
Hatfield  jist  the  same  way — and  don't  he  deserve  it  ?  " 

"  But  I  don't  want  him  killed,  and  I've  got  my  reasons  for  it." 

"  Bless  yo'  heart  for  them  words,  Jake  Packard  !  I'll  never  forgit  you,  long's 
I  live  !  "  says  the  man  on  the  floor,  sort  of  blubbering. 

Packard  didn't  take  no  notice  of  that,  but  hung  up  his  lantern  on  a  nail,  and 
started  towards  where  I  was,  there  in  the  dark,  and  motioned  Bill  to  come.  I 
crawfished  as  fast  as  I  could,  about  two  yards,  but  the  boat  slanted  so  that  I 
couldn't  make  very  good  time  ;  so  to  keep  from  getting  run  over  and  catched  I 
crawled  into  a  stateroom  on  the  upper  side.  The  man  come  a-pawing  along  in 
the  dark,  and  when  Packard  got  to  my  stateroom,  he  says  : 

"  Here — come  in  here." 

And  in  he  come,  and  Bill  after  him.  But  before  they  got  in,  I  was  up  in  the 
upper  berth,  cornered,  and  sorry  I  come.  Then  they  stood  there,  with  their 
hands  on  the  ledge  of  the  berth,  and  talked.  I  couldn't  see  them,  but  I  could 
tell  where  they  was,  by  the  whisky  they'd  been  having.  I  was  glad  I  didn't 
drink  whisky ;  but  it  wouldn't  made  much  difference,  anyway,  because  most  of 
the  time  they  couldn't  a  treed  me  because  I  didn't  breathe.  I  was  too  scared.  And 
besides,  a  body  couldn't  breathe,  and  hear  such  talk.  They  talked  low  and  earnest. 
Bill  wanted  to  kill  Turner.  He  says  : 

"  He's  said  he'll  tell,  and  he  will.  If  we  was  to  give  both  our  shares  to  him 
now,  it  wouldn't  make  no  difference  after  the  row,  and  the  way  we've  served  him. 
Shore's  you're  born,  he'll  turn  State's  evidence  ;  now  you  hear  me.  I'm  for  put 
ting  him  out  of  his  troubles." 

"  So'm  I,"  says  Packard,  very  quiet. 

"  Blame  it,  I'd  sorter  begun  to  think  you  wasn't.  Well,  then,  that's  all  right. 
Les'  go  and  do  it. " 

"  Hold  on  a  minute  ;  I  hain't  had  my  say  yit.  You  listen  to  me.  Shooting's 
good,  but  there's  quieter  ways  if  the  thing's  got  to  be  done.  But  what  /say,  is 
this ;  it  ain't  good  sense  to  go  court'n  around  after  a  halter,  if  you  can  git  at 


100 


THE  ADVENTURES  OF  HUCKLEBERRY  FINN.    • 


what  you're  up  to  in  some  way  that's  jist  as  good  and  at  the  same  time  don't  bring 
you  into  no  resks.     Ain't  that  so  ?  " 

"  You  bet  it  is.  But  how  you  goin'  to  manage  it  this  time  ?  " 
"  Well,  my  idea  is  this  :  we'll  rustle  around  and  gether  up  whatever  pickins  we've 
overlooked  in  the  staterooms,  and  shove  for  shore  and  hide  the  truck.  Then 
we'll  wait.  Now  I  say  it  ain't  agoin'  to  be  more  'n  two  hours  befo'  this  wrack 
breaks  up  and  washes  off  down  the  river.  See  ?  He'll  be  drownded,  and  won't 
have  nobody  to  blame  for  it  but  his  own  self.  I  reckon  that's  a  considerble  sight 
better'n  killin'  of  him.  I'm  unfavorable  to  killin'  a  man  as  long  as  you  can  gib 
around  it  ;  it  ain't  good  sense,  it  ain't  good  morals.  Ain't  I  right  ?  " 

"  Yes — I  reck'n  you  are. 
But  s'pose  she  don't  break 
up  and  wash  off  ?  " 

"Well,  we  can  wait  the 
two  hours,  anyway,  and  see, 
can't  we  ?  " 

"All  right,  then;  come 
along." 

So  they  started,  and  I  lit 
out,  all  in  a  cold  sweat,  and 
scrambled  forward.  It  was 
dark  as  pitch  there ;  but  I 
said  in  a  kind  of  a  coarse 
whisper,  "  Jim  ! "  and  he 
answered  up,  right  at  my 
elbow,  with  a  sort  of  a  moan, 
and  I  says : 

"Quick,  Jim,  it  ain't  no 
time  for  fooling  around  and 
moaning  ;  there's  a  gang  of 
murderers  in  yonder,  and 
if  we  don't  hunt  up  their  boat  and  set  her  drifting  down  the  river  so  these 
fellows  can't  get  away  from  the  wreck,  there's  one  of  'em  going  to  be  in  a  bad  fix. 


IT   A1N  T   GOOD   MORALS. 


HUNTING  FOR   THE  BOAT. 


101 


But  if  we  find  their  boat  we  can  put  all  of  'em  in  a  bad  fix — for  the  Sheriff  '11  get 
'em.     Quick — hurry !    I'll  hunt  the  labboard  side,  you  hunt  the  stabboard.    You 

start  at  the  raft,  and " 

"  Oh,  my  lordy,  lordy  !  Raf  9    Dey  ain'  no  raf  no  mo',  she  done  broke  loose 
en  gone  ! — 'en  here  we  is  ! " 


"  OH  !    LORDY  LORDY  I  " 


fir  ELL,  I  catched  my  breath  and  most 
fainted.  Shut  up  on  a  wreck  with  such 
a  gang  as  that  !  But  it  warn't  no  time 
to  be  sentimentering.  We'd  got  to 
find  that  boat,  now — had  to  have  it  for 
ourselves.  So  we  went  a-quaking  and 
shaking  down  the  stabboard  side,  and 
slow  work  it  was,  too — seemed  a  week 
before  we  got  to  the  stern.  No  sign  of 
a  boat.  Jim  said  he  didn't  believe  he 
could  go  any  further — so  scared  he 
hadn't  hardly  any  strength  left,  he  said. 
But  I  said  come  on,  if  we  get  left  on  this 
wreck,  we  are  in  a  fix,  sure.  So  on  we 
prowled,  again.  We  struck  for  the 
stern  of  the  texas,  and  found  it,  and 
then  scrabbled  along  forwards  on  the 
skylight,  hanging  on  from  shutter  to 

shutter,  for  the  edge  of  the  skylight  was  in  the  water.  When  we  got  pretty  close 
to  the  cross-hall  door,  there  was  the  skiff,  sure  enough  !  I  could  just  barely  see 
her.  I  felt  ever  so  thankful.  In  another  second  I  would  a  been  aboard  of  her ; 
but  just  then  the  door  opened.  One  of  the  men  stuck  his  head  out,  only  about  a 
couple  of  foot  from  me,  and  I  thought  I  was  gone ;  but  he  jerked  it  in  again, 
and  says  : 

"  Heave  that  blame  lantern  out  o'  sight,  Bill !" 

He  flung  a  bag  of  something  into  the  boat,  and  then  got  in  himself,  and  set 


ESCAPING  FROM  TEE  WRECK.  103 

down.  It  was  Packard.  Then  Bill  he  come  out  and  got  in.  Packard  says,  in  a 
low  voice  : 

"  All  ready— shove  off  ! " 

I  couldn't  hardly  hang  onto  the  shutters,  I  was  so  weak.     But  Bill  says  : 

"  Hold  on — 'd  you  go  through  him  ?  " 

"No.     Didn't  you  ?" 

"  No.     So  he's  got  his  share  o'  the  cash,  yet." 

"  Well,  then,  come  along — no  use  to  take  truck  and  leave  money." 

( '  Say — won't  he  suspicion  what  we're  up  to  ?  " 

"  Maybe  he  won't.     But  we  got  to  have  it  anyway.     Come  along." 

So  they  got  out  and  went  in. 

The  door  slammed  to,  because  it  was  on  the  careened  side ;  and  in  a  half 
second  I  was  in  the  boat,  and  Jim  come  a  tumbling  after  me.  I  out  with  my 
knife  and  cut  the  rope,  and  away  we  went ! 

We  didn't  touch  an  oar,  and  we  didn'  speak  nor  whisper,  nor  hardly  even 
breathe.  We  went  gliding  swift  along,  dead  silent,  past  the  tip  of  the  paddle- 
box,  and  past  the  stern  ;  then  in  a  second  or  two  more  we  was  a  hundred  yards 
below  the  wreck,  and  the  darkness  soaked  her  up,  every  last  sign  of  her,  and 
we  was  safe,  and  knowed  it.  » 

When  we  was  three  or  four  hundred  yards  down  stream,  we  see  the  lantern 
show  like  a  little  spark  at  the  texas  door,  for  a  second,  and  we  knowed  by  that 
that  the  rascals  had  missed  their  boat,  and  was  beginning  to  understand  that  they 
was  in  just  as  much  trouble,  now,  as  Jim  Turner  was. 

Then  Jim  manned  the  oars,  and  we  took  out  after  our  raft.  Now  was  the  first 
time  that  I  begun  to  worry  about  the  men — I  reckon  I  hadn't  had  time  to  before. 
I  begun  to  think  how  dreadful  it  was,  even  for  murderers,  to  be  in  such  a  fix.  I 
says  to  myself,  there  ain't  no  telling  but  I  might  come  to  be  a  murderer  myself, 
yet,  and  then  how  would  /  like  it  ?  So  says  I  to  Jim: 

"  The  first  light  we  see,  we'll  land  a  hundred  yards  below  it  or  above  it,  in  a 
place  where  it's  a  good  hiding-place  for  you  and  the  skiff,  and  then  I'll  go  and 
fix  up  some  kind  of  a  yarn,  and  get  somebody  to  go  for  that  gang  and  get  them 
out  of  their  scrape,  so  they  can  be  hung  when  their  time  comes." 

But  that  idea  was  a  failure  ;  for  pretty  soon  it  begun  to  storm  again,  and  this 


104  THE  ADVENTURES  OF  HUCKLEBERRY  FINN. 

time  worse  than  ever.  The  rain  poured  down,  and  never  a  light  showed  ;  every 
body  in  bed,  I  reckon.  We  boomed  along  down  the  river,  watching  for  lights  and 
watching  for  our  raft.  After  a  long  time  the  rain  let  up,  but  the  clouds  staid, 
and  the  lightning  kept  whimpering,  and  by-and-by  a  flash  showed  us  a  black 
thing  ahead,  floating,  and  we  made  for  it. 

It  was  the  raft,  and  mighty  glad  was  we  to  get  aboard  of  it  again.     We  seen  a 


HELLO,  WHAT'S  UP?" 


light,  now,  away  down  to  the  right,  on  shore.  So  I  said  I  would  go  for  it.  The  skiff 
was  half  full  of  plunder  which  that  gang  had  stole,  there  on  the  wreck.  We  hustled 
it  onto  the  raft  in  a  pile,  and  I  told  Jim  to  float  along  down,  and  show  a  light 
when  he  judged  he  had  gone  about  two  mile,  and  keep  it  burning  till  I  come  ; 
then  I  manned  my  oars  and  shoved  for  the  light.  As  I  got  down  towards  it,  three 
or  four  more  showed— up  on  a  hillside.  It  was  a  village.  I  closed  in  above  the 
shore-light,  and  laid  on  my  oars  and  floated.  As  I  went  by,  I  see  it  was  a  lantern 
hanging  on  the  jackstaff  of  a  double-hull  ferry-boat.  I  skimmed  around  for  the 
watchman,  a-wondering  whereabouts  he  slept ;  and  by-and-by  I  found  him  roost- 


THE  WATCHMAN.  105 


ing  on  the  bitts,  forward,  with  his  head  down  between  his  knees.  I  give  his 
shoulder  two  or  three  little  shoves,  and  begun  to  cry. 

He  stirred  up,  in  a  kind  of  a  startlish  way  ;  but  when  he  see  it  was  only  me,  he 
took  a  good  gap  and  stretch,  and  then  he  says  : 

"  Hello,  what's  up  ?    Don't  cry,  bub.     What's  the  trouble  ?  " 

I  says : 

"  Pap,  and  mam,  and  sis,  and " 

Then  I  broke  down.     He  says  : 

"  Oh,  dang  it,  now,  don't  take  on  so,  we  all  has  to  have  our  troubles  and  this'n 
'11  come  out  all  right.  What's  the  matter  with  'em  ?  " 

"  They're — they're — are  you  the  watchman  of  the  boat  ?  " 

"  Yes,"  he  says,  kind  of  pretty- well-satisfied  like.  "  I'm  the  captain  and  the 
owner,  and  the  mate,  and  the  pilot,  and  watchman,  and  head  deck-hand ;  and 
sometimes  I'm  the  freight  and  passengers.  I  ain't  as  rich  as  old  Jim  Hornback, 
and  I  can't  be  so  blame'  generous  and  good  to  Tom,  Dick  and  Harry  as  what  he 
is,  and  slam  around  money  the  way  he  does  ;  but  I've  told  him  a  many  a  time  't  I 
wouldn't  trade  places  with  him  ;  for,  says  I,  a  sailor's  life's  the  life  for  me,  and 
I'm  derned  if  Pd  live  two  mile  out  o'  town,  where  there  ain't  nothing  ever  goin' 
on,  not  for  all  his  spondulicks  and  as  much  more  on  top  of  it.  Says  I " 

I  broke  in  and  says  : 

"  They're  in  an  awful  peck  of  trouble,  and— 

"W7io  is?" 

"  Why,  pap,  and  mam,  and  sis,  and  Miss  Hooker ;  and  if  you'd  take  your 
ferry-boat  and  go  up  there " 

"  Up  where  ?    Where  are  they  ?  " 

"  On  the  wreck." 

"What  wreck?" 

"Why,  there  ain't  but  one." 

"What,  you  don't  mean  the  Walter  Scott?" 

"Yes." 

"  Good  land  !  what  are  they  doin'  there,  for  gracious  sakes  ?  " 

"Well,  they  didn't  go  there  a-purpose." 

"  I  bet  they  didn't !    Why,  great  goodness,  there  ain't  no  chance  for  'em  if 


106  TEE  ADVENTURES  OF  HUCKLEBERRY  FINN. 

they  don't  git  off  mighty  quick  !  Why,  how  in  the  nation  did  they  ever  git  into 
such  a  scrape  ?" 

"  Easy  enough.     Miss  Hooker  was  a- visiting,  up  there  to  the  town " 

"Yes,  Booth's  Landing — go  on." 

"  She  was  a-visiting,  there  at  Booth's  Landing,  and  just  in  the  edge  of  the 
evening  she  started  over  with  her  nigger  woman  in  the  horse-ferry,  to  stay  all 
night  at  her  friend's  house,  Miss  What-you-may-call-her,  I  disremember  her 
name,  and  they  lost  their  steering-oar,  and  swung  around  and  went  a-floating 
down,  stern-first,  about  two  mile,  and  saddle-baggsed  on  the  wreck,  and  the  ferry 
man  and  the  nigger  woman  and  the  horses  was  all  lost,  but  Miss  Hooker  she 
made  a  grab  and  got  aboard  the  wreck.  Well,  about  an  hour  after  dark,  we 
come  along  down  in  our  trading-scow,  and  it  was  so  dark  we  didn't  notice  the 
wreck  till  we  was  right  on  it ;  and  so  we  saddle-baggsed  ;  but  all  of  us  was  saved 
but  Bill  Whipple — and  oh,  he  was  the  best  cretur !  — I  most  wish't  it  had  been 
me,  I  do." 

"My  George  !  It's  the  beatenest  thing  I  ever  struck.  And  then  what  did 
you  all  do?" 

"Well,  we  hollered  and  took  on,  but  it's  so  wide  there,  we  couldn't  make 
nobody  hear.  So  pap  said  somebody  got  to  get  ashore  and  get  help  somehow. 
I  was  the  only  one  that  could  swim,  so  I  made  a  dash  for  it,  and  Miss  Hooker 
she  said  if  I  didn't  strike  help  sooner,  come  here  and  hunt  up  her  uncle,  and  he'd 
fix  the  thing.  I  made  the  land  about  a  mile  below,  and  been  fooling  along  ever 
since,  trying  to  get  people  to  do  something,  but  they  said,  6  What,  in  such  a  night 
and  such  a  current  ?  there  ain't  no  sense  in  it ;  go  for  the  steam-ferry.'  Now  if 
you'll  go,  and " 

"  By  Jackson,  I'd  like  to,  and  blame  it  I  don't  know  but  I  will ;  but  who  in 
the  dingnation's  agoin'  to  pay  for  it  ?  Do  you  reckon  your  pap— 

"Why  that's  all  right.  Miss  Hooker  she  told  me,  particular  >  that  her  uncle 
Hornback " 

"  Great  guns  !  is  he  her  uncle  ?  Looky  here,  you  break  for  that  light 
over  yonder-way,  and  turn  out  west  when  you  git  there,  and  about  a  quarter 
of  a  mile  out  you'll  come  to  the  tavern  ;  tell  'em  to  dart  you  out  to  Jim  Horn- 
back's  and  he'll  foot  the  bill.  And  don't  you  fool  around  any,  because  he'll 


SINKING. 


107 


want  to  know  the  news.  Tell  him  I'll  have  his  niece  all  safe  before  he  can 
get  to  town.  Hump  yourself,  now ;  I'm  agoing  up  around  the  corner  here,  to 
roust  out  my  engineer." 

I  struck  for  the  light,  but  as  soon  as  he  turned  the  corner  I  went  back 
and  got  into  my  skiff  and  bailed  her  out  and  then  pulled  up  shore  in 
the  easy  water  about  six  hundred  yards,  and  tucked  myself  in  among  some 
woodboats ;  for  I  couldn't  rest  easy  till  I  could  see  the  ferry-boat  start.  But 
take  it  all  around,  I  was  feeling  ruther  comfortable  on  accounts  of  taking  all 
this  trouble  for  that  gang,  for  not  many  would  a  done  it.  I  wished  the 


THE    WRECK. 


widow  knowed  about  it.  I  judged  she  would  be  proud  of  me  for  helping 
these  rapscallions,  because  rapscallions  and  dead  beats  is  the  kind  the  widow 
and  good  people  takes  the  most  interest  in. 

Well,  before  long,  here  comes  the  wreck,  dim  and  dusky,  sliding  along 
down  !  A  kind  of  cold  shiver  went  through  me,  and  then  I  struck  out  for 
her.  She  was  very  deep,  and  I  see  in  a  minute  there  warn't  much  chance 
for  anybody  being  alive  in  her.  I  pulled  all  around  her  and  hollered  a  little, 
but  there  wasn't  any  answer  ;  all  dead  still.  I  felt  a  little  bit  heavy-hearted 
about  the  gang,  but  not  much,  for  I  reckoned  if  they  could  stand  it,  I  could. 


108 


THE  ADVENTURES  OF  HUCKLEBERRY  FINN. 


Then  here  comes  the  ferry-boat ;  so  I  shoved  for  the  middle  of  the  river 
on  a  long  down-stream  slant ;  and  when  I  judged  I  was  out  of  eye-reach,  I 
laid  on  my  oars,  and  looked  back  and  see  her  go  and  smell  around  the  wreck 
for  Miss  Hooker's  remainders,  because  the  captain  would  know  her  uncle 
Hornback  would  want  them  ;  and  then  pretty  soon  the  ferry-boat  give  it  up 
and  went  for  shore,  and  I  laid  into  my  work  and  went  a-booming  down  the  river. 


WE  TURNED  IN  AND  SLEPT. 


It  did  seem  a  powerful  long  time  before  Jim's  light  showed  up  ;  and  when  it 
did  show,  it  looked  like  it  was  a  thousand  mile  off.  By  the  time  I  got  there  the 
sky  was  beginning  to  get  a  little  gray  in  the  east ;  so  we  struck  for  an  island, 
and  hid  the  raft,  and  sunk  the  skiff,  and  turned  in  and  slept  like  dead  people. 


Y-and-by,  when  we  got  up,  we  turned 
over  the  truck  the  gang  had  stole  off 
of  the  wreck,  and  found  boots,  and 
blankets,  and  clothes,  and  all  sorts  of 
other  things,  "and  a  lot  of  books,  and  a 
spyglass,  and  three  boxes  of  seegars. 
We  hadn't  ever  been  this  rich  before, 
in  neither  of  our  lives.  The  seegars 
was  prime.  We  laid  off  all  the  after 
noon  in  the  woods  talking,  and  me 
reading  the  books,  and  having  a  gen 
eral  good  time.  I  told  Jim  all  about 
what  happened  inside  the  wreck,  and 
at  the  ferry-boat ;  and  I  said  these 
kinds  of  things  was  adventures ;  but 
he  said  he  didn't  want  no  more  advent 
ures.  He  said  that  when  I  went  in  the 
texas  and  he  crawled  back  to  get  on 
the  raft  and  found  her  gone,  he  nearly  died ;  because  he  judged  it  was  all  up 
with  him,  anyway  it  could  be  fixed ;  for  if  he  didn't  get  saved  he  would  get 
drownded ;  and  if  he  did  get  saved,  whoever  saved  him  would  send  him  back 
home  so  as  to  get  the  reward,  and  then  Miss  Watson  would  sell  him  South, 
sure.  Well,  he  was  right ;  he  was  most  always  right ;  he  had  an  uncommon  level 
head,  for  a  nigger. 

I  read  considerable  to  Jim  about  kings,  and.  dukes,  and  earls,  and  such,  and 
how  gaudy  they  dressed,  and  how  much  style  they  put  on,  and  called  each  other 


cv,  . 


TURNING  OVER  THE  TRUCK. 


110 


THE  ADVENTURES  OF  HUCKLEBERRY  FINN. 


your  majesty,  and  your  grace,  and  your  lordship,  and  so  on,  'stead  of  mister ; 
and  Jim's  eyes  bugged  out,  and  he  was  interested.  He  says  : 

"  I  didn'  know  dey  was  so  many  un  um.  I  hain't  hearn  'bout  none  un  um, 
skasely,  but  ole  King  Sollermun,  onless  you  counts  dem  kings  dat's  in  a  pack  er 
k'yards.  How  much  do  a  king  git?" 

"  Get?  "  I  says  ;  "  why,  they  get  a  thousand  dollars  a  month  if  they  want  it ; 
they  can  have  just  as  much  as  they  want ;  everything  belongs  to  them." 

"  Ain'  dat  gay?    En  what  dey  got  to  do,  Huck?" 


SOLOMON  AND  HIS  MILLION  WIVES. 


"  They  don't  do  nothing!    Why  how  you  talk. 
"No— is  dat  so?" 


They  just  set  around." 


"  Of  course  it  is.  They  just  set  around.  Except  maybe  when  there  's  a  war; 
then  they  go  to  the  war.  But  other  times  they  just  lazy  around  ;  or  go  hawking 
— just  hawking  and  sp —  Sh! — d'  you  hear  a  noise?" 

We  skipped  out  and  looked ;  but  it  warn't  nothing  but  the  flutter  of  a 
steamboat's  wheel,  away  down  coming  around  the  point ;  so  we  come  back. 

"  Yes,"  says  I,    "  and  other  times,  when  things  is  dull,  they  fuss  with  the 


THE  HAREM.  HI 


parlyment;  and  if  everybody  don't  go  just  so  he  whacks  their  heads  off.  But 
mostly  they  hang  round  the  harem." 

"Koun'  de  which?" 

"Harem." 

"  What's  de  harem?" 

"The  place  where  he  keep  his  wives.  Don't  you  know  about  the  harem ? 
Solomon  had  one ;  he  had  about  a  million  wives." 

"Why,  yes,  dat's  so;  I — I'd  done  forgot  it.  A  harem's  a  bo'd'n-house,  I 
reck'n.  Mos'  likely  dey  has  rackety  times  in  de  nussery.  En  I  reck'n  de  wives 
quarrels  considable ;  en  dat  'crease  de  racket.  Yit  dey  say  Sollermun  de  wises' 
man  dat  ever  live'.  I  doan'  take  no  stock  in  dat.  Bekase  why  :  would  a  wise 
man  want  to  live  in  de  mids'  er  sich  a  blimblammin'  all  de  time?  No — 'deed  he 
wouldn't.  A  wise  man  'ud  take  en  buil'  a  biler-factry;  en  den  he  could  shet 
down  de  biler-factry  when  he  want  to  res'." 

"  Well,  but  he  was  the  wisest  man,  anyway  ;  because  the  widow  she  told  me 
so,  her  own  self." 

"I  doan  k'yer  what  de  widder  say,  he  warn't  no  wise  man,  nuther.  He  had 
some  er  de  dad-fetchedes'  ways  I  ever  see.  Does  you  know  'bout  dat  chile  dat  he 
'uz  gwyne  to  chop  in  two?" 

"Yes,  the  widow  told  me  all  about  it." 

"  Well,  den!  Warn'  dat  de  beatenes'  notion  in  de  worl'?  You  jes'  take  en 
look  at  it  a  minute.  Dah's  de  stump,  dah — dat's  one  er  de  women  :  heah's  you — 
dat's  de  yuther  one  ;  I's  Sollermun  ;  en  dish-yer  dollar  bill's  de  chile.  Bofe  un 
you  claims  it.  What  does  I  do?  Does  I  shin  aroun'  mongs'  de  neighbors  en  fine 
out  which  un  you  de  bill  do  b'long  to,  en  han'  it  over  to  de  right  one,  all  safe  en 
soun',  de  way  dat  anybody  dat  had  any  gumption  would?  No — I  take  en  whack 
de  bill  in  tivo,  en  give  half  un  it  to  you,  en  de  yuther  half  to  de  yuther  woman. 
Dat's  de  way  Sollermun  was  gwyne  to  do  wid  de  chile.  Now  I  want  to  ast  you: 
what's  de  use  er  dat  "half  a  bill  ? — can't  buy  noth'n  wid  it.  En  what  use  is  a  half 
a  chile?  I  would'n  give  a  dern  for  a  million  un  um." 

"  But  hang  it,  J  im,  you've  clean  missed  the  point — blame  it,  you've  missed  it 
a  thousand  mile." 

"  Who  ?   Me  ?   Go  'long.    Doan'  talk  to  me  'bout  yo'  pints.    I  reck'n  I  knows 


112 


THE  ADVENTURES  OF  HUCKLEBERRY  FINN. 


sense  when  I  sees  it ;  en  dey  ain'  no  sense  in  sich  doin's  as  dat.  De  'spute  warn't 
'bout  a  half  a  chile,  de  'spute  was  'bout  a  whole  chile  ;  en  de  man  dat  think  he 
kin  settle  a  'spute  'bout  a  whole  chile  wid  a  half  a  chile,  doan'  know  enough  to 
come  in  out'n  de  rain.  Doan'  talk  to  me  'bout  Sollermun,  Huck,  I  knows  him 
by  de  back. " 

"'  But  I  tell  you  you  don't  get  the  point." 

"  Blame  de  pint  !  1  reck'n  I  knows  what  1  knows.  En  mine  you,  de  real  pint 
is  down  furder — it's  down  deeper.  It  lays  in  de  way  Sollermun  was  raised.  You 


THE  BTORY  OP  "  SOIXERMTJN." 

take  a  man  dat's  got  on'y  one  er  two  chillen  ;  is  dat  man  gwyne  to  be  waseful  o' 
chillen  ?  No,  he  ain't ;  he  can't  'ford  it.  He  know  how  to  value  'em.  But  you 
take  a  man  dat's  got  'bout  five  million  chillen  runnin'  roun'  de  house,  en  it's 
diffunt.  He  as  soon  chop  a  chile  in  two  as  a  cat.  Dey's  plenty  mo'.  A  chile  er 
two,  mo'  er  less,  warn't  no  consekens  to  Sollermun,  dad  fetch  him  !  " 

I  never  see  such  a  nigger.  If  he  got  a  notion  in  his  head  once,  there  warn't 
no  getting  it  out  again.  He  was  the  most  down  on  Solomon  of  any  nigger  I  ever 
see.  So  I  went  to  talking  about  other  kings,  and  let  Solomon  slide.  I  told  about 
Louis  Sixteenth  that  got  his  head  cut  off  in  France  long  time  age  ;  and  about  hi* 


FRENCH. 


little  boy  the  dolphin,  that  would  a  been  a  king,  but  they  took  and  shut  him  up 
in  jail,  and  some  say  he  died  there. 

"  Po'  little  chap." 

"But  some  says  he  got  out  and  got  away,  and  come  to  America." 

"'  Dat's  good !  But  he'll  be  pooty  lonesome — dey  ain'  no  kings  here,  is  dey, 
Hack?" 

"No." 

"Den  he  cain't  git  no  situation.     What  he  gwyne  to  do  ? " 

"  Well,  I  don?t  know.  Some  of  them  gets  on  the  police,  and  some  of  them 
learns  people  how  to  talk  French." 

"Why,  Huck,  doan'  de  French  people  talk  de  same  way  we  does  ?" 

"  No,  Jim ;  you  couldn't  understand  a  word  they  said — not  a  single  word.'7 

"Well,  now,  I  be  ding-busted  !     How  do  dat  come  ?" 

"  /  don't  know  ;  but  it's  so.  I  got  some  of  their  jabber  out  of  a  book.  Spose 
a  man  was  to  come  to  you  and  say  Polly-voo-franzy — what  would  you  think  ?  " 

"I  wouldn'*  think  nuff  'n  ;  I'd  take  en  bust  him  over  de  head.  Dat  is,  if  he 
warn't  white.  I  wouldn't  'low  no  nigger  to  call  me  dat." 

"  Shucks,  it  ain't  calling  you  anything.  It's  only  saying  do  you  know  how  to 
talk  French." 

"Well,  den,  why  couldn't  he  say  it  ?" 

"  Why,  he  is  a-saying  it.     That's  a  Frenchman's  way  of  saying  it." 

"  Well,  it's  a  blame'  ridicklous  way,  en  I  doan'  want  to  hear  no  mo'  'bout  it. 
Dey  ain'  no  sense  in  it." 

"  Looky  here,  Jim ;  does  a  cat  talk  like  we  do  ?  " 

"No,  a  cat  don't." 

"Well,  does  a  cow?" 

"No,  a  cow  don't,  nuther." 

"  Does  a  cat  talk  like  a  cow,  or  a  cow  talk  like  a  cat  ?  " 

"No,  dey  don't." 

"It's  natural  and  right  for  'em  to  talk  different  from  each  other,  ain't  it  ?  " 

« 'Course." 

"  And  ain't  it  natural  and  right  for  a  cat  and  a  cow  to  talk  different  from  us  9  " 

"  Why,  mos'  sholy  it  is." 


114  THE  ADVENTURES  OF  HUCKLEBERRY  FINN. 

"  Well,  then,  why  ain't  it  natural  and  right  for  a  Frenchman  to  talk  different 
from  us  ?  You  answer  me  that." 

"Is  a  cat  a  man,  Huck  ?  " 

"No." 

"  Well,  den,  dey  ain't  no  sense  in  a  cat  talkin'  like  a  man.  Is  a  cow  a  man  ? 
— er  is  a  cow  a  cat  ?" 

"  No,  she  ain't  either  of  them." 

"  Well,  den,  she  ain'  got  no  business  to  talk  like  either  one  er  the  yuther  of 
'em.  Is  a  Frenchman  a  man  ?  " 

"Yes." 

"  Well,  den  !  Dad  blame  it,  why  doan'  he  talk  like  a  man  ?  You  answer  me 
dat>" 

I  see  it  warn't  no  use  wasting  words — you  can't  learn  a  nigger  to  argue.  So 
I  quit, 


E  judged  that  three  nights  more  would 
fetch  us  to  Cairo,  at  the  bottom  of 
Illinois,  where  the  Ohio  River  comes 
in,  and  that  was  what  we  was  after. 
We  would  sell  the  raft  and  get  on  a 
steamboat  and  go  way  up  the  Ohio 
amongst  the  free  States,  and  then  be 
out  of  trouble. 

Well,  the  second  night  a  fog  be 
gun  to  come  on,  and  we  made  for  a 
tow-head  to  tie  to,  for  it  wouldn't 
do  to  try  to  run  in  fog ;  but  when  I 
paddled  ahead  in  the  canoe,  with  the 
line,  to  make  fast,  there  warn't  any 
thing  but  little  saplings  to  tie  to. 
I  passed  the  line  around  one  of  them 
right  on  the  edge  of  the  cut  bank, 
but  there  was  a  stiff  current,  and  the 
raft  come  booming  down  so  lively  she  tore  it  out  by  the  roots  and  away  she 
went.  I  see  the  fog  closing  down,  and  it  made  me  so  sick  and  scared  I 
coaldn't  budge  for  most  a  half  a  minute  it  seemed  to  me — and  then  there 
warn't  no  raft  in  sight ;  you  couldn't  see  twenty  yards.  I  jumped  into  the 
canoe  and  run  back  to  the  stern  and  grabbed  the  paddle  and  set  her  back  a 
stroke.  But  she  didn't  come.  I  was  in  such  a  hurry  I  hadn't  untied  her. 
I  got  up  and  tried  to  untie  her,  but  I  was  so  excited  my  hands  shook  so  I 
couldn't  hardly  do  anything  with  them. 

As  soon   as   I  got  started   I  took  out  after  the  raft,  hot  and  heavy,  right 


'•WE  WOULD   SELL   THD  RAPT." 


116  TEE  AL  VENTURES  OF  HJCKLEBERRY  FINN. 

down  the  tow-head.  That  was  all  right  as  far  as  it  went,  but  the  tow-head 
warn't  sixty  yards  long,  and  the  minute  I  flew  by  the  foot  of  it  I  shot  out 
into  the  solid  white  fog,  and  hadn't  no  more  idea  which  way  I  was  going 
than  a  dead  man. 

Thinks  I,  it  won't  do  to  paddle  ;  first  I  know  I'll  run  into  the  bank  or  a 
tow-head  or  something ;  I  got  to  set  still  and  float,  and  yet  it's  mighty  fidgety 
business  to  have  to  hold  your  hands  still  at  such  a  time.  I  whooped  and 
listened.  Away  down  there,  somewheres,  I  hears  a  small  whoop,  and  up 
comes  my  spirits.  I  went  tearing  after  it,  listening  sharp  to  hear  it  again. 
The  next  time  it  come,  I  see  I  warn't  heading  for  it  but  heading  away  to  the  right 
of  it.  And  the  next  time,  I  was  heading  away  to  the  left  of  it — and  not  gaining 
on  it  much,  either,  for  I  was  flying  around,  this  way  and  that  and  'tother,  but  it 
was  going  straight  ahead  all  the  time. 

I  did  wish  the  fool  would  think  to  beat  a  tin  pan,  and  beat  it  all  the  time, 
but  he  never  did,  and  it  was  the  still  places  between  the  whoops  that  was  making 
the  trouble  for  me.  Well,  I  fought  along,  and  directly  I  hears  the  whoop 
behind  me.  I  was  tangled  good,  now.  That  was  somebody  else's  whoop,  or 
else  I  was  turned  around. 

I  throwed  the  paddle  down.  I  heard  the  whoop  again  ;  it  was  behind  me 
yet,  but  in  a  different  place;  it  kept  coming,  and  kept  changing  its  place,  and  I 
kept  answering,  till  by-and-by  it  was  in  front  of  me  again  and  I  knowed  the  cur 
rent  had  swung  the  canoe's  head  down  stream  and  I  was  all  right,  if  that  was  Jim 
and  not  some  other  raftsman  hollering.  I  couldn't  tell  nothing  about  voices  in  a 
fog,  for  nothing  don't  look  natural  nor  sound  natural  in  a  fog. 

The  whooping  went  on,  and  in  about  a  minute  I  come  a  booming  down  on  a 
cut  bank  with  smoky  ghosts  of  big  trees  on  it,  and  the  current  throwed  me  off 
to  the  left  and  shot  by,  amongst  a  lot  of  snags  that  fairly  roared,  the  current  was 
tearing  by  them  so  swift. 

In  another  second  or  two  it  was  solid  white  and  still  again.  I  set  perfectly 
still,  then,  listening  to  my  heart  thump,  and  I  reckon  I  didn't  draw  a  breath 
while  it  thumped  a  hundred. 

I  just  give  up,  then.  I  knowed  what  the  matter  was.  That  cut  bank  was 
an  island,  and  Jim  had  gone  down  'tother  side  of  it.  It  warn't  no  tow-head,  that 


IN  THE  FOG. 


117 


you  could  float  by  in  ten  minutes.     It  had  the  big  timber  of  a  regular  island  ; 
it  might  be  five  or  six  mile  long  and  more  than  a  half  a  mile  wide. 

I  kept  quiet,  with  my  ears  cocked,  about  fifteen  minutes,  I  reckon.  I  was 
floating  along,  of  course,  four  or  five  mile  an  hour  ;  but  you  don't  ever  think  of 
that.  No,  you  feel  like  you  are  laying  dead  still  on  the  water;  and  if  a  little 
glimpse  of  a  snag  slips  by,  you  don't  think  to  yourself  how  fast  you're  going,  but 
you  catch  your  breath  and  think,  my !  how  that  snag's  tearing  along.  If  you 


AMONG    THE   SNAGS. 


think  it  ain't  dismal  and  lonesome  out  in  a  fog  that  way,  by  yourself,  in  the 
night,  you  try  it  once — you'll  see. 

Next,  for  about  a  half  an  hour,  I  whoops  now  and  then;  at  last  I  hears  the 
answer  a  long  ways  off,  and  tries  to  follow  it,  but  I  couldn't  do  it,  and  directly  I 
judged  I'd  got  into  a  nest  of  tow-heads,  for  I  had  little  dim  glimpses  of  them  on 
both  sides  of  me,  sometimes  just  a  narrow  channel  between ;  and  some  that  I 
couldn't  see,  I  knowed  was  there,  because  I'd  hear  the  wash  of  the  current  against 
the  old  dead  brush  and  trash  that  hung  over  the  banks.  Well,  I  warn't  long 
losing  the  whoops,  down  amongst  the  tow-heads  ;  and  I  only  tried  to  chase  them 


118 


THE  ADVENTURES  OF  HUCKLEBERRY  FINN. 


a  little  while,  anyway,  because  it  was  worse  than  chasing  a  Jack-o-lantern.  You 
never  knowed  a  sound  dodge  around  so,  and  swap  places  so  quick  and  so  much. 

I  had  to  claw  away  from  the  bank  pretty  lively,  four  or  five  times,  to  keep 
from  knocking  the  islands  out  of  the  river  ;  and  so  I  judged  the  raft  must  be  but 
ting  into  the  bank  every  now  and  then,  or  else  it  would  get  further  ahead  and 
clear  out  of  hearing— it  was  floating  a  little  faster  than  what  I  was. 

Well,  I  seemed  to  be  in  the  open  river  again,  by-and-by,  but  I  couldn't  hear 
no  sign  of  a  whoop  nowheres.  T  reckoned  Jim  had  fetched  up  on  a  snag,  maybe, 


ASLEEP   ON   THE   KAPT. 


and  it  was  all  up  with  him.  I  was  good  and  tired,  so  I  laid  down  in  the  canoe 
and  said  I  wouldn't  bother  no  more.  I  didn't  want  to  go  to  sleep,  of  course  ;  but 
I  was  so  sleepy  I  couldn't  help  it ;  so  I  thought  I  would  take  just  one  little 
cat-nap. 

But  I  reckon  it  was  more  than  a  cat-nap,  for  when  I  waked  up  the  stars  was 
shining  bright,  the  fog  was  all  gone,  and  I  was  spinning  down  a  big  bend  stern 
first.  First  I  didn't  know  where  I  was  ;  I  thought  I  was  dreaming  ;  and  when 
things  begun  to  come  back  to  me,  they  seemed  to  come  up  dim  out  of  last 
week. 


BUCK  FINDS  THE  RAFT.  119 

It  was  a  monstrous  big  river  here,  with  the  tallest  and  the  thickest  kind  of 
timber  on  both  banks  ;  just  a  solid  wall,  as  well  as  I  could  see,  by  the  stars.  I 
looked  away  down  stream,  and  seen  a  black  speck  on  the  water.  I  took  out  after 
it ;  but  when  I  got  to  it  it  warn't  nothing  but  a  couple  of  saw-logs  made  fast 
together.  Then  I  see  another  speck,  and  chased  that ;  then  another,  and  this 
time  I  was  right.  It  was  the  raft. 

When  I  got  to  it  Jim  was  setting  there  with  his  head  down  between  his  knees, 
asleep,  with  his  right  arm  hanging  over  the  steering  oar.  The  other  oar  was 
smashed  off,  and  the  raft  was  littered  up  with  leaves  and  branches  and  dirt.  So 
she'd  had  a  rough  time. 

I  made  fast  and  laid  down  under  Jim's  nose  on  the  raft,  and  begun  to  gap, 
and  stretch  my  fists  out  against  Jim,  and  says  : 

"Hello,  Jim,  have  I  been  asleep  ?    Why  didn't  you  stir  me  up  ?" 

"  Goodness  gracious,  is  dat  you,  Huck  ?  En  you  ain'  dead — you  ain'  drownded 
— you's  back  agin  ?  It's  too  good  for  true,  honey,  it's  too  good  for  true.  Lemme 
look  at  you,  chile,  lemme  feel  o'  you.  No,  you  ain'  dead  !  you's  back  agin,'  live 
en  soun',  jis  de  same  ole  Huck— de  same  ole  Huck,  thanks  to  goodness  ! " 

"  What's  the  matter  with  you,  Jim  ?    You  been  a  drinking  ?  " 

"Drinkin'  ?    Has  I  ben  a  drinkin'  ?    Has  I  had  a  chance  to  be  a  drinkin'  ?" 

"  Well,  then,  what  makes  you  talk  so  wild  ?  " 

"How  does  I  talk  wild?" 

"  Hoiv?  why,  hain't  you  been  talking  about  my  coming  back,  and  all  that 
stuff,  as  if  I'd  been  gone  away  ?  " 

"Huck— Huck  Finn,  you  look  me  in  de  eye  ;  look  me  in  de  eye.  Hain't  you 
ben  gone  away  ?  " 

"  Gone  away  ?  Why,  what  in  the  nation  do  you  mean  ?  /  hain't  been  gone 
anywheres.  Where  would  I  go  to  ?  " 

"  Well,  looky  here,  boss,  dey's  sumfn  wrong,  dey  is.  Is  I  me,  or  who  is  I  ? 
Is  I  heah,  or  whah  is  I  ?  Now  dat's  what  I  wants  to  know  ?  " 

"Well,  I  think  you're  here,  plain  enough,  but  I  think  you're  a  tangle-headed 
old  fool,  Jim." 

"I  is,  is  I?  Well  you  answer  me  dis.  Didn't  you  tote  out  de  line  in  de 
canoe,  fer  to  make  fas'  to  de  tow-head  ?  " 


120  THE  ADVENTURES  OF  HUCKLEBERRY  FINN. 

"  No,  I  didn't.     What  tow-head  ?    I  hain't  seen  no  tow-head." 

"  You  hain't  seen  no  tow-head  ?  Looky  here — didn't  de  line  pull  loose  en  de 
raf  go  a  hummin'  down  de  river,  en  leave  you  en  de  canoe  behine  in  de  fog  ?  " 

1  <  What  fog?" 

ee  Why  de  fog.  De  fog  dat's  ben  aroun'  all  night.  En  didn't  you  whoop,  en 
didn't  I  whoop,  tell  we  got  mix'  up  in  de  islands  en  one  un  us  got  los'  en  'tother 
one  was  jis'  as  good  as  los',  'kase  he  didn'  know  whah  he  wuz  ?  En  didn't  I  bust 
up  agin  a  lot  er  dem  islands  en  have  a  tumble  time  en  mos'  git  drownded  ?  Now 
ain'  dat  so,  boss— ain't  it  so  ?  You  answer  me  dat." 

"  Well,  this  is  too  many  for  me,  Jim.  I  hain't  seen  no  fog,  nor  no  islands, 
nor  no  troubles,  nor  nothing.  I  been  setting  here  talking  with  you  all  night  till 
you  went  to  sleep  about  ten  minutes  ago,  and  I  reckon  I  done  the  same.  You 
couldn't  a  got  drunk  in  that  time,  so  of  course  you've  been  dreaming." 

"  Dad  fetch  it,  how  is  I  gwyne  to  dream  all  dat  in  ten  minutes  ?  " 

"Well,  hang  it  all,  you  did  dream  it,  because  there  didn't  any  of  it  happen." 

"  But  Huck,  it's  all  jis'  as  plain  to  me  as " 

"  It  don't  make  no  difference  how  plain  it  is,  there  ain't  nothing  in  it.  I 
know,  because  I've  been  here  all  the  time." 

Jim  didn't  say  nothing  for  about  five  minutes,  but  set  there  studying  over  it. 
Then  he  says  : 

"  Well,  den,  I  reck'n  I  did  dream  it,  Huck ;  but  dog  my  cats  ef  it  ain't  de 
powerfullest  dream  I  ever  see.  En  I  hain't  ever  had  no  dream  b'fo'  dat's  tired 
me  like  dis  one."  > 

"  Oh,  well,  that's  all  right,  because  a  dream  does  tire  a  body  like  everything, 
sometimes.     But  this  one  was  a  staving  dream — tell  me  all  about  it,  Jim." 

So  Jim  went  to  work  and  told  me  the  whole  thing  right  through,  just  as  it 
happened,  only  he  painted  it  up  considerable.  Then  he  said  he  must  start  in 
and  "  'terpret"  it,  because  it  was  sent  for  a  warning.  He  said  the  first  tow-head 
stood  for  a  man  that  would  try  to  do  us  some  good,  but  the  current  was  another 
man  that  would  get  us  away  from  him.  The  whoops  was  warnings  that  would 
come  to  us  every  now  and  then,  and  if  we  didn't  try  hard  to  make  out  to  under 
stand  them  they'd  just  take  us  into  bad  luck,  'stead  of  keeping  us  out  of  it. 
The  lot  of  tow-heads  was  troubles  we  was  going  to  get  into  with  quarrelsome 


TRASH.  121 


people  and  all  kinds  of  mean  folks,  but  if  we  minded  our  business  and  didn't 
talk  back  and  aggravate  them,  we  would  pull  through  and  get  out  of  the  fog  and 
into  the  big  clear  river,  which  was  the  free  States,  and  wouldn't  have  no  more 
trouble. 

It  had  clouded  up  pretty  dark  just  after  I  got  onto  the  raft,  but  it  was 
clearing  up  again,  now. 

"  Oh,  well,  that's  all  interpreted  well  enough,  as  far  as  it  goes,  Jim,"  I  says ; 
"  but  what  does  these  things  stand  for  ?  " 

It  was  the  leaves  and  rubbish  on  the  raft,  and  the  smashed  oar.  You  could 
see  them  first  rate,  now. 

Jim  looked  at  the  trash,  and  then  looked  at  me,  and  back  at  the  trash  again. 
He  had  got  the  dream  fixed  so  strong  in  his  head  that  he  couldn't  seem  to  shake 
it  loose  and  get  the  facts  back  into  its  place  again,  right  away.  But  when  he 
did  get  the  thing  straightened  around,  he  looked  at  me  steady,  without  ever 
smiling,  and  says  : 

"  "What  do  dey  stan'  for  ?  I's  gwyne  to  tell  you.  When  I  got  all  wore  out 
wid  work,  en  wid  de  callin'  for  you,  en  went  to  sleep,  my  heart  wuz  mos'  broke 
bekase  you  wuz  los',  en  I  didn'  k'yer  no  mo'  what  become  er  me  en  de  raf.  En 
when  I  wake  up  en  fine  you  back  agin',  all  safe  en  soun',  de  tears  come  en  I 
could  a  got  down  on  my  knees  en  kiss'  yo'  foot  I's  so  thankful.  En  all  you  wuz 
thinkin  'bout  wuz  how  you  could  make  a  fool  uv  ole  Jim  wid  a  lie.  Dat  truck 
dah  is  trash ;  en  trash  is  what  people  is  dat  puts  dirt  on  de  head  er  dey  fren's 
en  makes  'ei*L ashamed." 

Then  he  got  up  slow,  and  walked  to  the  wigwam,  and  went  in  there,  without 
saying  anything  but  that.  But  that  was  enough.  It  made  me  feel  so  mean  I 
could  almost  kissed  his  foot  to  get  him  to  take  it  back. 

It  was  fifteen  minutes  before  I  could  work  myself  up  to  go  and  humble 
myself  to  a  nigger — but  I  done  it,  and  I  warn't  ever  sorry  for  it  afterwards, 
neither.  I  didn't  do  him  no  more  mean  tricks,  and  I  wouldn't  done  that  one  if 
I'd  a  knowed  it  would  make  him  feel  that  way. 


"\       \ 


./W  E  slept  most  all  day,  and  started  out  at 
night,  a  little  ways  behind  a  mon 
strous  long  raft  that  was  as  long 
going  by  as  a  procession.  She  had 
four  long  sweeps  at  each  end,  so  we 
judged  she  carried  as  many  as  thirty 
men,  likely,  She  had  five  big  wig 
wams  aboard,  wide  apart,  and  an  open 
camp  fire  in  the  middle,  and  a  tall 
flag-pole  at  each  end.  There  was  a 
power  of  style  about  her.  It  amounted 
to  something  being  a  raftsman  on  such 
a  craft  as  that. 

We  went  drifting  down  into  a  big 
bend,  and  the  night  clouded  up  and 
got  hot.  The  river  was  very  wide,  and 
was  walled  with  solid  timber  on  both 
sides ;  you  couldn't  see  a  break  in  it 
hardly  ever,  or  a  light.  We  talked  about  Cairo,  and  wondered  whether  we  would 
know  it  when  we  got  to  it.  I  said  likely  we  wouldn't,  because  I  had  heard  say 
there  warn't  but  about  a  dozen  houses  there,  and  if  they  didn't  happen  to  have 
them  lit  up,  how  was  we  going  to  know  we  was  passing  a  town  ?  Jim  said  if  the 
two  big  rivers  joined  together  there,  that  would  show.  But  I  said  maybe  we 
might  think  we  was  passing  the  foot  of  an  island  and  coming  into  the  same  old 
river  again.  That  disturbed  Jim — and  me  too.  So  the  question  was,  what  to 
do  ?  I  said,  paddle  ashore  the  first  time  a  light  showed,  and  tell  them  pap  was 
behind,  coming  along  with  a  trading-scow,  and  was  a  green  hand  at  the  business, 


IT  AMOUNTED   TO   SOMETHING    BEING   A    RAFTSMAN. 


EXPECTATIONS.  123 


and  wanted  to  know  how  far  it  was  to  Cairo.  Jim  thought  it  was  a  good  idea, 
so  we  took  a  smoke  on  it  and  waited. 

There  warn't  nothing  to  do,  now,  but  to  look  out  sharp  for  the  town,  and  not 
pass  it  without  seeing  it.  He  said  he'd  be  mighty  sure  to  see  it,  because  he'd  be 
a  free  man  the  minute  he  seen  it,  but  if  he  missed  it  he'd  be  in  the  slave  country 
again  and  no  more  show  for  freedom.  Every  little  while  he  jumps  up  and  says  : 

"Dah  she  is  !" 

But  it  warn't.  It  was  Jack-o-lanterns,  or  lightning-bugs  ;  so  he  set  down 
again,  and  went  to  watching,  same  as  before.  Jim  said  it  made  him  all  over 
trembly  and  feverish  to  be  so  close  to  freedom.  Well,  I  can  tell  you  it  made  me 
all  over  trembly  and  feverish,  too,  to  hear  him,  because  I  begun  to  get  it  through 
my  head  that  he  was  most  free — and  who  was  to  blame  for  it  ?  Why,  me.  I 
couldn't  get  that  out  of  my  conscience,  no  how  nor  no  way.  It  got  to  troubling 
me  so  I  couldn't  rest ;  I  couldn't  stay  still  in  one  place.  It  hadn't  ever  come 
home  to  me  before,  what  this  thing  was  that  I  was  doing.  But  now  it  did  ;  and 
it  staid  with  me,  and  scorched  me  more  and  more.  I  tried  to  make  out  to 
myself  that  /  warn't  to  blame,  because  /  didn't  run  Jim  off  from  his  rightful 
owner;  but  it  warn't  no  use,  conscience  up  and  says,  every  time,  "But  you 
knowed  he  was  running  for  his  freedom,  and  you  could  a  paddled  ashore  and  told 
somebody. "  That  was  so — I  couldn't  get  around  that,  noway.  That  was  where 
it  pinched.  Conscience  says  to  me,  "What  had  poor  Miss  Watson  done  to  you, 
that  you  could  see  her  nigger  go  off  right  under  your  eyes  and  never  say  one 
single  word  ?  What  did  that  poor  old  woman  do  to  you,  that  you  could  treat 
her  so  mean  ?  Why,  she  tried  to  learn  you  your  book,  she  tried  to  learn  you 
your  manners,  she  tried  to  be  good  to  you  every  way  she  knowed  how.  That's 
what  she  done." 

I  got  to  feeling  so  mean  and  so  miserable  I  most  wished  I  was  dead.  I 
fidgeted  up  and  down  the  raft,  abusing  myself  to  myself,  and  Jim  was  fidgeting 
up  and  down  past  me.  We  neither  of  us  could  keep  still.  Every  time  he  danced 
around  and  says,  "  Dah's  Cairo  !"  it  went  through  me  like  a  shot,  and  I  thought 
if  it  was  Cairo  I  reckoned  I  would  die  of  miserableness. 

Jim  talked  out  loud  all  the  time  while  I  was  talking  to  myself.  He  was  saying 
how  the  first  thing  he  would  do  when  he  got  to  a  free  State  he  would  go  to 


124  THE  ADVENTURES  OF  HUCKLEBERRY  FINN. 

saving  up  money  and  never  spend  a  single  cent,  and  when  he  got  enough  he 
would  buy  his  wife,  which  was  owned  on  a  farm  close  to  where  Miss  Watson 
lived ;  and  then  they  would  both  work  to  buy  the  two  children,  and  if  their 
master  wouldn't  sell  them,  they'd  get  an  Ab'litionist  to  go  and  steal  them. 

It  most  froze  me  to  hear  such  talk.  He  wouldn't  ever  dared  to  talk  such  talk 
in  his  life  before.  Just  see  what  a  difference  it  made  in  him  the  minute  he  judged 
he  was  about  free.  It  was  according  to  the  old  saying,  "  give  a  nigger  an  inch  and 
he'll  take  an  ell."  Thinks  I,  this  is  what  comes  of  my  not  thinking.  Here  was  this 
nigger  which  I  had  as  good  as  helped  to  run  away,  coming  right  out  flat-footed 
and  saying  he  would  steal  his  children — children  that  belonged  to  a  man  I  didn't 
even  know  ;  a  man  that  hadn't  ever  done  me  no  harm. 

I  was  sorry  to  hear  Jim  say  that,  it  was  such  a  lowering  of  him.  My 
conscience  got  to  stirring  me  up  hotter  than  ever,  until  at  last  I  says  to  it,  "  Let 
up  on  me — it  ain't  too  late,  yet— I'll  paddle  ashore  at  the  first  light,  and  tell."  I 
felt  easy,  and  happy,  and  light  as  a  feather,  right  off.  All  my  troubles  was  gone. 
I  went  to  looking  out  sharp  for  a  light,  and  sort  of  singing  to  myself.  By-and- 
by  one  showed.  Jim  sings  out  : 

"  We's  safe,  Huck,  we's  safe  !  Jump  up  and  crack  yo'  heels,  dat's  de  good 
ole  Cairo  at  las',  I  jis  knows  it ! " 

I  says : 

"I'll  take  the  canoe  and  go  see,  Jim.     It  mightn't  be,  you  know." 

He  jumped  and  got  the  canoe  ready,  and  put  his  old  coat  in  the  bottom  for 
me  to  set  on,  and  give  me  the  paddle  ;  and  as  I  shoved  off,  he  says  : 

"  Pooty  soon  I'll  be  a-shout'n  for  joy,  en  I'll  say,  it's  all  on  accounts  o'  Huck  ; 
Fs  a  free  man,  en  I  couldn't  ever  ben  free  ef  it  hadn'  ben  for  Huck  ;  Huck  done 
it.  Jim  won't  ever  forgit  you,  Huck  ;  you's  de  bes'  fren'  Jim's  ever  had ;  en 
you's  de  only  fren'  ole  Jim's  got  now." 

I  was  paddling  off,  all  in  a  sweat  to  tell  on  him ;  but  when  he  says  this,  it 
seemed  to  kind  of  take  the  tuck  all  out  of  me.  I  went  along  slow  then,  and  I 
warn't  right  down  certain  whether  I  was  glad  I  started  or  whether  I  warn't.  When 
I  was  fifty  yards  off,  Jim  says  : 

"  Dah  you  goes,  de  ole  true  Huck ;  de  on'y  white  genlman  dat  ever  kep'  his 
promise  to  ole  Jim." 


A    WHITE  LIB.  125 


Well,  I  just  felt  sick.  But  I  says,  I  got  to  do  it— I  can't  get  out  of  it.  Eight 
then,  along  comes  a  skiff  with  two  men  in  it,  with  guns,  and  they  stopped  and  I 
stopped.  One  of  them  says  : 

"  What's  that,  yonder  ?  " 

"A  piece  of  a  raft,"  I  says. 

"  Do  you  belong  on  it  ?  " 

"Yes,  sir." 

"Any  men  on  it  ?" 

"  Only  one,  sir." 

"Well,  there's  five  niggers  run  off  to-night,  up  yonder  above  the  head  of 
the  bend.  Is  your  man  white  or  black  ?" 

I  didn't  answer  up  prompt.  I  tried  to,  but  the  words  wouldn't  come. 
I  tried,  for  a  second  or  two,  to  brace  up  and  out  with  it,  but  I  warn't  man 
enough — hadn't  the  spunk  of  a  rabbit.  I  see  I  was  weakening  ;  so  I  just  give  up 
trying,  and  up  and  says — 

"He's  white." 

"  I  reckon  we'll  go  and  see  for  ourselves." 

"  I  wish  you  would,  "  says  I,  "  because  it's  pap  that's  there,  and  maybe  you'd 
help  me  tow  the  raft  ashore  where  the  light  is.  He's  sick — and  so  is  mam  and 
Mary  Ann." 

"  Oh,  the  devil  !  we're  in  a  hurry,  boy.  But  I  s'pose  we've  got  to.  Come — 
buckle  to  your  paddle,  and  let's  get  along." 

I  buckled  to  my  paddle  and  they  laid  to  their  oars.  When  we  had  made  a 
stroke  or  two,  I  says  : 

"  Pap'll  be  mighty  much  obleeged  to  you,  I  can  tell  you.  Everybody  goes  away 
when  I  want  them  to  help  me  tow  the  raft  ashore,  and  I  can't  do  it  by  myself." 

"  Well,  that's  infernal  mean.  Odd,  too.  Say,  boy,  what's  the  matter  with 
your  father  ?  " 

"It's  the — a — the — well,  it  ain't  anything,  much." 

They  stopped  pulling.  It  warn't  but  a  mighty  little  ways  to  the  raft,  now. 
One  says  : 

"  Boy,  that's  a  lie.  What  is  the  matter  with  your  pap  ?  Answer  up  square, 
now,  and  it'll  be  the  better  for  you." 


126 


THE  ADVENTURES  OF  HUCKLEBERRY  FINN. 


"  I  will,  sir,  I  will,  honest — but  don't  leave  us,  please.  It's  the— the— -gentle 
men,  if  you'll  only  pull  ahead,  and  let  me  heave  you  the  head-line,  you  won't 
have  to  come  a-near  the  raft — please  do." 

"  Set  her  back,  John,  set  her  back  ! "  says  one.  They  backed  water. 
"Keep  away,  boy — keep  to  looard.  Confound  it,  I  just  expect  the  wind  has 
bio  wed  it  to  us.  Your  pap's  got  the  small-pox,  and  you  know  it  precious  well. 
Why  didn't  you  come  out  and  say  so  ?  Do  you  want  to  spread  it  all  over  ?  " 


"BOY,  THAT'S  A  LIE." 

"  Well,"  says  I,  a-blubbering,  "  I've  told  everybody  before,  and  then  they 
just  went  away  and  left  us." 

"  Poor  devil,  there's  something  in  that.  We  aro  right  down  sorry  for  you, 
but  we — well,  hang  it,  we  don't  want  the  small-pox,  you  see.  Look  here,  I'll 
tell  you  what  to  do.  Don't  you  try  to  land  by  yourself,  or  you'll  smash  every 
thing  to  pieces.  You  float  along  down  about  twenty  miles  and  you'll  come  to  a 
town  on  the  left-hand  side  of  the  river.  It  will  be  long  after  sun-up,  then,  and 
when  you  ask  for  help,  you  tell  them  your  folks  are  all  down  with  chills  and 
fever.  Don't  be  a  fool  again,  and  let  people  guess  what  is  the  matter.  Now  we're 
trying  to  do  you  a  kindness ;  so  you  just  put  twenty  miles  between  us,  that's  a 


FLOATING  CURRENCY. 


127 


good  boy.  It  wouldn't  do  any  good  to  land  yonder  where  the  light  is — it's  only 
a  wood-yard.  Say — I  reckon  your  father's  poor,  and  I'm  bound  to  say  he's  in 
pretty  hard  luck.  Here— I'll  put  a  twenty  dollar  gold  piece  on  this  board,  and 
you  get  it  when  it  floats  by.  I  feel  mighty  mean  to  leave  you,  but  my 
kingdom  !  it  won't  do  to  fool  with  small-pox,  don't  you  see  ?  " 

"  Hold  on,  Parker,"  says  the  other  man,  "  here's  a  twenty  to  put  on  the  board 
for  me.     Good-bye,  boy,  you  do  as  Mr.  Parker  told  you,  and  you'll  be  all  right." 


'HERE  i  is,  HTTCK." 

"  That's  so,  my  boy — good-bye,  good-bye.  If  you  see  any  runaway  niggers, 
you  get  help  and  nab  them,  and  you  can  make  some  money  by  it." 

"  Good-bye,  sir,"  says  I,  "I  won't  let  no  runaway  niggers  get  by  me  if  I  can 
help  it." 

They  went  off,  and  I  got  aboard  the  raft,  feeling  bad  and  low,  because  I 
knowed  yery  well  I  had  done  wrong,  and  I  see  it  warn't  no  use  for  me  to  try 
to  learn  to  do  right ;  a  body  that  don't  get  started  right  when  he's  little,  ain't 


128  THE  ADVENTURES  OF  HUCKLEBERRY  FINN. 

got  no  show — when  the  pinch  comes  there  ain't  nothing  to  back  him  up  and  keep 
him  to  his  work,  and  so  he  gets  beat.  Then  I  thought  a  minute,  and  says  to 
myself,  hold  on, — s'pose  you'd  a  done  right  and  give  Jim  up  ;  would  you  felt 
better  than  what  you  do  now  ?  No,  says  I,  I'd  feel  bad — I'd  feel  just  the  same 
way  I  do  now.  Well,  then,  says  I,  what's  the  use  you  learning  to  do  right,  when 
it's  troublesome  to  do  right  and  ain't  no  trouble  to  do  wrong,  and  the  wages  is 
just  the  same  ?  I  was  stuck.  I  couldn't  answer  that.  So  I  reckoned  I  wouldn't 
bother  no  more  about  it,  but  after  this  always  do  whichever  come  handiest  at 
the  time. 

I  went  into  the  wigwam  ;  Jim  warn't  there.  I  looked  all  around ;  he 
warn't  anywhere.  I  says  : 

"Jim!" 

"  Here  I  is,  Huck.     Is  dey  out  o'  sight  yit  ?    Don't  talk  loud." 

He  was  in  the  river,  under  the  stern  oar,  with  just  his  nose  out.  I  told  him 
they  was  out  of  sight,  so  he  come  aboard.  He  says  : 

"  I  was  a-listenin?  to  all  de  talk,  en  I  slips  into  de  river  en  was  gwyne  to 
shove  for  sho'  if  dey  come  aboard.  Den  I  was  gwyne  to  swim  to  de  raf  agin 
when  dey  was  gone.  But  lawsy,  how  you  did  fool  'em,  Huck  !  Dat  wuz  de 
smartes'  dodge  !  I  tell  you,  chile,  I  'speck  it  save'  ole  Jim — ole  Jim  ain't  gwyne 
to  forgit  you  for  dat,  honey." 

Then  we  talked  about  the  money.  It  was  a  pretty  good  raise,  twenty  dollars 
apiece.  Jim  said  we  could  take  deck  passage  on  a  steamboat  now,  and  the 
money  would  last  us  as  far  as  we  wanted  to  go  in  the  free  States.  He  said  twenty 
mile  more  warn't  far  for  the  raft  to  go,  but  he  wished  we  was  already  there. 

Towards  daybreak  we  tied  up,  and  Jim  was  mighty  particular  about  hiding 
the  raft  good.  Then  he  worked  all  day  fixing  things  in  bundles,  and  getting  all 
ready  to  quit  rafting. 

That  night  about  ten  we  hove  in  sight  of  the  lights  of  a  town  away  down 
in  a  left-hand  bend. 

I  went  off  in  the  canoe,  to  ask  about  it.  Pretty  soon  I  found  a  man  out  in 
the  river  with  a  skiff,  setting  a  trot-line.  I  ranged  up  and  says  : 

"  Mister,  is  that  town  Cairo  ?  " 

"  Cairo  ?  no.     You  must  be  a  blame'  fool." 


RUNNING  BY  CAIRO.  129 


"  What  town  is  it,  mister  ?  " 

"  If  you  want  to  know,  go  and  find  out.  If  you  stay  here  botherin'  around 
me  for  about  a  half  a  minute  longer,  you'll  get  something  you  won't  want." 

I  paddled  to  the  raft.  Jim  was  awful  disappointed,  but  I  said  never  mind, 
Cairo  would  be  the  next  place,  I  reckoned. 

AVe  passed  another  town  before  daylight,  and  I  was  going  out  again  ;  but  it 
was  high  ground,  so  I  didn't  go.  No  high  ground  about  Cairo,  Jim  said.  I  had 
forgot  it.  We  laid  up  for  the  day,  on  a  tow-head  tolerable  close  to  the  left-hand 
bank.  I  begun  to  suspicion  something.  So  did  Jim.  I  says  : 

"  Maybe  we  went  by  Cairo  in  the  fog  that  night." 

He  says  : 

"  Doan'  less'  talk  about  it,  Huck.  Po'  niggers  can't  have  no  luck.  I  awluz 
'spected  dat  rattle-snake  skin  warn't  done  wid  it's  work." 

"  I  wish  I'd  never  seen  that  snake-skin,  Jim — I  do  wish  I'd  never  laid  eyes 
on  it." 

"It  ain't  yo'  fault,  Huck;  you  didn'  know.  Don't  you  blame  yo'self 
'bout  it." 

When  it  was  daylight,  here  was  the  clear  Ohio  water  in  shore,  sure 
enough,  and  outside  was  the  old  regular  Muddy  !  So  it  was  all  up  with  Cairo. 

We  talked  it  all  over.  It  wouldn't  do  to  take  to  the  shore  ;  we  couldn't  take 
the  raft  up  the  stream,  of  course.  There  warn't  no  way  but  to  wait  for  dark, 
and  start  back  in  the  canoe  and  take  the  chances.  So  we  slept  all  day  amongst 
the  cotton-wood  thicket,  so  as  to  be  fresh  for  the  work,  and  when  we  went  back 
to  the  raft  about  dark  the  canoe  was  gone  ! 

We  didn't  say  a  word  for  a  good  while.  There  warn't  anything  to  say.  We 
both  knowed  well  enough  it  was  some  more  work  of  the  rattle-snake  skin  ;  so 
what  was  the  use  to  talk  about  it  ?  It  would  only  look  like  we  was  finding  fault, 
and  that  would  be  bound  to  fetch  more  bad  luck — and  keep  on  fetching  it,  too, 
till  we  knowed  enough  to  keep  still. 

By-and-by  we  talked  about  what  we  better  do,  and  found  there  warn't  no  way 
but  just  to  go  along  down  with  the  raft  till  we  got  a  chance  to  buy  a  canoe  to  go 
back  in.  We  warn't  going  to  borrow  it  when  there  warn't  anybody  around,  the 
way  pap  would  do,  for  that  might  set  people  after  us. 


130  THE  ADVENTURES  OF  HUCKLEBERRY  FINN. 

So  we  shoved  out,  after  dark,  on  the  raft. 

Anybody  that  don't  believe  yet,  that  it's  foolishness  to  handle  a  snake-skin, 
after -all  that  that  snake-skin  done  for  us,  will  believe  it  now,  if  they  read  on  and 
see  what  more  it  done  for  us. 

The  place  to  buy  canoes  is  off  of  rafts  laying  up  at  shore.  But  we  didn't  see 
no  rafts  laying  up  ;  so  we  went  along  during  three  hours  and  more.  Well,  the 
night  got  gray,  and  ruther  thick,  which  is  the  next  meanest  thing  to  fog.  You 
can't  tell  the  shape  of  the  river,  and  you  can't  see  no  distance.  It  got  to  be  very 
late  and  still,  and  then  along  comes  a  steamboat  up  the  river.  We  lit  the  lan 
tern,  and  judged  she  would  see  it.  Up-stream  boats  didn't  generly  come  close  to 
us  ;  they  go  out  and  follow  the  bars  and  hunt  for  easy  water  under  the  reefs ;  but 
nights  like  this  they  bull  right  up  the  channel  against  the  whole  river. 

We  could  hear  her  pounding  along,  but  we  didn't  see  her  good  till  she  was 
close.  She  aimed  right  for  us.  Often  they  do  that  and  try  to  see  how  close  they 
can  come  without  touching  ;  sometimes  the  wheel  bites  off  a  sweep,  and  then  the 
pilot  sticks  his  head  out  and  laughs,  and  thinks  he's  mighty  smart.  Well,  here 
she  comes,  and  we  said  she  was  going  to  try  to  shave  us  ;  but  she  didn't  seem  to 
be  sheering  off  a  bit.  She  was  a  big  one,  and  she  was  coming  in  a  hurry,  too, 
looking  like  a  black  cloud  with  rows  of  glow-worms  around  it ;  but  all  of  a 
sudden  she  bulged  out,  big  and  scary,  with  a  long  row  of  wide-open  furnace  doors 
shining  like  red-hot  teeth,  and  her  monstrous  bows  and  guards  hanging  right 
over  us.  There  was  a  yell  at  us,  and  a  jingling  of  bells  to  stop  the  engines,  a 
pow-wow  of  cussing,  and  whistling  of  steam — and  as  Jim  went  overboard  on  one 
side  and  I  on  the  other,  she  come  smashing  straight  through  the  raft. 

I  dived— and  I  aimed  to  find  the  bottom,  too,  for  a  thirty-foot  wheel  had  got 
to  go  over  me,  and  I  wanted  it  to  have  plenty  of  room.  I  could  always  stay 
under  water  a  minute  ;  this  time  I  reckon  I  staid  under  water  a  minute  and  a 
half.  Then  I  bounced  for  the  top  in  a  hurry,  for  I  was  nearly  busting.  I  popped 
out  to  my  arm-pits  and  blowed  the  water  out  of  my  nose,  and  puffed  a  bit.  Of 
course  there  was  a  booming  current ;  and  of  course  that  boat  started  her  engines 
again  ten  seconds  after  she  stopped  them,  for  they  never  cared  much  .for  rafts 
men  ;  so  now  she  was  churning  along  up  the  river,  out  of  sight  in  the  thick 
weather,  though  I  could  hear  her. 


SWIMMING  ASHORE. 


131 


I  sung  out  for  Jim  about  a  dozen  times,  but  I  didn't  get  any  answer  ;  so  I 
grabbed  a  plank  that  touched  me  while  1  was  "  treading  water,"  and  struck  out 
for  shore,  shoving  it  ahead  of  me.  But  I  made  out  to  see  that  the  drift  of  the 
current  was  towards  the  left-hand  shore,  which  meant  that  I  was  in  a  crossing  ; 
so  I  changed  off  and  went  that  way. 

It  was  one  of  these  long,  slanting,  two-mile  crossings ;  so  I  was  a  good  long 
time  in  getting  over.  I  made  a  safe  landing,  and  clum  up  the  bank.  I  couldn't 
see  but  a  little  ways,  but  I  went  poking  along  over  rough  ground  for  a  quarter  of 
a  mile  or  more,  and  then  I  run  across  a  big  old-fashioned  double  log  house  before 
I  noticed  it.  I  was  going  to  rush  by  and  get  away,  but  a  lot  of  dogs  jumped  out 
and  went  to  howling  and  barking  at  me,  and  I  knowed  better  than  to  move 
.another  peg. 


CLIMBING  UP  THE  BANK. 


ABOUT  half  a  minute  somebody  spoke 
out  of  a  window,  without  putting  his. 
head  out,  and  says  : 

"  Be  done,  boys  !    Who's  there  ?  " 


"It's  me." 
"Who's  me?" 
"  George  Jackson,  sir." 
"  What  do  you  want  ?" 
"  I  don't  want  nothing,  sir.      I  only 
want  to  go  along  by,  but  the  dogs  won't 
let  me." 

"What  are  you  prowling  around  here 
this  time  of  night,  for — hey  ?  " 

"  I  warn't  prowling  around,  sir  ;  I  fell 
"WHO'S  THERE  ?"  overboard  off  of  the  steamboat." 

"  Oh,  you   did,   did  you  ?      Strike  a 

light  there,  somebody.     What  did  you  say  your  name  was  ? " 
"  George  Jackson,  sir.     I'm  only  a  boy." 

"Look  here;  if  you're  telling  the  truth,  you  needn't  be  afraid — nobody  '11 
hurt  you.  But  don't  try  to  budge  ;  stand  right  where  you  are.  Eouse  out  Bob 
and  Tom,  some  of  you,  and  fetch  the  guns.  George  Jackson,  is  there  anybody 
with  you  ?  " 

"No,  sir,  nobody." 

I  heard  the  people  stirring  around  in  the  house,  now,  and  see  a  light.  The- 
man  sung  out  : 


AN  EVENING  CALL.  \  33 


"  Snatch  that  light  away,  Betsy,  you  old  fool — ain't  you  got  any  sense  ?  Put 
it  on  the  floor  behind  the  front  door.  Bob,  if  you  and  Tom  are  ready,  take  your 
places." 

"All  ready." 

"Now,  George  Jackson,  do  you  know  the  Shepherdsons  ?" 

"No,  sir — I  never  heard  of  them." 

"  Well,  that  may  be  so,  and  it  mayn't.  Now,  all  ready.  Step  forward, 
George  Jackson.  And  mind,  don't  you  hurry — come  mighty  slow.  If  there's 
anybody  with  you,  let  him  keep  back — if  he  shows  himself  he'll  be  shot.  Come 
along,  now.  Come  slow ;  push  the  door  open,  yourself — just  enough  to  squeeze 
in,  d'  you  hear  ?  " 

I  didn't  hurry,  I 'couldn't  if  I'd  a  wanted  to.  I  took  one  slow  step  at  a  time, 
and  there  warn't  a  sound,  only  I  thought  I  could  hear  my  heart.  The  dogs  were 
as  still  as  the  humans,  but  they  followed  a  little  behind  me.  When  I  got  to  the 
three  log  door-steps,  I  heard  them  unlocking  and  unbarring  and  unbolting.  I 
put  my  hand  on  the  door  and  pushed  it  a  little  and  a  little  more,  till  somebody 
said,  "  There,  that's  enough — put  your  head  in."  I  done  it,  but  I  judged  they 
would  take  it  off. 

The  candle  was  on  the  floor,  and  there  they  all  was,  looking  at  me,  and  me  at 
them,  for  about  a  quarter  of  a  minute.  Three  big  men  with  guns  pointed  at  me, 
which  made  me  wince,  I  tell  you  ;  the  oldest,  gray  and  about  sixty,  the  other  two 
thirty  or  more — all  of  them  fine  and  handsome — and  the  sweetest  old  gray-headed 
lady,  and  back  of  her  two  young  women  which  I  couldn't  see  right  well.  The 
old  gentleman  says  : 

"  There — I  reckon  it's  all  right.     Come  in." 

As  soon  as  I  was  in,  the  old  gentleman  he  locked  the  door  and  barred  it  and 
bolted  it,  and  told  the  young  men  to  come  in  with  their  guns,  and  they  all  went 
in  a  big  parlor  that  had  a  new  rag  carpet  on  the  floor,  and  got  together  in  a 
corner  that  was  out  of  range  of  the  front  windows — there  warn't  none  on  the 
side.  They  held  the  candle,  and  took  a  good  look  at  me,  and  all  said,  "Why  he 
ain't  a  Shepherdson — no,  there  ain't  anj  Shepherdson  about  him."  Then  the 
old  man  said  he  hoped"  I  wouldn't  mind  being  searched  for  arms,  because  he 
didn't  mean  no  harm  by  it — it  was  only  to  make  sure.  So  he  didn't  pry 


134 


THE  ADVENTURES  OF  HUCKLEBERRY  FINN. 


into  my  pockets,  but  only  felt  outside  with  his  hands,  and  said  it  was  all  right. 
He  told  me  to  make  myself  easy  and  at  home,  and  tell  all  about  myself  ;  but  the 
old  lady  says  : 

"  Why  bless  you,  Saul,  the  poor  thing's  as  wet  as  he  can  be ;  and  don't 
you  reckon  it  may  be  he's  hungry  ?  " 
"True  for  you,  Eachel— I  forgot." 
So  the  old  lady  says  : 

"Betsy  "  (this  was  a  nigger  woman),  "you  fly  around  and  get  him  something 
to  eat,  as  quick  as  you  can,  poor  thing;  and  one  of  you  girls  go  and  wake  up 
Buck  and  tell  him —  Oh,  here  he  is  himself.  Buck,  take  this  little  stranger  and 
get  the  wet  clothes  off  from  him  and  dress  him  up  in  some  of  yours  that's  dry. " 

Buck  looked  about  as  old  as  me — 
thirteen  or  fourteen  or  along  there, 
though  he  was  a  little  bigger  than  me. 
He  hadn't  on  anything  but  a  shirt, 
and  he  was  very  frowsy-headed.  He 
come  in  gaping  and  digging  one  fist 
into  his  eyes,  and  he  was  dragging  a 
gun  along  with  the  other  one.  He 


says 


they     no      Shepherd  sons 


"  Ain't 
around  ?  " 

They  said,  no,  'twas  a  false  alarm. 
"Well,"  he  says,  "if  they'd  a  ben 
some,  I  reckon  I'd  a  got  one. " 

They  all  laughed,  and  Bob  says : 
"Why,    Buck,    they    might    have 
scalped  us  all,  you've  been  so  slow  in 
-  coming." 

"Well,  nobody  come   after  me,  and 
••  ,„  U4V/<  it  ain't  right.     I'm  always  kep'  down  ; 

I  don't  get  no  show." 
"Never  mind,  Buck,  my  boy,"  says  the  old  man,  "you'll  have  show  enough, 


TEE  FARM  IN  ARKANSAW.  135 

all  in  good  time,  don't  you  fret  about  that.  Go  'long  with  you  now,  and  do 
as  your  mother  told  you." 

When  we  got  up  stairs  to  his  room,  he  got  me  a  coarse  shirt  and  a  round 
about  and  pants  of  his,  and  I  put  them  on.  While  I  was  at  it  he  asked  me  what 
my  name  was,  but  before  I  could  tell  him,  he  started  to  telling  me  about  a  blue 
jay  and  a  young  rabbit  he  had  catched  in  the  woods  day  before  yesterday,  and  he 
asked  me  where  Moses  was  when  the  candle  went  out.  I  said  I  didn't  know  ;  I 
hadn't  heard  about  it  before,  no  way. 

"  Well,  guess,"  he  says. 

"  How'm  I  going  to  guess,"  says  I,  "when  I  never  heard  tell  about  it 
before?" 

"  But  you  can  guess,  can't  you  ?    It's  just  as  easy." 

"  Which  candle  ?       I  says. 

"  Why,  any  candle,"  he  says. 

"I  don't  know  where  he  was,"  says  I;  "  where  was  he  ?" 

"  Why  he  was  in  the  dark  !    That's  where  he  was  ! " 

t(  Well,  if  you  knowed  where  he  was,  what  did  you  ask  me  for  ?" 

"  Why,  blame  it,  it's  a  riddle,  don't  you  see  ?  Say,  how  long  are  you  going  to 
stay  here  ?  You  got  to  stay  always.  We  can  just  have  booming  times — they 
don't  have  no  school  now.  Do  you  own  a  dog  ?  I've  got  a  dog — and  he'll  go  in 
the  river  and  bring  out  chips  that  you  throw  in.  Do  you  like  to  comb  up, 
Sundays,  and  all  that  kind  of  foolishness  ?  You  bet  I  don't,  but  ma  she  makes 
me.  Confound  these  ole  britches,  I  reckon  I'd  better  put  'em  on,  but  I'd  ruther 
not,  it's  so  warm.  Are  you  all  ready  ?  All  right — come  along,  old  hoss." 

Cold  corn-pone,  cold  corn-beef,  butter  and  butter-milk — that  is  what  they 
had  for  me  down  there,  and  there  ain't  nothing  better  that  ever  I've  come  across 
yet.  Buck  and  his  ma  and  all  of  them  smoked  cob  pipes,  except  the  nigger 
woman,  which  was  gone,  and  the  two  young  women.  They  all  smoked  and 
talked,  and  I  eat  and  talked.  The  young  women  had  quilts  around  them, 
and  their  hair  down  their  backs.  They  all  asked  me  questions,  and  I  told 
them  how  pap  and  me  and  all  the  family  was  living  on  a  little  farm  down  at 
the  bottom  of  Arkansaw,  and  my  sister  Mary  Ann  run  off  and  got  married  and 
never  was  heard  of  no  more,  and  Bill  went  to  hunt  them  and  he  warn't  heard  of 


136  THE:  ADVENTURES  OF  HUCKLEBERRY  FINN. 

no  more,  and  Tom  and  Mort  died,  and  then  there  warn't  nobody  but  just  me  and 
pap  left,  and  he  was  just  trimmed  down  to  nothing,  on  account  of  his  troubles ; 
so  when  he  died  I  took  what  there  was  left,  because  the  farm  didn't  belong  to  us, 
and  started  up  the  river,  deck  passage,  and  fell  overboard  ;  and  that  was  how  I 
come  to  be  here.  So  they  said  I  could  have  a  home  there  as  long  as  I  wanted  it. 
Then  it  was  most  daylight,  and  everybody  went  to  bed,  and  I  went  to  bed  with 
Buck,  and  when  I  waked  up  in  the  morning,  drat  it  all,  I  had  forgot  what  my 
name  was.  So  I  laid  there  about  an  hour  trying  to  think,  and  when  Buck 
waked  up,  I  says  : 

"  Can  you  spell,  Buck  ?  " 
"Yes,"  he  says. 

"  I  bet  you  can't  spell  my  name,"  says  I. 
"  I  bet  you  what  you  dare  I  can,"  says  he. 
"  All  right,"  says  I,  "go  ahead." 
"  G-o-r-g-e  J-a-x-o-n— there  now,"  he  says. 

"Well,"  says  I,  "you  done  it,  but  I  didn't  think  you  could.  It  ain't  no 
slouch  of  a  name  to  spell — right  off  without  studying." 

I  set  it  down,  private,  because  somebody  might  want  me  to  spell  it,  next,  and 
so  I  wanted  to  be  handy  with  it  and  rattle  it  off  like  I  was  used  to  it. 

It  was  a  mighty  nice  family,  and  a  mighty  nice  house,  too.  I  hadn't  seen  no 
house  out  in  the  country  before  that  was  so  nice  and  had  so  much  style.  It  didn't 
have  an  iron  latch  on  the  front  door,  nor  a  wooden  one  with  a  buckskin  string, 
but  a  brass  knob  to  turn,  the  same  as  houses  in  a  town.  There  warn't  no  bed 
in  the  parlor,  not  a  sign  of  a  bed  ;  but  heaps  of  parlors  in  towns  has  beds  in 
them.  There  was  a  big  fireplace  that  was  bricked  on  the  bottom,  and  the  bricks 
was  kept  clean  and  red  by  pouring  water  on  them  and  scrubbing  them  with 
another  brick  ;  sometimes  they  washed  them  over  with  red  water-paint  that  they 
call  Spanish-brown,  same  as  they  do  in  town.  They  had  big  brass  dog-irons  that 
could  hold  up  a  saw-log.  There  was  a  clock  on  the  middle  of  the  mantel-piece, 
with  a  picture  of  a  town  painted  on  the  bottom  half  of  the  glass  front,  and  a 
round  place  in  the  middle  of  it  for  the  sun,  and  you  could  see  the  pendulum 
swing  behind  it.  It  was  beautiful  to  hear  that  clock  tick  ;  and  sometimes  when 
one  of  these  peddlers  had  been  along  and  scoured  her  up  and  got  her  in  good 


INTERIOR  DECORATIONS.  137 

shape,  she  would  start  in  and  strike  a  hundred  and  fifty  before  she  got  tuck 
ered  out.  They  wouldn't  took  any  money  for  her. 

Well,  there  was  a  big  outlandish  parrot  on  each  side  of  the  clock,  made  out  of 
something  like  chalk,  and  painted  up  gaudy.  By  one  of  the  parrots  was  a  cat 
made  of  crockery,  and  a  crockery  dog  by  the  other  ;  and  when  you  pressed  down 
on  them  they  squeaked,  but  didn't  open  their  mouths  nor  look  different  nor 
interested.  They  squeaked  through  underneath.  There  was  a  couple  of  big 
wild-turkey-wing  fans  spread  out  behind  those  things.  On  a  table  in  the  middle 
of  the  room  was  a  kind  of  a  lovely  crockery  basket  that  had  apples  and  oranges 
and  peaches  and  grapes  piled  up  in  it  which  was  much  redder  and  yellower  and 
prettier  than  real  ones  is,  but  they  warn't  real  because  you  could  see  where  pieces 
had  got  chipped  off  and  showed  the  white  chalk  or  whatever  it  was,  underneath. 

This  table  had  a  cover  made  out  of  beautiful  oil-cloth,  with  a  red  and  blue 
spread-eagle  painted  on  it,  and  a  painted  border  all  around.  It  come  all  the  way 
from  Philadelphia,  they  said.  There  was  some  books  too,  piled  up  perfectly 
exact,  on  each  corner  of  the  table.  One  was  a  big  family  Bible,  full  of  pictures. 
One  was  "  Pilgrim's  Progress,  "about  a  man  that  left  his  family  it  didn't  say  why. 
I  read  considerable  in  it  now  and  then.  The  statements  was  interesting,  but 
tough.  Another  was  "  Friendship's  Offering,"  full  of  beautiful  stuff  and  poetry  ; 
but  I  didn't  read  the  poetry.  Another  was  Henry  Clay's  Speeches,  and  another 
was  Dr.  Gunn's  Family  Medicine,  which  told  you  all  about  what  to  do  if  a  body 
was  sick  or  dead.  There  was  a  Hymn  Book,  and  a  lot  of  other  books.  And 
there  was  nice  split-bottom  chairs,  and  perfectly  sound,  too — not  bagged  down  in 
the  middle  and  busted,  like  an  old  basket. 

They  had  pictures  hung  on  the  walls — mainly  Washingtons  and  Lafayettes, 
and  battles,  and  Highland  Marys,  and  one  called  "  Signing  the  Declaration."  There 
was  some  that  they  called  crayons,  which  one  of  the  daughters  which  was  dead 
made  her  own  self  when  she  was  only  fifteen  years  old.  They  was  different  from 
any  pictures  I  ever  see  before  ;  blacker,  mostly,  than  is  common.  One  was  a 
woman  in  a  slim  black  dress,  belted  small  under  the  arm-pits,  with  bulges  like  a 
cabbage  in  the  middle  of  the  sleeves,  and  a  large  black  scoop-shovel  bonnet  with 
a  black  veil,  and  white  slim  ankles  crossed  about  with  black  tape,  and  very  wee 
black  slippers,  like  a  chisel,  and  she  was  leaning  pensive  on  a  tombstone  on  her 


138 


THE  ADVENTURES  OF  HUCKLEBERRY  FINN. 


right  elbow,  under  a  weeping  willow,  and  her  other  hand  hanging  down  her  side 
holding  a  white  handkerchief  and  a  reticule,  and  underneath  the  picture  it  said 
"  Shall  I  Never  See  Thee  More  Alas."  Another  one  was  a  young  lady  with  her 
hair  all  combed  up  straight  to  the  top  of  her  head,  and  knotted  there  in  front  of 
a  comb  like  a  chair-back,  and  she  was  crying  into  a  handkerchief  and  had  a  dead 
bird  laying  on  its  back  in  her  other  hand  with  its  heels  up,  and  underneath  the 
picture  it  said  "I  Shall  Never  Hear  Thy  Sweet  Chirrup  More  Alas."  There  was 
one  where  a  young  lady  was  at  a  window  looking  up  at  the  moon,  and  tears 
running  down  her  cheeks  ;  and  she  had  an  open  letter  in  one  hand  with  black 

sealing-wax  showing  on  one  edge  of 
it,  and  she  was  mashing  a  locket 
with  a  chain  to  it  against  her  mouth, 
and  underneath  the  picture  it  said 
"And  Art  Thou  Gone  Yes  Thou 
Art  Gone  Alas."  These  was  all 
nice  pictures,  I  reckon,  but  I  didn't 
somehow  seem  to  take  to  them,  be 
cause  if  ever  I  was  down  a  little, 
they  always  give  me  the  fan-tods. 
Everybody  was  sorry  she  died,  be 
cause  she  had  laid  out  a  lot  more  of 
these  pictures  to  do,  and  a  body 
could  see  by  what  she  had  done  what 
they  had  lost.  But  I  reckoned, 
that  with  her  disposition,  she  was 
having  a  better  time  in  the  grave 
yard.  She  was  at  work  on  what 
they  said  was  her  greatest  picture 
when  she  took  sick,  and  every  day 
and  every  night  it  was  her  prayer  to 

be  allowed  to  live  till  she  got  it  done,  but  she  never  got  the  chance.  It  was  a 
picture  of  a  young  woman  in  a  long  white  gown,  standing  on  the  rail  of  a  bridge 
all  ready  to  jump  off,  with  her  hair  all  down  her  back,  and  looking  up  to  the 


IT  MADE  HER  LOOK   SPIDERY. 


STEPHEN  DOWLING  BOTS.  139 

moon,  with  the  tears  running  down  her  face,  and  she  had  two  arms  folded 
across  her  breast,  and  two  arms  stretched  out  in  front,  and  two  more  reaching 
up  towards  the  moon — and  the  idea  was,  to  see  which  pair  would  look  best  and 
then  scratch  out  all  the  other  arms  ;  but,  as  I  was  saying,  she  died  before  she 
got  her  mind  made  up,  and  now  they  kept  this  picture  over  the  head  of  the 
bed  in  her  room,  and  every  time  her  birthday  come  .they  hung  flowers  on  it. 
Other  times  it  was  hid  with  a  little  curtain.  The  young  woman  in  the  picture 
had  a  kind  of  a  nice  sweet  face,  but  there  was  so  many  arms  it  made  her  look 
too  spidery,  seemed  to  me. 

This  young  girl  kept  a  scrap-book  when  she  was  alive,  and  used  to  paste 
obituaries  and  accidents  and  cases  of  patient  suffering  in  it  out  of  the  Pres 
byterian  Observer,  and  write  poetry  after  them  out  of  her  own  head.  It  was 
very  good  poetry.  This  is  what  she  wrote  about  a  boy  by  the  name  of  Stephen 
Dowling  Bots  that  fell  down  a  well  and  was  drownded  : 


ODE  TO  STEPHEN  DOWLING  BOTS,  DEC'D. 

And  did  young  Stephen  sicken, 
And  did  young  Stephen  die  ? 

And  did  the  sad  hearts  thicken, 
And  did  the  mourners  cry  ? 


No  ;  such  was  not  the  fate  of 
Young  Stephen  Dowling  Bots  ; 

Though  sad  hearts  round  him  thickened, 
'Twas  not  from  sickness*  shots. 


No  whooping-cough  did  rack  his  frame. 
Nor  measles  drear,  with  spots  ; 

Not  these  impaired  the  sacred  name 
Of  Stephen  Dowling  Bots. 


140 


THE  ADVENTURES  OF  HUCKLEBERRY  FINK. 


Despised  love  struck  not  with  woe 

That  head  of  curly  knots, 
Nor  stomach  troubles  laid  him  low, 

Young  Stephen  Dowling  Bots. 

0  no.     Then  list  with  tearful  eye, 

Whilst  I  his  fate  do  tell. 
His  soul  did  from  this  cold  world  fly, 

By  falling  down  a  well. 

They  got  him  out  and  emptied  him  ; 

Alas  it  was  too  late  ; 
His  spirit  was  gone  for  to  sport  aloft 

In  the  realms  of  the  good  and  great. 


THEY  GOT  HIM  OUT  AND   EMPTIED  HIM.1 


POETICAL  EFFUSIONS.  141 


If  Emmeline  Grangerf ord  could  make  poetry  like  that  before  she  was  fourteen, 
there  ain't  no  telling  what  she  could  a  done  by-and-bj.  Buck  said  she 
could  rattle  off  poetry  like  nothing.  She  didn't  ever  have  to  stop  to  think. 
He  said  she  would  slap  down  a  line,  and  if  she  couldn't  find  anything  to 
rhyme  with  it  she  would  just  scratch  it  out  and  slap  down  another  one, 
and  go  ahead.  She  warn't  particular,  she  could  write  about  anything  you 
choose  to  give  her  to  write  about,  just  so  it  was  sadful.  Every  time  a  man 
died,  or  a  woman  died,  or  a  child  died,  she  would  be  on  hand  with  her 
"  tribute "  before  he  was  cold.  She  called  them  tributes.  The  neighbors 
said  it  was  the  doctor  first,  then  Emmeline,  then  the  undertaker — the  under 
taker  never  got  in  ahead  of  Emmeline  but  once,  and  then  she  hung  fire  on  a 
rhyme  for  the  dead  person's  name,  which  was  "Whistler.  She  warn't  ever 
the  same,  after  that ;  she  never  complained,  but  she  kind  of  pined  away 
and  did  not  live  long.  Poor  thing,  many's  the  time  I  made  myself  go  up 
to  the  little  room  that  used  to  be  hers  and  get  out  her  poor  old  scrap- 
book  and  read  in  it  when  her  pictures  had  been  aggravating  me  and  I 
had  soured  on  her  a  little.  I  liked  all  that  family,  dead  ones  and  all,  and 
warn't  going  to  let  anything  come  between  us.  Poor  Emmeline  made  poetry 
about  all  the  dead  people  when  she  was  alive,  and  it  didn't  seem  right  that 
there  warn't  nobody  to  make  some  about  her,  now  she  was  gone ;  so  I  tried 
to  sweat  out  a  verse  or  two  myself,  but  I  couldn't  seem  to  make  it  go, 
somehow.  They  kept  Emmeline's  room  trim  and  nice  and  all  the  things  fixed 
in  it  just  the  way  she  liked  to  have  them  when  she  was  alive,  and  nobody 
ever  slept  there.  The  old  lady  took  care  of  the  room  herself,  though  there 
was  plenty  of  niggers,  and  she  sewed  there  a  good  deal  and  read  her  Bible 
there,  mostly. 

Well,  as  I  was  saying  about  the  parlor,  there  was  beautiful  curtains  on 
the  windows  :  white,  with  pictures  painted  on  them,  of  castles  with  vines  all 
down  the  walls,  and  cattle  coming  down  to  drink.  There  was  a  little  old 
piano,  too,  that  had  tin  pans  in  it,  I  reckon,  and  nothing  was  ever  so  lovely  as 
to  hear  the  young  ladies  sing,  "  The  Last  Link  is  Broken  "  and  play  "  The  Battle 
of  Prague"  on  it.  The  walls  of  all  the  rooms  was  plastered,  and  most  had 
carpets  on  the  floors,  and  the  whole  house  was  whitewashed  on  the  outside. 


142 


THE  ADVENTURES  OF  HUCKLEBERRY  FINN. 


It  was  a  double  house,  and  the  big  open  place  betwixt  them  was  roofed 
and  floored,  and  sometimes  the  table  was  set  there  in  the  middle  of  the 
day,  and  it  was  a  cool,  comfortable  place.  Nothing  couldn't  be  better.  And 
warn't  the  cooking  good,  and  just  bushels  of  it  too  ! 


GRANGERFORD  was  a  gentleman,  you 
see.  He  was  a  gentleman  all  over ; 
and  so  was  his  family.  He  was  well 
born,  as  the  saying  is,  and  that's  worth 
as  much  in  a  man  as  it  is  in  a  horse, 
so  the  Widow  Douglass  said,  and  no 
body  ever  denied  that  she  was  of  the 
first  aristocracy  in  our  town;  and 
pap  he  always  said  it,  too,  though  he 
warn't  no  more  quality  than  a  mud- 
cat,  himself.  Col.  Grangerford  was 
very  tall  and  very  slim,  and  had  a 
darkish-paly  complexion,  not  a  sign  of 
red  in  it  anywheres  ;  he  was  clean- 
shaved  every  morning,  all  over  his 
thin  face,  and  he  had  the  thinnest 
kind  of  lips,  and  the  thinnest  kind  of 

nostrils,  and  a  high  nose,  and  heavy  eyebrows,  and  the  blackest  kind  of  eyes, 
sunk  so  deep  back  that  they  seemed  like  they  was  looking  out  of  caverns  at  you, 
as  you  may  say.  His  forehead  was  high,  and  his  hair  was  black  and  straight, 
and  hung  to  his  shoulders.  His  hands  was  long  and  thin,  and  every  day  of 
his  life  he  put  on  a  clean  shirt  and  a  full  suit  from  head  to  foot  made  out  of 
linen  so  white  it  hurt  your  eyes  to  look  at  it  ;  and  on  Sundays  he  wore  a  blue 
tail-coat  with  brass  buttons  on  it.  He  carried  a  mahogany  cane  with  a  silver 


COL.    GRANOKRFORD. 


144  TEE  ADVENTURES  OF  HUCKLEBERRY  FINN. 

head  to  it.  There  warn't  no  frivolishness  about  him,  not  a  bit,  and  he  warn't 
ever  loud.  He  was  as  kind  as  he  could  be — you  could  feel  that,  you  know,  and 
so  you  had  confidence.  Sometimes  he  smiled,  and  it  was  good  to  see  ;  but  when 
he  straightened  himself  up  like  a  liberty-pole,  and  the  lightning  begun  to  nicker 
out  from  under  his  eyebrows  you  wanted  to  climb  a  tree  first,  and  find  out  what 
the  matter  was  afterwards.  He  didn't  ever  have  to  tell  anybody  to  mind  their 
manners — everybody  was  always  good  mannered  where  he  was.  Everybody 
loved  to  have  him  around,  too  ;  he  was  sunshine  most  always — I  mean  he  made 
it  seem  like  good  weather.  When  he  turned  into  a  cloud-bank  it  was  awful 
dark  for  a  half  a  minute  and  that  was  enough  ;  there  wouldn't  nothing  go  wrong 
again  for  a  week. 

When  him  and  the  old  lady  come  down  in  the  morning,  all  the  family  got  up 
out  of  their  chairs  and  give  them  good-day,  and  didn't  set  down  again  till  they 
had  set  down.  Then  Tom  and  Bob  went  to  the  sideboard  where  the  decanters 
was,  and  mixed  a  glass  of  bitters  and  handed  it  to  him,  and  he  held  it  in  his 
hand  and  waited  till  Tom's  and  Bob's  was  mixed,  and  then  they  bowed  and  said 
"  Our  duty  to  you,  sir,  and  madam  ; "  and  they  bowed  the  least  bit  in  the  world 
and  said  thank  you,  and  so  they  drank,  all  three,  and  Bob  and  Tom  poured  a 
spoonful  of  water  on  the  sugar  and  the  mite  of  whisky  or  apple  brandy  in  the 
bottom  of  their  tumblers,  and  give  it  to  me  and  Buck,  and  we  drank  to  the  old 
people  too. 

Bob  was  the  oldest,  and  Tom  next.  Tall,  beautiful  men  with  very  broad 
shoulders  and  brown  faces,  and  long  black  hair  and  black  eyes.  They  dressed 
in  white  linen  from  head  to  foot,  like  the  old  gentleman,  and  wore  broad 
Panama  hats. 

Then  there  was  Miss  Charlotte,  she  was  twenty-five,  and  tall  and  proud  and 
grand,  but  as  good  as  she  could  be,  when  she  warn't  stirred  up ;  but  when  she 
was,  she  had  a  look  that  would  make  you  wilt  in  your  tracks,  like  her  father. 
She  was  beautiful. 

So  was  her  sister,  Miss  Sophia,  but  it  was  a  different  kind.  She  was  gentle 
and  sweet,  like  a  dove,  and  she  was  only  twenty 

Each  person  had  their  own  nigger  to  wait  on  them — Buck,  too.     My  nigger 


ARISTOCRACY. 


145 


had  a  monstrous  easy  time,  because  I  warn't  used  to  having  anybody  do  anything 
for  me,  but  Buck's  was  on  the  jump  most  of  the  time. 

This  was  all  there  was  of  the  family,  now  ;  but  there  used  to  be  more — three 
sons  ;  they  got  killed  ;  and  Emmeline  that  died. 

The  old  gentleman  owned  a  lot  of  farms,  and  over  a  hundred  niggers. 
Sometimes  a  stack  of  people  would  come  there,  horseback,  from  ten  or  fifteen 
mile  around,  and  stay  five  or  six  days,  and  have  such  junketings  round  about  and 
on  the  river,  and  dances  and  picnics  in  the  woods,  day-times,  and  balls  at  the 
house,  nights.  These  people  was 
mostly  kin-folks  of  the  family. 
The  men  brought  their  guns 
with  them.  It  was  a  handsome 
lot  of  quality,  I  tell  you. 

There  was  another  clan  of 
aristocracy  around  there — fivo 
or  six  families — mostly  of  the 
name  of  Shepherdson.  They 
was  as  high-toned,  and  well 
born,  and  rich  and  grand,  as  the 
tribe  of  Grangerfords.  The 
Shepherdsons  and  the  Granger- 
fords  used  the  same  steamboat 
landing,  which  was  about  two 
mile  above  our  house  ;  so  some 
times  when  I  went  up  there 
with  a  lot  of  our  folks  I  used  to 
see  a  lot  of  the  Shepherdsons 
there,  on  their  fine  horses. 

One  day  Buck  and  me  was 
away  out  in  the  woods,  hunt 
ing,  and  heard  a  horse  coming.  We  was  crossing  the  road.  Buck  says  : 

"  Quick  !    Jump  for  the  woods  1 " 

10 


YOUNG  HARNEY   SHEPHERDSON1. 


146 


THE  ADVENTURES  OF  HUCKLEBERRY  FINN. 


We  done  it,  and  then  peeped  down  the  woods  through  the  leaves. 
Pretty  soon  a  splendid  young  man  come  galloping  down  the  road,  setting  hia 
horse  easy  and  looking  like  a  soldier.  He  had  his  gun  across  his  pommel.  I 
had  seen  him  before.  It  was  young  Harney  Shepherdson.  I  heard  Buck's  gun 
go  off  at  my  ear,  and  Harney's  hat  tumbled  off  from  his  head.  He  grabbed 
his  gun  and  rode  straight  to  the  place  where  we  was  hid.  But  we  didn't 
wait.  We  started  through  the  woods  on  a  run.  The  woods  warn't  thick,  so 
I  looked  over  my  shoulder,  to  dodge  the  bullet,  and  twice  I  seen  Harney  cover 
Buck  with  his  gun  ;  and  then  he  rode  away  the  way  he  come — to  get  his  hat,  I 
reckon,  but  I  couldn't  see.  We  never  stopped  running  till  we  got  home.  The 
old  gentleman's  eyes  blazed  a  minute — 'twas  pleasure,  mainly,  I  judged — then 

his  face  sort  of  smoothed  down,  and  he 
says,  kind  of  gentle  : 

"  I  don't  like  that  shooting  from  be 
hind  a  bush.  Why  didn't  you  step  into 
the  road,  my  boy  ?  " 

"The  Shepherdsons  don't,  father. 
They  always  take  advantage." 

Miss  Charlotte  she  held  her  head  up 
like  a  queen  while  Buck  was  telling 
his  tale,  and  her  nostrils  spread  and  her 
eyes  snapped.  The  two  young  men 
looked  dark,  but  never  said  nothing. 
Miss  Sophia  she  turned  pale,  but  the 
color  come  back  when  she  found  the 
man  warn't  hurt. 

Soon  as  I  could  get  Buck  down  by 
the  corn-cribs  under  the  trees  by  our- 
I       T^^f^^^^N  selves,  I  says  : 

MISS  CHAKLOTTK.  "Did  you  want  to  kill  him,  Buck  ?' 

"Well,  I  bet  I  did." 
"  What  did  he  do  to  you  ?" 


FEUDS.  147 


tf  Him  ?    He  never  done  nothing  to  me." 

"  Well,  then,  what  did  you  want  to  kill  him  for  ?  " 

"  Why  nothing — only  it's  on  account  of  the  feud." 

"What's  a  feud?" 

"  Why,  where  was  you  raised  ?  Don't  you  know  what  a  feud  is  ?  " 

"Never  heard  of  it  before— tell  me  about  it." 

"  Well,"  says  Buck,  "a  feud  is  this  way.  A  man  has  a  quarrel  with  another 
man,  and  kills  him;  then  that  other  man's  brother  kills  Aim;  then  the  other 
brothers,  on  both  sides,  goes  for  one  another ;  then  the  cousins  chip  in — and  by- 
and-by  everybody's  killed  off,  and  there  ain't  no  more  feud.  But  it's  kind  of 
slow,  and  takes  a  long  time." 

"  Has  this  one  been  going  on  long,  Buck  ?  " 

"Well  I  should  reckon!  it  started  thirty  year  ago,  or  som'ers  along  there. 
There  was  trouble  'bout  something  and  then  a  lawsuit  to  settle  it ;  and  the  suit 
went  agin  one  of  the  men,  and  so  he  up  and  shot  the  man  that  won  the  suit — 
which  he  would  naturally  do,  of  course.  Anybody  would." 

"WThat  was  the  trouble  about,  Buck? — land  ?" 

"I  reckon  maybe — I  don't  know." 

"  Well,  who  done  the  shooting  ?  — was  it  a  Grangerford  or  a  Shepherd- 
eon  ?  " 

"  Laws,  how  do  /know  ?  it  was  so  long  ago." 

"Don't  anybody  know  ?" 

"Oh,  yes,  pa  knows,  I  reckon,  and  some  of  the  other  old  folks;  but  they 
don't  know,  now,  what  the  row  was  about  in  the  first  place. " 

"  Has  there  been  many  killed,  Buck  ?  " 

"  Yes — right  smart  chance  of  funerals.  But  they  don't  always  kill.  Pa's 
got  a  few  buck-shot  in  him  ;  but  he  don't  mind  it  'cuz  he  don't  weigh  much 
anyway.  Bob's  been  carved  up  some  with  a  bowie,  and  Tom's  been  hurt  once  or 
twice." 

"Has  anybody  been  killed  this  year,  Buck  ? " 

"  Yes,  we  got  one  and  they  got  one.  'Bout  three  months  ago,  my  cousin 
Bud,  fourteen  year  old,  was  riding  through  the  woods,  on  t'other  side  of  the  river, 


148  THE  ADVENTURES  OF  HUCKLEBERRY  FINN. 

and  didn't  have  no  weapon  with  him,  which  was  blame'  foolishness,  and  in  a  lone 
some  place  he  hears  a  horse  a-coming  behind  him,  and  sees  old  Baldy  Shepherd- 
son  a-linkin'  after  him  with  his  gun  in  his  hand  and  his  white  hair  a-flying  in  the 
wind  ;  and  'stead  of  jumping  off  and  taking  to  the  brush,  Bud  'lowed  he  could 
outrun  him  ;  so  they  had  it,  nip  and  tuck,  for  five  mile  or  more,  the  old  man 
a-gaining  all  the  time  ;  so  at  last  Bud  seen  it  warn't  any  use,  so  he  stopped  and 
faced  around  so  as  to  have  the  bullet  holes  in  front,  you  know,  and  the  old  man 
he  rode  up  and  shot  him  down.  But  he  didn't  git  much  chance  to  enjoy  his 
luck,  for  inside  of  a  week  our  folks  laid  him  out." 

"  I  reckon  that  old  man  was  a  coward,  Buck." 

"  I  reckon  he  warn't  a  coward.  Not  by  a  blame'  sight.  There  ain't  a  coward 
amongst  them  Shepherdsons— not  a  one.  And  there  ain't  no  cowards  amongst 
the  Grangerfords,  either.  Why,  that  old  man  kep'  up  his  end  in  a  fight  one  day, 
for  a  half  an  hour,  against  three  Grangerfords,  and  come  out  winner.  They  was 
all  a-horseback  ;  he  lit  off  of  his  horse  and  got  behind  a  little  wood-pile,  and  kep' 
his  horse  before  him  to  stop  the  bullets  ;  but  the  Grangerfords  staid  on  their 
horses  and  capered  around  the  old  man,  and  peppered  away  at  him,  and  he 
peppered  away  at  them.  Him  and  his  horse  both  went  home  pretty  leaky  and 
crippled,  bat  the  Grangerfords  had  to  be  fetched  home — and  one  of  'em  was 
dead,  and  another  died  the  next  day.  No,  sir,  if  a  body's  out  hunting  for 
cowards,  he  don't  want  to  fool  away  any  time  amongst  them  Shepherdsons,  becuz 
they  don't  breed  any  of  that  kind." 

Next  Sunday  we  all  went  to  church,  about  three  mile,  everybody  a-horseback. 
The  men  took  their  guns  along,  so  did  Buck,  and  kept  them  between  their  knees 
or  stood  them  handy  against  the  wall.  The  Shepherdsons  done  the  same.  It 
was  pretty  ornery  preaching— all  about  brotherly  love,  and  such-like  tiresomeness; 
but  everybody  said  it  was  a  good  sermon,  and  they  all  talked  it  over  going 
home,  and  had  such  a  powerful  lot  to  say  about  faith,  and  good  works,  and  free 
grace,  and  preforeordestination,  and  I  don't  know  what  all,  that  it  did  seem  to 
me  to  be  one  of  the  roughest  Sundays  I  had  run  across  yet. 

About  an  hoar  after  dinner  everybody  was  dozing  around,  some  in  their  chairs 
and  some  in  their  rooms,  and  it  got  to  be  pretty  dull.  Buck  and  a  dog  was 


TEE  TES1AMENT. 


149 


stretched  out  on  the  grass  in  the  sun,  sound  asleep.  I  went  up  to  our  room,  and 
judged  I  would  take  a  nap  myself.  I  found  that  sweet  Miss  Sophia  standing  in 
her  door,  which  was  next  to  ours,  and  she  took  me  in  her  room  and  shut  the 
door  very  soft,  and  asked  me  if  I  liked  her,  and  I  said  I  did  ;  and  she  asked  me 
if  I  would  do  something  for  her  and  not  tell  anybody,  and  I  said  I  would.  Then 
ghe  said  she'd  forgot  her  Testament,  and  left  it  in  the  seat  at  church,  between 
two  other  books  and  would  I  slip  out  quiet  and  go  there  and  fetch  it  to  her, 
and  not  say  nothing  to  nobody.  I  said  I  would.  So  I  slid  out  and  slipped  off 
up  the  road,  and  there  warn't  anybody  at  the  church,  except  maybe  a  hog  or 
two,  for  there  warn't  any  lock  on  the  door,  and  hogs  likes  a  puncheon  floor 
in  summer-time  because  it's  cool. 
If  you  notice,  most  folks  don't  go  to 
church  only  when  they've  got  to ; 
but  a  hog  is  different. 

Says  I  to  myself  something's  up 
— it  ain't  natural  for  a  girl  to  be 
in  such  a  sweat  about  a  Testament ; 
so  I  give  it  a  shake,  and  out  drops  a 
little  piece  of  paper  with  "Half-past 
two  "  wrote  on  it  with  a  pencil.  I 
ransacked  it,  but  couldn't  find  any 
thing  else.  I  couldn't  make  any 
thing  out  of  that,  so  I  put  the  paper 
in  the  book  again,  and  when  I  got  -j 
home  and  up  stairs,  there  was  Miss 
Sophia  in  her  door  waiting  for  me. 
She  pulled  me  in  and  shut  the  door  ; 
then  she  looked  in  the  Testament 
till  she  found  the  paper,  and  as  soon 


K- 


AND   ASKED   ME   IP   I    L1KKD   HER.' 


as    she   read  it   she  looked  glad ; 

and  before  a  body  could  think,  she  grabbed  me  and  give  me  a  squeeze,  and  said  I 

was  the  best  boy  in  the  world,  ar..d  not  to  tell  anybody.     She  was  mighty  red  ID 


150  TEE  ADVENTURES  OF  HUCKLEBERRY  FINN. 

the  face,  for  a  minute,  and  her  eyes  lighted  up  and  it  made  her  powerful  pretty. 
I  was  a  good  deal  astonished,  but  when  I  got  my  breath  I  asked  her  what  the 
paper  was  about,  and  she  asked  me  if  I  had  read  it,  and  I  said  no,  and  she  asked 
me  if  I  could  read  writing,  and  I  told  her  "  no,  only  coarse-hand,"  and  then  she 
said  the  paper  warn't  anything  but  a  book-mark  to  keep  her  place,  and  I  might 
go  and  play  now. 

I  went  off  down  to  the  river,  studying  over  this  thing,  and  pretty  soon  I 
noticed  that  my  nigger  was  following  along  behind.  When  we  was  out  of  sight 
of  the  house,  he  looked  back  and  around  a  second,  and  then  comes  a-running, 
and  says  : 

"  Mars  Jawge,  if  you'll  come  down  into  de  swamp,  I'll  show  you  a  whole 
stack  o'  water-moccasins." 

Thinks  I,  that's  mighty  curious ;  he  said  that  yesterday.  He  oughter  know 
a  body  don't  love  water-moccasins  enough  to  go  around  hunting  for  them.  What 
is  he  up  to  anyway  ?  So  I  says — 

"  All  right,  trot  ahead." 

I  followed  a  half  a  mile,  then  he  struck  out  over  the  swamp  and  waded 
ankle  deep  as  much  as  another  half  mile.  We  come  to  a  little  flat  piece  of  land 
which  was  dry  and  very  thick  with  trees  and  bushes  and  vines,  and  he  says — 

"You  shove  right  in  dah,  jist  a  few  steps,  Mars  Jawge,  dah's  whah  dey  is.  Fs 
seed  'm  befo',  I  don't  k'yer  to  see  'em  no  mo'." 

Then  he  slopped  right  along  and  went  away,  and  pretty  soon  the  trees  hid 
him.  I  poked  into  the  place  a-ways,  and  come  to  a  little  open  patch  as  big  as  a 
bedroom,  all  hung  around  with  vines,  and  found  a  man  laying  there  asleep — and 
by  jings  it  was  my  old  Jim  ! 

I  waked  him  up,  and  I  reckoned  it  was  going  to  be  a  grand  surprise  to  him  to 
see  me  again,  but  it  warn't.  He  nearly  cried,  he  was  so  glad,  but  he  warn't 
surprised.  Said  he  swum  along  behind  me,  that  night,  and  heard  me  yell  every 
time,  but  dasn't  answer,  because  he  didn't  want  nobody  to  pick  him  up,  and  take 
him  into  slavery  again.  Says  he — 

"  I  got  hurt  a  little,  en  couldn't  swim  fas',  so  I  wuz  a  considable  ways  behine 
you,  towards  de  las' ;  when  you  landed  I  reck'ned  I  could  ketch  up  wid  you  on  de 


RECOVERING   THE  RAFT.  151 

Ian'  ?dout  havin'  to  shout  at  you,  but  when  I  see  dat  house  I  begin  to  go  slow.  I 
'uz  off  too  fur  to  hear  what  dey  say  to  you — I  wuz  'fraid  o'  de  dogs— but  when  it 
'uz  all  quiet  agin,  I  knowed  you's  in  de  house,  so  I  struck  out  for  de  woods  to 
wait  for  day.  Early  in  de  mawnin'  some  er  de  niggers  come  along,  gwyne  to  de 
fields,  en  dey  tuck  me  en  showed  me  dis  place,  whah  de  dogs  can't  track  me  on 
accounts  o'  de  water,  en  dey  brings  me  truck  to  eat  every  night,  en  tells  me  how 
you's  a  gitt'n  along." 

"  Why  didn't  you  tell  my  Jack  to  fetch  me  here  sooner,  Jim  ?  " 
"  Well,  'twarn't  no  use  to  'sturb  you,  Huck,  tell  we  could  do  sumf  n— but  we's 
all  right,  now.     1  ben  a-buyin'  pots  en  pans  en  vittles,  as  I  got  a  chanst,  en  a 

patchin'  up  de  raf,  nights,  when " 

"  TF/i^raft,  Jim?" 
"Our  oleraf." 

"You  mean  to  say  our  old  raft  warn't  smashed  all  to  flinders  ?" 
"  No,  she  warn't.  She  was  tore  up  a  good  deal — one  en'  of  her  was — but  dey 
warn't  no  great  harm  done,  on'y  our  traps  was  mos'  all  los'.  Ef  we  hadn'  dive' 
so  deep  en  swum  so  fur  under  water,  en  de  night  hadn'  ben  so  dark,  en  we  warn't 
so  sk'yerd,  en  ben  sich  punkin-heads,  as  de  savin'  is,  we'd  a  seed  de  raf.  But  it's 
jis'  as  well  we  didn't,  'kase  now  she's  all  fixed  up  agin  mos'  as  good  as  new,  en 
we's  got  a  new  lot  o'  stuff,  too,  in  de  place  o'  what  'uz  los'." 

"Why,  how  did  you  get  hold  of  the  raft  again,  Jim — did  you  catch  her  ?" 
"  How  I  gwyne  to  ketch  her,  en  I  out  in  de  woods  ?  No,  some  er  de  niggers 
foun'  her  ketched  on  a  snag,  along  heah  in  de  ben',  en  dey  hid  her  in  a  crick, 
'mongst  de  willows,  en  dey  wuz  so  much  jawin'  'bout  which  un  'um  she  b'long  to  de 
mos',  dat  I  come  to  heah  'bout  it  pooty  soon,  so  I  ups  en  settles  de  trouble  by  tellin' 
'um  she  don't  b'long  to  none  uv  um,  but  to  you  en  me  ;  en  I  ast  'm  if  dey  gwyne  to 
grab  a  young  white  genlman's  propaty,  en  git  a  hid'n  for  it  ?  Den  I  gin  'in  ten 
cents  apiece,  en  dey  'uz  mighty  well  satisfied,  en  wisht  some  mo'  raf's  'ud  come 
along  en  make  'm  rich  agin.  Dey's  mighty  good  to  me,  dese  niggers  is,  en 
whatever  I  wants  'm  to  do  fur  me,  I  doan'  have  to  ast  'm  twice,  honey.  Dafc 
Jack's  a  good  nigger,  en  pooty  smart," 

"  Yes,  he  is.     He  ain't  ever  told  me  you  was  here  ;  told  me  to  come,  and  he'd 


152  THE  ADVENTURES  OF  HUCKLEBERRY  FINN. 

show  me  a  lot  of  water-moccasins.     If  anything  happens,  he  ain't  mixed  up  in  it. 
He  can  say  he  never  seen  us  together,  and  it'll  be  the  truth. " 

I  don't  want  to  talk  much  about  the  next  day.  I  reckon  I'll  cut  it  pretty 
short.  I  waked  up  about  dawn,  and  was  agoing  to  turn  over  and  go  to  sleep 
again,  when  I  noticed  how  still  it  was — didn't  seem  to  be  anybody  stirring, 
That  warn't  usual.  Next  I  noticed  that  Buck  was  up  and  gone.  Well,  I  gets 
up,  a- wondering,  and  goes  down  stairs — nobody  around ;  everything  as  still  as 
a  mouse.  Just  the  same  outside ;  thinks  I,  what  does  it  mean  ?  Down  by  the 
wood-pile  I  comes  across  my  Jack,  and  says  : 

"  What's  it  all  about  ?  " 

Says  he  : 

"  Don't  you  know,  Mars  Jawge  ?  " 

"No,"  says  I,  "I  don't." 

"  Well,  den,  Miss  Sophia's  run  off  !  'deed  she  has.  She  run  off  in  de  night, 
sometime — nobody  don't  know  jis'  when — run  off  to  git  married  to  dat  young 
Harney  Shepherdson,  you  know — leastways,  so  dey  'spec.  De  fambly  foun'  it 
out,  'bout  half  an  hour  ago — maybe  a  little  mo' — en'  I  tell  you  dey  warn't  no  time 
los'.  Sich  another  hurryin'  up  guns  en  hosses  you  never  see  !  De  women  folks 
has  gone  for  to  stir  up  de  relations,  en  ole  Mars  Saul  en  de  boys  tuck  dey  guns  en 
rode  up  de  river  road  for  to  try  to  ketch  'dat  young  man  en  kill  him  'fo'  he  kin 
git  acrost  de  river  wid  Miss  Sophia.  I  reck'n  dey's  gwyne  to  be  mighty  rough 
times." 

"Buck  went  off  'thout  waking  me  up." 

"Well  I  reck'n  he  did!  Dey  warn't  gwyne  to  mix  you  up  in  it.  Mars 
Buck  he  loaded  up  his  gun  en  'lowed  he's  gwyne  to  fetch  home  a  Shepherdson  or 
bust.  Well,  dey'll  be  plenty  un  'm  dah,  I  reck'n,  en  you  bet  you  he'll  fetch  one 
ef  he  gits  a  chanst." 

I  took  up  the  river  road  as  hard  as  I  could  put.  By-and-by  I  begin  to  hear 
guns  a  good  ways  off.  When  I  come  in  sight  of  the  log  store  and  the  wood-pile 
where  the  steamboats  lands,  I  worked  along  under  the  trees  and  brush  till  I  got 
to  a  good  place,  and  then  I  dumb  up  into  the  forks  of  a  cotton-wood  that  was  out 
of  reach,  and  watched.  There  was  a  wood-rank  four  foot  high,  a  little  ways  in 


THE  WOOD  PILE.  153 


front  of  the  tree,  and  first  I  was  going  to  hide  behind  that ;  but  maybe  it  was 
luckier  I  didn't. 

There  was  four  or  five  men  cavorting  around  on  their  horses  in  the  open 
place  before  the  log  store,  cussing  and  yelling,  and  trying  to  get  at  a  couple  of 
young  chaps  that  was  behind  the  wood-rank  alongside  of  the  steamboat  landing — 
but  they  couldn't  come  it.  Every  time  one  of  them  showed  himself  on  the  river 


"  BEHIND   THE  WOOD-PILB." 

side  of  the  wood-pile  he  got  shot  at.     The  two  boys  was  squatting  back  to  back 
behind  the  pile,  so  they  could  watch  both  ways. 

By-and-by  the  men  stopped  cavorting  around  and  yelling.  They  started 
riding  towards  the  store  ;  then  up  gets  one  of  the  boys,  draws  a  steady  bead  over 
the  wood-rank,  and  drops  one  of  them  out  of  his  saddle.  All  the  men  jumped 
off  of  their  horses  and  grabbed  the  hurt  one  and  started  to  carry  him  to  the  store; 
and  that  minute  the  two  boys  started  on  the  run.  They  got  half-way  to  the  tree 
I  was  in  before  the  men  noticed.  Then  the  men  see  them,  and  jumped  on  their 
horses  and  took  out  after  them.  They  gained  on  the  boys,  but  it  didn't  do  no 
good,  the  boys  had  too  good  a  start ;  they  got  to  the  wood-pile  that  was  in  front 


154:  THE  ADVENTURES  OF  HUGKLEBERRT  FINN. 

of  my  tree,  and  slipped  in  behind  it,  and  so  they  had  the  bulge  on  the  men  again. 
One  of  the  boys  was  Buck,  and  the  other  was  a  slim  young  chap  about  nineteen 
years  old. 

The  men  ripped  around  awhile,  and  then  rode  away.  As  soon  as  they  was 
out  of  sight,  I  sung  out  to  Buck  and  told  him.  He  didn't  know  what  to  make  of 
my  voice  coming  out  of  the  tree,  at  first.  He  was  awful  surprised.  He  told  me 
to  watch  out  sharp  and  let  him  know  when  the  men  come  in  sight  again  ;  said 
they  was  up  to  some  devilment  or  other — wouldn't  be  gone  long.  I  wished  I  was 
out  of  that  tree,  but  I  dasn't  come  down.  Buck  begun  to  cry  and  rip,  and  'lowed 
that  him  and  his  cousin  Joe  (that  was  the  other  young  chap)  would  make  up  for 
this  day,  yet.  He  said  his  father  and  his  two  brothers  was  killed,  and  two  or 
three  of  the  enemy.  Said  the  Shepherdsons  laid  for  them,  in  ambush.  Buck 
said  his  father  and  brothers  ought  to  waited  for  their  relations — the  Shepherdsons 
was  too  strong  for  them.  I  asked  him  what  was  become  of  young  Harney  and 
Miss  Sophia.  He  said  they'd  got  across  the  river  and  was  safe.  I  was  glad  of 
that ;  but  the  way  Buck  did  take  on  because  he  didn't  manage  to  kill  Harney 
that  day  he  shot  at  him — I  hain't  ever  heard  anything  like  it. 

All  of  a  sudden,  bang  !  bang  !  bang !  goes  three  or  four  guns — the  men  had 
slipped  around  through  the  woods  and  come  in  from  behind  without  their  horses! 
The  boys  jumped  for  the  river — both  of  them  hurt — and  as  they  swum  down  the 
current  the  men  run  along  the  bank  shooting  at  them  and  singing  out,  "  Kill 
them,  kill  them  ! "  It  made  me  so  sick  I  most  fell  out  of  the  tree.  I  ain't  agoing 
to  tell  all  that  happened — it  would  make  me  sick  again  if  I  was  to  do  that.  I 
wished  I  hadn't  ever  come  ashore  that  night,  to  see  such  things.  I  ain't  ever 
going  to  get  shut  of  them — lots  of  times  I  dream  about  them. 

I  staid  in  the  tree  till  it  begun  to  get  dark,  afraid  to  come  down.  Sometimes 
I  heard  guns  away  off  in  the  woods  ;  and  twice  I  seen  little  gangs  of  men  gallop 
past  the  log  store  with  guns  ;  so  I  reckoned  the  trouble  was  still  agoing  on.  I 
was  mighty  down-hearted ;  so  I  made  up  my  mind  I  wouldn't  ever  go  anear 
that  house  again,  because  I  reckoned  I  was  to  blame,  somehow.  I  judged  that 
that  piece  of  paper  meant  that  Miss  Sophia  was  to  meet  Harney  somewheres  at 
half-past  two  and  run  off ;  and  I  judged  I  ought  to  told  her  father  about  that 


PORK  AND  CABBAGE.  155 


paper  and  the  curious  way  she  acted,  and  then  maybe  he  would  a  locked  her  up 
and  this  awful  mess  wouldn't  ever  happened. 

When  I  got  down  out  of  the  tree,  I  crept  along  down  the  river  bank  a 
piece,  and  found  the  two  bodies  laying  in  the  edge  of  the  water,  and  tugged 
at  them  till  I  got  them  ashore  ;  then  I  covered  up  their  faces,  and  got  away  as 
quick  as  I  could.  I  cried  a  little  when  I  was  covering  up  Buck's  face,  for  he 
was  mighty  good  to  me. 

It  was  just  dark,  now.  I  never  went  near  the  house,  but  struck  through  the 
woods  and  made  for  the  swamp.  Jim  warn't  on  his  island,  so  I  tramped  off  in 
a  hurry  for  the  crick,  and  crowded  through  the  willows,  red-hot  to  jump  aboard 
and  get  out  of  that  awful  country — the  raft  was  gone  !  My  souls,  but  I  was 
scared  !  I  couldn't  get  my  breath  for  most  a  minute.  Then  I  raised  a  yell.  A 
voice  not  twenty-five  foot  from  me,  says — 

"  Good  Ian'  !  is  dat  you,  honey  ?    Doan'  make  no  noise." 

It  was  Jim's  voice — nothing  ever  sounded  so  good  before.  I  run  along  the 
bank  a  piece  and  got  aboard,  and  Jim  he  grabbed  me  and  hugged  me,  he  was  so 
glad  to  see  me.  He  says — 

"  Laws  bless  you,  chile,  I  'uz  right  down  sho'  you's  dead  agin.  Jack's  been 
heah,  he  say  he  reck'n  you's  ben  shot,  kase  you  didn'  come  home  no  mo' ;  so 
I's  jes'  dis  minute  a  startin'  de  raf  down  towards  de  mouf  er  de  crick,  so's  to  be 
all  ready  for  to  shove  out  en  leave  soon  as  Jack  comes  agin  en  tells  me  for  certain 
you  is  dead.  Lawsy,  I's  mighty  glad  to  git  you  back  agin,  honey." 

I  says — 

"  All  right — that's  mighty  good  ;  they  won't  find  me,  and  they'll  think  I've 
been  killed,  and  floated  down  the  river — there's  something  up  there  that'll  help 
them  to  think  so — so  don't  you  lose  no  time,  Jim,  but  just  shove  off  for  the  big 
water  as  fast  as  ever  you  can. " 

I  never  felt  easy  till  the  raft  was  two  mile  below  there  and  out  in  the  middle 
of  the  Mississippi.  Then  we  hung  up  our  signal  lantern,  and  judged  that  we  was 
free  and  safe  once  more.  I  hadn't  had  a  bite  to  eat  since  yesterday  ;  so  Jim  he  got 
out  some  corn-dodgers  and  buttermilk,  and  pork  and  cabbage,  and  greens — 
there  ain't  nothing  in  the  world  so  good,  when  it's  cooked  right — and  whilst  I  eat 


156  THE  ADVENTURES  OF  HUGKLEEEEEY  FINN. 

my  supper  we  talked,  and  had  a  good  time.  I  was  powerful  glad  to  get  away 
from  the  feuds,  and  so  was  Jim  to  get  away  from  the  swamp.  We  said  there 
frarn't  no  home  like  a  raft,  after  all.  Other  places  do  seem  so  cramped  up  and 
smothery,  but  a  raft  don't.  You  feel  mighty  free  and  easy  and  comfortable  on 
a  raft. 


WO  or  three  days  and  nights  went  by  ; 
I  reckon  I  might  say  they  swum  by, 
they  slid  along  so  quiet  and  smooth 
and  lovely.  -  Here  is  the  way  we  put 
in  the  time.  It  was  a  monstrous  big 
river  down  there — sometimes  a  mile 
and  a  half  wide  ;  we  run  nights,  and 
laid  up  and  hid  day-times ;  soon  as 
night  was  most  gone,  we  stopped 
navigating  and  tied  up — nearly  al 
ways  in  the  dead  water  under  a  tow- 
head  ;  and  then  cut  young  cotton- 
woods  and  willows  and  hid  the  raft 
with  them.  Then  we  set  out  the 
lines.  Next  we  slid  into  the  river 
and  had  a  swim,  so  as  to  freshen  up 
and  cool  off ;  then  we  set  down  on 
the  sandy  bottom  where  the  water 

was  about  knee  deep,  and  watched  the  daylight  come.  Not  a  sound,  anywheres 
— perfectly  still — just  like  the  whole  world  was  asleep,  only  sometimes  the 
bull-frogs  a-cluttering,  maybe.  The  first  thing  to  see,  looking  away  over  the 
water,  was  a  kind  of  dull  line — that  was  the  woods  on  t'other  side — you  couldn't 
make  nothing  else  out ;  then  a  pale  place  in  the  sky ;  then  more  paleness, 
spreading  around  ;  then  the  river  softened  up,  away  off,  and  warn't  black 
any  more,  but  gray ;  you  could  see  little  dark  spots  drifting  along,  ever  so  far 


HIDING   DAT-TIMES. 


158  THE  ADVENTURES  OF  HUCKLEBERRY  FINN. 

away — trading  scows,  and  such  things  ;  and  long  black  streaks — rafts ;  some 
times  you  could  hear  a  sweep  screaking ;  or  jumbled  up  voices,  it  was  so  still, 
and  sounds  come  so  far ;  and  by-and-by  you  could  see  a  streak  on  the  water 
which  you  know  by  the  look  of  the  streak  that  there's  a  snag  there  in  a  swift 
current  which  breaks  on  it  and  makes  that  streak  look  that  way  ;  and  you  see 
the  mist  curl  up  off  of  the  water,  and  the  east  reddens  up,  and  the  river,  and  you 
make  out  a  log  cabin  in  the  edge  of  the  woods,  away  on  the  bank  on  t'other  side 
of  the  river,  being  a  wood-yard,  likely,  and  piled  by  them  cheats  so  you  can 
throw  a  dog  through  it  anywheres ;  then  the  nice  breeze  springs  up,  and  comes 
fanning  you  from  over  there,  so  cool  and  fresh,  and  sweet  to  smell,  on  account  of 
the  woods  and  the  flowers ;  but  sometimes  not  that  way,  because  they've  left 
dead  fish  laying  around,  gars,  and  such,  and  they  do  get  pretty  rank ;  and  next 
you've  got  the  full  day,  and  everything  smiling  in  the  sun,  and  the  song-birds 
just  going  it ! 

A  little  smoke  couldn't  be  noticed,  now,  so  we  would  take  some  fish  off  of  the 
lines,  and  cook  up  a  hot  breakfast.  And  afterwards  we  would  watch  the  lone- 
someness  of  the  river,  and  kind  of  lazy  along,  and  by-and-by  lazy  off  to  sleep. 
Wake  up,  by-and-by,  and  look  to  see  what  done  it,  and  maybe  see  a  steamboat, 
coughing  along  up  stream,  so  far  off  towards  the  other  side  you  couldn't  tell 
nothing  about  her  only  whether  she  was  stern- wheel  or  side-wheel ;  then  for  about 
an  hour  there  wouldn't  be  nothing  to  hear  nor  nothing  to  see — just  solid  lonesome- 
ness.  Next  you'd  see  a  raft  sliding  by,  away  off  yonder,  and  maybe  a  galoot  on  it 
chopping,  because  they're  most  always  doing  it  on  a  raft ;  you'd  see  the  ax  flash,  and 
come  down — you  don't  hear  nothing  ;  you  see  that  ax  go  up  again,  and  by  the  time 
it's  above  the  man's  head,  then  you  hear  the  I? chunk  ! — it  had  took  all  that  time 
to  come  over  the  water.  So  we  would  put  in  the  day,  lazying  around,  listening 
to  the  stillness.  Once  there  was  a  thick  fog,  and  the  rafts  and  things  that  went 
by  was  beating  tin  pans  so  the  steamboats  wouldn't  run  over  them.  A  scow  or  a 
raft  went  by  so  close  we  could  hear  them  talking  and  cussing  and  laughing — 
heard  them  plain  ;  but  we  couldn't  see  no  sign  of  them  ;  it  made  you  feel  crawly, 
it  was  like  spirits  carrying  on  that  way  in  the  air.  Jim  said  he  believed  it  was 
spirits  ;  but  I  says  : 


AN  ASTRONOMICAL  THEORY.  159 

"  No,  spirits  wouldn't  say,  '  dern  the  dern  fog.": 

Soon  as  it  was  night,  out  we  shoved;  when  we  got  her  out  to  about  the 
middle,  we  let  her  alone,  and  let  her  float  wherever  the  current  wanted  her 
to  ;  then  we  lit  the  pipes,  and  dangled  our  legs  in  the  water  and  talked  about 
all  kinds  of  things — we  was  always  naked,  day  and  night,  whenever  the 
mosquitoes  would  let  us — the  new  clothes  Buck's  folks  made  for  me  was 
too  good  to  be  comfortable,  and  besides  I  didn't  go  much  on  clothes,  no 
how. 

Sometimes  we'd  have  that  whole  river  all  to  ourselves  for  the  longest 
time.  Yonder  was  the  banks  and  the  islands,  across  the  water ;  and  maybe  a 
spark — which  was  a  candle  in  a  cabin  window — and  sometimes  on  the  water 
you  could  see  a  spark  or  two — on  a  raft  or  a  scow,  you  know  ;  and  maybe 
you  could  hear  a  fiddle  or  a  song  coming  over  from  one  of  them  crafts.  It's 
lovely  to  live  on  a  raft.  "We  had  the  sky,  up  there,  all  speckled  with  stars, 
and  we  used  to  lay  on  our  backs  and  look  up  at  them,  and  discuss  about 
whether  they  was  made,  or  only  just  happened — Jim  he  allowed  they  was  made, 
but  I  allowed  they  happened ;  I  judged  it  would  have  took  too  long  to  make 
so  many.  Jim  said  the  moon  could  a  laid  them ;  well,  that  looked  kind  of 
reasonable,  so  I  didn't  say  nothing  against  it,  because  I've  seen  a  frog  lay 
most  as  many,  so  of  course  it  could  be  done.  We  used  to  watch  the  stars  that 
fell,  too,  and  see  them  streak  down.  Jim  allowed  they'd  got  spoiled  and  was 
hove  out  of  the  nest. 

Once  or  twice  of  a  night  we  would  see  a  steamboat  slipping  along  in  the 
dark,  and  now  and  then  she  would  belch  a  whole  world  of  sparks  up  out 
of  her  chimbleys,  and  they  would  rain  down  in  the  river  and  look  awful  pretty ; 
then  she  would  turn  a  corner  and  her  lights  would  wink  out  and  her  pow-wow 
shut  off  and  leave  the  river  still  again  ;  and  by-and-by  her  waves  would  get  to 
us,  a  long  time  after  she  was  gone,  and  joggle  the  raft  a  bit,  and  after  that  you 
wouldn't  hear  nothing  for  you  couldn't  tell  how  long,  except  maybe  frogs 
or  something. 

After  midnight  the  people  on  shore  went  to  bed,  and  then  for  two  or 
three  hours  the  shores  was  black — no  more  sparks  in  the  cabin  windows.  These 


160 


THE  ADVENTURES  OF  HUCKLEBERRY  FINN. 


sparks  was  our  clock — the  first  one  that  showed  again  meant  morning  was  coming, 
so  we  hunted  a  place  to  hide  and  tie  up,  right  away. 

One  morning  about  day-break,  I  found  a  canoe  and  crossed  over  a  chute  to 
the  main  shore — it  was  only  two  hundred  yards — and  paddled  about  a  mile  up 
a  crick  amongst  the  cypress  woods,  to  see  if  I  couldn't  get  some  berries.  Just 
as  I  was  passing  a  place  where  a  kind  of  a  cow-path  crossed  the  crick,  here  comes 
a  couple  of  men  tearing  up  the  path  as  tight  as  they  could  foot  it.  I  thought 

I  was  a  goner,  for  when 
ever  anybody  was  after  any 
body  I  judged  it  was  me — or 
maybe  Jim.  I  was  about 
to  dig  out  from  there  in  a 
hurry,  but  they  was  pretty 
close  to  me  then,  and  sung 
out  and  begged  me  to  save 
their  lives— said  they  hadn't 
been  doing  nothing,  and  was 
being  chased  for  it — said  there 
was  men  and  dogs  a-coming. 
They  wanted  to  jump  right 
in,  but  I  says — 

"Don't  you  do  it.  I 
don't  hear  the  dogs  and 
horses  yet ;  you've  got 
time  to  crowd  through  the 
brush  and  get  up  the  crick 
a  little  ways  ;  then  you  take 
to  the  water  and  wade  down 
to  me  and  get  in— that'll  throw  the  dogs  off  the  scent." 

They  done  it,  and  soon  as  they  was  aboard  I  lit  out  for  our  tow-head,  and 
in  about  five  or  ten  minutes  we  heard  the  dogs  and  the  men  away  off,  shouting. 
We  heard  them  come  along  towards  the  crick,  but  couldn't  see  them ;  they 


;AND  DOGS   A-COMING." 


RUNNING  A   TEMPERANCE  REVIVAL.  161 

seemed  to  stop  and  fool  around  a  while  ;  then,  as  we  got  further  and  further 
away  all  the  time,  we  couldn't  hardly  hear  them  at  all ;  by  the  time  we  had 
left  a  mile  of  woods  behind  us  and  struck  the  river,  everything  was  quiet, 
and  we  paddled  over  to  the  tow-head  and  hid  in  the  cotton-woods  and  was 
safe. 

One  of  these  fellows  was  about  seventy,  or  upwards,  and  had  a  bald  head 
and  very  gray  whiskers.  He  had  an  old  battered-up  slouch  hat  on,  and  a  greasy 
blue  woolen  shirt,  and  ragged  old  blue  jeans  britches  stuffed  into  his  boot  tops, 
and  home-knit  galluses — no,  he  only  had  one.  He  had  an  old  long-tailed  blue 
jeans  coat  with  slick  brass  buttons,  flung  over  his  arm,  and  both  of  them  had 
big  fat  ratty-looking  carpet-bags. 

The  other  fellow  was  about  thirty  and  dressed  about  as  ornery.  After  break 
fast  we  all  laid  off  and  talked,  and  the  first  thing  that  come  out  was  that  these 
chaps  didn't  know  one  another. 

"  What  got  you  into  trouble  ?  "  says  the  baldhead  to  t'other  chap. 

"  Well,  I'd  been  selling  an  article  to  take  the  tartar  off  the  teeth — and  it  does 
take  it  off,  too,  and  generly  the  enamel  along  with  it — but  I  staid  about  one  night 
longer  than  I  ought  to,  and  was  just  in  the  act  of  sliding  out  when  I  ran  across 
you  on  the  trail  this  side  of  town,  and  you  told  me  they  were  coming,  and  begged 
me  to  help  you  to  get  off.  So  I  told  you  I  was  expecting  trouble  myself  and 
would  scatter  out  with  you.  That's  the  whole  yarn — what's  yourn  ?  " 

"Well,  I'd  ben  a-runnin'  a  little  temperance  revival  thar,  'bout  a  week,  and 
was  the  pet  of  the  women-folks,  big  and  little,  for  I  was  makin'  it  mighty  warm 
for  the  rummies,  I  tell  you,  and  takin'  as  much  as  five  or  six  dollars  a  night — ten 
cents  a  head,  children  and  niggers  free — and  business  a  growin'  all  the  time  ; 
when  somehow  or  another  a  little  report  got  around,  last  night,  that  I  had  a  way 
of  puttin'  in  my  time  with  a  private  jug,  on  the  sly.  A  nigger  rousted  me  out 
this  mornin',  and  told  me  the  people  was  getherin'  on  the  quiet,  with  their  dogs 
and  horses,  and  they'd  be  along  pretty  soon  and  give  me  'bout  half  an  hour's 
start,  and  then  run  me  down,  if  they  could ;  and  if  they  got  me  they'd  tar  and 
feather  me  and  ride  me  on  a  rail,  sure.  I  didn't  wait  for  no  breakfast — I  warn't 
hungry." 


162  THE  ADVENTURES  OF  HUCKLEBERRY  FINN. 

"  Old  man," l  says  the  young  one,  "  I  reckon  we  might  double-team  it 
together  ;  what  do  you  think  ?  " 

"  I  ain't  undisposed.     What's  your  line— mainly  ?  " 

"  Jour  printer,  by  trade  ;  do  a  little  in  patent  medicines  ;  theatre-actor — 
tragedy,  you  know  ;  take  a  turn  at  mesmerism  and  phrenology  when  there's  a 
chance  ;  teach  singing-geography  school  for  a  change  ;  sling  a  lecture,  sometimes 
—oh,  I  do  lots  of  things — most  anything  that  comes  handy,  so  it  ain't  work. 
What's  your  lay  ?  " 

"  I've  done  considerble  in  the  doctoring  way  in  my  time.  Layin'  on  o'  hands  is 
my  best  holt  —for  cancer,  and  paralysis,  and  sich  things ;  and  I  k'n  tell  a 
fortune  pretty  good,  when  I've  got  somebody  along  to  find  out  the  facts  for 
me.  Preachin's  my  line,  too  ;  and  workin'  camp-meetin's  ;  and  missionaryin 
around." 

Nobody  never  said  anything  for  a  while  ;  then  the  young  man  hove  a  sigh  and 
says — 

"  Alas ! " 

"  What  're  you  alassin'  about  ?  "  says  the  baldhead. 

"  To  think  I  should  have  lived  to  be  leading  such  a  life,  and  be  degraded 
down  into  such  company."  And  he  begun  to  wipe  the  corner  of  his  eye  with  a 
rag. 

"Dern  your  skin,  ain't  the  company  good  enough  for  you?"  says  the  bald- 
head,  pretty  pert  and  uppish. 

"  Yes,  it  is  good  enough  for  me  ;  it's  as  good  as  I  deserve  ;  for  who  fetched 
me  so  low,  when  I  was  so  high  ?  /did  myself.  I  don't  blame  you,  gentlemen — 
far  from  it  ;  I  don't  blame  anybody.  I  deserve  it  all.  Let  the  cold  world  do  its 
worst ;  one  thing  I  know — there's  a  grave  somewhere  for  me.  The  world  may  go 
on  just  as  its  always  done,  and  take  everything  from  me — loved  ones,  property, 
everything — but  it  can't  take  that.  Some  day  I'll  lie  down  in  it  and  forget  it  all, 
and  my  poor  broken  heart  will  be  at  rest."  He  went  on  a-wiping. 

"  Drot  your  pore  broken  heart,"  says  the  baldhead ;  "what  are  you  heav 
ing  your  pore  broken  heart  at  us  f 'r  ?  We  hain't  done  nothing. " 

"  No,  I  know  you  haven't.      I  ain't  blaming  you,  gentlemen.      I  brought 


THE  DUKE  OF  BRIDGEWATER. 


163 


myself  down — yes,  I  did  it  myself.     It's  right  I  should  suffer— perfectly  right — I 
don't  make  any  moan." 

"Brought  you  down  from  whar  ?    Whar  was  you  brought  down  from  ? " 

"Ah,  you  would  not  helieve  me  ;  the  world  never  believes — let  it  pass— 'tis 
no   matter.      The   secret   of  my 
birth " 

"  The  secret  of  your  birth  ? 
Do  you  mean  to  say " 

"  Gentlemen,"  says  the  young 
man,  very  solemn,  "I  will  reveal 
it  to  you,  for  I  feel  I  may  have 
confidence  in  you.  By  rights  I 
am  a  duke  ! " 

Jim's  eyes  bugged  out  when 
he  heard  that ;  and  I  reckon 
mine  did,  too.  Then  the  bald- 
head  says  :  "  No  !  you  can't 
mean  it  ?  " 

"  Yes.  My  great-grandfather, 
eldest  son  of  the  Duke  of  Bridge-  V. 
water,  fled  to  this  country  about 
the  end  of  the  last  century,  to 
breathe  the  pure  air  of  freedom  ; 
married  here,  and  died,  leaving  a 
son,  his  own  father  dying  about  the  same  time.  The  second  son  of  the  late  duke 
seized  the  title  and  estates — the  infant  real  duke  was  ignored.  I  am  the  lineal 
descendant  of  that  infant — I  am  the  rightful  Duke  of  Bridgewater ;  and  here  am 
I,  forlorn,  torn  from  my  high  estate,  hunted  of  men,  despised  by  the  cold  world, 
ragged,  worn,  heart-broken,  and  degraded  to  the  companionship  of  felons  on 
a  raft ! " 

Jim  pitied  him  ever  so  much,  and  so  did  I.     We  tried  to  comfort  him,  but  he 
said  it  warn't  much  use,  he  couldn't  be  much  comforted  ;  said  if  we  was  a  mind  to 


BY    RIGHTS    I    AM    A    DUKE  1 


164  THE  ADVENTURES  OF  HUCKLEBERRY  FINN. 

acknowledge  him,  that  would  do  him  more  good  than  most  anything  else  ;  so  we 
said  we  would,  if  he  would  tell  us  how.  He  said  we  ought  to  bow,  when  we 
spoke  to  him,  and  say  "Your  Grace,"  or  "  My  Lord,"  or  "  Your  Lordship " — 
and  he  wouldn't  mind  it  if  we  called  him  plain  "  Bridgewater,"  which  he  said 
was  a  title,  anyway,  and  not  a  name  ;  and  one  of  us  ought  to  wait  on  him  at 
dinner,  and  do  any  little  thing  for  him  he  wanted  done. 

Well,  that  was  all  easy,  so  we  done  it.  All  through  dinner  Jim  stood 
around  and  waited  on  him,  and  says,  "Will  yo7  Grace  have  some  o'  dis,  or 
some  o'  dat  ?  "  and  so  on,  and  a  body  could  see  it  was  mighty  pleasing  to 
him. 

But  the  old  man  got  pretty  silent,  by-and-by — didn't  have  much  to  say, 
and  didn't  look  pretty  comfortable  over  all  that  petting  that  was  going  on  around 
that  duke.  He  seemed  to  have  something  on  his  mind.  So,  along  in  the  after 
noon,  he  says  : 

"  Looky  here,  Bilgewater,"  he  says,  "  I'm  nation  sorry  for  you,  but  you  ain't 
the  only  person  that's  had  troubles  like  that." 

"No?" 

"  No,  you  ain't.  You  ain't  the  only  person  that's  ben  snaked  down 
wrongfully  out'n  a  high  place." 

"Alas!" 

"No,  you  ain't  the  only  person  that's  had  a  secret  of  his  birth."  And  by 
jings,  Tie  begins  to  cry. 

"  Hold  !  '  What  do  you  mean  ?  " 

"  Bilgewater,  kin  I  trust  you?"  says  the  old  man,  still  sort  of  sobbing. 

"  To  the  bitter  death  ! "  He  took  the  old  man  by  the  hand  and  squeezed  it, 
and  says,  "  The  secret  of  your  being  :  speak  !  " 

"  Bilgewater,  I  am  the  late  Dauphin  ! " 

You  bet  you  Jim  and  me  stared,  this  time.     Then  the  duke  says  • 

"  You  are  what  ?" 

"Yes,  my  friend,  it  is  too  true — your  eyes  is  lookin'  at  this  very  moment 
on  the  pore  disappeared  Dauphin,  Looy  the  Seventeen,  son  of  Looy  the  Sixteen 
and  Marry  Antonette." 


THE  TROUBLES  OF  ROYALTY. 


165 


'  *  You  !    At  your  age  !  No  !     You  mean  you're  the  late  Charlemagne  ;    you 
must  be  six  or  seven  hundred 
years  old,  at  the  very  least." 

"Trouble  has  done  it, 
Bilgewater,  trouble  has  done 
it ;  trouble  has  brung  these 
gray  hairs  and  this  premature 
balditude.  Yes,  gentlemen, 
you  see  before  you,  in  blue 
jeans  and  misery,  the  wan 
dering  exiled,  trampled-on  and 
sufferin'  rightful  King  of 
Trance." 

Well,  he  cried  and  took  on 
so,  that  me  and  Jim  didn't 
know  hardly  what  to  do,  we 
was  so  sorry — and  so  glad  and 
proud  we'd  got  him  with  us, 
too.  So  we  set  in,  like  we  done 
before  with  the  duke,  and  tried 
to  comfort  Mm.  But  he  said 

it  warn't  no  use,  nothing  but  to  be  dead  and  done  with  it  all  could  do  him  any 
good  ;  though  he  said  it  often  made  him  feel  easier  and  better  for  a  while  if 
people  treated  him  according  to  his  rights,  and  got  down  on  one  knee  to  speak  to 
him,  and  always  called  Kim  "  Your  Majesty,"  and  waited  on  him  first  at  meals, 
and  didn't  set  down  in  his  presence  till  he  asked  them.  So  Jim  and  me  set  to 
majestying  him,  and  doing  this  and  that  and  t'other  for  him,  and  standing  up  till 
he  told  us  we  might  set  down.  This  done  him  heaps  of  good,  and  so  he  got 
cheerful  and  comfortable.  But  the  duke  kind  of  soured  on  him,  and  didn't  look  a 
bit  satisfied  with  the  way  things  was  going  ;  still,  the  king  acted  real  friendly 
towards  him,  and  said  the  duke's  great-grandfather  and  all  the  other  Dukes  of 
Bilgewater  was  a  good  deal  thought  of  by  Ms  father  and  was  allowed  to  come  to 


I  AM  THE  LATB   DAUPHIN. 


166  THE  ADVENTURES  OF  HUCKLEBERRY  FINN. 

the  palace  considerable ;  but  the  duke  staid  huffy  a  good  while,  till  by-and-by 
the  king  says  : 

"  Like  as  not  we  got  to  be  together  a  blamed  long  time,  on  this  h-yer  raft, 
Bilgewater,  and  so  what's  the  use  o'  your  bein'  sour  ?  It'll  only  make  things 
oncomfortable.  It  ain't  my  fault  I  warn't  born  a  duke,  it  ain't  your  fault  you 
warn't  born  a  king — so  what's  the  use  to  worry  ?  Make  the  best  o'  things  the 
way  you  find  'em,  says  I — that's  my  motto.  This  ain't  no  bad  thing  that  we've 
struck  here — plenty  grub  and  an  easy  life — come,  give  us  your  hand,  Duke,  and 
less  all  be  friends." 

The  duke  done  it,  and  Jim  and  me  was  pretty  glad  to  see  it.  It  took  away  all 
the  uncomfortableness,  and  we  felt  mighty  good  over  it,  because  it  would  a  been 
a  miserable  business  to  have  any  unfriendliness  on  the  raft ;  for  what  you  want, 
above  all  things,  on  a  raft,  is  for  everybody  to  be  satisfied,  and  feel  right  and 
kind  towards  the  others. 

It  didn't  take  me  long  to  make  up  my  mind  that  these  liars  warn't  no  kings 
nor  dukes,  at  all,  but  just  low-down  humbugs  and  frauds.  But  I  never  said 
nothing,  never  let  on  ;  kept  it  to  myself  ;  it's  the  best  way  ;  then  you  don't  have 
no  quarrels,  and  don't  get  into  no  trouble.  If  they  wanted  us  to  call  them  kings 
and  dukes,  I  hadn't  no  objections,  'long  as  it  would  keep  peace  in  the  family  ; 
and  it  warn't  no  use  to  tell  Jim,  so  I  didn't  tell  him.  If  I  never  learnt  nothing 
else  out  of  pap,  I  learnt  that  the  best  way  to  get  along  with  his  kind  of  people 
is  to  let  them  have  their  own  way. 


r 


ASKED  us  considerable  many  questions  ; 
wanted  to  know  what  we  covered  up 
the  raft  that  way  for,  and  laid  by  in 
the  day-time  instead  of  running— was 
Jim  a  runaway  nigger  ?  Says  I — 

"  Goodness  sakes,  would  a  runaway 
nigger  run  south  ?  " 

No,  they  allowed  he  wouldn't.  I 
had  to  account  for  things  some  way,  so 
I  says  : 

"My  folks  was  living  in  Pike 
County,  in  Missouri,  where.  I  was  born, 
and  they  all  died  off  but  me  and  pa 
and  my  brother  Ike.  Pa,  he  'lowed 
he'd  break  up  and  go  down  and  live 
with  Uncle  Ben,  who's  got  a  little  one- 
horse  place  on  the  river,  forty-four  mile 
below  Orleans.  Pa  was  pretty  poor,  and  had  some  debts ;  so  when  he'd 
squared  up  there  warn't  nothing  left  but  sixteen  dollars  and  our  nigger,  Jim. 
That  warn't  enough  to  take  us  fourteen  hundred  mile,  deck  passage  nor  no  other 
way.  Well,  when  the  river  rose,  pa  had  a  streak  of  luck  one  day ;  he  ketched 
this  piece  of  a  raft  ;  so  we  reckoned  we'd  go  down  to  Orleans  on  it.  Pa's  luck 
didn't  hold  out ;  a  steamboat  run  over  the  forrard  corner  of  the  raft,  one  night, 
and  we  all  went  overboard  and  dove  under  the  wheel ;  Jim  and  me  come  up,  all 
right,  but  pa  was  drunk,  and  Ike  was  only  four  years  old,  so  they  never  come  up 


ON    THE    RAFT. 


168  THE  ADVENTURES  OF  HUCKLEBERRY  FINN 

no  more.  Well,  for  the  next  day  or  two  we  had  considerable  trouble,  because 
people  was  always  coming  out  in  skiffs  and  trying  to  take  Jim  away  from  me, 
saying  they  believed  he  was  a  runaway  nigger.  We  don't  run  day-times  no  more, 
now  ;  nights  they  don't  bother  us." 

The  duke  says — 

"Leave  me  alone  to  cipher  out  a  way  so  we  can  run  in  the  day-time  if  we  want 
to.  I'll  think  the  thing  over— I'll  invent  a  plan  that'll  fix  it.  We'll  let  it  alone 
for  to-day,  because  of  course  we  don't  want  to  go  by  that  town  yonder  in  day 
light — it  mightn't  be  healthy." 

Towards  night  it  begun  to  darken  up  and  look  like  rain  ;  the  heat  lightning 
was  squirting  around,  low  down  in  the  sky,  and  the  leaves  was  beginning  to 
shiver — it  was  going  to  be  pretty  ugly,  it  was  easy  to  see  that.  So  the  duke  and 
the  king  went  to  overhauling  our  wigwam,  to  see  what  the  beds  was  like.  My 
bed  was  a  straw  tick — better  than  Jim's,  which  was  a  corn-shuck  tick ;  there's 
always  cobs  around  about  in  a  shuck  tick,  and  they  poke  into  you  and  hurt ;  and 
when  you  roll  over,  the  dry  shucks  sound  like  you  was  rolling  over  in  a  pile  of 
dead  leaves  ;  it  makes  such  a  rustling  that  you  wake  up.  Well,  the  duke  allowed 
he  would  take  my  bed  ;  but  the  king  allowed  he  wouldn't.  He  says — 

"  I  should  a  reckoned  the  difference  in  rank  would  a  se jested  to  you  that  a 
corn-shuck  bed  warn't  just  fitten  for  me  to  sleep  on.  Your  Grace'll  take  the 
shuck  bed  yourself." 

Jim  and  me  was  in  a  sweat  again,  for  a  minute,  being  afraid  there  was  going 
to  be  some  more  trouble  amongst  them  ;  so  we  was  pretty  glad  when  the  duke 
says — 

"  'Tis  my  fate  to  be  always  ground  into  the  mire  under  the  iron  heel  of 
oppression.  Misfortune  has  broken  my  once  haughty  spirit ;  I  yield,  I  submit ; 
'tis  my  fate.  I  am  alone  in  the  world — let  me  suffer  ;  I  can  bear  it." 

We  got  away  as  soon  as  it  was  good  and  dark.  The  king  told  us  to  stand  well 
out  towards  the  middle  of  the  river,  and  not  show  a  light  till  we  got  a  long  ways 
below  the  town.  We  come  in  sight  of  the  little  bunch  of  lights  by-and-by — that 
was  the  town,  you  know— and  slid  by,  about  a  half  a  mile  out,  all  right.  When 
we  was  three-quarters  of  a  mile  below,  we  hoisted  up  our  signal  lantern ;  and 


LAYING  OUT  A   CAMPAIGN.  169 

about  ten  o'clock  it  come  on  to  rain  and  blow  and  thunder  and  lighten  like  every 
thing  ;  so  the  king  told  us  to  both  stay  on  watch  till  the  weather  got  better ; 
then  him  and  the  duke  crawled  into  the  wigwam  and  turned  in  for  the  night.  It 
was  my  watch  below,  till  twelve,  but  I  wouldn't  a  turned  in,  anyway,  if  I'd  had  a 
bed  ;  because  a  body  don't  see  such  a  storm  as  that  every  day  in  the  week,  not  by 
a  long  sight.  My  souls,  how  the  wind  did  scream  along  !  And  every  second  or 
two  there'd  come  a  glare  that  lit  up  the  white-caps  for  a  half  a  mile  around,  and 
you'd  see  the  islands  looking  dusty  through  the  rain,  and  the  trees  thrashing 
around  in  the  wind ;  then  comes  a  h-wack ! — bum  !  bum  !  bumble-umble-um- 
bum-bum-bum-bum — and  the  thunder  would  go  rumbling  and  grumbling  away, 
and  quit — and  then  rip  comes  another  flash  and  another  sockdolager.  The  waves 
most  washed  me  off  the  raft,  sometimes,  but  I  hadn't  any  clothes  on,  and  didn't 
mind.  We  didn't  have  no  trouble  about  snags ;  the  lightning  was  glaring 
and  flittering  around  so  constant  that  we  could  see  them  plenty  soon  enough  to 
throw  her  head  this  way  or  that  and  miss  them. 

I  had  the  middle  watch,  you  know,  but  I  was  pretty  sleepy  by  that  time,  so  Jim 
he  said  he  would  stand  the  first  half  of  it  for  me  ;  he  was  always  mighty  good, 
thst  way,  Jim  was.  I  crawled  into  the  wigwam,  but  the  king  and  the  duke  had 
their  legs  sprawled  around  so  there  warn't  no  show  for  me  ;  so  I  laid  outside — I 
didn't  mind  the  rain,  because  it  was  warm,  and  the  waves  warn't  running  so 
high,  now.  About  two  they  come  up  again,  though,  and  Jim  was  going  to  call 
me,  but  he  changed  his  mind  because  he  reckoned  they  warn't  high  enough  yet 
to  do  any  harm  ;  but  he  was  mistaken  about  that,  for  pretty  soon  all  of  a  sudden 
along  comes  a  regular  ripper,  and  washed  me  overboard.  It  most  killed  Jim 
a-laughing.  He  was  the  easiest  nigger  to  laugh  that  ever  was,  anyway. 

I  took  the  watch,  and  Jim  he  laid  down  and  snored  away  ;  and  by-and-by  the 
storm  let  up  for  good  and  all ;  and  the  first  cabin-light  that  showed,  I  rousted 
him  out  and  we  slid  the  raft  into  hiding-quarters  for  the  day. 

The  king  got  out  an  old  ratty  deck  of  cards,  after  breakfast,  and  him  and  the 
duke  played  seven-up  a  while,  five  cents  a  game.  Then  they  got  tired  of  it,  and 
allowed  they  would  "lay  out  a  campaign,"  as  they  called  it.  The  duke  went 
down  into  his  carpet-bag  and  fetched  up  a  lot  of  little  printed  bills,  and  read 


170 


THE  ADVENTURES  OF  HUCKLEBERRY  FINN. 


them  out  loud.  One  bill  said  "The  celebrated  Dr.  Armand  de  Montalban  of 
Paris/'  would  "lecture  on  the  Science  of  Phrenology"  at  such  and  such  a  place, 
on  the  blank  day  of  blank,  at  ten  cents  admission,  and  ff  furnish  charts  of  charac 
ter  at  twenty-five  cents  apiece."  The  duke  said  that  was  him.  In  another  bill  he 
was  the  "world  renowned  Shaksperean  tragedian,  Garrick  the  Younger,  of  Drury 
Lane,  London."  In  other  bills  he  had  a  lot  of  other  names  and  done  other 
wonderful  things,  like  finding  water  and  gold  with  a  "divining  rod,"  "dissipat 
ing  witch-spells,"  and  so  on.  By-and-by  he  says — 

"  But  the  histrionic  muse  is  the  darling.     Have  you  ever  trod  the  boards, 

Royalty?" 

"  No,  "says  the  king. 
"  You  shall,  then,  before 
you're  three  days  older,  Fallen 
Grandeur,"  says  the  duke.  "The 
first  good  town  we  come  to,  we'll 
hire  a  hall  and  do  the  sword-fight 
in  Richard  III.  and  the  balcony 
scene  in  Romeo  and  Juliet.  How 
does  that  strike  you  ?  " 

"  I'm  in,  up  to  the  hub,  for 
anything  that  will  pay,  Bilge- 
water,  but  you  see  I  don't  know 
nothing  about  play-actn',  and 
hain't  ever  seen  much  of  it.  I 
was  too  small  when  pap  used  to 
have  'em  at  the  palace.  Do  you 
reckon  you  can  learn  me  ?  " 
"Easy!" 

"All    right.       I'm    jist     a- 
freezn'  for  something  fresh,  anyway.     Less  commence,  right  away. " 

So  the  duke  he  told  him  all  about  who  Romeo  was,  and  who  Juliet  was,  and 
said  he  was  used  to  being  Romeo,  so  the  king  could  be  Juliet. 


THE  KING  AS  JULIET. 


WORKING   THE  CAMP-MEETING  171 

"But  if  Juliet's  such  a  young  gal,  Duke,  my  peeled  head  and  my  white 
whiskers  is  goin'  to  look  oncommon  odd  on  her,  maybe." 

"No,  don't  you  worry — these  country  jakes  won't  ever  think  of  that.  Be 
sides,  you  know,  you'll  be  in  costume,  and  that  makes  all  the  difference  in  the 
world ;  Juliet's  in  a  balcony,  enjoying  the  moonlight  before  she  goes  to  bed, 
and  she's  got  on  her  night-gown  and  her  ruffled  night-cap.  Here  are  the 
costumes  for  the  parts." 

He  got  out  two  or  three  curtain-calico  suits,  which  he  said  was  meedyevil 
armor  for  Richard  III.  and  t'other  chap,  and  a  long  white  cotton  night-shirt 
and  a  ruffled  night-cap  to  match.  The  king  was  satisfied  ;  so  the  duke  got  out 
his  book  and  read  the  parts  over  in  the  most  splendid  spread-eagle  way,  prancing 
around  and  acting  at  the  same  time,  to  show  how  it  had  got  to  be  done  ;  then 
he  give  the  book  to  the  king  and  told  him  to  get  his  part  by  heart. 

There  was  a  little  one-horse  town  about  three  mile  down  the  bend,  and 
after  dinner  the  duke  said  he  had  ciphered  out  his  idea  about  how  to  run 
in  daylight  without  it  being  dangersome  for  Jim ;  so  he  allowed  he  would 
go  down  to  the  town  and  fix  that  thing.  The  king  allowed  he  would  go 
too,  and  see  if  he  couldn't  strike  something.  We  was  out  of  coffee,  so  Jim 
said  I  better  go  along  with  them  in  the  canoe  and  get  some. 

When  we  got  there,  there  warn't  nobody  stirring  ;  streets  empty,  and 
perfectly  dead  and  still,  like  Sunday.  We  found  a  sick  nigger  sunning  him 
self  in  a  back  yard,  and  he  said  everybody  that  warn't  too  young  or  too  sick 
or  too  old,  was  gone  to  camp-meeting,  about  two  mile  back  in  the  woods. 
The  king  got  the  directions,  and  allowed  he'd  go  and  work  that  camp-meeting 
for  all  it  was  worth,  and  I  might  go,  too. 

The  duke  said  what  he  was  after  was  a  printing  office.  We  found  it ;  a  little 
bit  of  a  concern,  up  over  a  carpenter  shop — carpenters  and  printers  all  gone  to 
the  meeting,  and  no  doors  locked.  It  was  a  dirty,  littered-up  place,  and  had 
ink  marks,  and  handbills  with  pictures  of  horses  and  runaway  niggers  on  them, 
all  over  the  walls.  The  duke  shed  his  coat  and  said  he  was  all  right,  now.  So 
me  and  the  king  lit  out  for  the  camp-meeting. 

We  got  there  in  about  a  half  an  hour,  fairly  dripping,  for  it  was  a  most  awful 


172 


THE  ADVENTURES  OF  HUCKLEBERRY  FINN. 


hot  day.  There  was  as  much  as  a  thousand  people  there,  from  twenty  mile 
around.  The  woods  was  full  of  teams  and  wagons,  hitched  everywheres,  feeding 
out  of  the  wagon  troughs  and  stomping  to  keep  off  the  flies.  There  was  sheds 
made  out  of  poles  and  roofed  over  with  branches,  where  they  had  lemonade  and 
gingerbread  to  sell,  and  piles  of  watermelons  and  green  corn  and  such-like  truck. 
The  preaching  was  going  on  under  the  same  kinds  of  sheds,  only  they  was 
bigger  and  held  crowds  of  people.  The  benches  was  made  out  of  outside  slabs  of 
logs,  with  holes  bored  in  the  round  side  to  drive  sticks  into  for  legs.  They 

didn't  have  no  backs.  The 
preachers  had  high  platforms 
to  stand  on,  at  one  end  of  the 
sheds.  The  women  had  on  sun- 
bonnets  :  and  some  had  linsey- 
woolsey  frocks,  some  gingham 
ones,  and  a  few  of  the  young 
ones  had  on  calico.  Some  of  the 
young  men  was  barefooted,  and 
some  of  the  children  didn't  have 
on  any  clothes  but  just  a  tow- 
linen  shirt.  Some  of  the  old 
women  was  knitting,  and  some 
of  the  young  folks  was  courting 
on  the  sly. 

The  first  shed  we  come  to, 
the  preacher  was  lining  out  a 
hymn.  He  lined  out  two  lines, 
everybody  sung  it,  and  it  was 

kind  of  Srand  to  hear  ^  there 
was  so  many  of  them  and  they 

done  it  in  such  a  rousing  way ;  then  he  lined  out  two  more  for  them  to  sing— 
and  so  on.  The  people  woke  up  more  and  more,  and  sung  louder  and  louder  : 
and  towards  the  end,  some  begun  to  groan,  and  some  begun  to  shout.  Then  the 


A  PIRATE  AT  THE  GAMP  MEETING.  173 

preacher  begun  to  preach  ;  and  begun  in  earnest,  too  ;  and  went  weaving  first  to 
one  side  of  the  platform  and  then  the  other,  and  then  a  leaning  down  over  the 
front  of  it,  with  his  arms  and  his  body  going  all  the  time,  and  shouting  his  words 
out  with  all  his  might  ;  and  every  now  and  then  he  would  hold  up  his  Bible  and 
spread  it  open,  and  kind  of  pass  it  around  this  way  and  that,  shouting,  "  It's  the 
brazen  serpent  in  the  wilderness  !  Look  upon  it  and  live  !  "  And  people  would 
shout  out,  "  Glory! — A-a-men!"  And  so  he  went  on,  and  the  people  groaning 
and  crying  and  saying  amen  : 

"  Oh,  come  to  the  mourners'  bench  !  come,  black  with  sin  !  (amen!)  come, 
sick  and  sore  !  (amen  /)  come,  lame  and  halt,  and  blind  !  (amen  !)  come,  pore 
and  needy,  sunk  in  shame  !  (a-a-men !)  come  all  that's  worn,  and  soiled,  and 
suffering  ! — come  with  a  broken  spirit !  come  with  a  contrite  heart !  come  in 
your  rags  and  sin  and  dirt !  the  waters  that  cleanse  is  free,  the  door  of  heaven 
stands  open — oh,  enter  in  and  be  at  rest !  "  (a-a-men  !  glory,  glory  hallelujah  !) 

And  so  on.  You  couldn't  make  out  what  the  preacher  said,  any  more,  on 
account  of  the  shouting  and  crying.  Folks  got  up,  everywheres  in  the  crowd, 
and  worked  their  way,  just  by  main  strength,  to  the  mourners'  bench,  with  the 
tears  running  down  their  faces  ;  and  when  all  the  mourners  had  got  up  there  to 
the  front  benches  in  a  crowd,  they  sung,  and  shouted,  and  flung  themselves 
down  on  the  straw,  just  crazy  and  wild. 

Well,  the  first  I  knowed,  the  king  got  agoing ;  and  you  could  hear  him  over 
everybody  ;  and  next  he  went  a-charging  up  on  to  the  platform  and  the  preacher 
he  begged  him  to  speak  to  the  people,  and  he  done  it.  He  told  them  he  was  a 
pirate — been  a  pirate  for  thirty  years,  out  in  the  Indian  Ocean,  and  his  crew 
was  thinned  out  considerable,  last  spring,  in  a  fight,  and  he  was  home  now,  to 
take  out  some  fresh  men,  and  thanks  to  goodness  he'd  been  robbed  last  night, 
and  put  ashore  off  of  a  steamboat  without  a  cent,  and  he  was  glad  of  it,  it  was 
the  blessedest  thing  that  ever  happened  to  him,  because  he  was  a  changed  man 
now,  and  happy  for  the  first  time  in  his  life ;  and  poor  as  he  was,  he  was 
going  to  start  right  off  and  work  his  way  back  to  the  Indian  Ocean  and  put 
in  the  rest  of  his  life  trying  to  turn  the  pirates  into  the  true  path  ;  for  he 
could  do  it  better  than  anybody  else,  being  acquainted  with  all  the  pirate  crews 


174 


THE  ADVENTURES  OF  HUCKLEBERRY  FINN. 


in  that  ocean  ;  and  though  it  would  take  him  a  long  time  to  get  there,  without 
money,  he  would  get  there  anyway,  and  every  time  he  convinced  a  pirate  he 
would  say  to  him,  "Don't  you  thank  me,  don't  you  give  me  no  credit,  it  all 

belongs  to  them  dear  people  in 
Pokeville  camp-meeting,  natural 
brothers  and  benefactors  of  the  race 
— and  that  dear  preacher  there,  the 
truest  friend  a  pirate  ever  had  I " 

And  then  he  busted  into  tears, 
and  so  did  everybody.  Then  some 
body  sings  out,  "Take  up  a  collec 
tion  for  him,  take  up  a  collection  ! " 
Well,  a  half  a  dozen  made  a  jump 
to  do  it,  but  somebody  sings  out, 
"  Let  Mm  pass  the  hat  around  ! " 
Then  everybody  said  it,  the  preacher 
too. 

So  the  king  went  all  through 
the  crowd  with  his  hat,  swabbing 
his  eyes,  and  blessing  the  people 
and  praising  them  and  thanking 
them  for  being  so  good  to  the 
poor  pirates  away  off  there ;  and  every  little  while  the  prettiest  kind  of  girls, 
with  fhe  tears  running  down  their  cheeks,  would  up  and  ask  him  would  he  let 
them  kiss  him,  for  to  remember  him  by ;  and  he  always  done  it ;  and  some  of 
them  he  hugged  and  kissed  as  many  as  five  or  six  times — and  he  was  invited  to 
stay  a  week  ;  and  everybody  wanted  him  to  live  in  their  houses,  and  said  they'd 
think  it  was  an  honor  ;  but  he  said  as  this  was  the  last  day  of  the  camp-meeting 
he  couldn't  do  no  good,  and  besides  he  was  in  a  sweat  to  get  to  the  Indian  Ocean 
right  off  and  go  to  work  on  the  pirates. 

When  we  got  back  to  the  raft  and  he  come  to  count  up,  he  found  he  had  col 
lected  eighty-seven  dollars  and  seventy-five  cents.     And  then  he  had  fetched 


A  PIRATE  FOB  THIRTY  TEARS." 


THE  DUKE  AS  A  PRINTER. 


175 


away  a  three-gallon  jug  of  whisky,  too,  that  he  found  under  a  wagon  when  we 
was  starting  home  through  the  woods.  The  king  said,  take  it  all  around,  it  laid 
over  any  day  he'd  ever  put  in  in  the  missionarying  line.  He  said  it  warn't  no  use 
talking,  heathens  don't  amount  to  shucks,  alongside  of  pirates,  to  work  a  camp- 
meeting  with. 

The  duke  was  thinking  he'd  been  doing  pretty  well,  till  the  king  come  to 
show  up,  but  after  that  he  didn't  think  so  so  much.  He  had  set  up  and  printed 
off  two  little  jobs  for  farmers,  in  that  printing  office — horse  bills — and  took  the 
money,  four  dollars.  And  he  had  got  in  ten  dollars  worth  of  advertisements  for 
the  paper,  which  he  said  he  would  put  in  for  four  dollars  if  they  would  pay  in 
advance — so  they  done  it.  The 
price  of  the  paper  was  two  dol 
lars  a  year,  but  he  took  in  three 
subscriptions  for  half  a  dollar 
apiece  on  condition  of  them 
paying  him  in  advance ;  they 
were  going  to  pay  in  cord-wood 
and  onions,  as  usual,  but  he 
said  he  had  just  bought  the  con 
cern  and  knocked  down  the 
price  as  low  as  he  could  afford  it, 
and  was  going  to  run  it  for 
cash.  He  set  up  a  little  piece 
of  poetry,  which  he  made,  him 
self,  out  of  his  own  head — three 
verses — kind  of  sweet  and  sad- 
dish  —  the  name  of  it  was, 
"Yes,  crush,  cold  world,  this 
breaking  heart" — and  he  left 
that  all  set  up  and  ready  to 
print  in  the  paper  and  didn't  charge  nothing  for  it.  Well,  he  took  in  nine 
dollars  and  a  half,  and  said  he'd  done  a  pretty  square  day's  work  for  it. 


ANOTHER  LITTLE  JOB. 


176  THE  ADVENTURES  OF  HUCKLEBERRY  FINN. 

Then  he  showed  us  another  little  job  he'd  printed  and  hadn't  charged  for, 
because  it  was  for  us.  It  had  a  picture  of  a  runaway  nigger,  with  a  bundle  on 
a  stick,  over  his  shoulder,  and  "  $200  reward  "  under  it.  The  reading  was  all 
about  Jim,  and  just  described  him  to  a  dot.  It  said  he  run  away  from  St. 
Jacques'  plantation,  forty  mile  below  New  Orleans,  last  winter,  and  likely  went 
north,  and  whoever  would  catch  him  and  send  him  back,  he  could  have  the 
reward  and  expenses. 

" Now,"  says  the  duke,  "after  to-night  we  can  run  in  the  daytime  if  we 
want  to.  Whenever  we  see  anybody  coming,  we  can  tie  Jim  hand  and  foot 
with  a  rope,  and  lay  him  in  the  wigwam  and  show  this  handbill  and  say  we  captured 
him  up  the  river,  and  were  too  poor  to  travel  on  a  steamboat,  so  we  got  this 
little  raft  on  credit  from  our  friends  and  are  going  down  to  get  the  reward. 
Handcuffs  and  chains  would  look  still  better  on  Jim,  but  it  wouldn't  go  well 
with  the  story  of  us  being  so  poor.  Too  much  like  jewelry.  Ropes  are  the  cor 
rect  thing — we  must  preserve  the  unities,  as  we  say  on  the  boards." 

We  all  said  the  duke  was  pretty  smart,  and  there  couldn't  be  no  trouble  about 
running  daytimes.  We  judged  we  could  make  miles  enough  that  night  to  get 
out  of  the  reach  of  thepow-wow  we  reckoned  the  duke's  work  in  the  printing  office 
was  going  to  make  in  that  little  town — then  we  could  boom  right  along,  if  we 
wanted  to. 

We  laid  low  and  kept  still,  and  never  shoved  out  till  nearly  ten  o'clock  ;  then 
we  slid  by,  pretty  wide  away  from  the  town,  and  didn't  hoist  our  lantern  till  we 
was  clear  out  of  sight  of  it. 

When  Jim  called  me  to  take  the  watch  at  four  in  the  morning,  he  says — 

"Huck,  does  you  reck'n  we  gwyne  to  run  acrost  any  mo'  kings  on  dis 
trip  ?  " 

"  No,"  I  says,  "  I  reckon  not." 

"Well,"  says  he,  "  dat's  all  right,  den.  I  doan'  mine  one  er  two  kings,  but 
dat's  enough.  Dis  Qne's  powerful  drunk,  en  de  duke  ain'  much  better." 

I  found  Jim  had  been  trying  to  get  him  to  talk  French,  so  he  could  hear  what 
it  was  like  ;  but  he  said  he  had  been  in  this  country  so  long,  and  had  so  much 
trouble,  he'd  forgot  it. 


was  after  sun-up,  now,  but  we  went 
right  on,  and  didn't  tie  up.  The  king 
and  the  duke  turned  out,  by-and-by, 
looking  pretty  rusty  ;  but  after  they'd 
jumped  overboard  and  took  a  swim,  it 
chippered  them  up  a  good  deal.  After 
breakfast  the  king  he  took  a  seat  on  a 
corner  of  the  raft,  and  pulled  off  his 
boots  and  rolled  up  his  britches,  and 
let  his  legs  dangle  in  the  water,  so  as 
to  be  comfortable,  and  lit  his  pipe,  and 
went  to  getting  his  Romeo  and  Juliet 
by  heart.  When  he  had  got  it  pretty 
good,  him  and  the  duke  begun  to 
practice  it  together.  The  duke  had  to 
learn  him  over  and  over  again,  how  to 
say  every  speech  ;  and  he  made  him  sigh,  and  put  his  hand  on  his  heart,  and 
after  while  he  said  he  done  it  pretty  well;  "only,"  he  says,  "you  mustn't 
bellow  out  Romeo  !  that  way,  like  a  bull — you  must  say  it  soft,  and  sick,  and 
languishy,  so — R-o-o-meo  !  that  is  the  idea  ;  for  Juliet's  a  dear  sweet  mere  child 
of  a  girl,  you  know,  and  she  don't  bray  like  a  jackass." 

"Well,  next  they  got  out  a  couple  of  long  swords  that  the  duke  made  out  of 
oak  laths,  and  begun  to  practice  the  sword-fight— the  duke  called  himself 
Richard  III.  ;  and  the  way  they  laid  on,  and  pranced  around  the  raft  was  grand 

to  see.     But  by-and-by  the  king  tripped  and  fell  overboard,  and  after  that  they 
12 


PRACTICING. 


178 


THE  ADVENTURES  OF  HUCKLEBERRY  FINN. 


took  a  rest,  and  had  a  talk  about  all  kinds  of  adventures  they'd  had  in  other 
times  along  the  river. 

After  dinner,  the  duke  says  : 

"  Well,  Capet,  we'll  want  to  make  this  a  first-class  show,  you  know,  so  I 
guess  we'll  add  a  little  more  to  it.  We  want  a  little  something  to  answer 
encores  with,  anyway." 

"  What's  onkores,  Bilge  water  ?  " 
The  duke  told  him,  and  then  says  : 

"I'll  answer  by  doing  the  Highland  fling  or  the  sailor's  hornpipe  ;  and  you— 

well,  let  me  see — oh,  I've  got  it — 
you  can  do  Hamlet's  soliloquy." 
"Hamlet's  which?" 
"  Hamlet's  soliloquy,  you  know; 
the  most  celebrated  thing  in 
Shakespeare.  Ah,  it's  sublime, 
sublime  !  Always  fetches  the 
house.  I  haven't  got  it  in  the 
book — I'vfc  only  got  one  volume — 
but  I  reckon  I  can  piece  it  out 
from  memory.  I'll  just  walk  up 
and  down  a  minute,  and  see  if  I 
can  call  it  back  from  recollection's 
vaults." 

So  he  went  to  marching  up 
and  down,  thinking,  and  frown 
ing  horrible  every  now  and  then  ; 
then  he  would  hoist  up  his  eye- 

brows  ;  next  he  would  squeeze  his 

HAMLET'S  SOLILOQUY.  hand   on   his  forehead  and  stag 

ger  back  and  kind  of  moan ;  next  he  would  sigh,  and  next  he'd  let  on  to  drop 
a  tear.  It  was  beautiful  to  see  him.  By-and-by  he  got  it.  He  told  us  to  give 
attention.  Then  he  strikes  a  most  noble  attitude,  with  one  leg  shoved  forwards, 


HAMLET'S  SOLILOQUY.  179 

and  his  arms  stretched  away  up,  and  his  head  tilted  back,  looking  up  at  the  sky ; 
and  then  he  begins  to  rip  and  rave  and  grit  his  teeth  ;  and  after  that,  all  through 
his  speech  he  howled,  and  spread  around,  and  swelled  up  his  chest,  and  just 
knocked  the  spots  out  of  any  acting  ever  /  see  before.  This  is  the  speech — 
I  learned  it,  easy  enough,  while  he  was  learning  it  to  the  king  : 

To  be,  or  not  to  be  ;  that  is  the  bare  bodkin 

That  makes  calamity  of  so  long  life  ; 

For  who  would  fardels  bear,  till  Birnam  Wood  do  come  to  Dunsinane, 

But  that  the  fear  of  something  after  death 

Murders  the  innocent  sleep, 

Great  nature's  second  course, 

And  makes  us  rather  sling  the  arrows  of  outrageous  fortune 

Than  fly  to  others  that  we  know  not  of. 

There's  the  respect  must  give  us  pause  : 

Wake  Duncan  with  thy  knocking  !    I  would  thou  couldst ; 

For  who  would  bear  the  whips  and  scorns  of  time, 

The  oppressor's  wrong,  the  proud  man's  contumely, 

The  law's  delay,  and  the  quietus  which  his  pangs  might  take, 

In  the  dead  waste  and  middle  of  the  night,  when  churchyards  yawn 

In  customary  suits  of  solemn  black, 

But  that  the  undiscovered  country  from  whose  bourne  no  traveler  returns, 

Breathes  forth  contagion  on  the  world, 

And  thus  the  native  hue  of  resolution,  like  the  poor  cat  i'  the  adage, 

Is  sicklied  o'er  with  care, 

And  all  the  clouds  that  lowered  o'er  our  housetops, 

With  this  regard  their  currents  turn  awry, 

And  lose  the  name  of  action. 

'Tis  a  consummation  devoutly  to  be  wished.     But  soft  you,  the  fair  Ophelia  \ 

Ope  not  thy  ponderous  and  marble  jaws, 

But  get  thee  to  a  nunnery — go  ! 

Well,  the  old  man  he  liked  that  speech,  and  he  mighty  soon  got  it  so  he  could 
do  it  first  rate.  It  seemed  like  ne  was  just  born  for  it ;  and  when  he  had  his 
hand  in  and  was  excited,  it  was  perfectly  lovely  the  way  he  would  rip  and  tear 
and  rair  up  behind  when  he  was  getting  it  off. 


180  THE  ADVENTURES  OF  HUCKLEBERRY  FINN. 

The  first  chance  we  got,  the  duke  he  had  some  show  bills  printed  ;  and  after 
that,  for  two  or  three  days  as  we  floated  along,  the  raft  was  a  most  uncommon 
lively  place,  for  there  warn't  nothing  but  sword-fighting  and  rehearsing — as  the 
duke  called  it — going  on  all  the  time.  One  morning,  when  we  was  pretty  well 
down  the  State  of  Arkansaw,  we  come  in  sight  of  a  little  one-horse  town  in  a  big 
bend  ;  so  we  tied  up  about  three-quarters  of  a  mile  above  it,  in  the  mouth  of  a 
crick  which  was  shut  in  like  a  tunnel  by  the  cypress  trees,  and  all  of  us  but  Jim 
took  the  canoe  and  went  down  there  to  see  if  there  was  any  chance  in  that  place 
for  our  show. 

We  struck  it  mighty  lucky  ;  there  was  going  to  be  a  circus  there  that  after 
noon,  and  the  country  people  was  already  beginning  to  come  in,  in  all  kinds  of 
old  shackly  wagons,  and  on  horses.  The  circus  would  leave  before  night,  so  our 
show  would  have  a  pretty  good  chance.  The  duke  he  hired  the  court  house,  and 
we  went  around  and  stuck  up  our  bills.  They  read  like  this  : 

Shaksperean  Revival  !    !   1 

Wonderful  Attraction  ! 

For  One  Night  Only  f 

The  world  renowned  tragedians, 

David  Garrick  the  younger,  of   Drury  Lane  Theatre,  London, 

and 

Edmund  Kean  the  elder,  of   the   Royal  Haymarket   Theatre,  White- 

chapel,    Pudding    Lane,    Piccadilly,  London,  and  the 

Royal  Continental  Theatres,  in  their  sublime 

Shaksperean    Spectacle  entitled 

The   Balcony  Scene 

in 
Romeo  and  Juliet  !  !  ! 

Romeo Mr.  Garrick. 

Juliet Mr.  Kean. 

Assisted  by  the  whole  strength  of  the  company  ! 
New  costumes,  new  scenery,  new  appointments  ! 


THEY  LOAFED  AROUND   TOWN.  181 

Also: 

The  thrilling,  masterly,  and  blood-curdling 

Broad-sword  conflict 

In  Richard  III.    !  !  ! 

Richard  III Mr.  Garrick. 

Richmond Mr.  Kean. 

also  : 

(by  special  request,) 
Hamlet's  Immortal  Soliloquy  !  ! 

By  the  Illustrious  Kean  ! 
Done  by  him  300  consecutive  nights  in  Paris  ! 

For  One  Night  Only, 

On  account  of  imperative  European  engagements  ! 
Admission  25  cents  ;   children   and  servants,  10  cents. 

Then  we  went  loafing  around  the  town.  The  stores  and  houses  was  most  all  old 
shackly  dried-up  frame  concerns  that  hadn't  ever  been  painted  ;  they  was  set  up 
three  or  four  foot  above  ground  on  stilts,  so  as  to  be  out  of  reach  of  the  water 
when  the  river  was  overflowed.  The  houses  had  little  gardens  around  them,  but 
they  didn't  seem  to  raise  hardly  anything  in  them  but  jimpson  weeds,  and  sun 
flowers,  and  ash-piles,  and  old  curled-up  boots  and  shoes,  and  pieces  of  bottles, 
and  rags,  and  played-out  tin-ware.  The  fences  was  made  of  different  kinds  of 
boards,  nailed  on  at  different  times  ;  and  they  leaned  every  which-way,  and  had 
gates  that  didn't  generly  have  but  one  hinge — a  leather  one.  Some  of  the  fences 
had  been  whitewashed,  some  time  or  another,  but  the  duke  said  it  was  in 
Clumbus's  time,  like  enough.  There  was  generly  hogs  in  the  garden,  and  people 
driving  them  out. 

All  the  stores  was  along  one  street.  They  had  white-domestic  awnings  in 
front,  and  the  country  people  hitched  their  horses  to  the  awning-posts. 
There  was  empty  dry-goods  boxes  under  the  awnings,  and  loafers  roosting 
on  them  all  day  long,  whittling  them  with  their  Barlow  knives  ;  and  chaw 
ing  tobacco,  and  gaping  and  yawning  and  stretching — a  mighty  ornery  lot. 
They  generly  had  on  yellow  straw  hats  most  as  wide  as  an  umbrella,  but 
didn't  wear  no  coats  nor  waistcoats ;  they  called  one  another  Bill,  and  Buck, 


182 


THE  ADVENTURES  OF  HUCKLEBERRY  FINN. 


and  Hank,  and  Joe,  and  Andy,  and  talked  lazy  and  drawly,  and  used  con 
siderable  many  cuss-words.  There  was  as  many  as  one  loafer  leaning  up 
against  every  awning-post,  and  he  most  always  had  his  hands  in  his  britches 

pockets,  except  when  he  fetched 
them  out  to  lend  a  chaw  of  to 
bacco  or  scratch.  What  a  body 
was  hearing  amongst  them,  all 
the  time  was — 

"  Gimme  a  chaw  'v  tobacker, 
Hank." 

"  Cain't — I  hain't  got  but  one 
chaw  left.     Ask  Bill." 

Maybe  Bill  he  gives  him  a 
chaw  ;  maybe  he  lies  and  says 
he  ain't  got  none.  Some  of 
them  kinds  of  loafers  never  has 
a  cent  in  the  world,  nor  a  chaw 
of  tobacco  of  their  own.  They 
get  all  their  chawing  by  borrow 
ing — they  say  to  a  fellow,  "  I 
wisht  you'd  len'  me  a  chaw,  Jack, 
I  jist  this  minute  give  Ben 
Thompson  the  last  chaw  I  had  " 
— which  is  a  lie,  pretty  much 
every  time  ;  it  don't  fool  nobody 
but  a  stranger  ;  but  Jack  ain't  no  stranger,  so  he  says — 

"  You  give  him  a  chaw,  did  you  ?  so  did  your  sister's  cat's  grandmother.    You 
pay  me  back  the  chaws  you've  awready  borry'd  off'n  me,  Lafe  Buckner,  then  I'll 
loan  you  one  or  two  ton  of  it,  and  won't  charge  you  no  back  intrust,  nuther." 
"  Well,  I  did  pay  you  back  some  of  it  wunst." 

"  Yes,  you  did — 'bout  six  chaws.    You  borry'd  store  tobacker  and  paid  back 
nigger-head." 


'GIMME   A  CHAW.1' 


A  LAZY  TOWN.  183 


Store  tobacco  is  flat  black  plug,  but  these  fellows  mostly  chaws  the  natural 
leaf  twisted.  When  they  borrow  a  chaw,  they  don't  generly  cut  it  off  with  a 
knife,  but  they  set  the  plug  in  between  their  teeth,  and  gnaw  with  their  teeth 
and  tug  at  the  plug  with  their  hands  till  they  get  it  in  two — then  sometimes  the 
one  that  owns  the  tobacco  looks  mournful  at  it  when  it's  handed  back,  and 
says,  sarcastic — 

"  Here,  gimme  the  chaw,  and  you  take  the  plug" 

All  the  streets  and  lanes  was  just  mud,  they  warn't  nothing  else  but  mud — 
mud  as  black  as  tar,  and  nigh  about  a  foot  deep  in  some  places  ;  and  two  or 
three  inches  deep  in  all  the  places.  The  hogs  loafed  and  grunted  around, 
everywheres.  You'd  see  a  muddy  sow  and  a  litter  of  pigs  come  lazying  along 
the  street  and  whollop  herself  right  down  in  the  way,  where  folks  had  to  walk 
around  her,  and  she'd  stretch  out,  and  shut  her  eyes,  and  wave  her  ears,  whilst 
the  pigs  was  milking  her,  and  look  as  happy  as  if  she  was  on  salary.  And 
pretty  soon  you'd  hear  a  loafer  sing  out,  "  Hi  !  so  boy  !  sick  him,  Tige  ! "  and 
away  the  sow  would  go,  squealing  most  horrible,  with  a  dog  or  two  swinging  to 
each  ear,  and  three  or  four  dozen  more  a-coming ;  and  then  you  would  see  all  the 
loafers  get  up  and  watch  the  thing  out  of  sight,  and  laugh  at  the  fun  and 
look  grateful  for  the  noise.  Then  they'd  settle  back  again  till  there  was  a 
dog-fight.  There  couldn't  anything  wake  them  up  all  over,  and  make  them 
happy  all  over,  like  a  dog-fight — unless  it  might  be  putting  turpentine  on  a  stray 
dog  and  setting  fire  to  him,  or  tying  a  tin  pan  to  his  tail  and  see  him  run  himself 
to  death. 

On  the  river  front  some  of  the  houses  was  sticking  out  over  the  bank,  and 
they  was  bowed  and  bent,  and  about  ready  to  tumble  in.  The  people  had 
moved  out  of  them.  The  bank  was  caved  away  under  one  corner  of  some 
others,  and  that  corner  was  hanging  over.  People  lived  in  them  yet,  but  it 
was  dangersome,  because  sometimes  a  strip  of  land  as  wide  as  a  house  caves 
in  at  a  time.  Sometimes  a  belt  of  land  a  quarter  of  a  mile  deep  will  start  in 
and  cave  along  and  cave  along  till  it  all  caves  into  the  river  in  one  summer. 
Such  a  town  as  that  has  to  be  always  moving  back,  and  back,  and  back,  because 
the  river's  always  gnawing  at  it. 


184  THE  ADVENTURES  OF  HUCKLEBERRY  FINN. 

The  nearer  it  got  to  noon  that  day,  the  thicker  and  thicker  was  the  wagons 
and  horses  in  the  streets,  and  more  coming  all  the  time.  Families  fetched  their 
dinners  with  them,  from  the  country,  and  eat  them  in  the  wagons.  There 
was  considerable  whiskey  drinking  going  on,  and  I  seen  three  fights.  By-and- 
by  somebody  sings  out — 

"Here  comes  old  Boggs ! — in  from  the  country  for  his  little  old  monthly 
drunk — here  he  comes,  boys  ! " 

All  the  loafers  looked  glad — I  reckoned  they  was  used  to  having  fun  out  of 
Boggs.  One  of  them  says — 

"Wonder  who  he's  a  gwyne  to  chaw  up  this  time.  If  he'd  a  chawed  up  all 
the  men  he's  ben  a  gwyne  to  chaw  up  in  the  last  twenty  year,  he'd  have  con- 
siderble  ruputation,  now." 

Another  one  says,  "  I  wisht  old  Boggs  'd  threaten  me,  >cuz  then  I'd  know  I 
warn't  gwyne  to  die  for  a  thousan'  year." 

Boggs  comes  a-tearing  along  on  his  horse,  whooping  and  yelling  like  an  Injun, 
and  singing  out — 

"  Cler  the  track,  thar.  I'm  on  the  waw-path,  and  the  price  uv  coffins  is  a 
gwyne  to  raise." 

He  was  drunk,  and  weaving  about  in  his  saddle  ;  he  was  over  fifty  year  old, 
and  had  a  very  red  face.  Everybody  yelled  at  him,  and  laughed  at  him,  and 
sassed  him,  and  he  sassed  back,  and  said  he'd  attend  to  them  and  lay  them  out  in 
their  regular  turns,  but  he  couldn't  wait  now,  because  he'd  come  to  town  to  kill 
old  Colonel  Sherburn,  and  his  motto  was,  "  meat  first,  and  spoon  vittles  to  top 
off  on." 

He  see  me,  and  rode  up  and  says — 

"  Whar'd  you  come  f'm,  boy  ?    You  prepared  to  die  ?  " 

Then  he  rode  on.     I  was  scared  ;  but  a  man  says — 

"He  don't  mean  nothing;  he's  always  a  carryin'  on  like  that,  when  he's 
drunk.  He's  the  best-naturedest  old  fool  in  Arkansaw— never  hurt  nobody, 
drunk  nor  sober." 

Boggs  rode  up  before  the  biggest  store  in  town  and  bent  his  head  down  so  he 
could  see  under  the  curtain  of  the  awning,  and  yells — 


OLD  BOGGS. 


185 


"  Come  out  here,  Sherburn  !  Come  out  and  meet  the  man  you've  swindled. 
You're  the  houn'  I'm  after,  and  I'm  a  gwyne  to  have  you,  too  ! " 

And  so  he  went  on,  calling  Sherburn  everything  he  could  lay  his  tongue  to, 
and  the  whole  street  packed  with  people  listening  and  laughing  and  going  on. 
By-and-by  a  proud-looking  man  about  fifty-five — and  he  was  a  heap  the  best 
dressed  man  in  that  town,  too — steps  out  of  the  store,  and  the  crowd  drops  back 
on  each  side  to  let  him  come.  He  says  to  Boggs,  mighty  ca'm  and  slow — he  says: 

"  I'm  tired  of  this  ;  but  I'll  endure  it  till  one  o'clock.     Till  one  o'clock,  mind — 


A  LITTLE   MONTHLY  DRUNK. 


no  longer.     If  you  open  your  mouth  against  me  only  once,  after  that  time,  you 
can't  travel  so  far  but  I  will  find  you." 

Then  he  turns  and  goes  in.  The  crowd  looked  mighty  sober  ;  nobody  stirred, 
and  there  warn't  no  more  laughing.  Boggs  rode  off  blackguarding  Sherburn 
as  loud  as  he  could  yell,  all  down  the  street ;  and  pretty  soon  back  he  comes  and 
stops  before  the  store,  still  keeping  it  up.  Some  men  crowded  around  him 
and  tried  to  get  him  to  shut  up,  but  he  wouldn't ;  they  told  him  it  would  be  one 
o'clock  in  about  fifteen  minutes,  and  so  he  must  go  home — he  must  go  right 
away.  But  it  didn't  do  no  good.  He  cussed  away,  with  all  his  might,  and 


186  THE  ADVENTURES  OF  HUCKLEBERRY  FINN. 

throwed  his  hat  down  in  the  mud  and  rode  over  it,  and  pretty  soon  away  he  went 
a-raging  down  the  street  again,  with  his  gray  hair  a-flying.  Everybody  that 
could  get  a  chance  at  him  tried  their  best  to  coax  him  off  of  his  horse  so  they 
could  lock  him  up  and  get  him  sober  ;  but  it  warn't  no  use — up  the  street  he 
would  tear  again,  and  give  Sherburn  another  cussing.  By-and-by  somebody  says — . 

"Go  for  his  daughter! — quick,  go  for  his  daughter  ;  sometimes  he'll  listen  to 
her.  If  anybody  can  persuade  him,  she  can." 

So  somebody  started  on  a  run.  I  walked  down  street  a  ways,  and  stopped. 
In  about  five  or  ten  minutes,  here  comes  Boggs  again — but  not  on  his  horse.  He 
was  a-reeling  across  the  street  towards  me,  bareheaded,  with  a  friend  on  both 
sides  of  him  aholt  of  his  arms  and  hurrying  him  along.  He  was  quiet,  and 
looked  uneasy ;  and  he  warn't  hanging  back  any,  but  was  doing  some  of  the 
hurrying  himself.  Somebody  sings  out — 

"Boggs!" 

I  looked  over  there  to  see  who  said  it,  and  it  was  that  Colonel  Sherburn.  He 
was  standing  perfectly  still,  in  the  street,  and  had  a  pistol  raised  in  his  right 
hand — not  aiming  it,  but  holding  it  out  with  the  barrel  tilted  up  towards  the  sky. 
The  same  second  I  see  a  young  girl  coming  on  the  run,  -and  two  men  with  her. 
Boggs  and  the  men  turned  round,  to  see  who  called  him,  and  when  they 
see  the  pistol  the  men  jumped  to  one  side,  and  the  pistol  barrel  come 
down  slow  and  steady  to  a  level— both  barrels  cocked.  Boggs  throws  up 
both  of  his  hands,  and  says,  "0  Lord,  don't  shoot!"  Bang!  goes  the 
first  shot,  and  he  staggers  back  clawing  at  the  air—bang  !  goes  the  second  one, 
and  he  tumbles  backwards  onto  the  ground,  heavy  and  solid,  with  his  arms 
spread  out.  That  young  girl  screamed  out,  and  comes  rushing,  and  down 
she  throws  herself  on  her  father,  crying,  and  saying,  "  Oh,  he's  killed  him, 
he's  killed  him!"  The  crowd  closed  up  around  them,  and  shouldered  and 
jammed  one  another,  with  their  necks  stretched,  trying  to  see,  and  people  on 
the  inside  trying  to  shove  them  back,  and  shouting,  "Back,  back  !  give  him  air, 
give  him  air  !  " 

Colonel  Sherburn  he  tossed  his  pistol  onto  the  ground,  and  turned  around  on 
his  heels  and  walked  off. 


DEAD. 


187 


They  took  Boggs  to  a  little  drug  store,  the  crowd  pressing  around,  just  the  same, 
and  the  whole  town  following,  and  I  rushed  and  got  a  good  place  at  the  window, 
where  I  was  close  to  him  and  could  see  in.  They  laid  him  on  the  floor,  and  put  one 
large  Bible  under  his  head,  and  opened  another  one  and  spread  it  on  his  breast — 
but  they  tore  open  his  shirt 
first,  and  I  seen  where  one  of 
the  bullets  went  in.  He  made 
about  a  dozen  long  gasps,  his 
breast  lifting  the  Bible  up  when 
he  drawed  in  his  breath,  and 
letting  it  down  again  when  he 
breathed  it  out — and  after  that 
he  laid  still ;  he  was  dead. 
Then  they  pulled  his  daughter 
away  from  him,  screaming  and 
crying,  and  took  her  off.  She 
was  about  sixteen,  and  very 
sweet  and  gentle-looking,  but 
awful  pale  and  scared. 

Well,  pretty  soon  the  whole 
town  was  there,  squirming  and 
scrouging  and  pushing  and 
shoving  to  get  at  the  window 
and  have  a  look,  but  people 
that  had  the  places  wouldn't 
give  them  up,  and  folks  behind 

them  was  saying  all  the  time,  "  Say,  now,  you've  looked  enough,  you  fellows  ; 
'taint  right  and  'taint  fair,  for  you  to  stay  thar  all  the  time,  and  never  give 
nobody  a  chance  ;  other  folks  has  their  rights  as  well  as  you." 

There  was  considerable  jawing  back,  so  I  slid  out,  thinking  maybe  there  was 
going  to  be  trouble.  The  streets  was  full,  and  everybody  was  excited.  Every 
body  that  seen  the  shooting  was  telling  how  it  happened,  and  there  was  a  big 


THE    DEATH    OF  BOGGS. 


188  THE  ADVENTURES  OF  HUCKLEBERRY  FINN. 

crowd  packed  around  each  one  of  these  fellows,  stretching  their  necks  and 
listening.  One  long  lanky  man,  with  long  hair  and  a  big  white  fur  stove-pipe 
hat  on  the  back  of  his  head,  and  a  crooked-handled  cane,  marked  out  the  places 
on  the  ground  where  Boggs  stood,  and  where  Sherburn  stood,  and  the  people 
following  him  around  from  one  place  to  t'other  and  watching  everything  he  done, 
and  bobbing  their  heads  to  show  they  understood,  and  stooping  a  little  and 
resting  their  hands  on  their  thighs  to  watch  him  mark  the  places  on  the  ground 
with  his  cane ;  and  then  he  stood  up  straight  and  stiff  where  Sherburn  had 
stood,  frowning  and  having  his  hat-brim  down  over  his  eyes,  and  sung  out, 
"Boggs  ! "  and  then  fetched  his  cane  down  slow  to  a  level,  and  says  "Bang  !" 
staggered  backwards,  says  "  Bang  !  "  again,  and  fell  down  flafc  on  his  back.  The 
people  that  had  seen  the  thing  said  he  done  it  perfect  ;  said  it  was  just  exactly 
the  way  it  all  happened.  Then  as  much  as  a  dozen  people  got  out  their  bottles 
and  treated  him. 

Well,  by-and-by  somebody  said  Sherburn  ought  to  be  lynched.  In  about  a 
minute  everybody  was  saying  it ;  so  away  they  went,  mad  and  yelling,  and 
snatching  down  every  clothes-line  they  come  to,  to  do  the  hanging  with. 


a 


swarmed  up  the  street  towards  Sher- 
burn's  house,  a-whooping  and  yelling 
and  raging  like  Injuns,  and  every 
thing  had  to  clear  the  way  or  get  run 
over  and  tromped  to  mush,  and  it 
was  awful  to  see.  Children  was  heel 
ing  it  ahead  of  the  mob,  screaming 
and  trying  to  get  out  of  the  way  ;  and 
every  window  along  the  road  was  full 
of  women's  heads,  and  there  was  nig 
ger  boys  in  every  tree,  and  bucks  and 
wenches  looking  over  every  fence ; 
and  as  soon  as  the  mob  would  get 
nearly  to  them  they  would  break  and 
skaddle  back  out  of  reach.  Lots  of 
the  women  and  girls  was  crying  and 
taking  on,  scared  most  to  death. 

They  swarmed  up  in  front  of  Sher- 
burn's  palings  as  thick  as  they  could  jam  together,  and  you  couldn't  hear  your 
self  think  for  the  noise.  It  was  a  little  twenty-foot  yard.  Some  sung  out  "Tear 
down  the  fence  !  tear  down  the  fence  ! "  Then  there  was  a  racket  of  ripping  and 
tearing  and  smashing,  and  down  she  goes,  and  the  front  wall  of  the  crowd  begins 
to  roll  in  like  a  wave. 

Just  then  Sherburn  steps  out  on  to  the  roof  of  his  little  front  porch,  with  a 


SHKRBURN  STEPS  OUT. 


190  THE  ADVENTURES  OF  HUCKLEBEERT  FINN. 

double-barrel  gun  in  his  hand,  and  takes  his  stand,  perfectly  ca'm  and  deliberate, 
not  saying  a  word.  The  racket  stopped,  and  the  wave  sucked  back. 

Sherburn  never  said  a  word — just  stood  there,  looking  down.  The  stillness 
was  awful  creepy  and  uncomfortable.  Sherburn  run  his  eye  slow  along  the 
crowd  ;  and  wherever  it  struck,  the  people  tried  a  little  to  outgaze  him,  but  they 
couldn't ;  they  dropped  their  eyes  and  looked  sneaky.  Then  pretty  soon  Sher 
burn  sort  of  laughed  ;  not  the  pleasant  kind,  but  the  kind  that  makes  you  feel 
like  when  you  are  eating  bread  that's  got  sand  in  it. 

Then  he  says,  slow  and  scornful : 

"  The  idea  of  you  lynching  anybody  !  It's  amusing.  The  idea  of  you  think 
ing  you  had  p]uck  enough  to  lynch  a  man  I  Because  you  re  brave  enough  to  tar 
and  feather  poor  friendless  cast-out  women  that  come  along  here,  did  that  make 
you  think  you  had  grit  enough  to  lay  your  hands  on  a  man?  Why,  a  man's  safe 
in  the  hands  of  ten  thousand  of  your  kind — as  long  as  it's  day-time  and  you're  not 
behind  him. 

'•Do  I  know  you  ?  I  know  you  clear  through.  I  was  born  and  raised  in  the 
South,  and  I've  lived  in  the  North ;  so  I  know  the  average  all  around.  The 
average  man's  a  coward.  In  the  North  he  Lets  anybody  walk  over  him  that 
wants  to,  and  goes  home  and  prays  for  a  humble  spirit  to  bear  it.  In  the  South 
one  man,  all  by  himself,  has  stopped  a  stage  full  of  men,  in  the  day-time,  and 
robbed  the  lot.  Your  newspapers  call  you  a  brave  people  so  much  that  you  think 
you  are  braver  than  any  other  people — whereas  you're  just  as  brave,  and  no  braver. 
Why  don't  your  juries  hang  murderers?  Because  they're  afraid  the  man's  friends 
will  shoot  them  in  the  back,  in  the  dark— and  it's  just  what  they  ivould  do 

"  So  they  always  acquit ;  and  then  a  man  goes  in  the  night,  with  a  hundred 
masked  cowards  at  his  back,  and  lynches  the  rascal.  Your  mistake  is,  that  you 
didn't  bring  a  man  with  you  ;  that's  one  mistake,  and  the  other  is  that  you  didn't 
come  in  the  dark,  and  fetch  your  masks.  You  brought  part  of  a  man— Buck 
Harkness,  there — and  if  you  hadn't  had  him  to  start  you,  you'd  a  taken  it  out  in 
blowing. 

"  You  didn't  want  to  come.  The  average  man  don't  like  trouble  and  danger. 
You  don't  like  trouble  and  danger.  But  if  only  half  a  man — like  Buck  Hark- 


ATTENDING   THE  CIRCUS. 


191 


ness,  there — shouts  '  Lynch  him,  lynch  him  ! '  you're  afraid  to  back  down — 
afraid  you'll  be  found  out  to  be  what  you  are — cowards — and  so  you  raise  a  yell, 
and  hang  yourselves  onto  that  half-a-man?s  coat  tail,  and  come  raging  up  here, 
swearing  what  big  things  you're  going  to  do.  The  pitifulest  thing  out  is  a 
mob  ;  that's  what  an  army  is — a  mob  ;  they  don't  fight  with  courage  that's  born 
in  them,  but  with  courage  that's  borrowed  from  their  mass,  and  from  their 
officers.  But  a  mob  without  any  man  at  the  head  of  it,  is  beneath  pitifulness. 
Now  the  thing  for  you  to  do,  is  to  droop  your  tails  and  go  home  and  crawl  in  a 
hole.  If  any  real  lynching's  going  to  be  done,  it  will  be  done  in  the  dark, 


A     DEAD    HEAD. 


Southern  fashion  ;  and  when  they  come  they'll  bring  their  masks,  and  fetch  a 
man  along.  Now  leave — and  take  your  half-a-man  with  you " — tossing  his  gun 
up  across  his  left  arm  and  cocking  it,  when  he  says  this. 

The  crowd  washed  back  sudden,  and  then  broke  all  apart  and  went  tearing 
off  every  which  way,  and  Buck  Harkness  he  heeled  it  after  them,  looking  toler 
able  cheap.  1  could  a  staid,  if  I'd  a  wanted  to,  but  I  didn't  want  to. 

I  went  to  the  circus,  and  loafed  around  the  back  side  till  the  watchman  went 
by,  and  then  dived  in  under  the  tent.  I  had  my  twenty-dollar  gold  piece  and 
some  other  money,  but  I  reckoned  I  better  save  it,  because  there  ain't  no  telling 


192  THE  ADVENTURES  OF  HUCKLEBERRY  FINN. 

how  soon  you  are  going  to  need  it,  away  from  home  and  amongst  strangers,  that 
way.  You  can't  be  too  careful.  I  ain't  opposed  to  spending  money  on  circuses, 
when  there  ain't  no  other  way,  but  there  ain't  no  use  in  wasting  it  on  them. 

It  was  a  real  bully  circus.  It  was  the  splendidest  sight  that  ever  was,  when 
they  all  come  riding  in,  two  and  two,  a  gentleman  and  lady,  side  by  side,  the 
men  just  in  their  drawers  and  under-shirts,  and  no  shoes  nor  stirrups,  and  resting 
their  hands  on  their  thighs,  easy  and  comfortable — there  must  a'  been  twenty  of 
them — and  every  lady  with  a  lovely  complexion,  and  perfectly  beautiful,  and 
looking  just  like  a  gang  of  real  sure-enough  queens,  and  dressed  in  clothes  that 
cost  millions  of  dollars,  and  just  littered  with  diamonds.  It  was  a  powerful  fine 
sight ;  I  never  see  anything  so  lovely.  And  then  one  by  one  they  got  up  and 
stood,  and  went  a-weaving  around  the  ring  so  gentle  and  wavy  and  graceful,  the 
men  looking  ever  so  tall  and  airy  and  straight,  with  their  heads  bobbing  and 
skimming  along,  away  up  there  under  the  tent-roof,  and  every  lady's  rose-leafy 
dress  flapping  soft  and  silky  around  her  hips,  and  she  looking  like  the  most  love 
liest  parasol. 

And  then  faster  and  faster  they  went,  all  of  them  dancing,  first  one  foot  stuck 
out  in  the  air  and  then  the  other,  the  horses  leaning  more  and  more,  and  the 
ring-master  going  round  and  round  the  centre-pole,  cracking  his  whip  and 
shouting  "  hi ! — hi !  "  and  the  clown  cracking  jokes  behind  him  ;  and  by-and- 
by  all  hands  dropped  the  reins,  and  every  lady  put  her  knuckles  on  her  hips  and 
every  gentleman  folded  his  arms,  and  then  how  the  horses  did  lean  over  and 
hump  themselves  !  And  so,  one  after  the  other  they  all  skipped  off  into  the  ring, 
and  made  the  sweetest  bow  I  ever  see,  and  then  scampered  out.  and  everybody 
clapped  their  hands  and  went  just  about  wild. 

Well,  all  through  the  circus  they  done  the  most  astonishing  things  ;  and  all 
the  time  that  clown  carried  on  so  it  most  killed  the  people.  The  ring-master 
couldn't  ever  say  a  word  to  him  but  he  was  back  at  him  quick  as  a  wink  with  the 
funniest  things  a  body  ever  said ;  and  how  he  ever  could  think  of  so  many  of 
them,  and  so  sudden  and  so  pat,  was  what  I  couldn't  noway  understand.  Why, 
I  couldn't  a  thought  of  them  in  a  year.  And  by-and-by  a  drunk  man  tried  to 
get  into  the  ring— said  he  wanted  to  ride  ;  said  he  could  ride  as  well  as  anybody 


INTOXICATION  IN  THE  RING. 


193 


that  ever  was.  They  argued  and  tried  to  keep  him  out,  but  he  wouldn't  listen, 
and  the  whole  show  come  to  a  standstill.  Then  the  people  begun  to  holler  at 
him  and  make  fun  of  him,  and  that  made  him  mad,  and  he  begun  to  rip  and 
tear  ;  so  that  stirred  up  the  people,  and  a  lot  of  men  begun  to  pile  down  off  of 
the  benches  and  swarm  towards  the  ring,  saying,  "  Knock  him  down  !  throw 
him  out  !  "  and  one  or  two  women  begun  to  scream.  So,  then,  the  ring-master 
he  made  a  little  speech,  and  said  he  hoped  there  wouldn't  be  no  disturbance,  and 
if  the  man  would  promise  he  wouldn't  make  no  more  trouble,  he  would  let  him 
ride,  if  he  thought  he  could  stay  on  the  horse.  So  everybody  laughed  and  said  all 
right,  and  the  man  got  on. 
The  minute  he  was  on,  tho 
horse  begun  to  rip  and  tear 
and  jump  and  cavort  around, 
with  two  circus  men  hanging 
onto  his  bridle  trying  to  hold 
him,  and  the  drunk  man 
hanging  onto  his  neck,  and 
his  heels  flying  in  the  air  every 
jump,  and  the  whole  crowd 
of  people  standing  up  shout 
ing  and  laughing  till  the  tears 
rolled  down.  And  at  last, 
sure  enough,  all  the  circus 
men  could  do,  the  horse  broke 
loose,  and  away  he  went  like 
the  very  nation,  round  and 
round  the  ring,  with  that  sot 
laying  down  on  him  and  hang 
ing  to  his  neck,  with  first  one 
leg  hanging  most  to  the  ground 
on  one  side,  and  then  t'other  one  on  t'other  side,  aod  the  people  just  crazy.  It 
warn't  funny  to  me,  though  ;  I  was  all  of  a  tremble  to  see  his  danger.  But 
13 


HB  SHED    SEVENTEEN    SUITS. 


194  THE  ADVENTURES  OF  HUCKLEBERRY  FINN. 

pretty  soon  he  struggled  up  astraddle  and  grabbed  the  bridle,  a-reeling  this  way 
and  that ;  and  the  next  minute  he  sprung  up  and  dropped  the  bridle  and  stood  ! 
and  the  horse  agoing  like  a  house  afire  too.  He  just  stood  up  there,  a-sailing 
around  as  easy  and  comfortable  as  if  he  warn't  ever  drunk  in  his  life — and  then 
he  begun  to  pull  off  his  clothes  and  sling  them.  He  shed  them  so  thick  they 
kind  of  clogged  up  the  air,  and  altogether  he  shed  seventeen  suits.  And  then, 
there  he  was,  slim  and  handsome,  and  dressed  the  gaudiest  and  prettiest  you 
ever  saw,  and  he  lit  into  that  horse  with  his  whip  and  made  him  fairly  hum — 
and  finally  skipped  off,  and  made  his  bow  and  danced  off  to  the  dressing-room, 
and  everybody  just  a-howling  with  pleasure  and  astonishment. 

Then  the  ring-master  he  see  how  he  had  been  fooled,  and  he  was  the  sickest 
ring-master  you  ever  see,  I  reckon.  Why,  it  was  one  of  his  own  men  !  He  had 
got  up  that  joke  all  out  of  his  own  head,  and  never  let  on  to  nobody.  Well,  I 
felt  sheepish  enough,  to  be  took  in  so,  but  I  wouldn't  a  been  in  that  ring-mas 
ter's  place,  not  for  a  thousand  dollars.  I  don't  know  ;  there  may  be  bullier 
circuses  than  what  that  one  was,  but  I  never  struck  them  yet.  Anyways  it  was 
plenty  good  enough  for  me  ;  and  wherever  I  run  across  it,  it  can  have  all  of  my 
custom,  every  time. 

Well,  that  night  we  had  our  show ;  but  there  warn't  only  about  twelve 
people  there  ;  just  enough  to  pay  expenses.  And  they  laughed  all  the  time,  and 
that  made  the  duke  mad ;  and  everybody  left,  anyway,  before  the  show  was  over, 
but  one  boy  which  was  asleep.  So  the  duke  said  these  Arkansaw  lunkheads 
couldn't  come  up  to  Shakspeare  ;  what  they  wanted  was  low  comedy — and  may 
be  something  ruther  worse  than  low  comedy,  he  reckoned.  He  said  he  could 
size  their  style.  So  next  morning  he  got  some  big  sheets  of  wrapping-paper  and 
some  black  paint,  and  drawed  off  some  handbills  and  stuck  them  up  all  over  the 
village.  The  bills  said  : 


THE  THRILLING  TRAGEDY.  195 

AT  THE  COURT  HOUSE  ! 

FOE   3   NIGHTS   ONLY  ! 

The  World-Renowned  Tragedians 
DAVID  GARRICK  THE  YOUNGER! 

AND 

EDMUND  KEAN  THE  ELDER  ! 
Of  the  London  and  Continental 

Theatres, 

In  their  Thrilling  Tragedy  of 
THE  KING'S  CAMELOPARD 

OR 

THE  ROYAL  NONESUCH!  !  ! 

Admission  50  cents. 
Then  at  the  bottom  was  the  biggest  line  of  all — which  said  : 

LADIES  AND  CHILDREN  NOT  ADMITTED. 

"  There,"  says  he,  "if  that  line  don't  fetch  them,  I  dont  know  Arkansaw!  " 


,  all  day  him  and  the  king  was  hard 
at  it,  rigging  up  a  stage,  and  a  cur 
tain,  and  a  row  of  candles  for  foot 
lights  ;  and  that  night  the  house 
was  jam  full  of  men  in  no  time. 
When  the  place  couldn't  hold  no 
more,  the  duke  he  quit  tending  door 
and  went  around  the  back  way  and 
come  onto  the  stage  and  stood  up 
before  the  curtain,  and  made  a 
little  speech,  and  praised  up  this 
tragedy,  and  said  it  was  the  most 
thrillingest  one  that  ever  was ;  and 
so  he  went  on  a-bragging  about  the 
tragedy  arid  about  Edmund  Kean 
the  Elder,  which  was  to  play  the 
TRAGEDY  main  principal  part  in  it ;  and  at 

last  when  he'd  got  everybody's  ex 
pectations  up  high  enough,  he  rolled  up  the  curtain,  and  the  next  minute  the 
king  come  a-prancing  out  on  all  fours,  naked  ;  and  he  was  painted  all  over,  ring- 
streaked-and-striped,  all  sorts  of  colors,  as  splendid  as  a  rainbow.  And — but 
never  mind  the  rest  of  his  outfit,  it  was  just  wild,  but  it  was  awful  funny.  The 
people  most  killed  themselves  laughing  ;  and  when  the  king  got  done  capering, 
and  capered  off  behind  the  scenes,  they  roared  and  clapped  and  stormed  and  haw- 
hawed  till  he  come  back  and  done  it  over  again  ;  and  after  that,  they  made  him 


SOLD."  197 


do  it  another  time.     Well,  it  would  a  made  a  cow  laugh  to  see  the  shines  that  old 
idiot  cut. 

Then  the  duke  he  lets  the  curtain  down,  and  bows  to  the  people,  and  says  the 
great  tragedy  will  be  performed  only  two  nights  more,  on  accounts  of  pressing 
London  engagements,  where  the  seats  is  all  sold  aready  for  it  in  Drury  Lane  ; 
and  then  he  makes  them  another  bow,  and  says  if  he  has  succeeded  in  pleasing 
them  and  instructing  them,  he  will  be  deeply  obleeged  if  they  will  mention  it  to 
their  friends  and  get  them  to  come  and  see  it. 

Twenty  people  sings  out  : 

"  What,  is  it  over  ?    Is  that  attf" 

The  duke  says  yes.  Then  there  was  a  fine  time.  Everybody  sings  out  "  sold," 
and  rose  up  mad,  and  was  agoing  for  that  stage  and  them  tragedians.  But  a  big 
fine-looking  man  jumps  up  on  a  bench,  and  shouts  : 

"Hold  on!  Just  a  word,  gentlemen."  They  stopped  to  listen.  "We  are 
sold— mighty  badly  sold.  But  we  don't  want  to  be  the  laughing-stock  of  this 
whole  town,  I  reckon,  and  never  hear  the  last  of  this  thing  as  long  as  we  live. 
No.  What  we  want,  is  to  go  out  of  here  quiet,  and  talk  this  show  up,  and  sell 
the  rest  of  the  town  !  Then  we'll  all  be  in  the  same  boat.  Ain't  that  sensible  ?" 
("You  bet  it  is  ! — the  jedge  is  right  ! "  everybody  sings  out.)  "  All  right,  then 
— not  a  word  about  any  sell.  Go  along  home,  and  advise  everybody  to  come  and 
see  the  tragedy." 

Next  day  you  couldn't  hear  nothing  around  that  town  but  how  splendid  that 
show  was.  House  was  jammed  again,  that  night,  and  we  sold  this  crowd  the 
same  way.  When  me  and  the  king  and  the  duke  got  home  to  the  raft,  we  all  had 
a  supper  ;  and  by-and-by,  about  midnight,  they  made  Jim  and  me  back  her  out 
and  float  her  down  the  middle  of  the  river  and  fetch  her  in  and  hide  her  about 
two  mile  below  town. 

The  third  night  the  house  was  crammed  again — and  they  warn't  new-comers, 
this  time,  but  people  that  was  at  the  show  the  other  two  nights.  I  stood  by 
the  duke  at  the  door,  and  I  see  that  every  man  that  went  in  had  his  pockets 
bulging,  or  something  muffled  up  under  his  coat — and  I  see  it  warn't  no  per 
fumery  neither,  not  by  a  long  sight.  I  smelt  sickly  eggs  by  the  barrel,  and 


198 


THE  ADVENTURES  OF  HUCKLEBERRY  FINN. 


rotten  cabbages,  and  such  things ;  and  if  I  know  the  signs  of  a  dead  cat  being 
around,  and  I  bet  I    do,  there  was  sixty-four  of  them  went  in.      I   shoved  in 

there  for  a  minute,  but  it  was  too 
various  for  me,  I  couldn't  stand  it. 
Well,  when  the  place  couldn't  hold  no 
more  people,  the  duke  he  give  a  fellow 
a  quarter  and  told  him  to  tend  door  for 
him  a  minute,  and  then  he  started 
around  for  the  stage  door,  I  after  him  ; 
but  the  minute  we  turned  the  corner 
and  was  in  the  dark,  he  says  : 

"  Walk  fast,  now,  till  you  get  away 
from  the  houses,  and  then  shin  for  the 
raft  like  the  dickens  was  after  you  ! " 

I  done  it,  and  he  done  the  same.    We 
struck  the  raft  at  the  same  time,  and  in 
less  than  two  seconds  we  was  gliding 
down  stream,  all   dark  and    still,    and 
edging  towards  the  middle  of  the  river, 
nobody  saying  a  word.     I  reckoned  the 
poor  king  was  in  for  a  gaudy  time  cf 
it  with  the  audience ;  but  nothing  of 
the  sort ;  pretty  soon  he  crawls  out  from  under  the  wigwam,  and  says  : 
"Well,  how'd  the  old  thing  pan  out  this  time,  Duke  ?" 
He  hadn't  been  up  town  at  all. 

We  never  showed  a  light  till  we  was  about  ten  mile  below  that  village. 
Then  we  lit  up  and  had  a  supper,  and  the  king  and  the  duke  fairly  laughed  their 
bones  loose  over  the  way  they'd  served  them  people.  The  duke  says  : 

"  Greenhorns,  flatheads  !  I  knew  the  first  house  would  keep  mum  and  let 
the  rest  of  the  town  get  roped  in  ;  and  I  knew  they'd  lay  for  us  the  third  night, 
and  consider  it  was  their  turn  now.  Well,  it  is  their  turn,  and  I'd  give  some 
thing  to  know  how  much  they'd  take  for  it.  I  would  just  like  to  know  how 


THEIR    POCKETS    BULGED. 


ROYAL  COMPARISONS.  199 


they're  putting  in  their  opportunity.  They  can  turn  it  into  a  picnic,  if  they 
want  to — they  brought  plenty  provisions." 

Them  rapscallions  took  in  four  hundred  and  sixty-five  dollars  in  that  three 
nights.  I  never  see  money  hauled  in  by  the  wagon-load  like  that,  before. 

By-and  by,  when  they  was  asleep  and  snoring,  Jim  says  : 

"Don't  it  'sprise  you,  de  way  dem  kings  carries  on,  Huck  ?  " 

"No,"  I  says,  "  it  don't." 

"  Why  don't  it,  Huck  ?  " 

"Well,  it  don't,  because  it's  in  the  breed.    I  reckon  they're  all  alike." 

"  But,  Huck,  dese  kings  o'  ourn  is  regular  rapscallions  ;  dat's  jist  what  dey 
is  ;  dey's  reglar  rapscallions." 

"  Well,  that's  what  I'm  a-saying ;  all  kings  is  mostly  rapscallions,  as  fur  as 
I  can  make  out." 

"Is  dat  so  ?" 

"  You  read  about  them  once — you'll  see.  Look  at  Henry  the  Eight ; 
this'n  's  a  Sunday-School  Superintendent  to  him.  And  look  at  Charles  Second, 
and  Louis  Fourteen,  and  Louis  Fifteen,  and  James  Second,  and  Edward  Second, 
and  Richard  Third,  and  forty  more ;  besides  all  them  Saxon  heptarchies  that 
used  to  rip  around  so  in  old  times  and  raise  Cain.  My,  you  ought  to  seen  old 
Henry  the  Eight  when  he  was  in  bloom.  He  was  a  blossom.  He  used  to  marry 
a  new  wife  every  day,  and  chop  off  her  head  next  morning.  And  he  would  do  it 
just  as  indifferent  as  if  he  was  ordering  up  eggs.  '  Fetch  up  Nell  Gwynn,'  he 
says.  They  fetch  her  up.  Next  morning,  '  Chop  off  her  head  ! '  And  they 
chop  it  off.  '  Fetch  up  Jane  Shore,'  he  says ;  and  up  she  comes.  Next  morning 
'Chop  off  her  head' — and  they  chop  it  off.  'Ring  up  Fair  Rosamun.'  Fair 
Rosamun  answers  the  bell.  Next  morning,  'Chop  off  her  head.'  And  he  made 
every  one  of  them  tell  him  a  tale  every  night ;  and  he  kept  that  up  till  he  had 
hogged  a  thousand  and  one  tales  that  way,  and  then  he  put  them  all  in  a  book, 
and  called  it  Domesday  Book — which  was  a  good  name  and  stated  the  case. 
You  don't  know  kings,  Jim,  but  I  know  them  ;  and  this  old  rip  of  ourn  is  one 
of  the  cleanest  I've  struck  in  history.  Well,  Henry  he  takes  a  notion  he  wants 
to  get  up  some  trouble  with  this  country.  How  does  he  go  at  it — give  notice  ? 


200 


THE  ADVENTURES  OF  HUCKLEBERRY  FINN. 


— give  the  country  a  show  ?  No.  All  of  a  sudden  he  heaves  all  the  tea  in 
Boston  Harbor  overboard,  and  whacks  out  a  declaration  of  independence,  and 

dares  them  to  coine  on.  That  was 
his  style — he  never  give  anybody  a 
chance.  He  had  suspicions  of  his 
father,  the  Duke  of  Wellington. 
Well,  what  did  he  do  ? — ask  him  to 
show  up  ?  No — drownded  him  in 
a  butt  of  mamsey,  like  a  cat.  Spose 
people  left  money  laying  around 
where  he  was — what  did  he  do  ? 
He  collared  it.  Spose  he  contracted 
to  do  a  thing ;  and  you  paid  him, 
and  didn't  set  down  there  and  see 
that  he  done  it — what  did  he  do  ? 
He  always  done  the  other  thing. 
Spose  he  opened  his  mouth — what 
then  ?  If  he  didn't  shut  it  up 
powerful  quick,  he'd  lose  a  lie,  every 
time.  That's  the  kind  of  a  bug 
Henry  was  ;  and  if  we'd  a  had  him 

HENRY   THE    EIGHTH   IN    BOSTON    HARBOK. 

along  'stead  of  our  kings,  he'd  a 

fooled  that  town  a  heap  worse  than  ourn  done.  I  don't  say  that  ourn  is  lambs, 
because  they  ain't,  when  you  come  right  down  to  the  cold  facts  ;  but  they  ain't 
nothing  to  that  old  ram,  anyway.  All  I  say  is,  kings  is  kings,  and  you  got  to 
make  allowances.  Take  them  all  around,  they're  a  mighty  ornery  lot.  It's  the 
way  they're  raised." 

"But  dis  one  do  smell  so  like  de  nation,  Huck." 

"  Well,  they  all  do,  Jim.  We  can't  help  the  way  a  king  smells  ;  history 
don't  tell  no  way." 

"Now  de  duke,  he's  a  tolerble  likely  man,  in  some  ways." 

"  Yes,  a  duke's  different.      But  not  very  different.     This  one's  a  middling 


JIM  GETS  HOMESICK.  201 


hard  lot,  for  a  duke.  When  he's  drunk,  there  ain't  no  near-sighted  man  could 
tell  him  from  a  king." 

"  Well,  anyways,  I  doan'  hanker  for  no  mo'  un  um,  Huck.  Dese  is  all  I 
kin  stan'." 

"  It's  the  way  I  feel,  too,  Jim.  But  we've  got  them  on  our  hands,  and 
we  got  to  remember  what  they  are,  and  make  allowances.  Sometimes  I  wish 
we  could  hear  of  a  country  that's  out  of  kings." 

What  was  the  use  to  tell  Jim  these  warn't  real  kings  and  dukes  ?  It  wouldn't 
a  done  no  good  ;  and  besides,  it  was  just  as  I  said  ;  you  couldn't  tell  them  from 
the  real  kind. 

I  went  to  sleep,  and  Jim  didn't  call  me  when  it  was  my  turn.  He  often  done 
that.  When  I  waked  up,  just  at  day-break,  he  was  setting  there  with  his  head 
down  betwixt  his  knees,  moaning  and  mourning  to  himself.  I  didn't  take  notice, 
nor  let  on.  I  knowed  what  it  was  about.  He  was  thinking  about  his  wife  and 
his  children,  away  up  yonder,  and  he  was  low  and  homesick ;  because  he  hadn't 
ever  been  away  from  home  before  in  his  life  ;  and  I  do  believe  he  cared  just  as 
much  for  his  people  as  white  folks  does  for  their'n.  It  don't  seem  natural,  but  I 
reckon  it's  so.  He  was  often  moaning  and  mourning  that  way,  nights,  when  he 
judged  I  was  asleep,  and  saying,  "  Po'  little  'Lizabeth  !  po'  little  Johnny  !  its 
mighty  hard  ;  I  spec'  I  ain't  ever  gwyne  to  see  you  no  mo',  no  mo'!"  He  was  a 
mighty  good  nigger,  Jim  was. 

But  this  time  I  somehow  got  to  talking  to  him  about  his  wife  and  young  ones; 
and  by-and-by  he  says  : 

"  What  makes  me  feel  so  bad  dis  time,  'uz  bekase  I  hear  sumpn  over  yonder 
on  de  bank  like  a  whack,  er  a  slam,  while  ago,  en  it  mine  me  er  de  time  I  treat 
my  little  'Lizabeth  so  ornery.  She  warn't  on'y  'bout  fo'  year  ole,  en  she  tuck  de 
sk'yarlet-fever,  en  had  a  powf ul  rough  spell ;  but  she  got  well,  en  one  day  she  was 
a-stannin'  aroun',  en  I  says  to  her,  I  says  : 

"  Shet  de  do'.' 

"  She  never  done  it ;  jis'  stood  dah,  kiner  smilin'  up  at  me.  It  make  me 
mad  ;  en  I  says  agin,  mighty  loud,  I  says  : 

"  '  Doan'  you  hear  me  ? — shet  de  do'  ! ' 


202  THE  ADVENTURES  OF  HUCKLEBERRY  FINN. 

"  She  jis'  stood  de  same  way,  kiner  smilin'  up.     I  was  a-bilin'  !     I  says  : 

"  '  I  lay  I  make  you  mine  ! ' 

"  En  wid  dat  I  fetch'  her  a  slap  side  de  head  dat  sont  her  a-sprawlin'.  Den  I 
went  into  de  yuther  room,  en  'uz  gone  'bout  ten  minutes  ;  en  when  I  come  back, 
dah  was  dat  do'  a-stannin'  open  yit,  en  dat  chile  stannin'  mos'  right  in  it, 
a-lookin'  down  and  mournin',  en  de  tears  runnin'  down.  My,  but  I  wuz  mad, 
I  was  agwyne  for  de  chile,  but  jis'  den — it  was  a  do'  dat  open  innerds — jis'  den, 
'long  come  de  wind  en  slam  it  to,  behine  de  chile,  ker-Z>fam/ — en  my  Ian',  de 
chile  never  move' !  My  breff  mos'  hop  outer  me  ;  en  I  feel  so — so — I  doan'  know 
how  I  feel.  I  crope  out,  all  a-tremblin',  en  crope  aroun'  en  open  de  do'  easy  en 
slow,  en  poke  my  head  in  behine  de  chile,  sof  en  still,  en  all  uv  a  sudden,  I  says 
pow !  jis'  as  loud  as  I  could  yell.  She  never  budge !  Oh,  Huck,  I  bust  out 
a-cryin'  en  grab  her  up  in  my  arms,  en  say,  '  Oh,  de  po'  little  thing  !  de  Lord  God 
Amighty  fogive  po'  ole  Jim,  kaze  he  never  gwyne  to  fogive  hisself  as  long's  he 
live  ! '  Oh,  she  was  plumb  deef  en  dumb,  Huck,  plumb  deef  en  dumb — en  I'd 
ben  a-treat'n  her  so  !" 


te 


day,  towards  night,  we  laid  up  under 
a  little  willow  tow-head  out  in  the 
middle,  where  there  was  a  village  on 
each  side  of  the  river,  and  the  duke 
and  the  king  begun  to  lay  out  a 
plan  for  working  them  towns.  Jim 
he  spoke  to  the  duke,  and  said  he 
hoped  it  wouldn't  take  but  a  few 
hours,  because  it  got  mighty  heavy 
and  tiresome  to  him  when  he  had 
to  lay  all  day  in  the  wigwam  tied 
with  the  rope.  You  see,  when  we 
left  him  all  alone  we  had  to  tie  him, 
because  if  anybody  happened  on  him 
all  by  himself  and  not  tied,  it  wouldn't 
look  much  like  he  was  a  runaway 
nigger,  you  know.  So  the  duke  said 
it  was  kind  of  hard  to  have  to  lay  roped  all  day,  and  he'd  cipher  out  some  way  to 
get  around  it. 

He  was  uncommon  bright,  the  duke  was,  and  he  soon  struck  it.  He  dressed 
Jim  up  in  King  Lear's  outfit — it  was  a  long  curtain-calico  gown,  and  a  white 
horse-hair  wig  and  whiskers  ;  and  then  he  took  his  theatre-paint  and  painted 
Jim's  face  and  hands  and  ears  and  neck  all  over  a  dead  dull  solid  blue,  like  a 
man  that's  been  drownded  nine  days.  Blamed  if  he  warn't  the  horriblest  looking 
outrage  I  ever  see.  Then  the  duke  took  and  wrote  out  a  sign  on  a  shingle  so — 


204  THE  ADVENTURES  OF  HUCKLEBERRY  FINN. 

Sick  Aral — hut  harmless  when  not  out  of  his  head. 

And  he  nailed  that  shingle  to  a  lath,  and  stood  the  lath  up  four  or  five  foot  in 
front  of  the  wigwam.  Jim  was  satisfied.  He  said  it  was  a  sight  better  than 
laying  tied  a  couple  of  years  every  day  and  trembling  all  over  every  time  there 
was  a  sound.  The  duke  told  him  to  make  himself  free  and  easy,  and  if  any 
body  ever  come  meddling  around,  he  must  hop  out  of  the  wigwam,  and  carry  on 
a  little,  and  fetch  a  howl  or  two  like  a  wild  beast,  and  he  reckoned  they  would 
light  out  and  leave  him  alone.  Which  was  sound  enough  judgment ;  but  you 
take  the  average  man,  and  he  wouldn't  wait  for  him  to  howl.  Why,  he  didn't 
only  look  like  he  was  dead,  he  looked  considerable  more  than  that. 

These  rapscallions  wanted  to  try  the  Nonesuch  again,  because  there  was  so 
much  money  in  it,  but  they  judged  it  wouldn't  be  safe,  because  maybe  the  news 
might  a  worked  along  down  by  this  time.  They  couldn't  hit  no  project  that 
suited,  exactly  ;  so  at  last  the  duke  said  he  reckoned  he'd  lay  off  and  work  his 
brains  an  hour  or  two  and  see  if  he  couldn't  put  up  something  on  the  Arkansaw 
village;  and  the  king  he  allowed  he  would  drop  over  to  t'other  village,  without  any 
plan,  but  just  trust  in  Providence  to  lead  him  the  profitable  way — meaning  the 
devil,  I  reckon.  We  had  all  bought  store  clothes  where  we  stopped  last;  and  now 
the  king  put  his'n  on,  and  he  told  me  to  put  mine  on.  I  done  it,  of  course.  The 
king's  duds  was  all  black,  and  he  did  look  real  swell  and  starchy.  I  never  knowed 
how  clothes  could  change  a  body  before.  Why,  before,  he  looked  like  the 
orneriest  old  rip  that  ever  was  ;  but  now,  when  he'd  take  off  his  new  white  beaver 
and  make  a  bow  and  do  a  smile,  he  looked  that  grand  and  good  and  pious  that 
you'd  say  he  had  walked  right  out  of  the  ark,  and  maybe  was  old  Leviticus 
himself.  Jim  cleaned  up  the  canoe,  and  I  got  my  paddle  ready.  There 
was  a  big  steamboat  laying  at  the  shore  away  up  under  the  point,  about  three 
mile  above  town — been  there  a  couple  of  hours,  taking  on  freight.  Says  the 
king: 

"Seein'  how  I'm  dressed,  I  reckon  maybe  I  better  arrive  down  from  St.  Louis 
or  Cincinnati,  or  some  other  big  place.  Go  for  the  steamboat,  Huckleberry ; 
we'll  come  down  to  the  village  on  her." 

J  didn't  have  to  be  ordered  twice,  to  go  and  take  a  steamboat  ride.    I  fetched 


THEY  TAKE  A  PASSENGER. 


205 


the  shore  a  half  a  mile  above  the  village,  and  then  went  scooting  along  the  bluff 
bank  in  the  easy  water.  Pretty  soon  we  come  to  a  nice  innocent-looking  young 
country  jake  setting  on  a  log  swabbing  the  sweat  off  of  his  face,  for  it  was 
powerful  warm  weather  ;  and  he  had  a  couple  of  big  carpet-bags  by  him. 

"  Run  her  nose  in  shore,"  says  the  king.  I  done  it.  "  Wher'  you  bound  for, 
young  man  ?" 

"For  the  steamboat ;  going  to  Orleans." 

"Git  aboard,"  says  the  king.     "Hold  on  a  minute,  my  servant  '11  he'p  you 


ADOLPHTTS. 


with   them    bags.     Jump    out   and  he'p  the  gentleman,  Adolphus" — meaning 
me,  I  see. 

I  done  so,  and  then  we  all  three  started  on  again.  The  young  chap  was 
mighty  thankful ;  said  it  was  tough  work  toting  his  baggage  such  weather. 
He  asked  the  king  where  he  was  going,  and  the  king  told  him  he'd  come 
down  the  river  and  landed  at  the  other  village  this  morning,  and  now  he  was 
going  up  a  few  mile  to  see  an  old  friend  on  a  farm  up  there.  The  young 
fellow  says  • 


206  THE  ADVENTURES  OF  HUCKLEBERRY  FINN. 

"When  I  first  see  you,  I  says  to  myself,  '  It's  Mr.  Wilks,  sure,  and  he  come 
mighty  near  getting  here  in  time.7  But  then  I  says  again,  'No,  I  reckon  it 
ain't  him,  or  else  he  wouldn't  be  paddling  up  the  river.'  You  ain't  him,  arc 
you?" 

"No,  my  name's  Blodgett — Elexander  Blodgett — Reverend  Elexander 
Blodgett,  I  spose  I  must  say,  as  I'm  one  o'  the  Lord's  poor  servants.  But 
still  I'm  jist  as  able  to  be  sorry  for  Mr.  Wilks  for  not  arriving  in  time,  all 
the  same,  if  he's  missed  anything  by  it — which  I  hope  he  hasn't." 

"Well,  he  don't  miss  any  property  by  it,  because  he'll  get  that  all  right; 
but  he's  missed  seeing  his  brother  Peter  die — which  he  mayn't  mind,  nobody 
can  tell  as  to  that — but  his  brother  would  a  give  anything  in  this  world  to 
see  him  before  he  died ;  never  talked  about  nothing  else  all  these  three  weeks  ; 
hadn't  seen  him  since  they  was  boys  together — and  hadn't  ever  seen  his 
brother  William  at  all — that's  the  deef  and  dumb  one — William  ain't  more 
than  thirty  or  thirty-five.  Peter  and  George  was  the  only  ones  that  come  out 
here  ;  George  was  the  married  brother ;  him  and  his  wife  both  died  last  year. 
Harvey  and  William's  the  only  ones  that's  left  now  ;  and,  as  I  was  saying,  they 
haven't  got  here  in  time." 

"Did  anybody  send  'em  word  ?" 

' '  Oh,  yes ;  a  mouth  or  two  ago,  when  Peter  was  first  took ;  because  Peter 
said  then  that  he  sorter  felt  like  he  warn't  going  to  get  well  this  time. 
You  see,  he  was  pretty  old,  and  George's  g'yirls  was  too  young  to  be  much 
company  for  him,  except  Mary  Jane  the  red-headed  one ;  and.  so  he  was 
kinder  lonesome  after  George  and  his  wife  died,  and  didn't  seem  to  care  much 
to  live.  He  most  desperately  wanted  to  see  Harvey — and  William  too,  for  that 
matter — because  he  was  one  of  them  kind  that  can't  bear  to  make  a  will.  He 
left  a  letter  behind  for  Harvey,  and  said  he'd  told  in  it  where  his  money  was 
hid,  and  how  he  wanted  the  rest  of  the  property  divided  up  so  George's  g'yirls 
would  be  all  right — for  George  didn't  leave  nothing.  And  that  letter  was  all 
they  could  get  him  to  put  a  pen  to." 

"Why  do  you  reckon  Harvey  don't  come  ?     Wher'  does  he  live  ?" 

"  Oh,  he  lives  in  England— Sheffield— preaches  there— hasn't  ever  been  in  this 


GETTING  INFORMATION. 


207 


country.  He  hasn't  had  any  too  much  time — and  besides  he  mightn't  a  got  the 
letter  at  all,  you  know." 

"  Too  bad,  too  bad  he  couldn't  a  lived  to  see  his  brothers,  poor  soul.  You 
going  to  Orleans,  you  say  ? " 

"  Yes,  but  that  ain't  only  a  part  of  it.  I'm  going  in  a  ship,  next  Wednesday, 
for  Ryo  Janeero,  where  my  uncle  lives." 

"  It's  a  pretty  long  journey.  But  it'll  be  lovely  ;  I  wisht  I  was  agoing.  Is 
Mary  Jane  the  oldest  ?  How  old  is  the  others  ?  " 


ITE  T-ATBLT  KMPTTED   THAT  YOUNG  FELLOW. 


"  Mary  Jane's  nineteen,  Susan's  fifteen,  and  Joanna's  about  fourteen — that's 
the  one  that  gives  herself  to  good  works  and  has  a  hare-lip." 

"  Poor  things  !  to  be  left  alone  in  the  cold  world  so." 

"  Well,  they  could  be  worse  off.  Old  Peter  had  friends,  and  they  ain't  going 
to  let  them  come  to  no  harm.  There's  Hobson,  the  Babtis'  preacher  ;  and 
Deacon  Lot  Hovey,  and  Ben  Rucker,  and  Abner  Shackleford,  and  Levi  Bell, 
the  lawyer  ;  and  Dr.  Robinson,  and  their  wives,  and  the  widow  Bartley,  and — 
well,  there's  a  lot  of  them  ;  but  these  are  the  ones  that  Peter  was  thickest  with, 


208  THE  ADVENTURES  OF  HUCKLEBERRY  FINN. 

and  used  to  write  about  sometimes,  when  he  wrote  home  ;  so  Harvey  '11  know 
where  to  look  for  friends  when  he  get's  here." 

Well,  the  old  man  he  went  on  asking  questions  till  he  just  fairly  emptied 
that  young  fellow.  Blamed  if  he  didn't  inquire  about  everybody  and  everything 
in  that  blessed  town,  and  all  about  all  the  Wilkses  ;  and  about  Peter's  business — 
which  was  a  tanner ;  and  about  George's — which  was  a  carpenter  ;  and  about 
Harvey's— which  was  a  dissentering  minister ;  and  so  on,  and  so  on.  Then  he 
says  : 

"  What  did  you  want  to  walk  all  the  way  up  to  the  steamboat  for  ?  " 

"  Because  she's  a  big  Orleans  boat,  and  I  was  afeard  she  mightn't  stop  there. 
When  they're  deep  they  won't  stop  for  a  hail.  A  Cincinnati  boat  will,  but  this 
is  a  St.  Louis  one." 

"  Was  Peter  Wilks  well  off  ?  " 

"  Oh,  yes,  pretty  well  off.  He  had  houses  and  land,  and  it's  reckoned  he  left 
three  or  four  thousand  in  cash  hid  up  som'ers." 

"  When  did  you  say  he  died  ?  " 

"  I  didn't  say,  but  it  was  last  night." 

"Funeral  to-morrow,  likely  ?" 

"  Yes,  'bout  the  middle  of  the  day." 

"  Well,  it's  all  terrible  sad  ;  but  we've  all  got  to  go,  one  time  or  another.  So 
what  we  want  to  do  is  to  be  prepared  ;  then  we're  all  right." 

"  Yes,  sir,  it's  the  best  way.     Ma  used  to  always  say  that." 

When  we  struck  the  boat,  she  was  about  done  loading,  and  pretty  soon  she 
got  off.  The  king  never  said  nothing  about  going  aboard,  so  I  lost  my  ride, 
after  all.  When  the  boat  was  gone,  the  king  made  me  paddle  up  another  mile 
to  a  lonesome  place,  and  then  he  got  ashore,  and  says  : 

"Now  hustle  back,  right  off,  and  fetch  the  duke  up  here,  and  the  new 
carpet-bags.  And  if  he's  gone  over  to  t'other  side,  go  over  there  and  git  him. 
And  tell  him  to  git  himself  up  regardless.  Shove  along,  now." 

I  see  what  he  was  up  to  ;  but  I  never  said  nothing,  of  course.  When  I  got 
back  with  the  duke,  we  hid  the  canoe  and  then  they  set  down  on  a  log,  and  the 
king  told  him  everything,  just  like  the  young  fellow  had  said  it — every  last  word 


FAMILY  GRIEF. 


209 


of  it.  And  all  the  time  he  was  a  doing  it,  he  tried  to  talk  like  an  Englishman  ; 
and  he  done  it  pretty  well  too,  for  a  slouch.  I  can't  imitate  him,  and  so  I  ain't 
agoing  to  try  to  ;  but  he  really  done  it  pretty  good.  Then  he  says  : 

"  How  are  you  on  the  deef  and  dumb,  Bilgewater  ?  " 

The  duke  said,  leave  him  alone  for  that ;  said  he  had  played  a  deef  and  dumb 
person  on  the  histrionic  boards.     So  then  they  waited  for  a  steamboat. 

About  the  middle  of  the  afternoon  a  couple  of  little  boats  come  along,  but 
they  didn't  come  from  high  enough  up  the  river  ;  but  at  last  there  was  a  big  one, 
and  they  hailed  her.  She  sent  out  her  yawl,  and  we  went  aboard,  and  she  was 
from  Cincinnati ;  and  when  they  found  we  only  wanted  to  go  four  or  five  mile, 
they  was  booming  mad,  and  give  us 
a  cussing,  and  said  they  wouldn't 
land  us.  But  the  king  was  ca'm. 
He  says  : 

"  If  gentlemen  kin  afford  to  pay 
a  dollar  a  mile  apiece,  to  be  took 
on  and  put  off  in  a  yawl,  a  steam 
boat  kin  afford  to  carry  'em,  can't 
it?" 

So  they  softened  down  and  said 
it  was  all  right ;  and  when  we 
got  to  the  village,  they  yawled  us 
ashore.  About  two  dozen  men 
nocked  down,  when  they  see  the 
yawl  a  coming  ;  and  when  the  king 
says — 

"Kin  any  of  you  gentlemen 
tell  me  wher'  Mr.  Peter  Wilks 
lives  ? "  they  give  a  glance  at  one 
another,  and  nodded  their  heads, 
as  much  as  to  say,  "  What  d'  I  tell  you  ?"  Then  one  of  them  says,  kind  of  soft 

and  gentle  : 
14 


"ALAS,  OUR  POOR  BROTHER.' 


210  THE  ADVENTURES  OF  HUCKLEBERRY  FINN. 

"I'm  sorry,  sir,  but  the  best  we  can  do  is  to  tell  you  where  he  did  live 
yesterday  evening." 

Sudden  as  winking,  the  ornery  old  cretur  went  all  to  smash,  and  fell  up  against 
the  man,  and  put  his  chin  on  his  shoulder,  and  cried  down  his  back,  and  says  : 

"  Alas,  alas,  our  poor  brother — gone,  and  we  never  got  to  see  him  ;  oh, 
it's  too,  too  hard  ! " 

Then  he  turns  around,  blubbering,  and  makes  a  lot  of  idiotic  signs  to  the 
duke  on  his  hands,  and  blamed  if  he  didn't  drop  a  carpet-bag  and  bust  out 
a-crying.  If  they  warn't  the  beatenest  lot,  them  two  frauds,  that  ever  I  struck. 

Well,  the  mengethered  around,  and  sympathized  with  them,  and  said  all  sorts 
of  kind  things  to  them,  and  carried  their  carpet-bags  up  the  hill  for  them,  and 
let  them  lean  on  them  and  cry,  and  told  the  king  all  about  his  brother's  last 
moments,  and  the  king  he  told  it  all  over  again  on  his  hands  to  the  duke,  and  both 
of  them  took  on  about  that  dead  tanner  like  they'd  loet  the  twelve  disciples. 
Well,  if  ever  I  struck  anything  like  it,  I'm  a  nigger.  It  was  enough  to  make 
a  body  ashamed  of  the  human  race. 


>•£,  NEWS  was  all  over  town  in  two  min 
utes,  and  you  could  see  the  people 
tearing  down  on  the  run,  from  every 
which  way,  some  of  them  putting  on 
their  coats  as  they  come.  Pretty  soon 
we  was  in  the  middle  of  a  crowd,  and 
the  noise  of  the  tramping  was  like  a 
soldier-march.  The  windows  and  door- 
yards  was  full ;  and  every  minute 
somebody  would  say,  over  a  fence  : 
"  Is  it  them  ?  " 

And  somebody  trotting  along  with 
the  gang  would  answer  back  and  say, 
"You  bet  it  is." 

When  we  got  to  the  house,  the 
street  in  front  of  it  was  packed,  and 
the  three  girls  was  standing  in  the 
door.  Mary  Jane  was  red-headed, 

but  that  don't  make  no  difference,  she  was  most  awful  beautiful,  and  her  face 
and  her  eyes  was  all  lit  up  like  glory,  she  was  so  glad  her  uncles  was  come.  The 
king  he  spread  his  arms,  and  Mary  Jane  she  jumped  for  them,  and  the  hare-lip 
jumped  for  the  duke,  and  there  they  had  it !  Everybody  most,  leastways  women, 
cried  for  joy  to  see  them  meet  again  at  last  and  have  such  good  times. 

Then  the  king  he  hunched  the  duke,  private — I  see  him  do  it — and  then  he 


TOtT    BET    IT    IS." 


212 


THE  ADVENTURES  OF  HUCKLEBERRY  FINN. 


looked  around  and  see  the  coffin,  over  in  the  corner  on  two  chairs  ;  so  then,  him 
and  the  duke,  with  a  hand  across  each  other's  shoulder,  and  t'other  hand  to  their 
eyes,  walked  slow  and  solemn  over  there,  everybody  dropping  back  to  give  them 
room,  and  all  the  talk  and  noise  stopping,  people  saying  "  Sh  !"  and  all  the  men 
taking  their  hats  off  and  drooping  their  heads,  so  you  could  a  heard  a  pin  fall. 

And  when  they  got  there,  they  bent  over 
and  looked  in  the  coffin,  and  took  one 
sight,  and  then  they  bust  out  a  crying 
so  you  could  a  heard  them  to  Orleans, 
most :  and  then  they  put  their  arms 
around  each  other's  necks,  and  hung 
their  chins  over  each  other's  shoulders ; 
and  then  for  three  minutes,  or  maybe 
four,  I  never  see  two  men  leak  the  way 
they  done.  And  mind  you,  everybody 
was  doing  the  same  ;  and  the  place  was 
that  damp  I  never  see  anything  like  it. 
Then  one  of  them  got  on  one  side  of  the 
coffin,  and  t'other  on  t'other  side,  and 
they  kneeled  down  and  rested  their  fore 
heads  on  the  coffin,  and  let  on  to  pray 
all  to  theirselves.  Well,  when  it  come 
to  that,  it  worked  the  crowd  like  you 
never  see  anything  like  it,  and  so  every 
body  broke  down  and  went  to  sobbing  right  out  loud — the  poor  girls,  too  ;  and 
every  woman,  nearly,  went  up  to  the  girls,  without  saying  a  word,  and  kissed 
them,  solemn,  on  the  forehead,  and  then  put  their  hand  on  their  head,  and 
looked  up  towards  the  sky,  with  the  tears  running  down,  and  then  busted  out 
and  went  off  sobbing  and  swabbing,  and  give  the  next  woman  a  show.  I  never 
see  anything  so  disgusting. 

Well,  by-and-by  the  king  he  gets  up  and  comes  forward  a  little,  and  works 
himself  up  and  slobbers  out  a  speech,  all  full  of  tears  and  flapdoodle  about  its 


LEAKING. 


SINGING   THE  "  DOXOLOJER."  213 

being  a  sore  trial  for  him  and  his  poor  brother  to  lose  the  diseased,  and  to  miss 
seeing  diseased  alive,  after  the  long  journey  of  four  thousand  mile,  but  its  a  trial 
that's  sweetened  and  sanctified  to  us  by  this  dear  sympathy  and  these  holy  tears, 
and  so  he  thanks  them  out  of  his  heart  and  out  of  his  brother's  heart,  because 
out  of  their  mouths  they  can't,  words  being  too  weak  and  cold,  and  all  that  kind 
of  rot  and  slush,  till  it  was  just  sickening  ;  and  then  he  blubbers  out  a  pious 
goody-goody  Amen,  and  turns  himself  loose  and  goes  to  crying  fit  to  bust. 

And  the  minute  the  words  was  out  of  his  mouth  somebody  over  in  the  crowd 
struck  up  the  doxolojer,  and  everybody  joined  in  with  all  their  might,  and  it  just 
warmed  you  up  and  made  you  feel  as  good  as  church  letting  out.  Music  is  a 
good  thing  ;  and  after  all  that  soul- butter  and  hog  wash,  I  never  see  it  freshen  up 
things  so,  and  sound  so  honest  and  bully. 

Then  the  king  begins  to  work  his  jaw  again,  and  says  how  him  and  his  nieces 
would  be  glad  if  a  few  of  the  main  principal  friends  of  the  family  would  take 
supper  here  with  them  this  evening,  and  help  set  up  with  the  ashes  of  the  dis 
eased  ;  and  says  if  his  poor  brother  laying  yonder  could  speak,  he  knows  who  he 
would  name,  for  they  was  names  that  was  very  dear  to  him,  and  mentioned  often 
in  his  letters  ;  and  so  he  will  name  the  same,  to-wit,  as  follows,  vizz  : — Rev.  Mr. 
Hobson,  and  Deacon  Lot  Hovey,  and  Mr.  Ben  Rucker,  and  Abner  Shackleford, 
and  Levi  Bell,  and  Dr.  Robinson,  and  their  wives,  and  the  widow  Bartley. 

Rev.  Hobson  and  Dr.  Robinson  was  down  to  the  end  of  the  town,  a-hunting 
together ;  that  is,  I  mean  the  doctor  was  shipping  a  sick  man  to  t'other  world, 
and  the  preacher  was  pinting  him  right.  Lawyer  Bell  was  away  up  to  Louisville 
on  some  business.  But  the  rest  was  on  hand,  and  so  they  all  come  and  shook 
hands  with  the  king  and  thanked  him  and  talked  to  him;  and  then  they  shook 
hands  with  the  duke,  and  didn't  say  nothing  but  just  kept  a-smiling  and  bob. 
bing  their  heads  like  a  passel  of  sapheads  whilst  he  made  all  sorts  of  signs  with  his 
hands  and  said  "  Goo-goo — goo-goo-goo,"  all  the  time,  like  a  baby  that  can't  talk. 

So  the  king  he  blatted  along,  and  managed  to  inquire  about  pretty  much 
everybody  and  dog  in  town,  by  his  name,  and  mentioned  all  sorts  of  little  things 
that  happened  one  time  or  another  in  the  town,  or  to  George's  family,  or  to 
Peter ;  and  he  always  let  on  that  Peter  wrote  him  the  things,  but  that  was  a  lie, 


214  THE  ADVENTURES  OF  HUCKLEBERRY  FINN. 

he  got  every  blessed  one  of  them  out  of  that  young  flathead  that  we  canoed  up  to 
the  steamboat. 

Then  Mary  Jane  she  fetched  the  letter  her  father  left  behind,  and  the  king 
he  read  it  out  loud  and  cried  over  it.  It  give  the  dwelling-house  and  three 
thousand  dollars,  gold,  to  the  girls ;  and  it  give  the  tanyard  (which  was  doing  a 
good  business),  along  with  some  other  houses  and  land  (worth  about  seven 
thousand),  and  three  thousand  dollars  in  gold  to  Harvey  and  William,  and  told 
where  the  six  thousand  cash  was  hid,  down  cellar.  So  these  two  frauds  said  they'd 
go  and  fetch  it  up,  and  have  everything  square  and  above-board  ;  and  told  me  to 
come  with  a  candle.  "We  shut  the  cellar  door  behind  us,  and  when  they  found 
the  bag  they  spilt  it  out  on  the  floor,  and  it  was  a  lovely  sight,  all  them  yaller- 
boys.  My,  the  way  the  king's  eyes  did  shine  !  He  slaps  the  duke  on  the 
shoulder,  and  says  : 

"Oh,  this  ain't  bully,  nor  noth'n  !  Oh,  no,  I  reckon  not !  Why,  Biljy,  it 
beats  the  Nonesuch,  don't  it ! " 

The  duke  allowed  it  did.  They  pawed  the  yaller-boys,  and  sifted  them 
through  their  fingers  and  let  them  jingle  down  on  the  floor  ;  and  the  king 
says  : 

"It  ain't  no  use  talkin' ;  bein'  brothers  to  a  rich  dead  man,  and  representa 
tives  of  furrin  heirs  that's  got  left,  is  the  line  for  you  and  me,  Bilge.  Thish-yer 
comes  of  trust'n  to  Providence.  It's  the  best  way,  in  the  long  run.  I've  tried 
'em  all,  and  ther'  ain't  no  better  way." 

Most  everybody  would  a  been  satisfied  with  the  pile,  and  took  it  on  trust ;  but 
no,  they  must  count  it.  So  they  counts  it,  and  it  comes  out  four  hundred  and 
fifteen  dollars  short.  Says  the  king  : 

"Dern  him,  I  wonder  what  he  done  with  that  four  hunderd  and  fifteen 
dollars?" 

They  worried  over  that  a  while,  and  ransacked  all  around  for  it.  Then  the 
duke  says  : 

'  Well,  he  was  a  pretty  sick  man,  and  likely  he  made  a  mistake — I  reckon 
that's  the  way  of  it.  The  best  way's  to  let  it  go,  and  keep  still  about  it.  We 
can  spare  it." 


AWFUL  SQUARE. 


215 


"  Oh,  shucks,  yes,  we  can  spare  it.  I  don't  k'yer  noth'n  'bout  that — it's 
the  count  I'm  thinkin'  about.  We  want  to  be  awful  square  and  open  and  above* 
board,  here,  you  know.  We 
want  to  lug  this  h-yer  money  up 
stairs  and  count  it  before  every 
body — then  ther'  ain't  noth'n 
suspicious.  But  when  the  dead 
man  says  ther's  six  thous'n  dol 
lars,  you  know,  we  don't  want 
to " 

"  Hold  on,"  says  the  duke. 
"Less  make  up  the  deffisit" — 
and  he  begun  to  haul  out  yaller- 
boys  out  of  his  pocket. 

"  It's  a  most  amaz'n'  good  idea, 
duke — you  have  got  a  rattlin' 
clever  head  on  you,"  says  the 
king.  "Blest  if  the  old  None 
such  ain't  a  heppin'  us  out  agin  " 
— and  he  begun  to  haul  out  yaller- 
jackets  and  stack  them  up. 

It  most  busted  them,  but  they 
made  up  the  six  thousand  clean  and  clear. 

"  Say,"  says  the  duke,  "  I  got  another  idea.  Le's  go  up  stairs  and  count  this 
money,  and  then  take  and  give  it  to  the  girls." 

"  Good  land,  duke,  lemme  hug  you  !  It's  the  most  dazzling  idea  'at  ever  a 
man  struck.  You  have  cert'nly  got  the  most  astonishin'  head  I  ever  see.  Oh, 
this  is  the  boss  dodge,  ther'  ain't  no  mistake  'bout  it.  Let  'em  fetch  along  their 
suspicions  now,  if  they  want  to — this'll  lay  'em  out." 

When  we  got  up  stairs,  everybody  gethered  around  the  table,  and  the  king  he 
counted  it  and  stacked  it  up,  three  hundred  dollars  in  a  pile — twenty  elegant 
little  piles.  Everybody  looked  hungry  at  it,  and  licked  their  chops.  Then  they 


WAKING    UP    THE    "  DEFFISIT." 


216 


THE  ADVENTURES  OF  HUCKLEBERRY  FINN. 


raked  it  into  the  bag  again,  and  I  see  the  king  begin  to  swell  himself  up  for 
another  speech.     He  says  : 

"Friends  all,  my  poor  brother  that  lays  yonder,  has  done  generous  by  them 
that's  left  behind  in  the  vale  of  sorrers.  He  has  done  generous  by  these-yer  poor 
little  lambs  that  he  loved  and  sheltered,  and  that's  left  fatherless  and  motherless. 
Yes,  and  we  that  knowed  him,  knows  that  he  would  a  done  more  generous  by  'em 
if  he  hadn't  ben  afeard  o'  woundin'  his  dear  William  and  me.  Now,  wouldn't 
he  ?  Ther'  ain't  no  question  'bout  it,  in  my  mind.  Well,  then — what  kind  o' 
brothers  would  it  be,  that  'd  stand  in  his  way  at  sech  a  time  ?  And  what  kind 
o'  uncles  would  it  be  that  'd  rob — yes,  rob — sech  poor  sweet  lambs  as  these  'at  he 

loved  so,  at  sech  a  time  ?  If  I  know 
William — and  I  think  I  do — he — 
well,  I'll  jest  ask  him."  He  turns 
around  and  begins  to  make  a  lot  of 
signs  to  the  duke  with  his  hands ; 
and  the  duke  he  looks  at  him  stupid 
and  leather-headed  a  while,  then  all 
of  a  sudden  he  seems  to  catch  his 
meaning,  and  jumps  for  the  king, 
goo-gooing  with  all  his  might  for  joy, 
and  hugs  him  about  fifteen  times 
before  he  lets  up.  Then  the  king 
says,  "  I  knowed  it ;  I  reckon  that 
'11  convince  anybody  the  way  he  feels 
about  it.  Here,  Mary  Jane,  Susan, 
Joanner,  take  the  money — take  it 
all.  It's  the  gift  of  him  that  lays 


GOING  FOR  HIM. 


yonder,  cold  but  joyful." 

. 

Mary  Jane  she  went  for  him, 
Susan  and  the  hare-lip  went  for  the  duke,  and  then  such  another  hugging  and 
kissing  I  never  see  yet.  And  everybody  crowded  up  with  the  tears  in  their 
eyes,  and  most  shook  the  hands  off  of  them  frauds,  saying  all  the  time  : 


FUNERAL  ORGIES.  217 


"  You  dear  good  souls  ! — how  lovely  ! — how  could  you  !" 

Well,  then,  pretty  soon  all  hands  got  to  talking  about  the  diseased  again,  and 
how  good  he  was,  and  what  a  loss  he  was,  and  all  that ;  and  before  long  a  big 
iron-jawed  man  worked  himself  in  there  from  outside,  and  stood  a  listening  and 
looking,  and  not  saying  anything ;  and  nobody  saying  anything  to  him  either, 
because  the  king  was  talking  and  they  was  all  busy  listening.  The  king  was  say 
ing — in  the  middle  of  something  he'd  started  in  on — 

" — they  bein'  partickler  friends  o'  the  diseased.  That's  why  they're  invited  here 
this  evenin' ;  but  to-morrow  we  want  all  to  come — everybody  ;  for  he  respected 
everybody,  he  liked  everybody,  and  so  it's  fitten  that  his  funeral  orgiess  h'd  be  public." 

And  so  he  went  a-mooning  on  and  on,  liking  to  hear  himself  talk,  and  every 
little  while  he  fetched  in  his  funeral  orgies  again,  till  the  duke  he  couldn't  stand 
it  no  more  ;  so  he  writes  on  a  little  scrap  of  paper,  "  obsequies,  you  old  fool,"  and 
folds  it  up  and  goes  to  goo-gooing  and  reaching  it  over  people's  heads  to  him. 
The  king  he  reads  it,  and  puts  it  in  his  pocket,  and  says  : 

"  Poor  William,  afflicted  as  he  is,  his  heart's  aluz  right.  Asks  me  to  invite 
everybody  to  come  to  the  funeral — wants  me  to  make  'em  all  welcome.  But  he 
needn't  a  worried — it  was  jest  what  I  was  at." 

Then  he  weaves  along  again,  perfectly  ca'm,  and  goes  to  dropping  in  his 
funeral  orgies  again  every  now  and  then,  just  like  he  done  before.  And  when  he 
done  it  the  third  time,  he  says  : 

"  I  say  orgies,  not  because  it's  the  common  term,  because  it  ain't — obsequies 
bein'  the  common  term — but  because  orgies  is  the  right  term.  Obsequies  ain't 
used  in  England  no  more,  now — it's  gone  out.  We  say  orgies  now,  in  England. 
Orgies  is  better,  because  it  means  the  thing  you're  after,  more  exact.  It's  a  word 
that's  made  up  out'n  the  Greek  or  go,  outside,  open,  abroad  ;  and  the  Hebrew 
jeesum,  to  plant,  cover  up  ;  hence  inter.  So,  you  see,  funeral  orgies  is  an  open  er 
public  funeral." 

He  was  the  worst  I  ever  struck.  Well,  the  iron-jawed  man  he  laughed  right 
in  his  face.  Everybody  was  shocked.  Everybody  says,  "Why  doctor /"  and 
Abner  Shackleford  says: 

"Why,  Robinson,  hain't  you  heard  the  news  ?    This  is  Harvey  Wilks." 


218 


THE  ADVENTURES  OF  HUCKLEBERRY  FINN. 


The  king  he  smiled  eager,  and  shoved  out  his  flapper,  and  says  : 

"  Is  it  my  poor  brother's  dear  good  friend  and  physician  ?     I " 

"Keep  your  hands  off  of  me  ! "  says  the  doctor.  "  You  talk  like  an  English 
man — don't  you  ?  It's  the  worse  imitation  I  ever  heard.  You  Peter  Wilks's 
brother.  You're  a  fraud,  that's  what  you  are  !  " 

Well,  how  they  all  took  on  !     They  crowded  around  the  doctor,  and  tried  to 

quiet  him  down,  and  tried  to  explain  to  him, 
and  tell  him  how  Harvey'd  showed  in  forty 
ways  that  he  was  Harvey,  and  knowed  every 
body  by  name,  and  the  names  of  the  very 
dogs,  and  begged  and  begged  him  not  to  hurt 
Harvey's  feelings  and  the  poor  girls'  feelings, 
and  all  that ;  but  it  warn't  no  use,  he 
stormed  right  along,  and  said  any  man  that 
pretended  to  be  an  Englishman  and  couldn't 
imitate  the  lingo  no  better  than  what  he  did, 
was  a  fraud  and  a  liar.  The  poor  girls  was 
hanging  to  the  king  and  crying  ;  and  all  of  a 
sudden  the  doctor  ups  and  turns  on  them. 
He  says  : 

"  I  was  your  father's  friend,  and  I'm  your 
friend ;  and  I  warn  you  as  a  friend,  and  an 
honest  one,  that  wants  to  protect  you  and 
keep  you  out  of  harm  and  trouble,  to  turn 
your  backs  on  that  scoundrel,  and  have 
nothing  to  do  with  him,  the  ignorant  tramp, 

with  his  idiotic  Greek  and  Hebrew  as  he  calls  it.  He  is  the  thinnest  kind  of  an 
impostor — has  come  here  with  a  lot  of  empty  names  and  facts  which  he  has  picked 
up  somewheres,  and  you  take  them  for  proofs,  and  are  helped  to  fool  yourselves 
by  these  foolish  friends  here,  who  ought  to  know  better.  Mary  Jane  Wilks,  you 
know  me  for  your  friend,  and  for  your  unselfish  friend,  too.  Now  listen  to  me  ; 
turn  this  pitiful  rascal  out — I  beg  you  to  do  it.  Will  you  ?  " 


THE  DOCTOR. 


A  SAD  INVESTMENT. 


219 


Mary  Jane  straightened  herself  up,  and  my,  but  she  was  handsome  !  She 
says  : 

"  Here  is  my  answer. "  She  hove  up  the  bag  of  money  and  put  it  in  the 
king's  hands,  and  says,  "  Take  this  six  thousand  dollars,  and  invest  for  me  and 
my  sisters  any  way  you  want  to,  and  don't  give  us  no  receipt  for  it." 

Then  she  put  her  arm  around  the  king  on  one  side,  and  Susan  and  the  hare 
lip  done  the  same  on  the  other.  Everybody  clapped  their  hands  and  stomped  on 
the  floor  like  a  perfect  storm,  whilst  the  king  held  up  his  head  and  smiled  proud. 
The  doctor  says  : 

"All  right,  I  wash  my  hands  of  the  matter.  But  I  warn  you  all  that  a  time's 
coming  when  you're  . going  to  feel  sick  whenever  you  think  of  this  day" — and 
away  he  went. 

"All  right,  doctor,"  says  the  king,  kinder  mocking  him,  "we'll  try  and  get 
'em  to  send  for  you  " — which  made  them  all  laugh,  and  they  said  it  was  a  prime 
good  hit. 


THE  BAG  OP  MONEY. 


when  they  was  all  gone,  the  king  he  asks 
Mary  Jane  how  they  was  off  for  spare 
rooms,  and  she  said  she  had  one  spare 
room,  which  would  do  for  Uncle 
William,  and  she'd  give  her  own  room 
to  Uncle  Harvey,  which  was  a  little 
bigger,  and  she  would  turn  into  the 
room  with  her  sisters  and  sleep  on  a 
cot ;  and  up  garret  was  a  little  cubby, 
with  a  pallet  in  it.  The  king  said  the 
cubby  would  do  for  his  valley — mean 
ing  me. 

So  Mary  Jane  took  us  up,  and 
she  showed  them  their  rooms, 
which  was  plain  but  nice.  She  said 
she'd  have  her  frocks  and  a  lot  of 
other  traps  took  out  of  her  room  if 
they  was  in  Uncle  Harvey's  way,  but 

he  said  they  warn't.  The  frocks  was  hung  along  the  wall,  and  before  them  was 
a  curtain  made  out  of  calico  that  hung  down  to  the  floor.  There  was  an  old  hair 
trunk  in  one  corner,  and  a  guitar  box  in  another,  and  all  sorts  of  little  knick- 
knacks  and  jimcracks  around,  like  girls  brisken  up  a  room  with.  The  king  said  it 
was  all  the  more  homely  and  more  pleasanter  for  these  fixings,  and  so  don't  dis 
turb  them.  The  duke's  room  was  pretty  small,  but  plenty  good  enough,  and  so 
was  my  cubby. 

That  night  they  had  a  big  supper,  and  all  them  men  and  women  was  there, 


A  PIOUS  KING. 


221 


and  I  stood  behind  the  king  and  the  duke's  chairs  and  waited  on  them,  and  the 
niggers  waited  on  the  rest.  Mary  Jane  she  set  at  the  head  of  the  table,  with 
Susan  along  side  of  her,  and  said  how  bad  the  biscuits  was,  and  how  mean  the 
preserves  was,  and  how  ornery  and 
tough  the  fried  chickens  was — and 
all  that  kind  of  rot,  the  way 
women  always  do  for  to  force  out 
compliments ;  and  the  people  all 
knowed  everything  was  tip-top, 
and  said  so — said  "  How  do  you 
get  biscuits  to  brown  so  nice  ? " 
and  "  Where,  for  the  land's  sake 
did  you  get  these  amaz'n  pick 
les?"  and  all  that  kind  of  hum 
bug  talky-talk,  just  the  way 
people  always  does  at  a  supper, 
you  know. 

And  when  it  was  all  done,  me 
and  the  hare-lip  had  supper  in  the 
kitchen  off  of  the  leavings,  whilst 
the  others  was  helping  the  niggers 
clean  up  the  things.  The  hare-lip 
she  got  to  pumping  me  about 

England,  and  blest  if  I  didn't  think  the  ice  was  getting  mighty  thin,  sometimes. 
She  says : 

"  Did  you  ever  see  the  king  ?  " 

"Who  ?  William  Fourth  ?  Well,  I  bet  I  have— he  goes  to  our  church."  I 
knowed  he  was  dead  years  ago,  but  I  never  let  on.  So  when  I  says  he  goes  to 
our  church,  she  says  : 

"What— regular?" 

"Yes — regular.  His  pew's  right  over  opposite  ourn — on  'tother  side  the 
pulpit." 


\ 


SUPPER  WITH  THE   HARE-LIP. 


222  THE  ADVENTURES  OF  HUCKLEBERRY  FINN. 

"I  thought  he  lived  in  London  ?" 

"Well,  he  does.     Where  would  he  live ?" 

"But  I  thought  you  lived  in  Sheffield  ?" 

I  see  I  was  up  a  stump.  I  had  to  let  on  to  get  choked  with  a  chicken  bone, 
so  as  to  get  time  to  think  how  to  get  down  again.  Then  I  says  : 

"  I  mean  he  goes  to  our  church  regular  when  he's  in  Sheffield.  That's  onLy 
in  the  summer-time,  when  he  comes  there  to  take  the  sea  baths." 

"Why,  how  you  talk— Sheffield  ain't  on  the  sea." 

"  Well,  who  said  it  was  ?  " 

"  Why,  you  did." 

"I  didn't,  nuther." 

"You  did!" 

"I  didn't." 

"You  did." 

"  I  never  said  nothing  of  the  kind." 

"  Well,  what  did  you  say,  then  ?  " 

"  Said  he  come  to  take  the  sea  baths — that's  what  I  said." 

"Well,  then  !  how's  he  going  to  take  the  sea  baths  if  it  ain't  on  the  sea  ?" 

"  Looky  here,"  I  says  ;  "did  you  ever  see  any  Congress  water  ?  " 

"Yes." 

"  Well,  did  you  have  to  go  to  Congress  to  get  it  ?  " 

"Why,  no." 

"Well,  neither  does  William  Fourth  have  to  go  to  the  sea  to  get  a  sea  bath." 

"How  does  he  get  it,  then  ?" 

"  Gets  it  the  way  people  down  here  gets  Congress-water — in  barrels.  There  in 
the  palace  at  Sheffield  they've  got  furnaces,  and  he  wants  his  water  hot.  They 
can't  bile  that  amount  of  water  away  off  there  at  the  sea.  They  haven't  got  no 
conveniences  for  it." 

"Oh,  I  see,  now.  You  might  a  said  that  in  the  first  place  and  saved 
time." 

When  she  said  that,  I  see  I  was  out  of  the  woods  again,  and  so  I  was  comfort 
able  and  glad.  Next,  she  says  : 


THE  KIN&S  CLERGY.  223 


"Do  you  go  to  church,  too  ?'* 

"  Yes — regular." 

"  Where  do  you  set  ?" 

"  Why,  in  our  pew." 

"  Whose  pew  ?" 

"  Why,  ourn — your  Uncle  Harvey's." 

"  His'n  ?    What  does  he  want  with  a  pew  ?  " 

"  Wants  it  to  set  in.     What  did  you  reckon  he  wanted  with  it  ?" 

"Why,  I  thought  he'd  be  in  the  pulpit!" 

Rot  him,  I  forgot  he  was  a  preacher.  I  see  I  was  up  a  stump  again,  so  I 
played  another  chicken  bone  and  got  another  think.  Then  I  says  : 

"  Blame  it,  do  you  suppose  there  ain't  but  one  preacher  to  a  church  ?  " 

"  Why,  what  do  they  want  with  more  ?  " 

"  What ! — to  preach  before  a  king  ?  I  never  see  such  a  girl  as  you.  They 
don't  have  no  less  than  seventeen." 

"  Seventeen  !  My  land  !  Why,  I  wouldn't  set  out  such  a  string  as  that, 
not  if  I  never  got  to  glory.  It  must  take  'em  a  week." 

"  Shucks,  they  don't  all  of  'em  preach  the  same  day — only  one  of  'em." 

"  Well,  then,  what  does  the  rest  of  'em  do  ?  " 

"  Oh,  nothing  much.  Loll  around,  pass  the  plate — and  one  thing  or  another. 
But  mainly  they  don't  do  nothing." 

"  Well,  then,  what  are  they  for  9  " 

"  Why,  they're  for  style.     Don't  you  know  nothing  ?" 

"  Well,  I  don't  want  to  know  no  such  foolishness  as  that.  How  is  servants 
treated  in  England  ?  Do  they  treat  'em  better  'n  we  treat  our  niggers  ?  " 

"  No!     A  servant  ain't  nobody  there.      They  treat  them  worse  than  dogs." 

"  Don't  they  give  'em  holidays,  the  way  we  do,  Christmas  and  New  Year's 
week,  and  Fourth  of  July  ?  " 

"Oh,  just  listen  !  A  body  could  tell  you  hain't  ever  been  to  England, 
by  that.  Why,  Hare-1 — why,  Joanna,  they  never  see  a  holiday  from  year's 
end  to  year's  end  ;  never  go  to  the  circus,  nor  theatre,  nor  nigger  shows,  nor 
nowheres." 


224 


THE  ADVENTURES  OF  HUCKLEBERRY  FINN. 


"  Nor  church  ?" 
"Nor  church." 

"But  you  always  went  to  church." 

Well,  I  was  gone  up  again.    I  forgot  I  was  the  old  man's  servant.     But  next 

minute  I  whirled  in  on  a  kind 
of  an  explanation  how  a  valley 
was  different  from  a  common 
servant,  and  had  to  go  to 
church  whether  he  wanted 
to  or  not,  and  set  with  the 
family,  on  account  of  it's 
being  the  law.  But  I  didn't 
do  it  pretty  good,  and  when  I 
got  done  I  see  she  warn't 
satisfied.  She  says  : 

"  Honest  injun,  now, 
hain't  you  been  telling  me  a 
lot  of  lies?" 

"  Honest  injun,"  says  I. 
"None  of  it  at  all?" 
"  None  of  it  at  all.    Not  a 
lie  in  it,"  says  I. 

"  Lay  your  hand  on  this 
book  and  say  it." 

I  see  it  warn't  nothing  but 

a  dictionary,  so  I  laid  my  hand  on  it  and  said  it.     So  then  she  looked  a  little 
better  satisfied,  and  says  : 

"Well,  then,  I'll  believe  some  of  it ;  but  I  hope  to  gracious  if  I'll  believe  the 
rest." 

"What  is  it  you  won't  believe,  Joe  ?"  says  Mary  Jane,  stepping  in  with 
Susan  behind  her.  "  It  ain't  right  nor  kind  for  you  to  talk  so  to  him,  and  him 
a  stranger  and  so  far  from  his  people.  How  would  you  like  to  be  treated  so  ?  " 


"HONEST  INJTTN." 


SHE  ASKED  HIS  PARDON.  225 

"  That's  always  your  way,  Maim — always  sailing  in  to  help  somebody  before 
they're  hurt.  I  hain't  done  nothing  to  him.  He's  told  some  stretchers,  I 
reckon  ;  and  I  said  I  wouldn't  swallow  it  all ;  and  that's  every  bit  and  grain  I 
did  say.  I  reckon  he  can  stand  a  little  thing  like  that,  can't  he  ?  " 

"  I  don't  care  whether  'twas  little  or  whether  'twas  big,  he's  here  in  our  house 
and  a  stranger,  and  it  wasn't  good  of  you  to  say  it.  If  you  was  in  his  place,  it 
would  make  you  feel  ashamed ;  and  so  you  oughtn't  to  say  a  thing  to  another 
person  that  will  make  them  feel  ashamed." 

"  Why,  Maim,  he  said " 

"  It  don't  make  no  difference  what  he  said — that  ain't  the  thing.  The  thing 
is  for  you  to  treat  him  kind,  and  not  be  saying  things  to  make  him  remember  he 
ain't  in  his  own  country  and  amongst  his  own  folks." 

I  says  to  myself,  this  is  a  girl  that  I'm  letting  that  old  reptle  rob  her  of  her 
money ! 

Then  Susan  she  waltzed  in  ;  and  if  you'll  believe  me,  she  did  give  Hare-lip 
hark  from  the  tomb  ! 

Says  I  to  myself,  And  this  is  another  one  that  I'm  letting  him  rob  her  of  her 
money ! 

Then  Mary  Jane  she  took  another  inning,  and  went  in  sweet  and  lovely  again — 
which  was  her  way — but  when  she  got  done  there  warn't  hardly  anything  left  o' 
poor  Hare-lip.  So  she  hollered. 

"All  right,  then,"  says  the  other  girls,  "you  just  ask  his  pardon." 

She  done  it,  too.  And  she  done  it  beautiful.  She  done  it  so  beautiful  it  was 
good  to  hear  ;  and  I  wished  I  could  tell  her  a  thousand  lies,  so  she  could  do  it 
again. 

I  says  to  myself,  this  is  another  one  that  I'm  letting  him  rob  her  of  her 
money.  And  when  she  got  through,  they  all  jest  laid  theirselves  out  to  make  me 
feel  at  home  and  know  I  was  amongst  friends.  I  felt  so  ornery  and  low  down 
and  mean,  that  I  says  to  myself,  My  mind's  made  up  ;  I'll  hive  that  money  for 
them  or  bust. 

So  then  I  lit  out — for  bed,  I  said,  meaning  some  time  or  another.     When  I 

got  by  myself,  I  went  to  thinking  the  thing  over.     I  says  to  myself,  shall  I  go 
15 


226 


THE  ADVENTURES  OF  HUCKLEBERRY  FINN". 


to  that  doctor,  private,  and  blow  on  these  frauds  ?  No — that  won't  do.  He 
might  tell  who  told  him  ;  then  the  king  and  the  duke  would  make  it  warm  for 
me.  Shall  I  go,  private,  and  tell  Mary  Jane  ?  No— I  dasn't  do  it.  Her  face 
would  give  them  a  hint,  sure  ;  they've  got  the  money,  and  they'd  slide  right  out 
and  get  away  with  it.  If  she  was  to  fetch  in  help,  I'd  get  mixed  up  in  the 
ousiness,  before  it  was  done  with,  I  judge.  No,  there  ain't  no  good  way  but  one. 


<-- 


-X" X 

THE  DUKE  LOOKS  UNDER  THE  BED. 


I  got  to  steal  that  money,  somehow ;  and  I  got  to  steal  it  some  way  that  they 
won't  suspicion  that  I  done  it.  They've  got  a  good  thing,  here  ;  and  they  ain't 
agoing  to  leave  till  they've  played  this  family  and  this  town  for  all  they're  worth, 
so  I'll  find  a  chance  time  enough.  I'll  steal  it,  and  hide  it ;  and  by-and-by,  when 
I'm  away  down  the  river,  I'll  write  a  letter  and  tell  Mary  Jane  where  it's  hid. 
But  I  better  hive  it  to-night,  if  I  can,  because  the  doctor  maybe  hasn't  let  up  as 
much  as  he  lets  on  he  has  ;  he  might  scare  them  out  of  here,  yet. 

So,  thinks  I,  I'll  go  and  search  them  rooms.    Up  stairs  the  hall  was  dark,  but 


HIDING  IN  THE  ROOM.  227 

I  found  the  duke's  room,  and  started  to  paw  around  it  with  my  hands ;  but  I 
recollected  it  wouldn't  be  much  like  the  king  to  let  anybody  else  take  care  of 
that  money  but  his  own  self ;  so  then  I  went  to  his  room  and  begun  to  paw 
around  there.  But  I  see  I  couldn't  do  nothing  without  a  candle,  and  I  dasn't 
light  one,  of  course.  So  I  judged  I'd  got  to  do  the  other  thing — lay  for*  them, 
and  eavesdrop.  About  that  time,  I  hears  their  footsteps  coming,  and  was  going 
to  skip  under  the  bed  ;  I  reached  for  it,  but  it  wasn't  where  I  thought  it  would 
be  ;  but  I  touched  the  curtain  that  hid  Mary  Jane's  frocks,  so  I  jumped  in 
behind  that  and  snuggled  in  amongst  the  gowns,  and  stood  there  perfectly 
still. 

They  come  in  and  shut  the  door  ;  and  the  first  thing  the  duke  done  was  to 
get  down  and  look  under  the  bed.  Then  I  was  glad  I  hadn't  found  the  bed 
when  I  wanted  it.  And  yet,  you  know,  it's  kind  of  natural  to  hide  under 
the  bed  when  you  are  up  to  anything  private.  They  sets  down,  then,  and  the 
king  says  : 

"  "Well,  what  is  it  ?  and  cut  it  middlin'  short,  because  it's  better  for  us  to  be 
down  there  a  whoopin'-up  the  mournin',  than  up  here  givin'  'em  a  chance  to  talk 
us  over." 

"  Well,  this  is  it,  Capet.  I  ain't  easy ;  I  ain't  comfortable.  That  doctor 
lays  on  my  mind.  I  wanted  to  know  your  plans.  I've  got  a  notion,  and  I  think 
it's  a  sound  one." 

"What  is  it,  duke?" 

"  That  we  better  glide  out  of  this,  before  three  in  the  morning,  and  clip  it 
down  the  river  with  what  we've  got.  Specially,  seeing  we  got  it  so  easy— given 
back  to  us,  flung  at  our  heads,  as  you  may  say,  when  of  course  we  allowed  to  have 
to  steal  it  back.  I'm  for  knocking  off  and  lighting  out." 

That  made  me  feel  pretty  bad.  About  an  hour  or  two  ago,  it  would  a  been  a 
little  different,  but  now  it  made  me  feel  bad  and  disappointed.  The  king  rips 
out  and  says : 

"  What  !  And  not  sell  out  the  rest  o'  the  property  ?  March  off  like  a  pas- 
sel  o'  fools  and  leave  eight  or  nine  thous'n'  dollars'  worth  o'  property  layin'  around 
jest  sufferin'  to  be  scooped  in  ?— and  all  good  salable  stuff,  too." 


228  THE  ADVENTURES  OF  HUCKLEBERRY  FINN. 

The  duke  he  grumbled ;  said  the  bag  of  gold  was  enough,  and  he  didn't  want 
to  go  no  deeper — didn't  want  to  rob  a  lot  of  orphans  of  everything  they  had. 

"Why,  how  you  talk  ! "  says  the  king.  "  We  shan't  rob  'em  of  nothing  at 
all  but  jest  this  money.  The  people  that  buys  the  property  is  the  suff'rers ; 
because  as  soon's  it's  found  out  'at  we  didn't  own  it — which  won't  be  long  after 
we've  slid — the  sale  won't  be  valid,  and  it'll  all  go  back  to  the  estate.  These-yer 
orphans  '11  git  their  house  back  agin,  and  that's  enough  for  them;  they're  young 
and  spry,  and  k'n  easy  earn  a  livin'.  They  ain't  agoing  to  suffer.  Why,  jest 
think — there's  thous'n's  and  thous'n's  that  ain't  nigh  so  well  off.  Bless  you,  they 
ain't  got  noth'n  to  complain  of." 

Well,  the  king  he  talked  him  blind  ;  so  at  last  he  give  in,  and  said  all  right, 
but  said  he  believed  it  was  blame  foolishness  to  stay,  and  that  doctor  hanging 
over  them.  But  the  king  says  : 

"  Cuss  the  doctor  !  What  do  we  k'yer  for  him  ?  Hain't  we  got  all  the  fools 
in  town  on  our  side  ?  and  ain't  that  a  big  enough  majority  in  any  town  ?  " 

So  they  got  ready  to  go  down  stairs  again.     The  duke  says  : 

"I  don't  think  we  put  that  money  in  a  good  place." 

That  cheered  me  up.  I'd  begun  to  think  I  warn't  going  to  get  a  hint  of  no 
kind  to  help  me.  The  king  says  : 

"Why?" 

"Because  Mary  Jane  '11  be  in  mourning  from  this  out ;  and  first  you  know 
the  nigger  that  does  up  the  rooms  will  get  an  order  to  box  these  duds  up  and 
put  'em  away ;  and  do  you  reckon  a  nigger  can  run  across  money  and  not  borrow 
some  of  it  ?  " 

"  Your  head's  level,  agin,  duke,"  says  the  king  ;  and  he  come  a  fumbling  under 
the  curtain  two  or  three  foot  from  where  I  was.  I  stuck  tight  to  the  wall,  and 
kept  mighty  still,  though  quivery  ;  and  1  wondered  what  them  fellows  would  say 
to  me  if  they  catched  me ;  and  I  tried  to  think  what  I'd  better  do  if  they  did 
catch  me.  But  the  king  he  got  the  bag  before  I  could  think  more  than  about 
a  half  a  thought,  and  he  never  suspicioned  I  was  around.  They  took  and 
shoved  the  bag  through  a  rip  in  the  straw  tick  that  was  under  the  feather  bed, 
and  crammed  it  in  a  foot  or  two  amongst  the  straw  and  said  it  was  all  right,  now, 


HUCK  TAKES  TEE  MONET. 


229 


because  a  nigger  only  makes  up  the  feather  bed,  and  don't  turn  over  the  straw 
tick  only  about  twice  a  year, 
and  so  it  warn't  in  no  danger 
of  getting  stole,  now. 

But  I  knowed  better.  I 
had  it  out  of  there  before 
they  was  half-way  down 
stairs.  I  groped  along  up  to 
my  cubby,  and  hid  it  there 
till  I  could  get  a  chance  to 
do  better.  I  judged  I  better 
hide  it  outside  of  the  house 
somewheres,  because  if  they 
missed  it  they  would  give 
the  house  a  good  ransacking. 
I  knowed  that  very  well. 
Then  I  turned  in,  with  my 
clothes  all  on  ;  but  I  couldn't 
a  gone  to  sleep,  if  I'd  a 
wanted  to,  I  was  in  such  a 

sweat  to  get  through  with  the  business.  By-and-by  I  heard  the  king  and  the 
duke  come  up  ;  so  I  rolled  off  of  my  pallet  and  laid  with  my  chin  at  the  top  of 
my  ladder  and  waited  to  see  if  anything  was  going  to  happen.  But  nothing 
did. 

So  I  held  on  till  all  the  late  sounds  had  quit  and  the  early  ones  hadn't  begun, 
yet ;  and  then  I  slipped  down  the  ladder. 


HTTCK   TAKES   THB  JfONBY. 


crept  to  their  doors  and  listened ; 
they  was  snoring,  so  I  tip-toed  along, 
and  got  down  stairs  all  right.  There 
warn't  a  sound  anywheres.  I  peeped 
through  a  crack  of  the  dining-room 
door,  and  see  the  men  that  was  watch 
ing  the  corpse  all  sound  asleep  on 
their  chairs.  The  door  was  open 
into  the  parlor,  where  the  corpse 
was  laying,  and  there  was  a  candle 
in  both  rooms.  I  passed  along,  and 
the  parlor  door  was  open ;  but  I  see 
there  warn't  nobody  in  there  but  the 
remainders  of  Peter  ;  so  I  shoved  on 
by ;  but  the  front  door  was  locked, 
and  the  key  wasn't  there.  Just 
then  I  heard  somebody  coming  down 

the  stairs,  back  behind  me.  I  run  in  the  parlor,  and  took  a  swift  look  around, 
and  the  only  place  I  see  to  hide  the  bag  was  in  the  coffin.  The  lid  was  shoved 
along  about  a  foot,  showing  the  dead  man's  face  down  in  there,  with  a  wet  cloth 
over  it,  and  his  shroud  on.  I  tucked  the  money-bag  in  under  the  lid,  just 
down  beyond  where  his  hands  was  crossed,  which  made  me  creep,  they  was 
so  cold,  and  then  I  run  back  across  the  room  and  in  behind  the  door. 

The  person  coming  was  Mary  Jane.     She  went  to  the  coffin,  very  soft,  and 


A  CRACK   IN   THE   DININ(J-KOOM   DOOR. 


THE  FUNERAL.  231 


kneeled  down  and  looked  in ;  then  she  put  up  her  handkerchief  and  I  see  she 
begun  to  cry,  though  I  couldn't  hear  her,  and  her  back  was  to  me.  I  slid  out, 
and  as  I  passed  the  dining-room  I  thought  I'd  make  sure  them  watchers 
hadn't  seen  me  ;  so  I  looked  through  the  crack  and  everything  was  all  right. 
They  hadn't  stirred. 

I  slipped  up  to  bed,  feeling  ruther  blue,  on  accounts  of  the  thing  playing 
out  that  way  after  I  had  took  so  much  trouble  and  run  so  much  resk  about  it. 
Says  I,  if  it  could  stay  where  it  is,  all  right ;  because  when  we  get  down  the 
river  a  hundred  mile  or  two,  I  could  write  back  to  Mary  Jane,  and  she  could 
dig  him  up  again  and  get  it ;  but  that  ain't  the  thing  that's  going  to  happen; 
the  thing  that's  going  to  happen  is,  the  money  '11  be  found  when  they  come  to 
screw  on  the  lid.  Then  the  king  '11  get  it  again,  and  it  '11  be  a  long  day  before 
he  gives  anybody  another  chance  to  smouch  it  from  him.  Of  course  I  wanted 
to  slide  down  and  get  it  out  of  there,  but  I  dasn't  try  it.  Every  minute  it  was 
getting  earlier,  now,  and  pretty  soon  some  of  them  watchers  would  begin  to  stir, 
and  I  might  get  catched — catched  with  six  thousand  dollars  in  my  hands  that 
nobody  hadn't  hired  me  to  take  care  of.  I  don't  wish  to  be  mixed  up  in  no  such 
business  as  that,  I  says  to  myself. 

When  I  got  down  stairs  in  the  morning,  the  parlor  was  shut  up,  and  the 
watchers  was  gone.  There  warn't  nobody  around  but  the  family  and  the  widow 
Hartley  and  our  tribe.  I  watched  their  faces  to  see  if  anything  had  been  happen 
ing,  but  I  couldn't  tell. 

Towards  the  middle  of  the  day  the  undertaker  come,  with  his  man,  and  they 
set  the  coffin  in  the  middle  of  the  room  on  a  couple  of  chairs,  and  then  set  all 
our  chairs  in  rows,  and  borrowed  more  from  the  neighbors  till  the  hall  and  the 
parlor  and  the  dining-room  was  full.  I  see  the  coffin  lid  was  the  way  it  was 
before,  but  I  dasn't  go  to  look  in  under  it,  with  folks  around. 

Then  the  people  begun  to  flock  in,  and  the  beats  and  the  girls  took  seats  in 
the  front  row  at  the  head  of  the  coffin,  and  for  a  half  an  hour  the  people  filed 
around  slow,  in  single  rank,  and  looked  down  at  the  dead  man's  face  a  minute, 
and  some  dropped  in  a  tear,  and  it  was  all  very  still  and  solemn,  only  the  girls 
and  the  beats  holding  handkerchiefs  to  their  eyes  and  keeping  their  heads  bent, 


232 


THE  ADVENTURES  OF  HUCKLEBERRY  FINN. 


and  sobbing  a  little.  There  warn't  no  other  sound  but  the  scraping  of  the  feet 
on  the  floor,  and  blowing  noses — because  people  always  blows  them  more  at  a 
funeral  than  they  do  at  other  places  except  church. 

When  the  place  was  packed  full,  the  undertaker  he  slid  around  in  his  black 

gloves  with  his  softy  soothering  ways,  putting  on  the 
last  touches,  and  getting  people  and  things  all  ship 
shape  and  comfortable,  and  making  no  more  sound 
than  a  cat.  He  never  spoke  ;  he  moved  people 
around,  he  squeezed  in  late  ones,  he  opened  up 
passage-ways,  and  done  it  all  with  nods,  and  signs 
with  his  hands.  Then  he  took  his  place  over  against 
the  wall.  He  was  the  softest,  glidingest,  stealthiest 
man  I  ever  see  ;  and  there  warn't  no  more  smile  to 
him  than  there  is  to  a  ham. 

They  had  borrowed  a  melodeum — a  sick  one  ;  and 
when  everything  was  ready,  a  young  woman  set 
down  and  worked  it,  and  it  was  pretty  skreeky  and 
colicky,  and  everybody  joined  in  and  sung,  and 
Peter  was  the  only  one  that  had  a  good  thing,  ac 
cording  to  my  notion.  Then  the  Keverend  Hobson 
opened  up,  slow  and  solemn,  and  begun  to  talk  ; 
and  straight  off  the  most  outrageous  row  busted  out 
in  the  cellar  a  body  ever  heard;  it  was  only  one  dog, 
but  he  made  a  most  powerful  racket,  and  he  kept  it 

up,  right  along;  the  parson  he  had  to  stand  there,  over  the  coffin,  and  wait — you 
couldn't  hear  yourself  think.  It  was  right  down  awkward,  and  nobody  didn't 
seem  to  know  what  to  do.  But  pretty  soon  they  see  that  long-legged  undertaker 
make  a  sign  to  the  preacher  as  much  as  to  say,  "  Don't  you  worry — just  depend 
on  me."  Then  he  stooped  down  and  begun  to  glide  along  the  wall,  just  his 
shoulders  showing  over  the  people's  heads.  So  he  glided  along,  and  the  pow-wow 
and  racket  getting  more  and  more  outrageous  all  the  time  ;  and  at  last,  when  he 
had  gone  around  two  sides  of  the  room,  he  disappears  down  cellar.  Then,  in 


THE  UNDERTAKER. 


SATISFYING  CURIOSITY. 


233 


about  two  seconds  we  heard  a  whack,  and  the  dog  he  finished  up  with  a  most 
amazing  howl  or  two,  and  then  everything  was  dead  still,  and  the  parson  begun 
his  solemn  talk  where  he  left  off.  In  a  minute  or  two  here  comes  this  under 
taker's  back  and  shoulders  gliding  along  the  wall  again;  and  so  he  glided,  and 
glided,  around  three  sides  of  the  room,  and  then  rose  up,  and  shaded  his  mouth 
with  his  hands,  and  stretched  his  neck  out  towards  the  preacher,  over  the  people's 
heads,  and  says,  in  a  kind  of  a  coarse  whisper,  "He  had  a  rat!"  Then  he  droop 
ed  down  and  glided  along 
the  wall  again  to  his  place. 
You  could  see  it  was  a  great 
satisfaction  to  the  people, 
because  naturally  they  want 
ed  to  know.  A  little  thing 
like  that  don't  cost  nothing, 
and  it's  just  the  little  things 
that  makes  a  man  to  be  look 
ed  up  to  and  liked.  There 
warn't  no  more  popular  man 
in  town  than  what  that 
undertaker  was. 

Well,  the  funeral  sermon 
was  very  good,  but  pison 

long  and  tiresome  ;  and  then  the  king  he  shoved  in  and  got  off  some  of  his  usual 
rubbage,  and  at  last  the  job  was  through,  and  the  undertaker  begun  to  sneak  up 
on  the  coffin  with  his  screw-driver.  I  was  in  a  sweat  then,  and  watched  him 
pretty  keen.  But  he  never  meddled  at  all  ;  just  slid  the  lid  along,  as  soft  as 
mush,  and  screwed  it  down  tight  and  fast.  So  there  I  was  !  I  didn't  know 
whether  the  money  was  in  there,  or  not.  So,  says  I,  spose  somebody  has  hogged 
that  bag  on  the  sly  ? — now  how  do  /know  whether  to  write  to  Mary  Jane  or  not? 
'Spose  she  dug  him  up  and  didn't  find  nothing — what  would  she  think  of  me  ? 
Blame  it,  I  says,  I  might  get  hunted  up  and  jailed  ;  I'd  better  lay  low  and  keep 
dark,  and  not  write  at  all ;  the  thing's  awful  mixed,  now  ;  trying  to  better  it,  I've 


"HB  HAD  A  RAT!' 


234  THE  ADVENTURES  OF  HUCKLEBERRY  FINN. 

worsened  it  a  hundred  times,  and  I  wish  to  goodness  I'd  just  let  it  alone,  dad 
fetch  the  whole  business  ! 

They  buried  him,  and  we  come  back  home,  and  I  went  to  watching  faces 
again — I  couldn't  help  it,  and  I  couldn't  rest  easy.  But  nothing  come  of  it ;  the 
faces  didn't  tell  me  nothing. 

The  king  he  visited  around,  in  the  evening,  and  sweetened  every  body  up,  and 
made  himself  ever  so  friendly;  and  he  give  out  the  idea  that  his  congregration  over 
in  England  would  be  in  a  sweat  about  him,  so  he  must  hurry  and  settle  up  the 
estate  right  away,  and  leave  for  home.  He  was  very  sorry  he  was  so  pushed, 
and  so  was  everybody;  they  wished  he  could  stay  longer,  but  they  said  they  could 
see  it  couldn't  be  done.  And  he  said  of  course  him  and  William  would  take  the 
girls  home  with  them  ;  and  that  pleased  everybody  too,  because  then  the  girls 
would  be  well  fixed,  and  amongst  their  own  relations  ;  and  it  pleased  the  girls, 
too — tickled  them  so  they  clean  forgot  they  ever  had  a  trouble  in  the  world;  and  told 
him  to  sell  out  as  quick  as  he  wanted  to,  they  would  be  ready.  Them  poor  things 
was  that  glad  and  happy  it  made  my  heartache  to  see  them  getting  fooled  and  lied 
to  so,  but  I  didn't  see  no  safe  way  for  me  to  chip  in  and  change  the  general  tune. 

Well,  blamed  if  the  king  didn't  bill  the  house  and  the  niggers  and  all  the 
property  for  auction  straight  off — sale  two  days  after  the  funeral ;  but  anybody 
could  buy  private  beforehand  if  they  wanted  to. 

So  the  next  day  after  the  funeral,  along  about  noontime,  the  girls'  joy  got  the 
first  jolt ;  a  couple  of  nigger  traders  come  along,  and  the  king  sold  them  the 
niggers  reasonable,  for  three-day  drafts  as  they  called  it,  and  away  they  went, 
the  two  sons  up  the  river  to  Memphis,  and  their  mother  down  the  river  to 
Orleans.  I  thought  them  poor  girls  and  them  niggers  would  break  their  hearts 
for  grief  ;  they  cried  around  each  other,  and  took  on  so  it  most  made  me  down 
sick  to  see  it.  The  girls  said  they  hadn't  ever  dreamed  of  seeing  the  family 
separated  or  sold  away  from  the  town.  I  can't  ever  get  it  out  of  my  memory, 
the  sight  of  them  poor  miserable  girls  and  niggers  hanging  around  each  other's 
necks  and  crying  ;  and  I  reckon  I  couldn't  a  stood  it  all  but  would  a  had  to  bust 
out  and  tell  on  our  gang  if  I  hadn't  knowed  the  sale  warn't  no  account  and  the 
niggers  would  be  back  home  in  a  week  or  two. 


SUSPICIOUS  OF  BUCK 


235 


The  thing  made  a  big  stir  in  the  town,  too,  and  a  good  many  come  out  flat- 
footed  and  said  it  was  scandalous  to  separate  the  mother  and  the  children  that 
way.     It  injured  the  frauds 
some ;    but  the  old  fool  he 
bulled  right  along,  spite  of 
all  the  duke  could  say  or  do, 
and  I  tell  you  the  duke  was 
powerful  uneasy. 

Next  day  was  auction  day. 
About  broad-day  in  the  morn 
ing,  the  king  and  the  duke 
come  up  in  the  garret  and 
woke  me  up,  and  I  see  by 
their  look  that  there  was 
trouble.  The  king  says  : 

""Was  you  in  my  room 
night  before  last  ?  " 

"No,  your  majesty" — 
which  was  the  way  I  always 
called  him  when  nobody  but 
our  gang  warn't  around. 

"  Was  you  in  there  yister- 
day  er  last  night  ?  " 

"No,  your  majesty." 

"  Honor  bright,  now — no  lies." 

"  Honor  bright,  your  majesty,  I'm  telling  you  the  truth.  I  hain't  been  anear 
your  room  since  Miss  Mary  Jane  took  you  and  the  duke  and  showed  it  to 
you." 

The  duke  says  : 

"  Have  you  seen  anybody  else  go  in  there  ?  " 

"  No,  your  grace,  not  as  I  remember,  I  believe." 

"  Stop  and  think." 


"WAS  YOU   IN   JIT   ROOM  ?  '' 


236  THE  ADVENTURES  OF  HUCKLEBERRY  FINN. 

I  studied  a  while,  and  see  my  chance,  then  I  says  : 

"  Well,  I  see  the  niggers  go  in  there  several  times." 

Both  of  them  give  a  little  jump  ;  and  looked  like  they  hadn't  ever  expected  it, 
and  then  like  they  had.  Then  the  duke  says  : 

"What,  all  of  them  ?" 

"  No — leastways  not  all  at  once.  That  is,  I  don't  think  I  ever  see  them  all 
come  out  at  once  but  just  one  time." 

"  Hello— when  was  that  ?  " 

"  It  was  the  day  we  had  the  funeral.  In  the  morning.  It  warn't  early, 
because  I  overslept.  I  was  just  starting  down  the  ladder,  and  I  see 
them." 

"  Well,  go  on,  go  on— what  did  they  do  ?    How'd  they  act  ?  " 

"  They  didn't  do  nothing.  And  they  didn't  act  anyway,  much,  as  fur  as  I  see. 
They  tip-toed  away;  so  I  seen,  easy  enough,  that  they'd  shoved  in  there  to  do 
up  your  majesty's  room,  or  something,  sposing  you  was  up;  and  found  you  warn't 
up,  and  so  they  was  hoping  to  slide  out  of  the  way  of  trouble  without  waking  you 
up,  if  they  hadn't  already  waked  you  up." 

"  Great  guns,  this  is  a  go  ! "  says  the  king  ;  and  both  of  them  looked  pretty 
sick,  and  tolerable  silly.  They  stood  there  a  thinking  and  scratching  their  heads, 
a  minute,  and  then  the  duke  he  bust  into  a  kind  of  a  little  raspy  chuckle,  and 
says  : 

"  It  does  beat  all,  how  neat  the  niggers  played  their  hand.  They  let  on  to 
be  sorry  they  was  going  out  of  this  region  !  and  I  believed  they  was  sorry.  And 
so  did  you,  and  so  did  everybody.  Don't  ever  tell  me  any  more  that  a  nigger  ain't 
got  any  histrionic  talent.  Why,  the  way  they  played  that  thing,  it  would  fool 
anybody.  In  my  opinion  there's  a  fortune  in  'em.  If  I  had  capital  and  a 
tneatre,  I  wouldn't  want  a  better  lay  out  than  that — and  here  we've  gone  and  sold 
'em  for  a  song.  Yes,  and  ain't  privileged  to  sing  the  song,  yet.  Say,  where  is 
that  song  ?— that  draft." 

"  In  the  bank  for  to  be  collected.     Where  would  it  be  ?" 

"  Well,  that's  all  right  then,  thank  goodness." 

Says  I,  kind  of  timid-like  : 


QUICK  SALES  AND  SMALL  PRO%[TS.\ 


237 


"  Is  something  gone  wrong  ?  " 

The  king  whirls  on  me  and  rips  out : 

"  None  o'  your  business  !  You  keep  your  head  shet,  and  mind  y'r  own 
affairs — if  you  got  any.  Long  as  you're  in  this  town,  don't  you  forgit  that,  you 
hear  ?  "  Then  he  says  to  the  duke,  "  We  got  to  jest  swaller  it,  and  say  noth'n  : 
mum's  the  word  for  us. " 

As  they  was  starting  down  the  ladder,  the  duke  he  chuckles  again,  and 


"  Quick  sales  and  small  profits  !    It's  a  good  business — yes." 

The  king  snarls  around  on  him  and  says , 

"I  was  trying  to  do  for  the  best,  in  sellin'  5m  cut  so  quick.     If  the  profits  has 


turned  out  to  be  none,  lackin'  considable,  and  none  to  carry,  is  it  my  fault  any 
more'n  it's  yourn  ?  " 

"  Well,  they'd  be  in  this  house  yet,  and  we  wouldn't  if  I  could  a  got  my 
advice  listened  to." 

The  king  sassed  back,  as  much  as  was  safe  for  him,  and  then  swapped  around 
and  lit  into  me  again.  He  give  me  down  the  banks  for  not  coming  and  telling 
him  I  see  the  niggers  come  out  of  his  room  acting  that  way — said  any  fool  would 


238  THE  ADVENTURES  OF  HUCKLEBERRY  FINN. 

a  knowed  something  was  up.  And  then  waltzed  in  and  cussed  himself  a  while  ; 
and  said  it  all  come  of  him  not  laying  late  and  taking  his  natural  rest  that  morn 
ing,  and  he'd  be  blamed  if  he'd  ever  do  it  again.  So  they  went  off  a  jawing;  and 
I  felt  dreadful  glad  I'd  worked  it  all  off  onto  the  niggers  and  yet  hadn't  done  the 
niggers  no  harm  by  it. 


5 


Y-and-by  it  was  getting-up  time  ;  so  I 
come  down  the  ladder  and  started 
for  down  stairs,  but  as  I  come  to  the 
girls'  room,  the  door  was  open,  and  I 
see  Mary  Jane  setting  by  her  old  hair 
tnmk,  which  was  open  and  she'd 
been  packing  things  in  it — getting 
ready  to  go  to  England.  But  she 
had  stopped  now,  with  a  folded 
gown  in  her  lap,  and  had  her  face  in 
her  hands,  crying.  I  felt  awful  bad 
to  see  it ;  of  course  anybody  would. 
I  went  in  there,  and  says  : 

"  Miss  Mary  Jane,  you  can't 
abear  to  see  people  in  trouble,  and  1 
can't— most  always,  Tell  me  about 
it." 

So  she  done  it.  And  it  was  the 
niggers — I  just  expected  it.  She  said  the  beautiful  trip  to  England  was  most 
about  spoiled  for  her  ;  she  didn't  know  how  she  was  ever  going  to  be  happy  there, 
knowing  the  mother  and  the  children  warn't  ever  going  to  see  each  other  no 
more — and  then  busted  out  bitterer  than  ever,  and  flung  up  her  hands,  and 
says 


IN   TROUBLE. 


240  THE  ADVENTURES  OF  HUCKLEBERRY  FINN. 

"  Oh,  dear,  dear,  to  think  they  ain't  ever  going  to  see  each  other  any  more  !  " 

"  But  they  will — and  inside  of  two  weeks — and  I  know  it ! "  says  L 

Laws  it  was  out  before  I  could  think  ! — and  before  I  could  budge,  she  throws 
her  arms  around  my  neck,  and  told  me  to  say  it  again,  say  it  again,  say  it  again! 

I  see  I  had  spoke  too  sudden,  and  said  too  much,  and  was  in  a  close  place.  I 
asked  her  to  let  me  think  a  minute ;  and  she  set  there,  very  impatient 
and  excited,  and  handsome,  but  looking  kind  of  happy  and  eased-up,  like 
a  person  that's  had  a  tooth  pulled  out.  So  I  went  to  studying  it  out. 
I  says  to  myself,  I  reckon  a  body  that  ups  and  tells  the  truth  when  he 
is  in  a  tight  place,  is  taking  considerable  many  resks,  though  I  ain't  had  no 
experience,  and  can't  say  for  certain  ;  but  it  looks  so  to  me,  anyway  ;  and  yet 
here's  a  case  where  I'm  blest  if  it  don't  look  to  me  like  the  truth  is  better, 
and  actuly  safer,  than  a  lie.  I  must  lay  it  by  in  my  mind,  and  think  it  over 
some  time  or  other,  it's  so  kind  of  strange  and  unregular.  I  never  see  nothing 
like  it.  Well,  I  says  to  myself  at  last,  I'm  agoing  to  chance  it ;  I'll  up  and  tell 
the  truth  this  time,  though  it  does  seem  most  like  setting  down  on  a  kag  of 
powder  and  touching  it  off  just  to  see  where  you'll  go  to.  Then  I  says  : 

"  Miss  Mary  Jane,  is  there  any  place  out  of  town  a  little  ways,  where  you 
could  go  and  stay  three  or  four  days  ?  " 

"  Yes— Mr.  Lothrop's.     Why  ?  " 

"  Never  mind  why,  yet.  If  I'll  tell  you  how  I  know  the  niggers  will  see  each 
other  again — inside  of  two  weeks — here  in  this  house — and  prove  how  I  know  it 
— will  you  go  to  Mr.  Lothrop's  and  stay  four  days  ?  " 

' '  Four  days  ! "  she  says  ;  "  I'll  stay  a  year ! " 

"All  right,"  I  says,  "I  don't  want  nothing  more  out  of  you  than  just  your 
word— I  druther  have  it  than  another  man's  kiss-the-Bible."  She  smiled,  and 
reddened  up  very  sweet,  and  I  says,  "If  you  don't  mind  it,  I'll  shut  the  door— 
and  bolt  it." 

Then  I  come  back  and  set  down  again,  and  says  : 

"Don't  you  holler.  Just  set  still,  and  take  it  like  a  man.  I  got  to  tell  the 
truth,  and  you  want  to  brace  up,  Miss  Mary,  because  it's  a  bad  kind,  and  going  to 
be  hard  to  take,  but  there  ain't  no  help  for  it.  These  uncles  of  yourn  ain't  no 


"THE  BRUTE  !" 


241 


uncles  at  all — they're  a  couples  of  frauds — regular  dead-beats.     There,  now  we're 
over  the  worst  of  it — you  can  stand  the  rest  middling  easy." 

It  jolted  her  up  like  everything,  of  course  ;  but  I  was  over  the  shoal  water 
now,  so  I  went  right  along,  her  eyes  a  blazing  higher  and  higher  all  the  time, 
and  told  her  every  blame  thing,  from  where  we  first  struck  that  young  fool  going 
up  to  the  steamboat,  clear  through  to  where  she  flung  herself  onto  the  king's 
breast  at  the  front  door  and  he  kissed  her  sixteen  or  seventeen  times — and  then 
up  she  jumps,  with  her  face  afire  like  sunset,  and  says  : 

"  The  brute  !  Come — don't  waste  a  minute — 
not  a  second — we'll  have  them  tarred  and 
feathered,  and  flung  in  the  river  ! " 

Says  I : 

"  Cert'nly.  But  do  you  mean,  before  you  go 
to  Mr.  Lothrop's,  or " 

"  Oh,"  she  says,  "  what  am  I  thinking  about  I " 
she  says,  and  set  right  down  again.  "  Don't  mind 
what  I  said— please  don't— you  won't,  now,  will 
you  ? "  Laying  her  silky  hand  on  mind  in  that 
kind  of  a  way  that  I  said  I  would  die  first.  "  I 
never  thought,  I  was  so  stirred  up,"  she  says ; 
"  now  go  on,  and  I  won't  do  so  any  more.  You  tell 
me  what  to  do,  and  whatever  you  say,  I'll  do  it." 

"Well,"  I  says,  "it's  a  rough  gang,  them  two 
frauds,  and  I'm  fixed  so  I  got  to  travel  with  them 
a  while  longer,  whether  I  want  to  or  not — I 
druther  not  tell  you  why — and  if  you  was  to  blow 
on  them  this  town  would  get  me  out  of  their  claws,  and  /'d  be  all  right,  but 
there'd  be  another  person  that  you  don't  know  about  who'd  be  in  big  trouble.  Well, 
we  got  to  save  him,  hain't  we  ?  Of  course.  Well,  then,  we  won't  blow  on  them." 

Saying  them  words  put  a  good  idea  in  my  head.  I  see  how  maybe  I  could 
get  me  and  Jim  rid  of  the  frauds  ;  get  them  jailed  here,  and  then  leave.  But 

I  didn't  want  to  run  the  raft  in  day-time,  without  anybody  aboard  to  answer 
16 


INDIGNATION. 


242 


THE  ADVENTURES  OF  HUCKLEBERRY  FINN. 


questions  but  me  ;  so  I  didn't  want  the  plan  to  begin  working  till  pretty  late 
to-night.     I  says  : 

"  Miss  Mary  Jane,  I'll  tell  you  what  we'll  do — and  you  won't  have  to  stay 
at  Mr.  Lothrop's  so  long,  nuther.  How  fur  is  it  ?  " 

"  A  little  short  of  four  miles — right  out  in  the  country,  back  here." 
"  Well,  that'll  answer.     Now  you  go  along  out  there,  and  lay  low  till  nine  or 
half-past,  to-night,  and  then  get  them  to  fetch  you  home  again — tell  them  you've 
thought  of  something.     If  you  get  here  before  eleven,  put  a  candle  in  this  window, 
and  if  I  don't  turn  up,  wait  till  eleven,  and  then  if  I  don't  turn  up  it  means  I'm 
gone,  and  out  of  the  way,  and  safe.     Then  you  come  out  and  spread  the  news 
around,  and  get  these  beats  jailed. " 
"  Good,"  she  says,  "  I'll  do  it." 

"  And  if  it  just  happens  so  that  I  don't  get  away,  but  get  took  up  along  with 
them,  you  must  up  and  say  I  told  you  the  whole  thing  beforehand,  and  you  must 
stand  by  me  all  you  can." 

"  Stand  by  you,  indeed  I  will.  They  sha'n't  touch  a  hair  of  your  head  I "  she 
says,  and  I  see  her  nostrils  spread  and  her  eyes  snap  when  she  said  it,  too. 

"  If  I  get  away,  I  sha'n't  be  here,"  I  says,  "  to  prove  these  rapscallions  ain't 

your  uncles,  and  I  couldn't  do  it  if  I 
was  here.  I  could  swear  they  was  beats 
and  bummers,  that's  all  ;  though  that's 
worth  something.  Well,  there's  others 
can  do  that  better  than  what  I  can— 
an(l  they're  people  that  ain't  going  to  be 
doubted  as  quick  as  I'd  be.  I'll  tell  you 
how  to  find  them.  Gimme  a  pencil  and 
a  piece  of  paper.  There — 'Royal  None 
such,  Bricksville:  Put  it  away,  and 
don't  lose  it.  When  the  court  wants  to 
find  out  something  about  these  two,  let 
them  send  up  to  Bricksville  and  say 
they've  got  the  men  that  played  the  Royal  Nonesuch,  and  ask  for  some  witnesses 


HOW  TO  FIND  THEM. 


MART  JANE  DECIDES  TO  LEAVE.  243 

— why,  you'll  have  that  entire  town  down  here  before  you  can  hardly  wink,  Miss 
Mary.     A.nd  they'll  come  a-biling,  too. " 

I  judged  we  had  got  everything  fixed  about  right,  now.  So  I  says  : 
"  Just  let  the  auction  go  right  along,  and  don't  worry.  Nobody  don't  have 
to  pay  for  the  things  they  buy  till  a  whole  day  after  the  auction,  on  accounts  of 
the  short  notice,  and  they  ain't  going  out  of  this  till  they  get  that  money — and 
the  way  we've  fixed  it  the  sale  ain't  going  to  count,  and  they  ain't  going  to  get  no 
money.  It's  just  like  the  way  it  was  with  the  niggers — it  warn't  no  sale,  and  the 
niggers  will  be  back  before  long.  Why,  they  can't  collect  the  money  for  the 
niggers,  yet — they're  in  the  worst  kind  of  a  fix,  Miss  Mary. " 

"Well,"   she  says,   "I'll  run  down  to  breakfast  now,   and  then  I'll  start 
straight  for  Mr.  Lothrop's." 

"'Deed,  that  ain't  the  ticket,  Miss  Mary  Jane,"  I  says,  "by  no  manner  of 
means  ;  go  before  breakfast." 
"Why?" 

"  What  did  you  reckon  I  wanted  you  to  go  at  all  for,  Miss  Mary  ?  " 

"  Well,  I  never  thought — and  come  to  think,  I  don't  know.     What  was  it  ?  " 

"  Why,  it's  because  you  ain't  one  of  these  leather-face  people.     I  don't  want 

no  better  book  that  what  your  face  is.     A  body  can  set  down  and  read  it  off  like 

coarse  print.     Do  you  reckon  you  can  go  and  face  your  uncles,  when  they  come 

to  kiss  you  good-morning,  and  never " 

"  There,  there,  don't  !    Yes,  I'll  go  before  breakfast— I'll  be  glad  to.     And 
leave  my  sisters  with  them  i* " 

"  Yes — never  mind  about  them.     They've  got  to  stand  it  yet  a  while.     They 

might  suspicion  something  if  all  of  you  was  to  go.   I  don't  want  you  to  see  them, 

nor  your  sisters,  nor  nobody  in  this  town — if  a  neighbor  was  to  ask  how  is  your 

uncles  this  morning,  your  face  would  tell  something.   No,  you  go  right  along,  Miss 

Mary  Jane,  and  I'll  fix  it  with  all  of  them.     I'll  tell  Miss  Susan  to  give  your  love 

to  your  uncles  and  say  you've  went  away  for  a  few  hours  for  to  get  a  little  rest  and 

change,  or  to  see  a  friend,  and  you'll  be  back  to-night  or  early  in  the  morning." 

"  Gone  to  see  a  friend  is  all  right,  but  I  won't  have  my  love  given  to  them." 

"  Well,  then,  it  sha'n't  be."   It  was  well  enough  to  tell  her  so — no  harm  in  it. 


244  THE  ADVENTURES  OF  HUCKLEBERRY  FINN. 

It  was  only  a  little  thing  to  do,  and  no  trouble  ;  and  it's  the  little  things  that 
smoothes  people's  roads  the  most,  down  here  below  ;  it  would  make  Mary  Jane 
comfortable,  and  it  wouldn't  cost  nothing.  Then  I  says  :  "  There's  one  more 
thing — that  bag  of  money." 

"Well,  they've  got  that ;  and  it  makes  me  feel  pretty  silly  to  think  how  they 
got  it." 

"No,  you're  out,  there.     They  hain't  got  it." 

"  Why,  who's  got  it  ?  " 

"  I  wish  I  knowed,  but  I  don't.  I  had  it,  because  I  stole  it  from  them  :  and 
I  stole  it  to  give  to  you  ;  and  I  know  where  I  hid  it,  but  I'm  afraid  it  ain't 
there  110  more.  I'm  awful  sorry,  Miss  Mary  Jane,  I'm  just  as  sorry  as  I  can  be  ; 
but  I  done  the  best  I  could  ;  I  did,  honest.  I  come  nigh  getting  caught,  and  I 
had  to  shove  it  into  the  first  place  I  come  to,  and  run — and  it  warn't  a  good 
place." 

"  Oh,  stop  blaming  yourself — it's  too  bad  to  do  it,  and  I  won't  allow  it — you 
couldn't  help  it ;  it  wasn't  you  fault.  Where  did  you  hide  it  ?  " 

I  didn't  want  to  set  her  to  thinking  about  her  troubles  again  ;  and  I  couldn't 
seem  to  get  my  mouth  to  tell  her  what  would  make  her  see  that  corpse  laying  in 


HE    WROTE. 


the  coffin  with  that  bag  of  money  on  his  stomach.  So  for  a  minute  I  didn't  say 
nothing — then  I  says  : 

"  I'd  ruther  not  tell  you  where  I  put  it,  Miss  Mary  Jane,  if  you  don't  mind 
letting  me  off ;  but  I'll  write  it  for  you  on  a  piece  of  paper,  and  you  can  read  it 
along  the  road  to  Mr.  Lothrop's,  if  you  want  to.  Do  you  reckon  that'll  do  ?  " 

"  Oh,  yes/' 


HUCK  PARTING   WITH  MART  JANE.  245 

So  I  wrote  :  "  I  put  it  in  the  coffin.  It  was  in  there  when  you  was  crying 
there,  away  in  the  night.  I  was  behind  the  door,  and  I  was  mighty  sorry  for 
you,  Miss  Mary  Jane." 

It  made  my  eyes  water  a  little,  to  remember  her  crying  there  all  by  herself 
in  the  night,  and  them  devils  laying  there  right  under  her  own  roof,  shaming 
her  and  robbing  her  ;  and  when  I  folded  it  up  and  give  it  to  her,  I  see  the  water 
come  into  her  eyes,  too  ;  and  she  shook  me  by  the  hand,  hard,  and  says  : 

"  Good-bye — I'm  going  to  do  everything  just  as  you've  told  me  ;  and  if  I 
don't  ever  see  you  again,  I  sha'n't  ever  forget  you,  and  I'll  think  of  you  a  many 
and  a  many  a  time,  and  I'll  pray  for  you,  too  ! " — and  she  was  gone. 

Pray  for  me  !  I  reckoned  if  she  knowed  me  she'd  take  a  job  that  was  more 
nearer  her  size.  But  I  bet  she  done* it,  just  the  same — she  was  just  that  kind. 
She  had  the  grit  to  pray  for  Judus  if  she  took  the  notion — there  warn't  no  back 
down  to  her,  I  judge.  You  may  say  what  you  want  to,  but  in  my  opinion  she 
had  more  sand  in  her  than  any  girl  I  ever  see  ;  in  my  opinion  she  was  just  full  of 
sand.  It  sounds  like  flattery,  but  it  ain't  no  flattery.  And  when  it  comes  to 
beauty — and  goodness  too — she  lays  over  them  all.  I  hain't  ever  seen  her  since 
that  time  that  I  see  her  go  out  of  that  door  ;  no,  I  hain't  ever  seen  her  since, 
but  I  reckon  I've  thought  of  her  a  many  and  a  many  a  million  times,  and  of  her 
saying  she  would  pray  for  me  ;  and  if  ever  I'd  a  thought  it  would  do  any  good 
for  me  to  pray  for  her,  blamed  if  I  wouldn't  a  done  it  or  bust. 

Well,  Mary  Jane  she  lit  out  the  back  way,  I  reckon ;  because  nobody  see 
her  go.  When  I  struck  Susan  and  the  hare-lip,  I  says  : 

"  What's  the  name  of  them  people  over  on  t'other  side  of  the  river  that  you, 
all  goes  to  see  sometimes  ?  " 

They  says  : 

"  There's  several ;  but  it's  the  Proctors,  mainly." 

"That's  the  name,"  I  says  ;  "  I  most  forgot  it.  Well,  Miss  Mary  Jane  she 
told  me  to  tell  you  she's  gone  over  there  in  a  dreadful  hurry — one  of  them's 
sick." 

"  Which  one  ?  " 

"  I  don't  know  ;  leastways  I  kinder  forget ;  but  I  think  it's " 


246 


THE  ADVENTURES  OF  HUCKLEBERRY  FINN. 


"  Sakes  alive,  I  hope  it  ain't  Hanner  f  " 
"  Pm  sorry  to  say  it,"  I  says,  "  but  Hanner's  the  very  one." 
"  My  goodness — and  she  so  well  only  last  week  !     Is  she  took  bad  ?  " 
"  It  ain't  no  name  for  it.     They  set  up  with  her  all  night,  Miss  Mary  Jane 
said,  and  they  don't  think  she'll  last  many  hours." 

"  Only  think  of  that,  now  !     What's  the  matter  with  her  ! " 

I  couldn't  think  of  anything  reasonable,  right  off  that  way,  so  I  says  : 

"Mumps." 

"  Mumps  your  granny  !  They  don't  set  up 
with  people  that's  got  the  mumps." 

"They  don't,  don't  they?  You  better 
bet  they  do  with  these  mumps.  These  mumps 
is  different.  It's  a  new  kind,  Miss  Mary  Jane 
said." 

"How's  it  a  new  kind  ?" 
"  Because  it's  mixed  up  with  other  things." 
"What  other  things  ?" 
"Well,  measles,   and  whooping-cough,  and 
erysiplas,  and  consumption,  and  yaller  janders, 
and  brain  fever,  and  I  don't  know  what  all." 
"  My  land  !     And  they  call  it  the  mumps  9  " 
"  That's  what  Miss  Mary  Jane  said." 
"Well,  what  in  the  nation  do  they  call  it  the 
mumps  for  ?  " 

"  Why,  because  it  is  the  mumps.  That's 
what  ii  starts  with." 

"  Well,  ther'  ain't  no  sense  in  it.  A  body  might  stump  his  toe,  and  take  pison, 
and  fall  down  the  well,  and  break  his  neck,  and  bust  his  brains  out,  and  some 
body  come  along  and  ask  what  killed  him,  and  some  numskull  up  and  say/  Why, 
he  stumped  his  toe. '  Would  ther'  be  any  sense  in  that  ?  No.  And  ther'  ain't 
no  sense  in  this,  nuther.  Is  it  ketching?  " 

"  Is  it  ketching  ?    Why,  how  you  talk.     Is  a  harrow  catching  ? — in  the  dark  ? 


HANNER  WITH   THE    MUMPS. 


MUMPS.  247 


If  you  don't  hitch  onto  one  tooth,  you're  bound  to  on  another,  ain't  you  ?  And 
you  can't  get  away  with  that  tooth  without  fetching  the  whole  harrow  along, 
can  you  ?  Well,  these  kind  of  mumps  is  a  kind  of  a  harrow,  as  you  may  say — 
and  it  ain't  no  slouch  of  a  harrow,  nuther,  you  come  to  get  it  hitched  on 
good." 

"  Well,  it's  awful,  I  think,"  says  the  hare-lip.  "  I'll  go  to  Uncle  Harvey 
and " 

"  Oh,  yes,"  I  says,  "  I  would.   Of  course  I  would.    I  wouldn't  lose  no  time." 

"  Well,  why  wouldn't  you  ?  " 

"  Just  look  at  it  a  minute,  and  maybe  you  can  see.  Hain't  your  uncles 
obleeged  to  get  along  home  to  England  as  fast  as  they  can  ?  And  do  you  reckon 
they'd  be  mean  enough  to  go  off  and  leave  you  to  go  all  that  journey  by  your 
selves  ?  You  know  they'll  wait  for  you.  So  fur,  so  good.  Your  uncle  Harvey's  a 
preacher,  ain't  he  ?  Very  well,  then  ;  is  a  preacher  going  to  deceive  a  steamboat 
clerk  ?  is  he  going  to  deceive  a  ship  cleric  V — so  as  to  get  them  to  let  Miss  Mary 
Jane  go  aboard  ?  Now  you  know  he  ain't.  What  will  he  do,  then  ?  Why,  he'll 
say,  '  It's  a  great  pity,  but  my  church  matters  has  got  to  get  along  the  best  way  they 
can  ;  for  my  niece  has  been  exposed  to  the  dreadful  pluribus-unum  mumps,  and 
so  it's  my  bounden  duty  to  set  down  here  and  wait  the  three  months  it  takes  to 
show  on  her  if  she's  got  it.'  But  never  mind,  if  you  think  it's  best  to  tell  your 
uncle  Harvey " 

"  Shucks,  and  stay  fooling  around  here  when  we  could  all  be  having  good 
times  in  England  whilst  we  was  waiting  to  find  out  whether  Mary  Jane's  got  it  or 
not  ?  Why,  you  talk  like  a  muggins." 

"  Well,  anyway,  maybe  you  better  tell  some  of  the  neighbors." 

"  Listen  at  that,  now.  You  do  beat  all,  for  natural  stupid  ness.  Can't  you 
seeih'dt  they'd  go  and  tell  ?  Ther'  ain't  no  way  but  just  to  not  tell  anybody  at  all." 

"  Well,  maybe  you're  right — yes,  I  judge  you  are  right." 

"  But  I  reckon  we  ought  to  tell  Uncle  Harvey  she's  gone  out  a  while,  anyway, 
so  he  wont  be  uneasy  about  her  ?  " 

"Yes,  Miss  Mary  Jane  she  wanted  you  to  do  that.  She  says,  'Tell  them  to 
give  Uncle  Harvey  and  William  my  lovo  and  a  kiss,  and  say  I've  run  over  the  river 


248 


THE  ADVENTURES  OF  HUCKLEBERRY  FINN. 


to  see  Mr. — Mr. — what  is  the  name  of  that  rich  family  your  uncle  Peter  used 

to  think  so  much  of  ? — I  mean  the  one  that " 

"  Why,  you  must  mean  the  Apthorps,  ain't  it  ?" 

(f  Of  course;  bother  them 
kind  of  names,  a  body  can't 
ever  seem  to  remember  them, 
half  the  time,  somehow. 
Yes,  she  said,  say  she  has  run 
over  for  to  ask  the  Apthorps 
to  be  sure  and  come  to  the 
auction  and  buy  this  house, 
because  she  allowed  her  un 
cle  Peter  would  ruther  they 
had  it  than  anybody  else  ; 
and  she's  going  to  stick  to 
them  till  they  say  they'll 
come,  and  then,  if  she  ain't 
too  tired,  she's  coming 
home  ;  and  if  she  is,  she'll 
be  home  in  the  morning  any 
way.  She  said,  don't  say 
nothing  about  the  Proctors, 
but  only  about  the  Apthorps 
— which'll  be  perfectly  true, 

because  she  is  going  there  to  speak  about  their  buying  the  house ;  I  know  it, 

because  she  told  me  so,  herself." 

"All  right,"  they  said,  and  cleared  out  to  lay  for  their  uncles,  and  give  them 

the  love  and  the  kisses,  and  tell  them  the  message. 

Everything  was  all  right  now.     The  girls  wouldn't  say  nothing  because  they 

wanted  to  go  to  England  ;  and  the  king  and  the  duke  would  ruther  Mary  Jane 

was  off  working  for  the  auction  than  around  in  reach  of  Doctor  Robinson.     I  felt 

very  good  ;  I  judged  I  had  done  it  pretty  neat — I  reckoned  Tom  Sawyer  couldn't 


THE   AUCTION. 


THE  OPPOSITION  LINE.  249 


a  done  it  no  neater  himself.  Of  course  he  would  a  thro  wed  more  style  Into  it, 
but  I  can't  do  that  very  handy,  not  being  brung  up  to  it. 

Well,  they  held  the  auction  in  the  public  square,  along  towards  the  end  of  the 
afternoon,  and  it  strung  along,  and  strung  along,  and  the  old  man  he  was  on 
hand  and  looking  his  level  pisonest,  up  there  longside  of  the  auctioneer,  and 
chipping  in  a  little  Scripture,  now  and  then,  or  a  little  goody-goody  saying,  of 
some  kind,  and  the  duke  he  was  around  goo-gooing  for  sympathy  all  he  knowed 
how,  and  just  spreading  himself  generly. 

But  by-and-by  the  thing  dragged  through,  and  everything  was  sold.  Every 
thing  but  a  little  old  trifling  lot  in  the  graveyard.  So  they'd  got  to  work  that 
off — I  never  see  such  a  girafft  as  the  king  was  for  wanting  to  swallow  everything. 
Well,  whilst  they  was  at  it,  a  steamboat  landed,  and  in  about  two  minutes  up 
comes  a  crowd  a  whooping  and  yelling  and  laughing  and  carrying  on,  and  singing 
out : 

"Here's  your  opposition  line  !  here's  your  two  sets  o'  heirs  to  old  Peter  Wilks 
— and  you  pays  your  money  and  you  takes  your  choice  !" 


was  fetching  a  very  nice  looking 
old  gentleman  along,  and  a  nice 
looking  younger  one,  with  his  right 
arm  in  a  sling.  And  my  souls,  how 
the  people  yelled,  and  laughed,  and 
kept  it  up.  But  I  didn't  see  no  joke 
about  it,  and  I  judged  it  would  strain 
the  duke  and  the  king  some  to  see 
any.  I  reckoned  they'd  turn  pale. 
But  no,  nary  a  pale  did  they  turn. 
The  duke  he  never  let  on  he  suspicioned 
what  was  up,  but  just  went  a  goo-goo- 
ing  around,  happy  and  satisfied,  like  a 
jug  that's  googling  out  buttermilk;  and 
as  for  the  king,  he  just  gazed  and 
gazed  down  sorrowful  on  them  new 
comers  like  it  give  him  the  stomach-ache 
in  his  very  heart  to  think  there  could  be  such  frauds  and  rascals  in  the 
world.  Oh,  he  done  it  admirable.  Lots  of  the  principal  people  gethered  around 
the  king,  to  let  him  see  they  was  on  his  side.  That  old  gentleman  that  had 
just  come  looked  all  puzzled  to  death.  Pretty  soon  he  begun  to  speak,  and 
I  see,  straight  off,  he  pronounced  like  an  Englishman,  not  the  king's  way, 
though  the  king's  was  pretty  good,  for  an  imitation.  I  can't  give  the  old  gent's 
words,  nor  I  can't  imitate  him;  but  he  turned  around  to  the  crowd,  and  says, 
about  like  this  : 

"  This  is  a  surprise  to  me  which  I  wasn't  looking  for;  and  I'll  acknowledge, 


THE  TRUE  feROTHERS. 


CONTESTED  RELATIONSHIP.  251 

candid  and  frank,  I  ain't  very  well  fixed  to  meet  it  and  answer  it;  for  my  brother 
and  me  has  had  misfortunes,  he's  broke  his  arm,  and  our  baggage  got  put  off  at  a 
town  above  here,  last  night  in  the  night  by  a  mistake.  I  am  Peter  Wilks's 
brother  Harvey,  and  this  is  his  brother  William,  which  can't  hear  nor  speak — and 
can't  even  make  signs  to  amount  to  much,  now  't  he's  only  got  one  hand  to  work 
them  with.  We  are  who  we  say  we  are  ;  and  in  a  day -or  two,  when  I  get  the 
baggage,  I  can  prove  it.  But,  up  till  then,  I  won't  say  nothing  more,  but  go  to 
the  hotel  and  wait." 

So  him  and  the  new  dummy  started  off  ;  and  the  king  he  laughs,  and  blethers 
out : 

"Broke  his  arm — very  likely  ain't  it  ? — and  very  convenient,  too,  for  a  fraud 
that's  got  to  make  signs,  and  hain't  learnt  how.  Lost  their  baggage !  That's 
mighty  good  !  — and  mighty  ingenious — under  the  circumstances  !  " 

So  he  laughed  again  ;  and  so  did  everybody  else,  except  three  or  four,  or 
maybe  half  a  dozen.  One  of  these  was  that  doctor  ;  another  one  was  a  sharp 
looking  gentleman,  with  a  carpet-bag  of  the  old-fashioned  kind  made  out  of  car 
pet-stuff,  that  had  just  come  off  of  the  steamboat  and  was  talking  to  him  in  a  low 
voice,  and  glancing  towards  the  king  now  and  then  and  nodding  their  heads — it 
was  Levi  Bell,  the  lawyer  that  was  gone  up  to  Louisville ;  and  another  one  was  a 
big  rough  husky  that  come  along  and  listened  to  all  the  old  gentleman  said,  and 
was  listening  to  the  king  now.  And  when  the  king  got  done,  this  husky  up 
and  says  : 

" Say,  looky  here  ;  if  you  are  Harvey  Wilks,  when'd  you  come  to  this  town?" 

"  The  day  before  the  funeral,  friend,"  says  the  king. 

"But  what  time  o'  day?" 

"In  the  evenin' — 'bout  an  hour  er  two  before  sundown." 

"ffoiu'd  you  come  ?  " 

"I  come  down  on  the  Susan  Powell,  from  Cincinnati." 

"  Well,  then,  how'd  you  come  to  be  up  at  the  Pint  in  the  mornin' — in  a 
canoe  ?  " 

"Iwarn't  up  at  the  Pint  in  the  mornin'." 

"It's  a  lie." 


252 


THE  ADVENTURES  OF  HUCKLEBERRY  FINN. 


Several  of  them  jumped  for  him  and  begged  him  not  to  talk  that  way  to 
an  old  man  and  a  preacher. 

"Preacher  be  hanged,  he's  a  fraud  and  a  liar.  He  was  up  at  the  Pint 
that  mornin'.  I  live  up  there,  don't  I  ?  Well,  I  was  up  there,  and  he  was  up 

there.  I  see  him  there.  He 
come  in  a  canoe,  along  with  Tim 
Collins  and  a  boy. " 

The  doctor  he  up  and  says  : 
"  Would  you  know  the  boy 
again   if   you  was    to    see  him, 
Hines  ?  " 

"  I  reckon  I  would,  but  I 
don't  know.  Why,  yonder  he 
is,  now.  I  know  him  perfectly 
easy." 

It  was  me  he  pointed  at. 
The  doctor  says  : 

"Neighbors,  I  don't  know 
whether  the  new  couple  is  frauds 
or  not ;  but  if  these  two  ain't 
frauds,  I  am  an  idiot,  that's  all. 
I  think  it's  our  duty  to  see  that 
they  don't  get  away  from  here 
till  we've  looked  into  this  thing. 

Come  along,  Hines  ;  come  along,  the  rest  of  you.  We'll  take  these  fellows  to  the 
tavern  and  affront  them  with  t'other  couple,  and  I  reckon  we'll  find  out  some 
thing  before  we  get  through." 

Tt  was  nuts  for  the  crowd,  though  maybe  not  for  the  king's  friends  ;  so  we  all 
started.  It  was  about  sundown.  The  doctor  he  led  me  along  by  the  hand,  and 
was  plenty  kind  enough,  but  he  never  let  go  my  hand. 

We  all  got  in  a  big  room  in  the  hotel,  and  lit  up  some  candles,  and  fetched  in 
the  new  couple.  First,  the  doctor  says  : 


THE  DOCTOR  LEADS  HUCK. 


THE  KING  EXPLAINS  THE  LOSS.  253 

"I  don't  wish  to  be  too  hard  on  these  two  men,  but  /think  they're  frauds, 
and  they  may  have  complices  that  we  don't  know  nothing  about.  If  they  have, 
won't  the  complices  get  away  with  that  bag  of  gold  Peter  Wilks  left  ?  It  ain't 
unlikely.  If  these  men  ain't  frauds,  they  won't  object  to  sending  for  that  money 
and  letting  us  keep  it  till  they  prove  they're  all  right — ain't  that  so  ?  " 

Everybody  agreed  to  that.  So  I  judged  they  had  our  gang  in  a  pretty  tight 
place,  right  at  the  outstart.  But  the  king  he  only  looked  sorrowful,  and  says  : 

"  Gentlemen,  I  wish  the  money  was  there,  for  I  ain't  got  no  disposition  to 
throw  anything  in  the  way  of  a  fair,  open,  out-and-out  investigation  o'  this 
misable  business  ;  but  alas,  the  money  ain't  there  ;  you  k'n  send  and  see,  if  you 
want  to." 

"Where  is  it,  then  ?" 

"Well,  when  my  niece  give  it  to  me  to  keep  for  her,  I  took  and  hid  it  inside 
o'  the  straw  tick  o'  my  bed,  not  wishin'  to  bank  it  for  the  few  days  we'd  be  here, 
and  considerin'  the  bed  a  safe  place,  we  not  bein'  used  to  niggers,  and  supposV 
'em  honest,  like  servants  in  England.  The  niggers  stole  it  the  very  next  mornin' 
after  I  had  went  down  stairs  ;  and  when  I  sold  'em,  I  hadn't  missed  the  money 
yit,  so  they  got  clean  away  with  it.  My  servant  here  k'n  tell  you  'bout  it  gentle 
men." 

The  doctor  and  several  said  "  Shucks  ! "  and  I  see  nobody  didn't  altogether  be 
lieve  him.  One  man  asked  me  if  I  see  the  niggers  steal  it.  I  said  no,  but  I  see 
them  sneaking  out  of  the  room  and  hustling  away,  and  I  never  thought  nothing, 
only  I  reckoned  they  was  afraid  they  had  waked  up  my  master  and  was  trying  to 
get  away  before  he  made  trouble  with  them.  That  was  all  they  asked  me.  Then 
the  doctor  whirls  on  me  and  says  : 

"  Are  you  English  too  ?  " 

I  says  yes ;  and  him  and  some  others  laughed,  and  said,  "  Stuff  ! " 

Well,  then  they  sailed  in  on  the  general  investigation,  and  there  we  had  it,  up 
and  down,  hour  in,  hour  out,  and  nobody  never  said  a  word  about  supper,  nor 
ever  seemed  to  think  about  it — and  so  they  kept  it  up,  and  kept  it  up  ;  and  it 
was  the  worst  mixed-up  thing  you  ever  see.  They  made  the  king  tell  his  yarn, 
and  they  made  the  old  gentleman  tell  his'n  ;  and  anybody  but  a  lot  of  prejudiced 


254  THE  ADVENTURES  OF  HUCKLEBERRY  FINN. 

chuckleheads  would  a  seen  that  the  old  gentleman  was  spinning  truth  and  t'other 
one  lies.  And  by-and-by  they  had  me  up  to  tell  what  I  knowed.  The  king  he 
give  me  a  left-handed  look  out  of  the  corner  of  his  eye,  and  so  I  knowed  enough 
to  talk  on  the  right  side..  I  begun  to  tell  about  Sheffield,  and  how  we  lived  there, 
and  all  about  the  English  Wilkses,  and  so  on  ;  but  I  didn't  get  pretty  fur  till  the 
doctor  begun  to  laugh;  and  Levi  Bell,  the  lawyer,  says  : 

"  Set  down,  my  boy,  I  wouldn't  strain  myself,  if  I  was  you.  I  reckon  you 
ain't  used  to  lying,  it  don't  seem  to  come  handy ;  what  you  want  is  practice. 
You  do  it  pretty  awkward. " 

I  didn't  care  nothing  for  the  compliment,  but  I  was  glad  to  be  let  off, 
anyway. 

The  doctor  he  started  to  say  something,  and  turns  and  says  : 

"  If  you'd  been  in  town  at  first,  Levi  Bell " 

The  king  broke  in  and  reached  out  his  hand,  and  says  : 
"  Why,  is  this  my  poor  dead  brother's  old  friend  that  he's  wrote  so  often  about?  " 
The  lawyer  and  him  shook  hands,  and  the  lawyer  smiled  and  looked  pleased, 
and  they  talked  right  along  a  while,  and  then  got  to  one  side  and  talked  low  ; 
and  at  last  the  lawyer  speaks  up  and  says  : 

"  That'll  fix  it.  I'll  take  the  order  and  send  it,  along  with  your  brother's, 
and  then  they'll  know  it's  all  right." 

So  they  got  some  paper  and  a  pen,  and  the  king  he  set  down  and  twisted  his 
head  to  one  side,  and  chawed  his  tongue,  and  scrawled  off  something ;  and  then 
they  give  the  pen  to  the  duke — and  then  for  the  first  time,  the  duke  looked  sick. 
But  he  took  the  pen  and  wrote.  So  then  the  lawyer  turns  to  the  new  old  gentle 
man  and  says  : 

"  You  and  your  brother  please  write  a  line  or  two  and  sign  your  names." 
The  old  gentleman  wrote,  but  nobody  couldn't  read  it.     The  lawyer  looked 
powerful  astonished,  and  says  : 

"Well,  it  beats  me" — and  snaked  a  lot  of  old  letters  out  of  his  pocket,  and 
examined  them,  and  then  examined  the  old  man's  writing,  and  then  them  again  ; 
and  then  says  :  "These  old  letters  is  from  Harvey  Wilks  ;  and  here's  these  two's 
handwritings,  and  anybody  can  see  they  didn't  write  them  "  (the  king  and  the 


A   QUESTION  OF  HANDWRITING. 


255 


THE  DUKE  WROTE. 


duke  looked  sold  and  foolish,  I  tell  you,  to  see  how  the  lawyer  had  took  them  in), 
"and  here's  this  old  gentleman's  handwriting,  and  anybody  can  tell,  easy  enough, 
he  didn't  write  them — fact  is,  the  scratches  he  makes  ain't  properly  writing, 
at  all.  Now  here's  some  letters 
from » 

The  new  old  gentleman  says : 

"  If  you  please,  let  me  explain. 
Nobody  can  read  my  hand  but  my 
brother  there — so  he  copies  for  me. 
It's  his  hand  you've  got  there, 
not  mine." 

"  Will  I "  says  the  lawyer,  "this 
is  a  state  of  things.  I've  got  some 
of  William's  letters  too;  so  if  you'll 
get  him  to  write  a  line  or  so  we 
can  com " 

"  He  can't  write  with  his  left  hand,"  says  the  old  gentleman.  "  If  he  could 
use  his  right  hand,  you  would  see  that  he  wrote  his  own  letters  and  mine  too. 
Look  at  both,  please — they're  by  the  same  hand." 

The  lawyer  done  it,  and  says  : 

"  I  believe  it's  so — and  if  it  ain't  so,  there's  a  heap  stronger  resemblance  than 
I'd  noticed  before,  anyway.  Well,  well,  well !  I  thought  we  was  right  on  the  track 
of  a  slution,  but  it's  gone  to  grass,  partly.  But  anyway,  one  thing  is  proved — 
these  two  ain't  either  of  'em  Wilkses  " — and  he  wagged  his  head  towards  the  king 
and  the  duke. 

Well,  what  do  you  think  ? — that  muleheaded  old  fool  wouldn't  give  in  then! 
Indeed  he  wouldn't.  Said  it  warn't  no  fair  test.  Said  his  brother  William  was 
the  cussedest  joker  in  the  world,  and  hadn't  tried  to  write — he  see  William  was 
going  to  play  one  of  his  jokes  the  minute  he  put  the  pen  to  paper.  And  so  he 
warmed  up  and  went  warbling  and  warbling  right  along,  till  he  was  actuly  be 
ginning  to  believe  what  he  was  saying,  himself — but  pretty  soon  the  new  old 
gentleman  broke  in,  and  says : 


256  THE  ADVENTURES  OF  HUCKLEBERRY  FINN. 

"  IVe  thought  of  something.  Is  there  anybody  here  that  helped  to  lay  out 
m-y  br — helped  to  lay  out  the  late  Peter  Wilks  for  burying  ?  " 

"  Yes,"  says  somebody,  "  me  and  Ab  Turner  done  it.     We're  both  here." 

Then  the  old  man  turns  towards  the  king,  and  says  : 

"  Peraps  this  gentleman  can  tell  me  what  was  tatooed  on  his  breast  ?  " 

Blamed  if  the  king  didn't  have  to  brace  up  mighty  quick,  or  he'd  a 
squshed  down  like  a  bluff  bank  that  the  river  has  cut  under,  it  took  him  so  sud 
den—and  mind  you,  it  was  a  thing  that  was  calculated  to  make  most  anybody 
sqush  to  get  fetched  such  a  solid  one  as  that  without  any  notice — because  how  was 
he  going  to  know  what  was  tatooed  on  the  man?  He  whitened  a  little;  he  couldn't 
help  it ;  and  it  was  mighty  still  in  there,  and  everybody  bending  a  little  forwards 
and  gazing  at  him.  Says  I  to  myself,  Now  he'll  throw  up  the  sponge — there  ain't 
no  more  use.  Well,  did  he?  A  body  can't  hardly  believe  it,  but  he  didn't.  I 
reckon  he  thought  he'd  keep  the  thing  up  till  he  tired  them  people  out,  so  they'd 
thin  out,  and  him  and  the  duke  could  break  loose  and  get  away.  Anyway,  he  set 
there,  and  pretty  soon  he  begun  to  smile,  and  says  : 

"  Mf  !  It's  a  very  tough  question,  ain't  it !  Yes,  sir,  I  k'n  tell  you  what's 
tatooed  on  his  breast.  It's  jest  a  small,  thin,  blue  arrow — that's  what  it  is  ;  and 
if  you  don't  look  clost,  you  can't  see  it.  Now  what  do  you  say — hey?  " 

Well,  /  never  see  anything  like  that  old  blister  for  clean  out-and-out  cheek. 

The  new  old  gentleman  turns  brisk  towards  Ab  Turner  and  his  pard,  and  his 
eye  lights  up  like  he  judged  he'd  got  the  king  this  time,  and  says  : 

"  There — you've  heard  what  he  said  !  Was  there  any  such  mark  on  Peter 
Wilks's  breast  ?  " 

Both  of  them  spoke  up  and  says  : 

"  We  didn't  see  no  such  mark." 

' '  Good  ! "  says  the  old  gentleman.  "  Now,  what  you  did  see  on  his 
breast  was  a  small  dim  P,  and  a  B  (which  is  an  initial  he  dropped  when  he  was 
young),  and  a  W,  with  dashes  between  them,  so  :  P — B — W  " — and  he  marked 
them  that  way  on  a  piece  of  paper.  "  Come — ain't  that  what  you  saw?  " 

Both  of  them  spoke  up  again,  and  says  : 

"  No,  we  didn't.     We  never  seen  any  marks  at  all." 


DIGGING    UP   THE  CORPSE. 


257 


"Well,  everybody  was  in  a  state  of  mind,  now ;  and  they  sings  out  : 

61  The  whole  Mlirf  of  'm  ?s  frauds  !  Le's  duck  'em  !  le's  drown  'em  !  le's 
ride  'em  on  a  rail !  "  and  everybody  was  whooping  at  once,  and  there  was  a  rat 
tling  pow-wow.  But  the  lawyer  he  jumps  on  the  table  and  yells,  and  says  : 

"  Gentlemen — gentlemen  /  Hear 
me  just  a  word — just  a  single  word — 
if  you  PLEASE!  There's  one  way  yet 
— let's  go  and  dig  up  the  corpse  and 
look." 

That  took  them. 

"  Hooray!  "  they  all  shouted,  and 
was  starting  right  off  ;  but  the  lawyer 
and  the  doctor  sung  out  : 

"  Hold  on,  hold  on  !  Collar  all 
these  four  men  and  the  boy,  and 
fetch  them  along,  too  ! " 

"  We'll  do  it !  »  they  all  shouted: 
"and  if  we  don't  find  them  marks 
we'll  lynch  the  whole  gang  ! " 

I  was  scared,  now,  I  tell  you. 
But  there  warn't  no  getting  away, 
you  know.  They  gripped  us  all,  and 
marched  us  right  along,  straight  for 
the  graveyard,  which  was  a  mile  and  a  half  down  the  river,  and  the  whole  town 
at  our  heels,  for  we  made  noise  enough,  and  it  was  only  nine  in  the  evening. 

As  we  went  by  our  house  I  wished  I  hadn't  sent  Mary  Jane  out  of  town  ;  be 
cause  now  if  I  could  tip  her  the  wink,  she'd  light  out  and  save  me,  and  blow  on 
our  dead-beats. 

Well,  we  swarmed  along  down  the  river  road,  just  carrying  on  like  wild-cats  ; 
and  to  make  it  more  scary,  the  sky  was  darking  up,  and  the  lightning  beginning 
to  wink  and  flitter,  and  the  wind  to  shiver  amongst  the  leaves.  This  was  the 

most  awful  trouble  and  most  dangersome  I  ever  was  in;  and  I  was  kinder  stunned  ; 
17 


'GENTLEMEN— GENTLEMEN  ! 


258  THE  ADVENTURES  OF  HUCKLEBERRY  FINN. 

everything  was  going  so  different  from  what  I  had  allowed  for  ;  stead  of  being 
fixed  so  I  could  take  my  own  time,  if  I  wanted  to,  and  see  all  the  fun,  and  have 
Mary  Jane  at  my  back  to  save  me  and  set  me  free  when  the  close-fit  come,  here 
was  nothing  in  the  world  betwixt  me  and  sudden  death  but  just  them  tatoo- 
marks.  If  they  didn't  find  them— 

I  couldn't  bear  to  think  about  it ;  and  yet,  somehow,  I  couldn't  think  about 
nothing  else.  It  got  darker  and  darker,  and  it  was  a  beautiful  time  to  give  the 
crowd  the  slip ;  but  that  big  husky  had  me  by  the  wrist — Hines — and  a  body 
might  as  well  try  to  give  Goliar  the  slip.  He  dragged  me  right  along,  he  was  so 
excited;  and  I  had  to  run  to  keep  up. 

When  they  got  there  they  swarmed  into  the  graveyard  and  washed  over  it  like 
an  overflow.  And  when  they  got  to  the  grave,  they  found  they  had  about  a 
hundred  times  as  many  shovels  as  they  wanted,  but  nobody  hadn't  thought  to 
fetch  a  lantern.  But  they  sailed  into  digging,  anyway,  by  the  flicker  of  the 
lightning,  and  sent  a  man  to  the  nearest  house  a  half  a  mile  off,  to  borrow  one. 

So  they  dug  and  dug,  like  everything ;  and  it  got  awful  dark,  and  the  rain 
started,  and  the  wind  swished  and  swushed  along,  and  the  lightning  come  brisker 
and  brisker,  and  the  thunder  boomed;  but  them  people  never  took  no  notice  of 
it,  they  was  so  full  of  this  business;  and  one  minute  you  could  see  everything  and 
every  face  in  that  big  crowd,  and  the  shovelfuls  of  dirt  sailing  up  out  of  the  grave, 
and  the  next  second  the  dark  wiped  it  all  out,  and  you  couldn't  see  nothing  at  all. 

At  last  they  got  out  the  coffin,  and  begun  to  unscrew  the  lid,  and  then 
such  another  crowding,  and  shouldering,  and  shoving  as  there  was,  to  scrouge 
in  and  get  a  sight,  you  never  see  ;  and  in  the  dark,  that  way,  it  was  awful. 
Hines  he  hurt  my  wrist  dreadful,  pulling  and  tugging  so,  and  I  reckon  he  clean 
forgot  I  was  in  the  world,  he  was  so  excited  and  panting. 

All  of  a  sudden  the  lightning  let  go  a  perfect  sluice  of  white  glare,  and  some 
body  sings  out  : 

"  By  the  living  jingo,  here's  the  bag  of  gold  on  his  breast  !  " 

Hines  let  out  a  whoop,  like  everybody  else,  and  dropped  my  wrist  and  give  a 
big  surge  to  bust  his  way  in  and  get  a  look,  and  the  way  I  lit  out  and  shinned 
for  the  road  in  the  dark,  there  ain't  nobody  can  tell. 


HUCK  ESCAPES.  259 


I  had  the  road  all  to  myself,  and  I  fairly  flew— leastways  I  had  it  all  to  myself 
except  the  solid  dark,  and  the  now-and-then  glares,  and  the  buzzing  of  the  rain, 
and  the  thrashing  of  the  wind,  and  the  splitting  of  the  thunder  ;  and  sure  as  you 
are  born  I  did  clip  it  along  ! 

When  I  struck  the  town,  I  see  there  warn't  nobody  out  in  the  storm,  so  I 
never  hunted  for  no  back  streets,  but  humped  it  straight  through  the  main  one ; 
and  when  I  begun  to  get  towards  our  house  I  aimed  my  eye  and  set  it.  No  light 
there  ;  the  house  all  dark — which  made  me  feel  sorry  and  disappointed,  I  didn't 
know  why.  But  at  last,  just  as  I  was  sailing  by,  flash  comes  the  light  in  Mary 
Jane's  window  !  and  my  heart  swelled  up  sudden,  like  to  bust ;  and  the  same 
second  the  house  and  all  was  behind  me  in  the  dark,  and  wasn't  ever  going  to  be 
before  me  no  more  in  this  world.  She  was  the  best  girl  I  ever  see,  and  had  the 
most  sand. 

The  minute  I  was  far  enough  above  the  town  to  see  I  could  make  the  tow- 
head,  I  begun  to  look  sharp  for  a  boat  to  borrow;  and  the  first  time  the  lightning 
showed  me  one  that  wasn't  chained,  I  snatched  it  and  shoved.  It  was  a  canoe, 
and  warn't  fastened  with  nothing  but  a  rope.  The  towhead  was  a  rattling  big 
distance  off,  away  out  there  in  the  middle  of  the  river,  but  I  didn't  lose  no  time  ; 
and  when  I  struck  the  raft  at  last,  I  was  so  fagged  I  would  a  just  laid  down 
to  blow  and  gasp  if  I  could  afforded  it.  But  I  didn't.  As  I  sprung  aboard 
I  sung  out  : 

"  Out  with  you  Jim,  and  set  her  loose  !  Glory  be  to  goodness,  we're  shut 
of  them!" 

Jim  lit  out,  and  was  a  coming  for  me  with  both  arms  spread,  he  was  so 
full  of  joy;  but  when  I  glimpsed  him  in  the  lightning,  my  heart  shot  up  in  my 
mouth,  and  I  went  overboard  backwards  ;  for  I  forgot  he  was  old  King  Lear 
and  a  drownded  A-rab  all  in  one,  and  it  most  scared  the  livers  and  lights  out 
of  me.  But  Jim  fished  me  out,  and  was  going  to  hug  me  and  bless  me,  and 
so  on,  he  was  so  glad  I  was  back  and  we  was  shut  of  the  king  and  the  duke, 
but  I  says  : 

"Not  now — have  it  for  breakfast,  have  it  for  breakfast!  Cut  loose  and  let 
her  slide  ! " 


260 


THE  ADVENTURES  OF  HUCKLEBERRY  FINN. 


So,  in  two  seconds,  away  we  went,  a  sliding  down  the  river,  and  it  did  seem 

so  good  to  be  free  again  and 
all  by  ourselves  on  the  big 
river  and  nobody  to  bother 
us.  I  had  to  skip  around  a 
bit,  and  jump  up  and  crack 
my  heels  a  few  times,  I  couldn't 
help  it ;  but  about  the  third 
crack,  I  noticed  a  sound  that  I 
knowed  mighty  well — and  held 
my  breath  and  listened  and 
waited — and  sure  enough,  when 
the  next  flash  busted  out  over 
the  water,  here  they  come  !  — 
and  just  a  laying  to  their  oars 
and  making  their  skiff  hum  I 
It  was  the  king  and  the  duke. 

So  I  wilted  right  down  onto 
the  planks,  then,  and  give  up  ; 
and  it  was  all  I  could  do  to 
keep  from  crying. 


"«JI   LET  OUT." 


they  got  aboard,  the  king  went  for  me, 
and  shook  me  by  the  collar,  and  says  : 
"  Tryin'  to  give  us  the  slip,   was 
ye,  you  pup  !    Tired  of  our  company 
—hey?" 
I  says  : 

"No,  your  majesty,  we  warn't — 
please  don't,  your  majesty  ! " 

"  Quick,  then,  and  tell  us  what 
was  your  idea,  or  I'll  shake  the  insides 
out  o'  you  ! " 

"  Honest,  I'll  tell  you  everything, 
just  as  it  happened,  your  majesty. 
The  man  that  had  aholt  of  me  was 
very  good  to  me,  and  kept  saying  he 
had  a  boy  about  as  big  as  me  that 
died  last  year,  and  he  was  sorry  to  see 
a  boy  in  such  a  dangerous  fix ;  and 

when  they  was  all  took  by  surprise  by  finding  the  gold,  and  made  a  rush  for  the 
coffin,  he  lets  go  of  me  and  whispers,  ( Heel  it,  now,  or  they'll  hang  ye,  sure! '  and 
I  lit  out.  It  didn't  seem  no  good  for  me  to  stay — /  couldn't  do  nothing,  and  I 
didn't  want  to  be  hung  if  I  could  get  away.  So  I  never  stopped  running  till  I 
found  the  canoe  ;  and  when  I  got  here  I  told  Jim  to  hurry,  or  they'd  catch  me 
and  hang  me  yet,  and  said  I  was  afeard  you  and  the  duke  wasn't  alive,  now,  and 


THE  KING  SHAKES  HUCK. 


262  THE  ADVENTURES  OF  HUCKLEBERRY  FINN. 

I  was  awful  sorry,  and  so  was  Jim,  and  was  awful  glad  when  we  see  you  coming, 
you  may  ask  Jim  if  I  didn't." 

Jim  said  it  was  so  ;  and  the  king  told  him  to  shut  up,  and  said,  "  Oh,  yes, 
it's  mighty  likely  ! "  and  shook  me  up  again,  and  said  he  reckoned  he'd  drownd 
me.  But  the  duke  says  : 

"Leggo  the  boy,  you  old  idiot  !  Would  you  a  done  any  different  ?  Did  you 
inquire  around  for  him,  when  you  got  loose  ?  /don't  remember  it." 

So  the  king  let  go  of  me,  and  begun  to  cuss  that  town  and  everybody  in  it. 
But  the  duke  says  : 

"  You  better  a  blame  sight  give  yourself  a  good  cussing,  for  you're  the  one 
that's  entitled  to  it  most.  You  hain't  done  a  thing,  from  the -start,  that  had 
any  sense  in  it,  except  coming  out  so  cool  and  cheeky  with  that  imaginary  blue- 
arrow  mark.  That  ivas  bright — it  was  right  down  bully  ;  and  it  was  the  thing 
that  saved  us.  For  if  it  hadn't  been  for  that,  they'd  a  jailed  us  till  them  English 
men's  baggage  come — and  then — the  penitentiary,  you  bet !  But  that  trick  took 
'em  to  the  graveyard,  and  the  gold  done  us  a  still  bigger  kindness ;  for  if  the 
excited  fools  hadn't  let  go  all  holts  and  made  that  rush  to  get  a  look,  we'd  a  slept  in 
our  cravats  to-night— cravats  warranted  to  wear,  too — longer  than  we'd  need  'em." 

They  was  still  a  minute — thinking — then  the  king  says,  kind  of  absent- 
minded  like  : 

"  Mf !     And  we  reckoned  the  niggers  stole  it  ! " 

That  made  me  squirm  ! 

"Yes,"  says  the  duke,  kinder  slow,  and  deliberate,  and  sarcastic,  "  We  did." 

After  about  a  half  a  minute,  the  king  drawls  out : 

"  Leastways— 1  did." 

The  duke  says,  the  same  way  : 

"  On  the  contrary—/  did." 

The  king  kind  of  ruffles  up,  and  says  : 

"  Looky  here,  Bilge  water,  what'r  you  referrin'  to  ?  " 

The  duke  says,  pretty  brisk  : 

"When  it  comes  to  that,  maybe  you'll  let  me  ask,  what  was  you  refer 
ring  to  ?" 


A  ROYAL  MOW. 


263 


"Shucks!"  says  the  king,  very  sarcastic;  "  but  /don't  know — maybe  you 
was  asleep,  and  didn't  know  what  you  was  about. " 

The  duke  bristles  right  up,  now,  and  says  : 

"  Oh,  let  up  on  this  cussed  nonsense— do  you  take  me  for  a  blame'  fool  ? 
Don't  you  reckon  /  know  who  hid  that  money  in  that  coffin  ?  " 

' i  Yes,  sir  !    I  know  you  do  know — because  you  done  it  yourself  ! " 

"  It's  a  lie  !" — and  the  duke  went  for  him.     The  king  sings  out : 


THE  DUKE  WENT  POR  HIM. 


"  Take  y'r  hands  off  ! — leggo  my  throat ! — I  take  it  all  back  ! " 

The  duke  says  : 

"Well,  you  just  own  up,  first,  that  you  did  hide  that  money  there,  intending 
to  give  me  the  slip  one  of  these  days,  and  come  back  and  dig  it  up,  and  have  it 
all  to  yourself." 

"  Wait  jest  a  minute,  duke — answer  me  this  one  question,  honest  and  fair  ; 
if  you  didn't  put  the  money  there,  say  it,  and  I'll  b'lieve  you,  and  take  back 
everything  I  said." 

"You  old  scoundrel,  I  didn't,  and  you  know  I  didn't.     There,  now  !" 

"  Well,  then,  I  b'lieve  you.     But  answer  me  only  jest  this  one  more— now 


264  THE  ADVENTURES  OF  HUCKLEBERRY  FINN. 

don't  git  mad  ;  didn't  you  have  it  in  your  mind  to  hook  the  money  and 
hide  it  ?  " 

The  duke  never  said  nothing  for  a  little  bit ;  then  he  says  : 

"  "Well — I  don't  care  if  I  did,  I  didn't  do  it,  anyway.  But  you  not  only  had 
it  in  mind  to  do  it,  but  you  done  it." 

"  I  wisht  1  may  never  die  if  I  done  it,  duke,  and  that's  honest.  I  won't  say  I 
warn't  goin'  to  do  it,  because  I  was  ;  but  you — I  mean  somebody — got  in  ahead 
o'  me." 

"  It's  a  lie  !    You  done  it,  and  you  got  to  say  you  done  it,  or " 

The  king  begun  to  gurgle,  and  then  he  gasps  out : 

"  'Nough  ! — /  own  up  !  " 

I  was  very  glad  to  hear  him  say  that,  it  made  me  feel  much  more  easier  than 
what  I  was  feeling  before.  So  the  duke  took  his  hands  off,  and  says  : 

"  If  you  ever  deny  it  again,  I'll  drown  you.  It's  well  for  you  to  set  there  and 
blubber  like  a  baby — it's  fitten  for  you,  after  the  way  you've  acted.  I  never  see 
such  an  old  ostrich  for  wanting  to  gobble  everything — and  I  a  trusting  you  all  the 
time,  like  you  was  my  own  father.  You  ought  to  been  ashamed  of  yourself  to 
stand  by  and  hear  it  saddled  onto  a  lot  of  poor  niggers  and  you  never  say  a  word 
for  'em.  It  makes  me  feel  ridiculous  to  think  I  was  soft  enough  to  believe  that 
rubbage,  Cuss  you,  I  can  see,  now,  why  you  was  so  anxious  to  make  up  the 
deffesit — you  wanted  to  get  what  money  I'd  got  out  of  the  Nonesuch  and  one 
thing  or  another,  and  scoop  it  all !  " 

The  king  says,  timid,  and  still  a  snuffling  :  , 

"Why,  duke,  it  was  you  that  said  make  up  the  deffersit,  it  wanft 
me." 

" Dry  up  !  I  don't  want  to  hear  no  more  out  of  you  ! "  says  the  duke.  "And 
now  you  see  what  you  got  by  it.  They've  got  all  their  own  money  back,  and  all 
of  ourn  but  a  shekel  or  two,  besides.  G'long  to  bed — and  don't  you  deffersit  me 
no  more  deffersits,  long  's  you  live  !  " 

So  the  king  sneaked  into  the  wigwam,  and  took  to  his  bottle  for  comfort ;  and 
before  long  the  duke  tackled  his  bottle  ;  and  so  in  about  a  half  an  hour  they  was 
as  thick  as  thieves  again,  and  the  tighter  they  got,  the  lovinger  they  got ;  and 


POWERFUL  MELLOW.  265 

went  off  a  snoring  in  each  other's  arms.  They  both  got  powerful  mellow,  but  I 
noticed  the  king  didn't  get  mellow  enough  to  forget  to  remember  to  not  deny 
about  hiding  the  money-bag  again.  That  made  me  feel  easy  and  satisfied.  Of 
course  when  they  got  to  snoring,  we  had  a  long  gabble,  and  I  told  Jim  every 
thing. 


Dler 


dasn't  stop  again  at  any  town,  for 
days  and  days ;  kept  right  along 
down  the  river.  We  was  down  south 
in  the  warm  weather,  now,  and  a 
mighty  long  ways  from  home.  We 
begun  to  come  to  trees  with  Spanish 
moss  on  them,  hanging  down  from 
the  limbs  like  long  gray  beards.  It 
was  the  first  I  ever  see  it  growing, 
and  it  made  the  woods  look  solemn 
and  dismal.  So  now  the  frauds 
reckoned  they  was  out  of  danger, 
and  they  begun  to  work  the  villages 
again. 

First  they  done  a  lecture  on 
temperance  ;  but  they  didn't  make 
enough  for  them  both  to  get 
drunk  on.  Then  in  another  village 

they  started  a  dancing  school ;  but  they  didn't  know  no  more  how  to  dance  than 
a  kangaroo  does  ;  so  the  first  prance  they  made,  the  general  public  jumped  in 
and  pranced  them  out  of  town.  Another  time  they  tried  a  go  at  yellocution  ; 
but  they  didn't  yellocute  long  till  the  audience  got  up  and  give  them  a  solid  good 
cussing  and  made  them  skip  out.  They  tackled  missionarying,  and  mesmerizer- 
ing,  and  doctoring,  and  telling  fortunes,  and  a  little  of  everything ;  but  they 
couldn't  seem  to  have  no  luck.  So  at  last  they  got  just  about  dead  broke,  and 


SPANISH   MOSS. 


OMINOUS  PLANS.  267 


laid  around  the  raft,  as  she  floated  along,  thinking,  and  thinking,  and  never 
saying  nothing,  by  the  half  a  day  at  a  time,  and  dreadful  blue  and  desperate. 

And  at  last  they  took  a  change,  and  begun  to  lay  their  heads  together  in  the 
wigwam  and  talk  low  and  confidential  two  or  three  hours  at  a  time.  Jim  and 
me  got  uneasy.  We  didn't  like  the  look  of  it.  We  judged  they  was  studying 
up  some  kind  of  worse  deviltry  than  ever.  We  turned  it  over  and  over,  and  at 
last  we  made  up  our  minds  they  was  going  to  break  into  somebody's  house  or 
store,  or  was  going  into  the  counterfeit-money  business,  or  something.  So  then 
we  was  pretty  scared,  and  made  up  an  agreement  that  we  wouldn't  have  nothing 
in  the  world  to  do  with  such  actions,  and  if  we  ever  got  the  least  show  we  would 
give  them  the  cold  shake,  and  clear  out  and  leave  them  behind.  Well,  early  one 
morning  we  hid  the  raft  in  a  good  safe  place  about  two  mile  below  a  little  bit  of 
a  shabby  village,  named  Pikesville,  and  the  king  he  went  ashore,  and  told  us  all 
to  stay  hid  whilst  he  went  up  to  town  and  smelt  around  to  see  if  anybody  had  got 
any  wind  of  the  Royal  Nonesuch  there  yet.  ("  House  to  rob,  you  mean,"  says  I  to 
myself ;  "and  when  you  get  through  robbing  it  you'll  come  back  here  and  won 
der  what's  become  of  me  and  Jim  and  the  raft — and  you'll  have  to  take  it  out  in 
wondering.")  And  he  said  if  he  warn't  back  by  midday,  the  duke  and  me  would 
know  it  was  all  right,  and  we  was  to  come  along. 

So  we  staid  where  we  was.  The  duke  he  fretted  and  sweated  around,  and 
was  in  a  mighty  sour  way.  He  scolded  us  for  everything,  and  we  couldn't  seem 
to  do  nothing  right ;  he  found  fault  with  every  little  thing.  Something  was 
a-brewing,  sure.  I  was  good  and  glad  when  midday  come  and  no  king  ;  we  could 
have  a  change,  anyway — and  maybe  a  chance  for  the  change,  on  top  of  it.  So 
me  and  the  duke  went  up  to  the  village,  and  hunted  around  there  for  the  king, 
and  by-and-by  we  found  him  in  the  back  room  of  a  little  low  doggery,  very  tight, 
and  a  lot  of  loafers  bullyragging  him  for  sport,  and  he  a  cussing  and  threatening 
with  all  his  might,  and  so  tight  he  couldn't  walk,  and  couldn't  do  nothing  to 
them.  The  duke  he  begun  to  abuse  him  for  an  old  fool,  and  the  king  begun  to 
sass  back  ;  and  the  minute  they  was  fairly  at  it,  I  lit  out,  and  shook  the  reefs  out 
of  my  hind  legs,  and  spun  down  the  river  road  like  a  deer — for  I  see  our  chance  ; 
and  I  made  up  my  mind  that  it  would  be  a  long  day  before  they  ever  see  me  and 


268  THE  ADVENTURES  OF  HUCKLEBERRY  FINN'. 

Jim  again.  I  got  down  there  all  out  of  breath  but  loaded  up  with  joy,  and  sung 
out — 

"  Set  her  loose,  Jim,  we're  all  right,  now  !  " 

But  there  warn't  no  answer,  and  nobody  come  out  of  the  wigwam.  Jim  was 
gone  !  I  sefc  up  a  shout — and  then  another — and  then  another  one  ;  and  run  this 
way  and  that  in  the  woods,  whooping  and  screeching  ;  but  it  warn't  no  use— old 
Jim  was  gone.  Then  I  set  down  and  cried  ;  I  couldn't  help  it.  But  I.  couldn't 
set  still  long.  Pretty  soon  I  went  out  on  the  road,  trying  to  think  what  I  better 
do,  and  I  run  across  a  boy  walking,  and  asked  him  if  he'd  seen  a  strange  nigger, 
dressed  so  and  so,  and  he  says  : 

"Yes." 

"Wherebouts  ?"  says  I. 

"  Down  to  Silas  Phelps's  place,  two  mile  below  here.  He's  a  runaway  nigger, 
and  they've  got  him.  Was  you  looking  for  him  ?  " 

"You  bet  I  ain't !  I  run  across  him  in  the  woods  about  an  hour  or  two  ago, 
and  he  said  if  I  hollered  he'd  cut  my  livers  out— and  told  me  to  lay  down  and 
stay  where  I  was  ;  and  I  done  it.  Been  there  ever  since  ;  afeard  to  come  out." 

" Well,"  he  says,  "you  needn't  be  afeard  no  more,  becuz  they've  got  him. 
He  run  off  f'm  down  South,  som'ers." 

"  It's  a  good  job  they  got  him." 

"Well,  I  reckon!  There's  two  hunderd  dollars  reward  on  him.  It's  like 
picking  up  money  out'n  the  road. " 

"Yes,  it  is— and  /  could  a  had  it  if  I'd  been  big  enough  ;  I  see  him  first. 
Who  nailed  him  ?  " 

"It  was  an  old  fellow— a  stranger— and  he  sold  out  his  chance  in  him  for 
forty  dollars,  becuz  he's  got  to  go  up  the  river  and  can't  wait.  Think  o'  that, 
now  !  You  bet  I'd  wait,  if  it  was  seven  year." 

"That's  me,  every  time,"  says  I.  "But  maybe  his  chance  ain't  worth  no 
more  than  that,  if  he'll  sell  it  so  cheap.  Maybe  there's  something  ain't  straight 
about  it." 

"But  it  is,  though— straight  as  a  string.  I  see  the  handbill  myself.  It  tells 
all  about  him,  to  a  dot— paints  him  like  a  picture,  and  tells  the  plantation  he's 


NEWS  FROM  JIM. 


269 


frum,  below  'Nevrrlea?is.     No-sirree-#o#,  they  ain't  no  trouble  'bout  that  specu 
lation,  you  bet  you.     Say,  gimme  a  chaw  tobacker,  won't  ye  ?  " 

I  didn't  have  none,    so  he  left.     I  went  to  the  raft,  and  set  down  in  the 
wigwam  to  think.    But  I  couldn't  come  to  nothing.    I  thought  till  I  wore  my  head 
sore,  but  I  couldn't  see  no  way 
out  of  the  trouble.     After  all 
this  long  journey,  and  after 
all  we'd  done  for  them  scoun 
drels,  here  was  it  all  come  to 
nothing,  everything  all  busted 
up  and  ruined,  because  they 
could  have  the  heart  to  serve 

Jim  such  a  trick  as  that,  and  ['  ' ''  ^^^W^^*^'  '^T  "^  - 

make  him  a  slave  again  all  his 
life,  and  amongst  strangers, 
too,  for  forty  dirty  dollars. 

Once  I  said  to  myself  it 
would  be  a  thousand  times 
better  for  Jim  to  be  a  slave 
at  home  where  his  family 
was,  as  long  as  he'd  got  to  be 
a  slave,  and  so  I'd  better 
write  a  letter  to  Tom  Sawyer 
and  tell  him  to  tell  Miss 
Watson  where  he  was.  But 
I  soon  give  up  that  notion, 
for  two  things  :  she'd  be  mad  and  disgusted  at  his  rascality  and  ungratefulness 
for  leaving  her,  and  so  she'd  sell  him  straight  down  the  river  again ;  and  if  she 
didn't,  everybody  naturally  despises  an  ungrateful  nigger,  and  they'd  make 
Jim  feel  it  all  the  time,  and  so  he'd  feel  ornery  and  disgraced.  And  then  think  of 
me !  It  would  get  all  around,  that  Huck  Finn  helped  a  nigger  to  get  his 
freedom  ;  and  if  I  was  to  ever  see  anybody  from  that  town  again,  I'd  be  ready  to 


WHO  NAILED  HIM  ?  ' 


270  THE  ADVENTURES  OF  HUCKLEBERRY  FINXT. 

get  down  and  lick  his  boots  for  shame.  That's  just  the  way  :  a  person  does  a 
low-down  thing,  and  then  he  don't  want  to  take  no  consequences  of  it.  Thinks 
as  long  as  he  can  hide  it,  it  ain't  no  disgrace.  That  was  my  fix  exactly.  The 
more  I  studied  about  this,  the  more  my  conscience  went  to  grinding  me,  and  the 
more  wicked  and  low-down  and  ornery  I  got  to  feeling.  And  at  last,  when  it  hit 
me  all  of  a  sudden  that  here  was  the  plain  hand  of  Providence  slapping  me  in 
the  face  and  letting  me  know  my  wickedness  was  being  watched  all  the  time  from 
up  there  in  heaven,  whilst  I  was  stealing  a  poor  old  woman's  nigger  that  hadn't 
ever  done  me  no  harm,  and  now  was  showing  me  there's  One  that's  always  on  the 
lookout,  and  ain't  agoing  to  allow  no  such  miserable  doings  to  go  only  just  so  fur 
and  no^urther,  I  most  dropped  in  my  tracks  I  was  so  scared.  Well,  I  tried  the 
best  I  could  to  kinder  soften  it  up  somehow  for  myself,  by  saying  I  was  brung  up 
wicked,  and  so  I  warn't  so  much  to  blame  ;  but  something  inside  of  me  kept  say 
ing,  "  There  was  the  Sunday  school,  you  could  a  gone  to  it ;  and  if  you'd  a  done 
it  they'd  a  learnt  you,  there,  that  people  that  acts  as  I'd  been  acting  about  that 
nigger  goes  to  everlasting  fire." 

It  made  me  shiver.  And  I  about  made  up  my  mind  to  pray  ;  and  see  if  I 
couldn't  try  to  quit  being  the  kind  of  a  boy  I  was,  and  be  better.  So  I  kneeled 
down.  But  the  words  wouldn't  come.  Why  wouldn't  they  ?  It  warn't  no  use 
to  try  and  hide  it  from  Him.  Nor  from  me,  neither.  I  knowed  very  well  why 
they  wouldn't  come.  It  was  because  my  heart  warn't  right ;  it  was  because  I 
warn't  square  ;  is  was  because  I  was  playing  double.  I  was  letting  on  to  give  up 
sin,  but  away  inside  of  me  I  was  holding  on  to  the  biggest  one  of  all.  I  was 
trying  to  make  my  mouth  say  I  would  do  the  right  thing  and  the  clean  thing, 
and  go  and  write  to  that  nigger's  owner  and  tell  where  he  was  ;  but  deep  down 
in  me  I  knowed  it  was  a  lie— and  He  knowed  it.  You  can't  pray  a  lie — I  found 
that  out. 

So  I  was  full  of  trouble,  full  as  I  could  be  ;  and  didn't  know  what  to  do.  At 
last  I  had  an  idea  ;  and  I  says,  I'll  go  and  write  the  letter— and  then  see  if  I  can 
pray.  Why,  it  was  astonishing,  the  way  I  felt  as  light  as  a  feather,  right  straight 
off,  and  my  troubles  all  gone.  So  I  got  a  piece  of  paper  and  a  pencil,  all  glad 
and  excited,  and  set  down  and  wrote  : 


OLD  RECOLLECTIONS. 


271 


Miss  Watson  your  runaway  nigger  Jim  is  down  here  two  mile  below  Pikesville  and  Mr. 
Phelps  has  got  him  and  he  will  give  him  up  for  the  reward  if  you  send.  HUCK  FINN. 

I  felt  good  and  all  washed  clean  of  sin  for  the  first  time  I  had  ever  felt  so  in 
my  life,  and  I  knowed  I  could  pray  now.  But  I  didn't  do  it  straight  off,  but 
laid  the  paper  down  and  set 
there  thinking — thinking  how 
good  it  was  all  this  happened 
so,  and  how  near  I  come  to 
being  lost  and  going  to  hell. 
And  went  on  thinking.  And 
got  to  thinking  over  our  trip 
down  the  river;  and  I  see 
Jim  before  me,  all  the  time, 
in  the  day,  and  in  the  night 
time,  sometimes  moonlight, 
sometimes  storms,  and  we  a 
floating  along,  talking,  and 
singing,  and  laughing.  But 
somehow  I  couldn't  seem  to 
strike  no  places  to  harden  me 
against  him,  but  only  the 
other  kind.  I'd  see  him 

THINKING. 

standing  my  watch  on  top  of 

his'n,  stead  of  calling  me,  so  I  could  go  on  sleeping ;  and  see  him  how  glad  he 
was  when  I  come  back  out  of  the  fog ;  and  when  I  come  to  him  again  in  the 
swamp,  up  there  where  the  feud  was  ;  and  such-like  times  ;  and  would  always 
call  me  honey,  and  pet  me,  and  do  everything  he  could  think  of  for  me,  and  how 
good  he  always  was  ;  and  at  last  I  struck  the  time  I  saved  him  by  telling  the  men 
we  had  small-pox  aboard,  and  he  was  so  grateful,  and  said  I  was  the  best  friend 
old  Jim  ever  had  in  the  world,  and  the  only  one  he's  got  now ;  and  then  I 
happened  to  look  around,  and  see  that  paper. 


272  THE  ADVENTURES  OF  HUCKLEBERRY  FINN. 

It  was  a  close  place.  I  took  it  up,  and  held  it  in  my  hand.  I  was  a 
trembling,  because  I'd  got  to  decide,  forever,  betwixt  two  things,  and  I 
knowed  it.  I  studied  a  minute,  sort  of  holding  my  breath,  and  then  says  to 
myself  : 

"  All  right,  then,  I'll  go  to  hell  "—and  tore  it  up. 

It  was  awful  thoughts,  and  awful  words,  but  they  was  said.  And  I  let  them 
stay  said  ;  and  never  thought  no  more  about  reforming.  I  shoved  the  whole 
thing  out  of  my  head ;  and  said  I  would  take  up  wickedness  again,  which  was 
in  my  line,  being  brung  up  to  it,  and  the  other  warn't.  And  for  a  starter,  I 
would  go  to  work  and  steal  Jim  out  of  slavery  again ;  and  if  I  could  think  up 
anything  worse,  I  would  do  that,  too ;  because  as  long  as  I  was  in,  and  in  for 
good,  I  might  as  well  go  the  whole  hog. 

Then  I  set  to  thinking  over  how  to  get  at  it,  and  turned  over  considerable 
many  ways  in  my  mind  ;  and  at  last  fixed  up  a  plan  that  suited  me.  So  then  I 
took  the  bearings  of  a  woody  island  that  was  down  the  river  a  piece,  and  as  soon 
as  it  was  fairly  dark  I  crept  out  with  my  raft  and  went  for  it,  and  hid  it  there, 
and  then  turned  in.  I  slept  the  night  through,  and  got  up  before  it  was  light, 
and  had  my  breakfast,  and  put  on  my  store  clothes,  and  tied  up  some  others  and 
one  thing  or  another  in  a  bundle,  and  took  the  canoe  and  cleared  for  shore. 
I  landed  below  where  I  judged  was  Phelps's  place,  and  hid  my  bundle  in  the 
woods,  and  then  filled  up  the  canoe  with  water,  and  loaded  rocks  into  her  and 
sunk  her  where  I  could  find  her  again  when  I  wanted  her,  about  a  quarter  of  a 
mile  below  a  little  steam  sawmill  that  was  on  the  bank. 

Then  I  struck  up  the  road,  and  when  I  passed  the  mill  I  see  a  sign  on  it, 
"Phelps's  Sawmill,"  and  when  I  come  to  the  farm-houses,  two  or  three  hundred 
yards  further  along,  I  kept  my  eyes  peeled,  but  didn't  see  nobody  around,  though 
it  was  good  daylight,  now.  But  I  didn't  mind,  because  I  didn't  want  to  see 
nobody  just  yet — I  only  wanted  to  get  the  lay  of  the  land.  According  to  my 
plan,  I  was  going  to  turn  up  there  from  the  village,  not  from  below.  So  I  just 
took  a  look,  and  shoved  along,  straight  for  town.  Well,  the  very  first  man  I  see, 
when  I  got  there,  was  the  duke.  He  was  sticking  up  a  bill  for  the  Royal  None 
such — three-night  performance — like  that  other  time.  Tliey  had  the  cheek, 


A  SHEEP  STORY.  273 


them  frauds  !  I  was  right  on  him,  before  I  could  shirk.  He  looked  astonished, 
and  says  : 

"  Hel-Zo  /  Where'd  you  come  from  ?"  Then  he  says,  kind  of  glad  and  eager, 
"  Where's  the  raft  ? — got  her  in  a  good  place  ?" 

I  says  : 

"  Why,  that's  just  what  I  was  agoing  to  ask  your  grace." 

Then  he  didn't  look  so  joyful — and  says  : 

"  What  was  your  idea  for  asking  me  9  "  he  says. 

"  Well,"  I  says,  "  when  I  see  the  king  in  that  doggery  yesterday,  I  says  to  my 
self,  we  can't  get  him  home  for  hours,  till  he's  soberer  ;  so  I  went  a  loafing 
around  town  to  put  in  the  time,  and  wait.  A  man  up  and  offered  me  ten  cents 
to  help  him  pull  a  skiff  over  the  river  and  back  to  fetch  a  sheep,  and  so  I  went 
along ;  but  when  we  was  dragging  him  to  the  boat,  and  the  man  left  me  aholt  of 
the  rope  and  went  behind  him  to  shove  him  along,  he  was  too  strong  for  me,  and 
jerked  loose  and  run,  and  we  after  him.  We  didn't  have  no  dog,  and  so  we  had 
to  chase  him  all  over  the  country  till  we  tired  him  out.  We  never  *got  him  till 
dark,  then  we  fetched  him  over,  and  I  started  down  for  the  raft.  When  I  got 
there  and  see  it  was  gone,  I  says  to  myself,  '  they've  got  into  trouble  and  had  to 
leave  ;  and  they've  took  my  nigger,  which  is  the  only  nigger  I've  got  in  the  world, 
and  now  I'm  in  a  strange  country,  and  ain't  got  no  property  no  more,  nor  noth 
ing,  and  no  way  to  make  my  living ; '  so  I  set  down  and  cried.  I  slept  in  the 
woods  all  night.  But  what  did  become  of  ths  raft  then  ? — and  Jim,  poor  Jim  ! " 

"  Blamed  if  /know — that  is,  what's  become  of  the  raft.  That  old  fool  had 
made  a  trade  and  got  forty  dollars,  and  when  we  found  him  in  the  doggery  the 
loafers  had  matched  half  dollars  with  him  and  got  every  cent  but  what  he'd  spent 
for  whisky  ;  and  when  I  got  him  home  late  last  night  and  found  the  raft  gone, 
we  said,  '  That  little  rascal  has  stole  our  raft  and  shook  us,  and  run  off  down  the 
river. ' ' 

"  I  wouldn't  shake  my  nigger,  would  I  ? — the  only  nigger  I  had  in  the  world, 
and  the  only  property." 

"  We  never  thought  of  that.     Fact  is,  I  reckon  we'd  come  to  consider  him 

our  nigger ;  yes,  we  did  consider  him  so — goodness  knows  we  had  trouble  enough 
18 


274 


THE  ADVENTURES  OF  HUCKLEBERRY  FINN. 


for  him.     So  when  we  see  the  raft  was  gone,  and  we  flat  broke,  there  warn't  any 
thing  for  it  but  to  try  the  Royal  Nonesuch  another  shake.     And  I've  pegged 

along  ever  since,  dry  as  a  powder- 
horn.  Where's  that  ten  cents  ? 
Give  it  here." 

I  had  considerable  money,  so 
I  give  him  ten  cents,  but  begged 
him  to  spend  it  for  something  to 
eat,  and  give  me  some,  because 
it  was  all  the  money  I  had,  and  I 
hadn't  had  nothing  to  eat  since 
yesterday.  He  never  said  noth 
ing.  The  next  minute  he 
whirls  on  me  and  says  : 

"Do  you  reckon  that  nigger 
would  blow  on  us  ?  We'd  skin 
him  if  he  done  that ! " 

"  How  can  he  blow  ?  Hain't 
he  run  off  ?  " 

"No !  That  old  fool  sold 
him,  and  never  divided  with 
me,  and  the  money's  gone." 

"Sold  him?"      I  says,  and 

begun  to  cry  ;  "  why,  he  was  my  nigger,  and  that  was  my  money.     Where  is 
he  ? — I  want  my  nigger. " 

"Well,  you  can't  get  your  nigger,   that's  all — so  dry  up  your  blubbering. 
Looky  here — do  you  think  you'd  venture  to  blow  on  us  ?    Blamed  if  I  think  I'd 

trust  you.     Why,  if  you  was  to  blow  on  us '' 

He  stopped,  but  I  never  see  the  duke  look  so  ugly  out  of  his  eyes  before.     I 
went  on  a-whimpering,  and  says  : 

"I  don't  want  to  blow  on  nobody  ;  and  I  ain't  got  up  time  to  blow,  nohow.    I 
got  to  turn  out  and  find  my  nigger. " 


HE   GAVE   HIM   TEN   CENTS. 


VALUABLE  INFORMATION. 


275 


He  looked  kinder  bothered,  and  stood  there  with  his  bills  fluttering  on  his 
arm,  thinking,  and  wrinkling  up  his  forehead.  At  last  he  says  : 

"  I'll  tell  you  something.  We  got  to  be  here  three  days.  If  you'll  promise 
you  won't  blow,  and  won't  let  the  nigger  blow,  I'll  tell  you  where  to  find  him." 

So  I  promised,  and  he  says  : 

"A  farmer  by  the  name  of  Silas  Ph "  and  then  he  stopped.  You  see  he 

started  to  tell  me  the  truth  ;  but  when  he  stopped,  that  way,  and  begun  to  study 
and  think  again,  I  reckoned  he  was  changing  his  mind.  And  so  he  was.  He 


STRIKING  FOR  THE   BACK   COUNTRY. 


wouldn't  trust  me  ;  he  wanted  to  make  sure  of  having  me  out  of  the  way  the 
whole  three  days.  So  pretty  soon  he  says  :  "  The  man  that  bought  him  is  named 
Abram  Foster — Abram  G.  Foster — and  he  lives  forty  mile  back  here  in  the 
country,  on  the  road  to  Lafayette. " 

"  All  right,"  I  says,  "I  can  walk  it  in  three  days.  And  I'll  start  this  very 
afternoon." 

"No  you  won't,  you'll  start  now;  and  don't  you  lose  any  time  about  it, 
neither,  nor  do  any  gabb^pfng  by  the  way.  Just  keep  a  tight  tongue  in  your  head 
and  move  right  along,  and  then  you  won't  get  into  trouble  with  us,  d'ye  hear  ?  " 


276  THE  ADVENTURES  OF  HUCKLEBERRY  FINN. 

That  was  the  order  I  wanted,  and  that  was  the  one  I  played  for.  I  wanted  to 
be  left  free  to  work  my  plans. 

"  So  clear  out/'  he  says  ;  "  and  you  can  tell  Mr.  Foster  whatever  you  want  to. 
Maybe  you  can  get  him  to  believe  that  Jim  is  your  nigger — some  idiots  don't 
require  documents — leastways  I've  heard  there's  such  down  South  here.  And 
when  you  tell  him  the  handbill  and  the  reward's  bogus,  maybe  he'll  believe  you 
when  you  explain  to  him  what  the  idea  was  for  getting  'em  out.  Go  'long,  now, 
and  tell  him  anything  you  want  to  ;  but  mind  you  don't  work  your  jaw  any 
between  here  and  there." 

So  I  left,  and  struck  for  the  back  country.  I  didn't  look  around,  but  I 
kinder  felt  like  he  was  watching  me.  But  I  knowed  I  could  tire  him  out  at  that. 
I  went  straight  out  in  the  country  as  much  as  a  mile,  before  I  stopped  ;  then  I 
doubled  back  through  the  woods  towards  Phelps's.  I  reckoned  I  better  start  in 
on  my  plan  straight  off,  without  fooling  around,  because  I  wanted  to  stop  Jim's 
mouth  till  these  fellows  could  get  away.  I  didn't  want  no  trouble  with  their 
kindo  I'd  seen  all  I  wanted  to  of  them,  and  wanted  to  get  entirely  shut  of 
them. 


oter 


fo  I  got  there  it  was  all  still  and  Sunday- 
like,  and  hot  and  sunshiny— the 
hands  was  gone  to  the  fields  ;  and 
there  was  them  kind  of  faint  dronings 
of  bugs  and  flies  in  the  air  that  makes 
it  seem  so  lonesome  and  like  every 
body's  dead  and  gone  ;  and  if  a  breeze 
fans  along  and  quivers  the  leaves, 
it  makes  you  feel  mournful,  because 
you  feel  like  it's  spirits  whispering 
— spirits  that's  been  dead  ever  so 
many  years — and  you  always  think 
they  're  talking  about  you.  As  a  gen 
eral  thing  it  makes  a  body  wish  he  was 
dead,  too,  and  done  with  it  all. 

Phelps's  was  one  of  these  little 
one-horse  cotton  plantations ;  and 
they  all  look  alike.  A  rail  fence  round  a  two-acrs  yard  ;  a  stile,  made  out  of 
logs  sawed  off  and  up-ended,  in  steps,  like  barrels  of  a  different  length,  to  climb 
over  the  fence  with,  and  for  the  women  to  stand  on  when  they  are  going  to  jump 
onto  a  horse  ;  some  sickly  grass-patches  in  the  big  yard,  but  mostly  it  was  bare  and 
smooth,  like  an  old  hat  with  the  nap  rubbed  off  ;  big  double  log  house  for  the 
white  folks — hewed  logs,  with  the  chinks  stopped  up  with  mud  or  mortar,  and 
these  mud-stripes  been  whitewashed  some  time  or  another  ;  round-log  kitchen, 
with  a  big  broad,  open  but  roofed  passage  joining  it  to  the  house  ;  log  smoke-house 


STILL   AND   SUNDAY  LIKE. 


278  THE  ADVENTURES  OF  HUCKLEBERRY  FINN. 

back  of  the  kitchen  ;  three  little  log  nigger-cabins  in  a  row  t'other  side  the  smoke 
house  ;  one  little  hut  all  by  itself  away  down  against  the  back  fence,  and  some  out 
buildings  down  a  piece  the  other  side  ;  ash-hopper,  and  big  kettle  to  bile  soap  in,  by 
the  little  hut ;  bench  by  the  kitchen  door,  with  bucket  of  water  and  a  gourd  ;  hound 
asleep  there,  in  the  sun  ;  more  hounds  asleep,  round  about ;  about  three  shade- 
trees  away  off  in  a  corner  ;  some  currant  bushes  and  gooseberry  bushes  in  one  place 
by  the  fence  ;  outside  of  the  fence  a  garden  and  a  water-melon  patch  ;  then  the 
cotton  fields  begins  ;  and  after  the  fields,  the  woods. 

I  went  around  and  dumb  over  the  back  stile  by  the  ash-hopper,  and  started  for 
the  kitchen.  When  I  got  a  little  ways,  I  heard  the  dim  hum  of  a  spinning-wheel 
wailing  along  up  and  sinking  along  down  again  ;  and  then  I  knowed  for  certain 
I  wished  I  was  dead — for  that  is  the  lonesomest  sound  in  the  whole  world. 

I  went  right  along,  not  fixing  up  any  particular  plan,  but  just  trusting  to  Provi 
dence  to  put  the  right  words  in  my  mouth  when  the  time  come  ;  for  I'd  noticed 
that  Providence  always  did  put  the  right  words  in  my  mouth,  if  I  left  it  alone. 

When  I  got  half-way,  first  one  hound  and  then  another  got  up  and  went  for 
me,  and  of  course  I  stopped  and  faced  them,  and  kept  still.  And  such  another 
pow-wow  as  they  made  !  In  a  quarter  of  a  minute  I  was  a  kind  of  a  hub  of  a 
wheel,  as  you  may  say — spokes  made  out  of  dogs — circle  of  fifteen  of  them  packed 
together  around  me,  with  their  necks  and  noses  stretched  up  towards  me,  a  bark 
ing  and  howling  ;  and  more  a  coming ;  you  could  see  them  sailing  over  fences 
and  around  corners  from  everywheres. 

A  nigger  woman  come  tearing  out  of  the  kitchen  with  a  rolling-pin  in  her  hand, 
singing  out,  "  Begone  !  you  Tige  !  you  Spot !  begone,  sah  !  "  and  she  fetched  first 
one  and  then  another  of  them  a  clip  and  sent  him  howling,  and  then  the  rest  fol 
lowed  ;  and  the  next  second,  half  of  them  come  back,  wagging  their  tails  around 
me  and  making  friends  with  me.  There  ain't  no  harm  in  a  hound,  nohow. 

And  behind  the  woman  comes  a  little  nigger  girl  and  two  little  nigger  boys, 
without  anything  on  but  tow-linen  shirts,  and  they  hung  onto  their  mother's 
gown,  and  peeped  out  from  behind  her  at  me,  bashful,  the  way  they  always  do. 
Ajid  here  comes  the  white  woman  running  from  the  house,  about  forty-five  or  fifty 
year  old,  bareheaded,  and  her  spinning-stick  in  her  hand  ;  and  behind  her  comes 


MISTAKEN  IDENTITY. 


279 


her  little  white  children,  acting  the  same  way  the  little  niggers  was  doing.     She 
was  smiling  all  over  so  she  could  hardly  stand — and  says  : 

"  It's  you,  at  last  I— ain't  it  ?" 

I  out  with  a  "  Yes'm,"  before  I  thought. 

She  grabbed  me  and  hugged  me  tight ;  and  then  gripped  me  by  both  hands 
and  shook  and  shook ;  and  the 
tears  come  in  her  eyes,  and  run 
down  over ;  and  she  couldn't 
seem  to  hug  and  shake  enough, 
and  kept  saying,  "  You  don't 
look  as  much  like  your  mother 
as  I  reckoned  you  would,  but 
law  sakes,  I  don't  care  for  that, 
I'm  so  glad  to  see  you  !  Dear, 
dear,  it  does  seem  like  I  could 
eat  you  up  !  Childern,  it's  your 
cousin  Tom  ! — tell  him  howdy." 

But  they  ducked  their  heads, 
and  put  their  fingers  in  their 
mouths,  and  hid  behind  her.  So 
she  run  on  : 

"  Lize,  hurry  up  and  get  him 
a  hot  breakfast,  right  away — or 
did  you  get  your  breakfast  on  the 
boat  ?  " 

I  said  I  had  got  it  on  the  boat.  So  then  she  started  for  the  house,  leading  me 
by  the  hand,  and  the  children  tagging  after.  When  we  got  there,  she  set  me  down 
in  a  split-bottomed  chair,  and  set  herself  down  on  a  little  low  stool  in  front  of  me, 
holding  both  of  my  hands,  and  says  : 

"  Now  I  can  have  a  good  look  at  you  :  and  laws-a-me,  I've  been  hungry  for  it 
a  many  and  a  many  a  time,  all  these  long  years,  and  it's  come  at  last  !  We  been 
expecting  you  a  couple  of  days  and  more.  What's  kep'  you  ? — boat  get  aground  ?  " 


BHE  HUGGED  HIM  TIGHT. 


280  THE  ADVENTURES  OF  HUCKLEBERRY  FINN. 

"Yes'm—  she- 

"  Don't  say  yes'm— say  Aunt  Sally.     Where'd  she  get  aground  ?  " 

I  didn't  rightly  know  what  to  say,  because  I  didn't  know  whether  the  boat 
would  be  coming  up  the  river  or  down.  But  I  go  a  good  deal  on  instinct ;  and 
my  instinct  said  she  would  be  coming  up — from  down  towards  Orleans.  That 
did'nt  help  me  much,  though ;  for  I  didn't  know  the  names  of  bars  down  that  way. 
I  see  I'd  got  to  invent  a  bar,  or  forget  the  name  of  the  one  we  got  aground  on— 
or —  Now  I  struck  an  idea,  and  fetched  it  out : 

"  It  warn't  the  grounding — that  didn't  keep  us  back  but  a  little.  We  blowcd 
out  a  cylinder-head." 

"  Good  gracious  !  anybody  hurt  ?  " 

"No'm.     Killed  a  nigger." 

"  Well,  it's  lucky  ;  because  sometimes  people  do  get  hurt.  Two  years  ago 
last  Christmas,  your  uncle  Silas  was  coming  up  from  Newrleans  on  the  old  Lolly 
Rook,  and  she  blowed  out  a  cylinder-head  and  crippled  a  man.  And  I  think  he 
died  afterwards.  He  was  a  Babtist.  Your  uncle  Silas  knowed  a  family  in  Baton 
Rouge  that  knowed  his  people  very  well.  Yes,  I  remember,  now  he  did  die. 
Mortification  set  in,  and  they  had  to  amputate  him.  But  it  didn't  save  him.  Yes, 
it  was  mortification — that  was  it.  He  turned  blue  all  over,  and  died  in  the  hope 
of  a  glorious  resurrection.  They  say  he  was  a  sight  to  look  at.  Your  uncle's 
been  up  to  the  town  every  day  to  fetch  you.  And  he's  gone  again,  not  more'n 
an  hour  ago  ;  he'll  be  back  any  minute,  now.  You  must  a  met  him  on  the  road, 
didn't  you  ? — oldish  man,  with  a — 

' '  No,  I  didn't  see  nobody,  Aunt  Sally.  The  boat  landed  just  at  daylight,  and 
I  left  my  baggage  on  the  wharf-boat  and  went  looking  around  the  town  and  out 
a  piece  in  the  country,  to  put  in  the  time  and  not  get  here  too  soon  ;  and  so  I 
come  down  the  back  way. " 

"  Who'd  you  give  the  baggage  to  ?  " 

"Nobody." 

"Why,  child,  it'll  be  stole  !" 

"  Not  where  /  hid  it  I  reckon  it  won't,"  I  says. 

"  How'd  you  get  your  breakfast  so  early  on  the  boat  ?  " 


UP  A  STUMP.  281 


It  was  kinder  thin  ice,  but  I  says  : 

"  The  captain  see  me  standing  around,  and  told  me  I  better  have  something  to 
eat  before  I  went  ashore  ;  so  he  took  me  in  the  texas  to  the  officers'  lunch,  and 
give  me  all  I  wanted." 

I  was  getting  so  uneasy  I  couldn't  listen  good.  I  had  my  mind  on  the 
children  all  the  time ;  I  wanted  to  get  them  out  to  one  side,  and  pump  them  a 
little,  and  find  out  who  I  was.  But  I  couldn't  get  no  show,  Mrs.  Phelps  kept  it 
up  and  run  on  so.  Pretty  soon  she  made  the  cold  chills  streak  all  down  my  back, 
because  she  says  : 

"  But  here  we're  a  running  on  this  way,  and  you  hain't  told  me  a  word 
about  Sis,  nor  any  of  them.  Now  I'll  rest  my  works  a  little,  and  you  start  up 
yourn  ;  just  tell  me  everything — tell  me  all  about  'm  all — every  one  of  'm  ;  and 
how  they  are,  and  what  they're  doing,  and  what  they  told  you  to  tell  me  ;  and 
every  last  thing  you  can  think  of." 

Well,  I  see  I  was  up  a  stump— and  up  it  good.  Providence  had  stood  by  me  this 
fur,  all  right,  but  I  was  hard  and  tight  aground,  now.  I  see  it  warn't  a  bit  of  use 
to  try  to  go  ahead — I'd  got  to  throw  up  my  hand.  So  I  says  to  myself,  here's 
another  place  where  I  got  to  resk  the  truth.  I  opened  my  mouth  to  begin  ;  but 
she  grabbed  me  and  hustled  me  in  behind  the  bed,  and  says  : 

"  Here  he  comes  !  stick  your  head  down  lower — there,  that'll  do  ;  you  can't  be 
seen,  now.  Don't  you  let  on  you're  here.  I'll  play  a  joke  on  him.  Childern, 
don't  you  say  a  word." 

I  see  I  was  in  a  fix,  now.  But  it  warn't  no  use  to  worry ;  there  warn't  nothing 
to  do  but  just  hold  still,  and  try  and  be  ready  to  stand  from  under  when  the 
lightning  struck. 

I  had  just  one  little  glimpse  of  the  old  gentleman  when  he  come  in,  then  the 
bed  hid  him.  Mrs.  Phelps  she  jumps  for  him  and  says  : 

"  Has  he  come  ?  " 

"  No,"  says  her  husband. 

"  Good-ness  gracious ! "  she  says,  "  what  in  the  world  can  have  become  of  him  ?  " 

"I  can't  imagine,"  says  the  old  gentleman ;  "and  I  must  say,  it  makes  me 
dreadful  uneasy." 


282  THE  ADVENTURES  OF  HUCKLEBERRY  FINN, 

"Uneasy!'''  she  says,  "  I'm  ready  to  go  distracted!  He  must  a  come;  and 
you've  missed  him  along  the  road.  I  know  it's  so — something  tells  me  so." 

"  Why  Sally,  I  couldn't  miss  him  along  the  road — you  know  that." 

"  But  oh,  dear,  dear,  what  will  Sis  say  !  He  must  a  come  !  You  must  a 
missed  him.  He — 

"  Oh,  don't  distress  me  any  more'n  Fm  already  distressed.  I  don't  know 
what  in  the  world  to  make  of  it.  I'm  at  my  wit's  end,  and  I  don't  mind  ac 
knowledging  't  I'm  right  down  scared.  But  there's  no  hope  that  he's  come  ;  for 
he  couldn't  come  and  me  miss  him.  Sally,  it's  terrible — just  terrible — something's 
happened  to  the  boat,  sure  ! '? 

"  Why,  Silas  !   Look  yonder  ! — up  the  road  ! — ain't  that  somebody  coming  ?  " 

He  sprung  to  the  window  at  the  head  of  the  bed,  and  that  give  Mrs.  Phelps  the 
chance  she  wanted.  She  stooped  down  quick,  at  the  foot  of  the  bed,  and  give  me 
a  pull,  and  out  I  come ;  and  when  he  turned  back  from  the  window,  there  she 
stood,  a-beaming  and  a-smiling  like  a  house  afire,  and  I  standing  pretty  meek 
and  sweaty  alongside.  The  old  gentleman  stared,  and  says  : 

"Why,  who's  that?" 

"Who do  you  reckon  't  is  ?  " 

"  I  haint  no  idea.     Who  is  it  ?  " 

"  It's  Tom  Sawyer  !  " 

By  jings,  I  most  slumped  though  the  floor.  But  there  warn't  no  time  to  swap 
knives  ;  the  old  man  grabbed  me  by  the  hand  and  shook,  and  kept  on  shaking  ; 
and  all  the  time,  how  the  woman  did  dance  around  and  laugh  and  cry ;  and  then 
how  they  both  did  fire  off  questions  about  Sid,  and  Mary,  and  the  rest  of  the 
tribe. 

But  if  they  was  joyful,  it  warn't  nothing  to  what  I  was  ;  for  it  was  like  being 
born  again,  I  was  so  glad  to  find  out  who  I  svas.  Well,  they  froze  to  me  for  two 
hours  ;  and  at  last  when  my  chin  was  so  tired  it  couldn't  hardly  go,  any  more,  I 
had  told  them  more  about  my  family — I  mean  the  Sawyer  family— than  ever 
happened  to  any  six  Sawyer  families.  And  I  explained  all  about  how  we  blowed 
out  a  cylinder-head  at  the  mouth  of  White  River  and  it  took  us  three  days  to  fix 
it.  Which  was  all  right,  and  worked  first  rate  ;  because  they  didn't  know  but 


IN  A  DILEMMA. 


283 


If  I'd  a  called  it  a  bolt-head  it  would 


what  it  would  take  three  days  to  fix  it. 
a  done  just  as  well. 

Now  I  was  feeling  pretty  com 
fortable  all  down  one  side,  and 
pretty  uncomfortable  all  up 
the  other.  Being  Tom  Sawyer 
was  easy  and  comfortable  ;  and 
it  stayed  easy  and  comfortable 
till  by-and-by  I  hear  a  steamboat 
coughing  along  down  the  river — • 
then  I  says  to  myself,  spose  Tom 
Sawyer  come  down  on  that  boat? 
— and  spose  he  steps  in  here,  any 
minute,  and  sings  out  my  name 
before  I  can  throw  him  a  wink 
to  keep  quiet  ?  Well,  I  couldn't 
have  it  that  way — it  wouldn't  do 
at  all.  I  must  go  up  the  road 
and  waylay  him.  So  I  told  the 
folks  I  reckoned  I  would  go  up 
to  the  town  and  fetch  down  my 

baggage.     The  old  gentleman  was  for  going  along  with  me,  but  I  said  no,  I  could 
drive  the  horse  myself,  and  I  druther  he  wouldn't  take  no  trouble  about  me. 


WHO  DO    YOU  RECKON  IT   IS  ? 


iter 


/\/\ 


s 


0  I  started  for  town,  in  the  wagon,  and 
when  I  was  half-way  I  see  a  wagon  com 
ing,  and  sure  enough  it  was  Tom  Saw 
yer,  and  I  stopped  and  waited  till  he 
come  along.  1  says  "Hold  on  !"  and 
it  stopped  alongside,  and  his  mouth 
opened  up  like  a  trunk,  and  staid  so ; 
and  he  swallowed  two  or  three  times 
like  a  person  that's  got  a  dry  throat, 
and  then  says  : 

"I  hain't  ever  done  you  no  harm. 
You  know  that.     So  then,  what  you 
want  to  come  back  and  ha'nt  me  for  ?  " 
I  says  : 

"  I  hain't  come  back — I  hain't  been 
gone." 

When  he  heard  my  voice,  it  righted  him  up  some,  but  he  warn't  quite  satis 
fied  yet.     He  says : 

"  Don't  you  play  nothing  on  me,  because  I  wouldn't  on  you.      Honest  injun, 
now,  you  ain't  a  ghost  ?" 

"  Honest  injun,  I  ain't,"  I  says. 

"  Well — I — I — well,  that  ought  to  settle  it,  of  course  ;  but  I  can't  somehow 
seem  to  understand  it,  no  way.     Looky  here,  warn't  you  ever  murdered  at  all  9" 
"  No.     I  warn't  ever  murdered  at  all — I  played  it  on  them.     You  come  in 
here  and  feel  of  me  if  you  don't  believe  me." 


11T  WAS  TOM  SAWYER." 


A  NIGGER  STEALER.  285 


So  he  done  it ;  and  it  satisfied  him  ;  and  he  was  that  glad  to  see  me  again,  he 
didn't  know  what  to  do.  And  he  wanted  to  know  all  about  it  right  off  ;  because 
it  was  a  grand  adventure,  and  mysterious,  and  so  it  hit  him  where  he  lived.  But 
I  said,  leave  it  alone  till  by-and-by  ;  and  told  his  driver  to  wait,  and  we  drove  off 
a  little  piece,  and  I  told  him  the  kind  of  a  fix  I  was  in,  and  what  did  he  reckon 
we  better  do  ?  He  said,  let  him  alone  a  minute,  and  don't  disturb  him.  So  he 
thought  and  thought,  and  pretty  soon  he  says  : 

"It's  all  right,  I've  got  it.  Take  my  trunk  in  your  wagon,  and  let  on  it's 
your'n  ;  and  you  turn  back  and  fool  along  slow,  so  as  to  get  to  the  house  about  the 
time  you  ought  to  ;  and  I'll  go  towards  town  a  piece,  and  take  a  fresh  start,  and. 
get  there  a  quarter  or  a  half  an  hour  after  you  ;  and  you  needn't  let  on  to  know 
me,  at  first." 

I  says  : 

"  All  right ;  but  wait  a  minute.  There's  one  more  thing — a  thing  that  no- 
tody  don't  know  but  me.  And  that  is,  there's  a  nigger  here  that  I'm  a  trying  to 
steal  out  of  slavery — and  his  name  is  Jim — old  Miss  Watson's  Jim." 

He  says : 

"  What !    Why  Jim  is " 

He  stopped  and  went  to  studying.     I  says  : 

"/  know  what  you'll  say.  You'll  say  it's  dirty  low-down  business  ;  but  what 
if  it  is  ?— 7'm  low  down  ;  and  I'm  agoing  to  steal  him,  and  I  want  you  to  keep 
mum  and  not  let  on.  Will  you  ?  " 

His  eye  lit  up,  and  he  says  : 

"  I'll  help  you  steal  him  !  " 

Well,  I  let  go  all  holts  then,  like  I  was  shot.  It  was  the  most  astonishing 
speech  I  ever  heard — and  I'm  bound  to  say  Tom  Sawyer  fell,  considerable,  in  my 
estimation.  Only  I  couldn't  believe  it.  Tom  Sawyer  a  nigger  stealer  ! 

"  Oh,  shucks,"  I  says,  "you're  joking." 

"  I  ain't  joking,  either." 

"Well,  then,"  I  says,  "joking  or  no  joking,  if  you  hear  anything  said  about 
a  runaway  nigger,  don't  forget  to  remember  that  you  don't  know  nothing  about 
him,  and  /  don't  know  nothing  about  him." 


286  THE  ADVENTURES  OF  HUCKLEBERRY  FINN. 

Then  we  took  the  trunk  and  put  it  in  my  wagon,  and  he  drove  off  his  way, 
and  I  drove  mine.  But  of  course  I  forgot  all  about  driving  slow,  on  accounts  of 
being  glad  and  full  of  thinking  ;  so  I  got  home  a  heap  too  quick  for  that  length 
of  a  trip.  The  old  gentleman  was  at  the  door,  and  he  says  : 

"  Why,  this  is  wonderful.  Who  ever  would  a  thought  it  was  in  that  mare  to 
do  it.  I  wish  we'd  a  timed  her.  And  she  hain't  sweated  a  hair — not  a  hair. 
It's  wonderful.  Why,  I  wouldn't  take  a  hunderd  dollars  for  that  horse  now;  I 
wouldn't,  honest  ;  and  yet  I'd  a  sold  her  ior  fifteen  before,  and  thought  'twas 
all  she  was  worth." 

That's  all  he  said.  He  was  the  innocentest,  best  old  soul  I  ever  see.  But  it 
warn't  surprising  ;  because  he  warn't  only  just  a  farmer,  he  was  a  preacher,  too, 
and  had  a  little  one-horse  log  church  down  back  of  the  plantation,  which  he 
built  it  himself  at  his  own  expense,  for  a  church  and  school-house,  and  never 
charged  nothing  for  his  preaching,  and  it  was  worth  it,  too.  There  was  plenty 
other  farmer-preachers  like  that,  and  done  the  same  way,  down  South. 

In  about  half  an  hour  Tom's  wagon  drove  up  to  the  front  stile,  and  Aunt 
Sally  she  see  it  through  the  window  because  it  was  only  about  fifty  yards,  and 


"  Why,  there's  somebody  come  !  I  wonder  who  'tis  ?  Why,  I  do  believe  it's 
a  stranger.  Jimmy  "  (that's  one  of  the  children),  "run  and  tell  Lize  to  put  on 
another  plate  for  dinner." 

Everybody  made  a  rush  for  the  front  door,  because,  of  course,  a  stranger  don't 
come  every  year,  and  so  he  lays  over  the  yaller  fever,  for  interest,  when  he  does 
come.  Tom  was  over  the  stile  and  starting  for  the  house  ;  the  wagon  was  spin 
ning  up  the  road  for  the  village,  and  we  was  all  bunched  in  the  front  door.  Tom 
had  his  store  clothes  on,  and  an  audience — and  that  was  always  nuts  for  Tom 
Sawyer.  In  them  circumstances  it  warn't  no  trouble  to  him  to  throw  in  an 
amount  of  style  that  was  suitable.  He  warn't  a  boy  to  meeky  along  up  that  yard 
like  a  sheep ;  no,  he  come  ca'm  and  important,  like  the  ram.  When  he  got 
afront  of  us,  he  lifts  his  hat  ever  so  gracious  and  dainty,  like  it  was  the  lid  of  a 
box  that  had  butterflies  asleep  in  it  and  he  didn't  want  to  disturb  them,  and  says  : 

"Mr.  Archibald  Nichols,  I  presume  ? '' 


SOUTHERN  HOSPITALITY. 


287 


"  No,  my  boy,"  says  the  old  gentleman,  "I'm  sorry  to  say  't  your  driver  has 
deceived  you  ;  Nichols's  place  is  down  a  matter  of  three  mile  more.  Come  in, 
come  in." 

Tom  he  took  a  look  back  over  his  shoulder,  and  says,  "  Too  late — he's  out  of 
sight." 

"  Yes,  he's  gone,  my  son,  and  you 
must  come  in  and  eat  your  dinner 
with  us  ;  and  then  we'll  hitch  up  and 
take  you  down  to  Nichols's." 

"  Oh,  I  can't  make  you  so  much 
trouble  ;  I  couldn't  think  of  it.  I'll 
walk — I  don't  mind  the  distance." 

"  But  we  won't  let  you  walk — it 
wouldn't  be  Southern  hospitality  to 
do  it.  Come  right  in." 

"Oh,  do,"  says  Aunt  Sally;  "it 
ain't  a  bit  of  trouble  to  us,  not  a  bit 
in  the  world.  You  must  stay.  It's  a 
long,  dusty  three  mile,  ana  we  can't 
let  you  walk.  And  besides,  I've  al 
ready  told  'em  to  put  on  another 
plate,  when  I  see  you  coming ;  so  you 
mustn't  disappoint  us.  Come  right  in,  and  make  yourself  at  home." 

So  Tom  he  thanked  them  very  hearty  and  handsome,  and  let  himself  be  per 
suaded,  and  come  in  ;  and  when  he  was  in,  he  said  he  was  a  stranger  from  Hicks- 
ville,  Ohio,  and  his  name  was  William  Thompson — and  he  made  another  bow. 

Well,  he  run  on,  and  on,  and  on,  making  up  stuff  about  Hicksville  and  every 
body  in  it  he  could  invent,  and  I  getting  a  little  nervious,  and  wondering  how 
this  was  going  to  help  me  out  of  my  scrape  $  and  at  last,  still  talking  along,  he 
reached  over  and  kissed  Aunt  Sally  right  on  the  mouth,  and  then  settled  back 
again  in  his  chair,  comfortable,  and  was  going  on  talking ;  but  she  jumped  up 
and  wiped  it  off  with  the  back  of  her  hand,  and  says  : 


1  MB.   ARCHIBALD  NICHOLS,  I  PRESUME  ?  " 


288  THE  ADVENTURES  OF  HUCKLEBERRY  FINN. 

"  You  owdacious  puppy  ! " 

He  looked  kind  of  hurt,  and  says  : 

"I'm  surprised  at  you,  m'am." 

«  You're  s'rp—  Why,  what  do  you  reckon  /  am  ?  Pve  a  good  notion  to  take 
and — Say,  what  do  you  mean  by  kissing  me  ?  " 

He  looked  kind  of  humble,  and  says  : 

"I  didn't  mean  nothing,  m'am.  I  didn't  mean  no  harm.  I — I — thought 
you'd  like  it." 

"  Why,  you  born  fool ! "  She  took  up  the  spinning-stick,  and  it  looked  like 
it  was  all  she  could  do  to  keep  from  giving  him  a  crack  with  it.  "  What  made 
'you  think  I'd  like  it  ?  " 

"  Well,  I  don't  know.     Only,  they— they— told  me  you  would." 

"They  told  you  I  would.  Whoever  told  you  's  another  lunatic.  I  never 
heard  the  beat  of  it.  Who's  they  9  " 

"Why — everybody.     They  all  said  so,  m'am." 

It  was  all  she  could  do  to  hold  in ;  and  her  eyes  snapped,  and  her  fingers 
worked  like  she  wanted  to  scratch  him ;  and  she  says  : 

"  Who's  '  everybody  ? '     Out  with  their  names — or  ther'll  be  an  idiot  short." 

He  got  up  and  looked  distressed,  and  fumbled  his  hat,  and  says  : 

"  I'm  sorry,  and  I  warn't  expecting  it.  They  told  me  to.  They  all  told  me 
to.  They  all  said  kiss  her  ;  and  said  she'll  like  it.  They  all  said  it — every  one 
of  them. .  But  I'm  sorry,  m'am,  and  I  won't  do  it  no  more — I  won't,  honest." 

"You  won't,  won't  you  ?    Well,  I  sh'd  reckon  you  won't  !" 

"  No'm,  I'm  honest  about  it ;  I  won't  ever  do  it  again.     Till  you  ask  me." 

"  Till  I  ask  you  !  Well,  I  never  see  the  beat  of  it  in  my  born  days  !  I  lay 
you'll  be  the  Methusalem-numskull  of  creation  before  ever  /  ask  you — or  the 
likes  of  you." 

"Well,"  he  says,  "it  does  surprise  me  so.  I  can't  make  it  out,  somehow. 
They  said  you  would,  and  I  thought  you  would.  But —  He  stopped  and  looked 
around  slow,  like  he  wished  he  could  run  across  a  friendly  eye,  somewhere's ;  and 
fetched  up  on  the  old  gentleman's,  and  says,  "  Didn't  you  think  she'd  like  me  to 
kiss  her,  sir  ?" 


A  PRETTY  LONG  BLESSING.  289 


"  Why,  no,  I — I— well,  no,  I  b'lieve  I  didn't." 

Then  he  looks  on  around,  the  same  way,  to  me — and  says  : 

"  Tom,  didn't  you  think  Aunt  Sally  'd  open  out  her  arms  and  say,  '  Sid 
Sawyer '  " 

44 My  land!"  she  says,  breaking  in  and  jumping  for  him,  "you  impudent 
young  rascal,  to  fool  a  body  so — *'  and  was  going  to  hug  him,  but  he  fended  her 
off,  and  says  : 

"No,  not  till  you've  asked  me,  first." 

So  she  didn't  lose  no  time,  but  asked  him  ;  and  hugged  him  and  kissed  him, 
over  and  over  again,  and  then  turned  him  over  to  the  old  man,  and  he  took  what 
was  left.  And  after  they  got  a  little  quiet  again,  she  says  : 

"  Why,  dear  me,  I  never  see  such  a  surprise.  We  warn't  looking  for  you,  at 
all,  but  only  Tom.  Sis  never  wrote  to  me  about  anybody  coming  but  him." 

"It's  because  it  warn't  intended  for  any  of  us  to  come  but  Tom,"  he  says  ; 
"but  I  begged  and  begged,  and  at  the  last  minute  she  let  me  come,  too ;  so,  com 
ing  down  the  river,  me  and  Tom  thought  it  would  be  a  first-rate  surprise  for  him 
to  come  here  to  the  house  first,  and  for  me  to  by-and-by  tag  along  and  drop  in 
and  let  on  to  be  a  stranger.  But  it  was  a  mistake,  Aunt  Sally.  This  ain't  no 
healthy  place  for  a  stranger  to  come." 

"No — not  impudent  whelps,  Sid.  You  ought  to  had  your  jaws  boxed;  I  hain't 
been  so  put  out  since  I  don't  know  when.  But  I  don't  care,  I  don't  mind  the 
terms — I'd  be  willing  to  stand  a  thousand  such  jokes  to  have  you  here.  Well,  to 
think  of  that  performance  !  I  don't  deny  it,  I  was  most  pu trifled  with  astonish 
ment  when  you  give  me  that  smack." 

We  had  dinner  out  in  that  broad  open  passage  betwixt  the  house  and  the 
kitchen  ;  and  there  was  things  enough  on  that  table  for  seven  families — and  all 
hot,  too ;  none  of  your  flabby  tough  meat  that's  laid  in  a  cupboard  in  a  damp 
cellar  all  night  and  tastes  like  a  hunk  of  old  cold  cannibal  in  the  morning.  Uncle 
Silas  he  asked  a  pretty  long  blessing  over  it,  but  it  was  worth  it ;  and  it  didn't 
cool  it  a  bit,  neither,  the  way  I've  seen  them  kind  of  interruptions  do,  lots  of  times. 

There  was  a  considerable  good  deal  of  talk,  all  the  afternoon,  and  me  and  Tom 

was  on  the  lookout  all  the  time,  but  it  warn't  no  use,  they  didn't  happen  to  say 
19 


290 


THE  ADVENTURES  OF  HUCKLEBERRY  FINN. 


nothing  about  any  runaway  nigger,  and  we  was  afraid  to  try  to  work  up  to  it. 
But  at  supper,  at  night,  one  of  the  little  boys  says  : 

"  Pa,  mayn't  Tom  and  Sid  and  me  go  to  the  show  ?" 

"No,"  says  the  old  man,  "I  reckon  there  ain't  going  to  be  any;  and  you 
couldn't  go  if  there  was  ;  because  the  runaway  nigger  told  Burton  and  me  all 


A  PRETTY  LONG    BLESSING. 


about  that  scandalous  show,  and  Burton  said  he  would  tell  the  people;  so  I  reckon 
they've  drove  the  owdacious  loafers  out  of  town  before  this  time." 

So  there  it  was  ! — but  /  couldn't  help  it.  Tom  and  me  was  to  sleep  in  the 
same  room  and  bed  ;  so,  being  tired,  we  bid  good-night  and  went  up  to  bed,  right 
after  supper,  and  dumb  out  of  the  window  and  down  the  lightning-rod,  and 
shoved  for  the  town  ;  for  I  didn't  believe  anybody  was  going  to  give  the  king  and 
the  duke  a  hint,  and  so,  if  I  didn't  hurry  up  and  give  them  one  they'd  get  into 
trouble  sure. 

On  the  road  Tom  he  told  me  all  about  how  it  was  reckoned  I  was  murdered, 
and  how  pap  disappeared,  pretty  soon,  and  didnt  come  back  no  more,  and  what 
a  stir  there  was  when  Jim  run  away ;  and  I  told  Tom  all  about  our  Royal  None 
such  rapscallions,  and  as  much  of  the  raft-voyage  as  I  had  time  to ;  and  as  we 


TAR  AND  FEATHERS. 


291 


struck  into  the  town  and  up  through  the  middle  of  it — it  was  as  much  as  half- 
after  eight,  then — here  comes  a  raging  rush  of  people,  with  torches,  and  an  awful 
whooping  and  yelling,  and  banging  tin  pans  and  blowing  horns  ;  and  we  jumped 
to  one  side  to  let  them  go  by;  and  as  they  went  by,  I  see  they  had  the  king  and 
the  duke  astraddle  of  a  rail — that  is,  I  knowed  it  was  the  king  and  the  duke, 
though  they  was  all  over  tar  and  feathers,  and  didn't  look  like  nothing  in  the 
world  that  was  human — just  looked  like  a  couple  of  monstrous  big  soldier-plumes. 
Well,  it  made  me  sick  to  see  it ;  and  I  was  sorry  for  them  poor  pitiful  rascals,  it 


TRAVELLING  BY   RAIL. 


seemed  like  I  couldn't  ever  feel  any  hardness  against  them  any  more  in  the 
world.  It  was  a  dreadful  thing  to  see.  Human  beings  can  be  awful  cruel  to  one 
another. 

We  see  we  was  too  late — couldn't  do  no  good.  We  asked  some  stragglers 
about  it,  and  they  said  everybody  went  to  the  show  looking  very  innocent ;  and 
laid  low  and  kept  dark  till  the  poor  old  king  was  in  the  middle  of  his  cavortings 
on  the  stage  ;  then  somebody  give  a  signal,  and  the  house  rose  up  and  went  for 
them. 

So  we  poked  along  back  home,  and  I  warn't  feeling  so  brash  as  I  was  before. 


292  TEE  ADVENTURES  OF  HUCKLEBERRY  FINN. 

but  kind  of  ornery,  and  humble,  and  to  blame,  somehow — though  1  hadn't  done 
nothing.  But  that's  always  the  way;  it  don't  make  no  difference  whether 
you  do  right  or  wrong,  a  person's  conscience  ain't  got  no  sense,  and  just  goes  for 
him  anyway.  If  I  had  a  yaller  dog  that  didn't  know  no  more  than  a  person's 
conscience  does,  I  would  pison  him.  It  takes  up  more  room  than  all  the  rest  of 
a  person's  insides,  and  yet  ain't  no  good,  nohow.  Tom  Sawyer  he  says  the  same. 


oterXXXX) 


stopped  talking,  and  got  to  thinking. 
By-and-by  Tom  says  : 

"  Looky  here,  Huck,  what  fools  we 
are,  to  not  think  of  it  before  !     I  bet 
I  know  where  Jim  is." 
"No!    Where?" 
"In  that  hut   down  by  the  ash- 
hopper.     Why,    looky  here.     When 
we  was  at  dinner,  didn't  you  see   a 
nigger  man  go  in  there  with  some 
vittles  ?  " 
"Yes." 

"What  did  you  think  the  vittles 
was  for  ?  " 
"For  a  dog." 

"So'd  I.      Well,  it  wasn't  for  a 
dog." 
"  Why?" 

:(  Because  part  of  it  was  watermelon." 

"  So  it  was — I  noticed  it.  Well,  it  does  beat  all,  that  I  never  thought  about 
a  dog  not  eating  watermelon.  It  shows  how  a  body  can  see  and  don't  see  at  the 
same  time." 

"Well,  the  nigger  unlocked  the  padlock  when  he  went  in,  and  he  locked  it 
again  when  he  come  out.  He  fetched  uncle  a  key,  about  the  time  we  got  up 


294  TEE  ADVENTURES  OF  HUCKLEBERRY  FINN. 

from  table — same  key,  I  bet.  Watermelon  shows  man,  lock  shows  prisoner  ;  and  it 
ain't  likely  there's  two  prisoners  on  such  a  little  plantation,  and  where  the 
people's  all  so  kind  and  good.  Jim's  the  prisoner.  All  right — I'm  glad  we  found 
it  out  detective  fashion ;  I  wouldn't  give  shucks  for  any  other  way.  Now  you 
work  your  mind  and  study  out  a  plan  to  steal  Jim,  and  I  will  study  out  one,  too  ; 
and  we'll  take  the  one  we  like  the  best." 

What  a  head  for  just  a  boy  to  have  !  If  I  had  Tom  Sawyer's  head,  I  wouldn't 
trade  it  off  to  be  a  duke,  nor  mate  of  a  steamboat,  nor  clown  in  a  circus,  nor  noth 
ing  I  can  think  of.  I  went  to  thinking  out  a  plan,  but  only  just  to  be  doing 
something ;  I  knowed  very  well  where  the  right  plan  was  going  to  come  from. 
Pretty  soon,  Tom  says  : 

"Keady?" 

"Yes,"  I  says. 

"All  right— bring  it  out." 

16  My  plan  is  this,"  I  says.  "  We  can  easy  find  out  if  it's  Jim  in  there.  Then 
get  up  my  canoe  to-morrow  night,  and  fetch  my  raft  over  from  the  island.  Then 
the  first  dark  night  that  comes,  steal  the  key  out  of  the  old  man's  britches,  after 
he  goes  to  bed,  and  shove  off  down  the  river  on  the  raft,  with  Jim,  hiding  day 
times  and  running  nights,  the  way  me  and  Jim  used  to  do  before.  Wouldn't  that 
plan  work  ?" 

"  Work?  Why  cert'nly,  it  would  work,  like  rats  a  fighting.  But  it's  too  blame' 
simple  ;  there  ain't  nothing  to  it.  What's  the  good  of  a  plan  that  ain't  no  more 
trouble  than  that  ?  It's  as  mild  as  goose-milk.  Why,  Huck,  it  wouldn't  make 
no  more  talk  than  breaking  into  a  soap  factory." 

I  never  said  nothing,  because  I  warn't  expecting  nothing  different ;  but  1 
knowed  mighty  well  that  whenever  he  got  his  plan  ready  it  wouldn't  have  none  of 
them  objections  to  it. 

And  it  didn't.  He  told  me  what  it  was,  and  I  see  in  a  minute  it  was  worth 
fifteen  of  mine,  for  style,  and  would  make  Jim  just  as  free  a  man  as  mine  would, 
and  maybe  get  us  all  killed  besides.  So  I  was  satisfied,  and  said  we  would  waltz 
in  on  it.  I  needn't  tell  what  it  was,  here,  because  I  knowed  it  wouldn't  stay  the 
tvay  it  was.  I  knowed  he  would  be  changing  it  around,  every  which  way,  as  we 


OUTRAGEOUS.  295 


went  along,  and  heaving  in  new  bullinesses  wherever  he  got  a  chance.  And  that 
is  what  he  done. 

Well,  one  thing  was  dead  sure  ;  and  that  was,  that  Tom  Sawyer  was  in  earnest 
and  was  actuly  going  to  help  steal  that  nigger  out  of  slavery.  That  was  the  thing 
that  was  too  many  for  me.  Here  was  a  boy  that  was  respectable,  and  well  brung 
Tip  ;  and  had  a  character  to  lose  ;  and  folks  at  home  that  had  characters  ;  and  he 
was  bright  and  not  leather-headed ;  and  knowing  and  not  ignorant ;  and  not 
mean,  but  kind ;  and  yet  here  he  was,  without  any  more  pride,  or  Tightness,  or 
feeling,  than  to  stoop  to  this  business,  and  make  himself  a  shame,  and  his  family 
a  shame,  before  everybody.  I  couldn't  understand  it,  no  way  at  all.  It  was  out 
rageous,  and  I  knowed  I  ought  to  just  up  and  tell  him  so  ;  and  so  be  his  true 
friend,  and  let  him  quit  the  thing  right  where  he  was,  and  save  himself.  And  I 
did  start  to  tell  him  ;  but  he  shut  me  up,  and  says  : 

"  Don't  you  reckon  I  know  what  I'm  about  ?  Don't  I  generly  know  what  I'm 
about  ?" 

"Yes." 

"  Didn't  I  say  I  was  going  to  help  steal  the  nigger  ?  " 

"Yes." 

"  Well  then." 

That's  all  he  said,  and  that's  all  I  said.  It  warn't  no  use  to  say  any  more ; 
because  when  he  said  he'd  do  a  thing,  he  always  done  it.  But  /  couldn't 
make  out  how  he  was  willing  to  go  into  this  thing  ;  so  I  just  let  it  go,  and 
never  bothered  no  more  about  it.  If  he  was  bound  to  have  it  so,  /  couldn't 
help  it. 

When  we  got  home,  the  house  was  all  dark  and  still  ;  so  we  went  on  down  to 
the  hut  by  the  ash  hopper,  for  to  examine  it.  We  went  through  the  yard,  so  as 
to  see  what  the  hounds  would  do.  They  knowed  us,  and  didn't  make  no  more 
noise  than  country  dogs  is  always  doing  when  anything  comes  by  in  the  night. 
When  we  got  to  the  cabin,  we  took  a  look  at  the  front  and  the  two  sides  ;  and  on 
the  side  I  warn't  acquainted  with — which  was  the  north  side — we  found  a  square 
window-hole,  up  tolerable  high,  with  just  one  stout  board  nailed  across  it.  I 
says  : 


296 


THE  ADVENTURES  OF  HUCKLEBERRY  FINN. 


"  Here's  the  ticket.     This  hole's  big  enough  for  Jim  to  get  through,  if  we 
wrench  off  the  board." 
Tom  says  : 

"  It's  as  simple  as  tit-tat-toe,  three-iu-a-row,  and  as  easy  as  playing  hooky.  I 
should  hope  we  can  find  a  way  that's  a  little  more  complicated  than  that.  Huck 
Finn." 

"Well  then,"  I  says, 
"  how'll  it  do  to  saw  him  out, 
the  way  I  done  before  I  was 
murdered,  that  time  ?" 

"That's  more  like,"  he 
says.  "It's real  mysterious,  and 
troublesome,  and  good,"  he 
says ;  "but  I  bet  we  can  find 
a  way  that's  twice  as  long. 
There  ain't  no  hurry;  le's  keep 
on  looking  around." 

Betwixt  the  hut  and  the 
fence,  on  the  back  side,  was  a 
lean-to,  that  joined  the  hut  at 
the  eaves,  and  was  made  out  of 
plank.  It  was  as  long  as  the 
hut,  but  narrow — only  about 
six  foot  wide.  The  door  to  it 
was  at  the  south  end,  and  was 
padlocked.  Tom  he  went  to 
the  soap  kettle,  and  searched 
around  and  fetched  back  the  iron  thing  they  lift  the  lid  with  ;  so  he  took  it  and 
prized  out  one  of  the  staples.  The  chain  fell  down,  and  we  opened  the  door 
and  went  in,  and  shut  it,  and  struck  a  match,  and  see  the  shed  was  only  built  against 
the  cabin  and  hadn't  no  connection  with  it ;  and  there  warn't  no  floor  to  the  shed, 
nor  nothing  in  it  but  some  old  rusty  played-out  hoes,  and  spades,  and  picks,  and 


A  SIMPLE  JOB. 


CLIMBING   THE  LIGHTNING  ROD.  297 

a  crippled  plow.  The  match  went  out,  and  so  did  we,  and  shoved  in  the  staple 
again,  and  the  door  was  locked  as  good  as  ever.  Tom  was  joyful.  He  says  : 

"  Now  we're  all  right.     We'll  dig  him  out.     It'll  take  about  a  week  !  " 

Then  we  started  for  the  house,  and  I  went  in  the  back  door — you  only  have  to 
pull  a  buckskin  latch-string,  they  don't  fasten  the  doors — but  that  warn't  roman- 
tical  enough  for  Tom  Sawyer  :  no  way  would  do  him  but  he  must  climb  up  the 
lightning-rod.  But  after  he  got  up  half-way  about  three  times,  and  missed  fire 
and  fell  every  time,  and  the  last  time  most  busted  his  brains  out,  he  thought  he'd 
got  to  give  it  up  ;  but  after  he  was  rested,  he  allowed  he  would  give  her  one  more 
turn  for  luck,  and  this  time  he  made  the  trip. 

In  the  morning  we  was  up  at  break  of  day,  and  down  to  the  nigger  cabins  to 
pet  the  dogs  and  make  friends  with  the  nigger  that  fed  Jim — if  it  ivas  Jim  that 
was  being  fed.  The  niggers  was  just  getting  through  breakfast  and  starting  for 
the  fields ;  and  Jim's  nigger  was  piling  up  a  tin  pan  with  bread  and  meat  and 
things  ;  and  whilst  the  others  was  leaving,  the  key  come  from  the  house. 

This  nigger  had  a  good-natured,  chuckle-headed  face,  and  his  wool  was  all  tied 
up  in  little  bunches  with  thread.  That  was  to  keep  witches  off.  He  said  the 
witches  was  pestering  him  awful,  these  nights,  and  making  him  see  all  kinds  of 
strange  things,  and  hear  all  kinds  of  strange  words  and  noises,  and  he  didn't  be 
lieve  he  was  ever  witched  so  long,  before,  in  his  life.  He  got  so  worked  up,  and 
got  to  runinng  on  so  about  his  troubles,  he  forgot  all  about  what  he'd  been  agoing 
to  do.  So  Tom  says  : 

"  What's  the  vittles  for  ?     Going  to  feed  the  dogs  ?" 

The  nigger  kind,  of  smiled  around  graduly  over  his  face,  like  when  you  heave 
a  brickbat  in  a  mud  puddle,  and  he  says  : 

"  Yes,  Mars  Sid,  a  dog.  Cur'us  dog,  too.  Does  you  want  to  go  en  look  at 
'im?" 

"Yes." 

I  hunched  Tom,  and  whispers  : 

"  You  going,  right  here  in  the  day-break  ?     That  warn't  the  plan." 

"No,  it  warn't — but  it's  the  plan  now" 

So,  drat  him,  we  went  along,  but  I  didn't  like  it  much.     When  we  got  in, 


298  THE  ADVENTURES  OF  HUCKLEBERRY  FINN. 

we  couldn't  hardly  see  anything,  it  was  so  dark  ;  but  Jim  was  there,  sure  enough, 
and  could  see  us  ;  and  he  sings  out : 

"Why,  HucJc!    En  good  Ian' !  ain'  dat  Misto  Tom  ?" 

I  just  knowed  how  it  would  be  ;  I  just  expected  it.     /  didn't  know  nothing  to 
do ;  and  if  I  had,  I  couldn't  a  done  it ;  because  that  nigger  busted  in  and  says  : 

"  Why,  de  gracious  sakes  !  do  he  know  you  genlmen  ?  " 

We  could  see  pretty  well,  now.     Tom  he  looked  at  the  nigger,  steady  and 
kind  of  wondering,  and  says  : 

"  Does  who  know  us  ?  " 

"  Why,  dish-yer  runaway  nigger." 

"  I  don't  reckon  he  does ;  but  what  put  that  into  your  head  ?  " 

"  What  put  it  dar  ?     Didn'  he  jis'  dis  minute  sing  out  like  he  knowed  you  ?  " 

Tom  says,  in  a  puzzled-up  kind  of  way  : 

"  Well,  that's  mighty  curious.  Who  sung  out  ?  When  did  he  sing  out  ?  What 
did  he  sing  out  ?"  And  turns  to  me,  perfectly  c'am,  and  says,  "Did  you  hear 
anybody  sing  out  ?  " 

Of  course  there  warn't  nothing  to  be  said  but  the  one  thing  ;  so  I  says  : 

"  No  ;  /ain't  heard  nobody  say  nothing." 

Then  he  turns  to  Jim,  and  looks  him  over  like  he  never  see  him  before  ;  and 
says  : 

"  Did  you  sing  out  ?  " 

"  No,  sah,"  says  Jim  ;  "  I  hain't  said  nothing,  sah." 

"  Not  a  word  ?  " 

"No,  sah,  I  hain't  said  a  word." 

"  Did  you  ever  see  us  before  ?  " 

"  No,  sah  ;  not  as  /knows  on." 

So  Tom  turns  to  the  nigger,  which  was  looking  wild  and  distressed,  and  says, 
kind  of  severe  : 

"  What  do  you  reckon's  the   matter  with  you,  anyway  ?      What  made  you 
think  somebody  sung  out  ?  " 

"Oh,  it's  de  dad-blame'  witches,  sah,  en  I  wisht  I  was  dead,  I  do.     Dey's 
awluz  at  it,  sah,  en  dey  do  mos'  kill  me,  dey  sk'yers  me  so.     Please  to  don't 


TROUBLED   WITH  WITCHES. 


299 


tell  nobody  'bout  it  sah,  er  ole  Mars  Silas  he'll  scole  me ;  'kase  he  say  dey 
ain'i  no  witches.  I  jis'  wish  to  goodness  he  was  heah  now — den  what  would  he 
say  !  I  jis'  bet  he  couldn'  fine  no  way  to  git  aroun'  it  dis  time.  But  it's  awluz 
jis'  so ;  people  dat's  sot,  stays  sot ;  dey  won't  look  into  nothn'  en  fine  it  out 
f  r  deyselves,  en  when  you  fine  it  out  en  tell  urn  'bout  it,  dey  doan'  b'lieve  you." 

Tom  give  him  a  dime,  and 
said  we  wouldn't  tell  no 
body  ;  and  told  him  to  buy 
some  more  thread  to  tie  up  his 
wool  with  ;  and  then  looks  at 
Jim,  and  says  : 

"I  wonder  if  Uncle  Silas 
is  going  to  hang  this  nigger. 
If  I  was  to  catch  a  nigger  that 
was  ungrateful  enough  to  run 
away,  7  wouldn't  give  him  up, 
I'd  hang  him."  And  whilst 
the  nigger  stepped  to  the 
door  to  look  at  the  dime  and 
bite  it  to  see  if  it  was  good, 
he  whispers  to  Jim,  and  says: 

"  Don't  ever  let  on  to  know 
us.  And  if  you  hear  any  dig 
ging:  groiner  on  nights,  it's  us  : 

WITCHES. 

we're  going  to  set  you  free." 

Jim  only  had  time  to  grab  us  by  the  hand  and  squeeze  it,  then  the  nigger 
come  back,  and  we  said  we'd  come  again  some  time  if  the  nigger  wanted  us  to  ; 
and  he  said  he  would,  more  particular  if  it  was  dark,  because  the  witches  went 
for  him  mostly  in  the  dark,  and  it  was  good  to  have  folks  around  then. 


lit  would  be  most  an  hour,  yet,  till 
breakfast,  so  we  left,  and  struck 
down  into  the  woods  ;  because  Tom 
said  we  got  to  have  some  light  to 
see  how  to  dig  by,  and  a  lantern 
makes  too  much,  and  might  get  us 
into  trouble  ;  what  we  must  have 
was  a  lot  of  them  rotten  chunks 
that's  called  fox-fire  and  just  makes 
a  soft  kind  of  a  glow  when  you  lay 
them  in  a  dark  place.  We  fetched 
an  armful  and  hid  it  in  the  weeds, 
and  set  down  to  rest,  and  Tom  says, 
kind  of  dissatisfied  : 

"Blame  it,  this  whole  thing  is 
just  as  easy  and  awkard  as  it  can 
be.  And  so  it  makes  it  so  rotten 
difficult  to  get  up  a  difficult  plan. 
There  ain't  no  watchman  to  be 
drugged — now  there  ought  to  be  a  watchman.  There  ain't  even  a  dog  to  give  a 
sleeping-mixture  to.  And  there's  Jim  chained  by  one  leg,  with  a  ten-foot  chain, 
to  the  leg  of  his  bed  :  why,  all  you  got  to  do  is  to  lift  up  the  bedstead  and  slip  off 
the  chain.  And  Uncle  Silas  he  trusts  everybody  ;  sends  the  key  to  the  punkin- 
headed  nigger,  and  don't  send  nobody  to  watch  the  nigger.  Jim  could  a  got  out 
of  that  window  hole  before  this,  only  there  wouldn't  be  no  use  trying  to  travel 


GETTING  WOOD. 


ESCAPING  PROPERLY.  301 


with  a  ten-foot  chain  on  his  leg.  Why,  drat  it,  Huck,  it's  the  stupidest  arrange 
ment  I  ever  see.  You  got  to  invent  all  the  difficulties.  Well,  we  can't  help  it, 
we  got  to  do  the  best  we  can  with  the  materials  we've  got.  Anyhow,  there's  one 
thing — there's  more  honor  in  getting  him  out  through  a  lot  of  difficulties  and 
dangers,  where  there  warn't  one  of  them  furnished  to  you  by  the  people  who  it 
was  their  duty  to  furnish  them,  and  you  had  to  contrive  them  all  out  of  your  own 
head.  Now  look  at  just  that  one  thing  of  the  lantern.  When  you  come  down 
to  the  cold  facts,  we  simply  got  to  let  on  that  a  lantern's  resky.  Why,  we  could 
work  with  a  torchlight  procession  if  we  wanted  to,  /  believe.  Now,  whilst  I 
think  of  it,  we  got  to  hunt  up  something  to  make  a  saw  out  of,  the  first  chance 
we  get." 

"  What  do  we  want  of  a  saw  ?  " 

'•  What  do  we  want  of  it  ?  Hain't  we  got  to  saw  the  leg  of  Jim's  bed  off,  so 
as  to  get  the  chain  loose  ?  " 

"  Why,  you  just  said  a  body  could  lift  up  the  bedstead  and  slip  the 
chain  off." 

"  Well,  if  that  ain't  just  like  you,  Huck  Finn.  You  can  get  up  the  infant- 
schooliest  ways  of  going  at  a  thing.  Why,  hain't  you  ever  read  any  books  at 
all  ? — Baron  Trenck,  nor  Casanova,  nor  Benvenuto  Chelleeny,  nor  Henri  IV,, 
nor  none  of  them  heroes  ?  Whoever  heard  of  getting  a  prisoner  loose  in  such  an 
old-maidy  way  as  that  ?  No  ;  the  way  all  the  best  authorities  does,  is  to  saw  the 
bed-leg  in  two,  and  leave  it  just  so,  and  swallow  the  sawdust,  so  it  can't  be  found, 
and  put  some  dirt  and  grease  around  the  sawed  place  so  the  very  keenest  seneskal 
can't  see  no  sign  of  it's  being  sawed,  and  thinks  the  bed-leg  is  perfectly  sound. 
Then,  the  night  you're  ready,  fetch  the  leg  a  kick,  down  she  goes  ;  slip  off  your 
chain,  and  there  you  are.  Nothing  to  do  but  hitch  your  rope-ladder  to  the  battle 
ments,  shin  down  it,  break  your  leg  in  the  moat — because  a  rope-ladder  is 
nineteen  foot  too  short,  you  know — and  there's  your  horses  and  your  trusty  vassles, 
and  they  scoop  you  up  and  fling  you  across  a  saddle  and  away  you  go,  to  your 
native  Langudoc,  or  Navarre,  or  wherever  it  is.  It's  gaudy,  Huck.  I  wish  there 
was  a  moat  to  this  cabin.  If  we  get  time,  the  night  of  the  escape,  we'll  dig 


302 


THE  ADVENTURES  OF  HUCKLEBERRY  FINN. 


I  says  : 

"  What  do  we  want  of  a  moat,  when  we're  going  to  snake  him  out  from  under 
the  cabin  ?  " 

But  he  never  heard  me.  He  had  forgot  me  and  everything  else.  He  had  his 
chin  in  his  hand,  thinking.  Pretty  soon,  he  sighs,  and  shakes  his  head ;  then 
sighs  again,  and  says  : 

"  No,  it  wouldn't  do — there  ain't  necessity  enough  for  it." 
"  For  what  ?"     I  says. 
"  Why,  to  saw  Jim's  leg  off,"  he  says. 

'Good  land  !"   I  says,  "why,  there  ain't  no  necessity  for  it.     And  what 

would  you  want  to  saw  his  leg 
off  for,  anyway  ?  " 

"Well,  some  of  the  best 
authorities  has  done  it.  They 
couldn't  get  the  chain  off,  so 
they  just  cut  their  hand  off,  and 
shoved.  And  a  leg  would  be 
better  still.  But  we  got  to  let 
that  go.  There  ain't  necessity 
enough  in  this  case  ;  and  besides, 
Jim's  a  nigger  and  wouldn't 
understand  the  reasons  for  it, 
and  how  it's  the  custom  in  Eu 
rope  ;  so  we'll  let  it  go.  But 
there's  one  thing — he  can  have  a 
rope-ladder ;  we  can  tear  up  our 
sheets  and  make  him  a  rope- 
ONE  OF  THE  BEST  AUTHORITIES.  ladder  easy  enough.  And  we 

can  send  it  to  him  in  a  pie  ;  it's 
mostly  done  that  way.     And  I've  et  worse  pies." 

"  Why,  Tom  Sawyer,  how  you  talk,"  I  says  ;  "  Jim  ain't  got  no  use  for  a  rope- 
ladder." 


DARK  SCHEMES.  303 


"  He  has  got  use  for  it.  How  you  talk,  you  better  say ;  you  dorr  t  know 
nothing  about  it.  He's  got  to  have  a  rope  ladder  ;  they  all  do." 

"  What  in  the  nation  can  he  do  with  it  ?" 

"Do  with  it  ?  He  can  hide  it  in  his  bed,  can't  he  ?  That's  what  they  all 
do  ;  and  he's  got  to,  too.  Huck,  you  don't  ever  seem  to  want  to  do  anything 
that's  regular ;  you  want  to  be  starting  something  fresh  all  the  time.  Spose  he 
don't  do  nothing  with  it  ?  ain't  it  there  in  his  bed,  for  a  clew,  after  he's  gone  ? 
and  don't  you  reckon  they'll  want  clews  ?  Of  course  they  will.  And  you 
wouldn't  leave  them  any?  That  would  be  &  pretty  howdy-do,  wouldn't  it  I  I 
never  heard  of  such  a  thing." 

"  Well,"  I  says,  "if  it's  in  the  regulations,  and  he's  got  to  have  it,  all  right, 
let  him  have  it ;  because  I  don't  wish  to  go  back  on  no  regulations  ;  but  there's 
one  thing,  Tom  Sawyer — if  we  go  to  tearing  up  our  sheets  to  make  Jim  a  rope- 
ladder,  we're  going  to  get  into  trouble  with  Aunt  Sally,  just  as  sure  as  you're 
born.  Now,  the  way  I  look  at  it,  a  hickry-bark  ladder  don't  cost  nothing,  and 
don't  waste  nothing,  and  is  just  as  good  to  load  up  a  pie  with,  and  hide  in  a  straw 
tick,  as  any  rag  ladder  you  can  start ;  and  as  for  Jim,  he  ain't  had  no  experience, 
and  so  he  don't  care  what  kind  of  a " 

"Oh,  shucks,  Huck  Finn,  if  I  was  as  ignorant  as  you,  I'd  keep  still — that's 
what  Td  do.  Who  ever  heard  of  a  state  prisoner  escaping  by  a  hickry-bark 
ladder  ?  Why,  it's  perfectly  ridiculous." 

"  Well,  all  right,  Tom,  fix  it  your  own  way  ;  but  if  you'll  take  my  advice, 
you'll  let  me  borrow  a  sheet  off  of  the  clothes-line." 

He  said  that  would  do.     And  that  give  him  another  idea,  and  he  says  : 

"  Borrow  a  shirt,  too." 

"  What  do  we  want  of  a  shirt,  Tom  ?  " 

"  Want  it  for  Jim  to  keep  a  journal  on." 

"  Journal  your  granny — Jim  can't  write." 

"Spose  he  can't  write — he  can  make  marks  on  the  shirt,  can't  he,  if  we 
make  him  a  pen  out  of  an  old  pewter  spoon  or  a  piece  of  an  old  iron  barrel-hoop  ?" 

"Why,  Tom,  we  can  pull  a  feather  out  of  a  goose  and  make  him  a  better  one  ; 
and  quicker,  too." 


304  THE  ADVENTURES  OF  HUGKLEBERRY  FINN. 

"  Prisoners  don't  have  geese  running  around  the  donjon-keep  to  pull  pens  out 
of,  you  muggins.  They  always  make  their  pens  out  of  the  hardest,  toughest, 
troublesomest  piece  of  old  brass  candlestick  or  something  like  that  they  can  get 
their  hands  on ;  and  it  takes  them  weeks  and  weeks,  and  months  and  months 
to  file  it  out,  too,  because  they've  got  to  do  it  by  rubbing  it  on  the  wall.  They 
wouldn't  use  a  goose-quill  if  they  had  it.  It  ain't  regular." 

"  Well,  then,  what'll  we  make  him  the  ink  out  df  ?" 

"  Many  makes  it  out  of  iron-rust  and  tears  ;  but  that's  the  common  sort  and 
women  ;  the  best  authorities  uses  their  own  blood.  Jim  can  do  that ;  and  when  he 
wants  to  send  any  little  common  ordinary  mysterious  message  to  let  the  world  know 
where  he's  captivated,  he  can  write  it  on  the  bottom  of  a  tin  plate  with  a  fork  and 
throw  it  out  of  the  window.  The  Iron  Mask  always  done  that,  and  it's  a  blame' 
good  way,  too." 

"  Jim  ain't  got  no  tin  plates.     They  feed  him  in  a  pan." 

"  That  ain't  anything  ;  we  can  get  him  some." 

"  Can't  nobody  read  his  plates." 

"  That  ain't  got  nothing  to  do  with  it,  Huck  Finn.  All  he's  got  to  do  is  to 
write  on  the  plate  and  throw  it  out.  You  don't  have  to  be  able  to  read  it.  Why, 
half  the  time  you  can't  read  anything  a  prisoner  writes  on  a  tin  plate,  or  any 
where  else." 

"Well,  then,  what's  the  sense  in  wasting  the  plates  ?" 

"Why,  blame  it  all,  it  ain't  the  prisoner's  plates." 

"  But  it's  somebody's  plates,  ain't  it  ?" 

"  Well,  spos'n  it  is  ?     What  does  the  prisoner  care  whose : 

He  broke  off  there,  because  we  heard  the  breakfast- horn  blowing.  So  we 
cleared  out  for  the  house. 

Along  during  that  morning  I  borrowed  a  sheet  and  a  white  shirt  off  of  the 
clothes-line  ;  and  I  found  an  old  sack  and  put  them  in  it,  and  we  went  down  and 
got  the  fox-fire,  and  put  that  in  too.  I  called  it  borrowing,  because  that  was 
what  pap  always  called  it  ;  but  Tom  said  it  warn't  borrowing,  it  was  stealing. 
He  said  we  was  representing  prisoners  ;  and  prisoners  don't  care  how  they  get  a 
thing  so  they  get  it,  and  nobody  don't  blame  them  for  it,  either.  It 'ain't  no 


DISCRIMINATION  IN  STEALING. 


305 


crime  in  a  prisoner  to  steal  the  thing  he  needs  to  get  away  with,  Tom  said  ;  it's 
his  right ;  and  so,  as  long  as 
we  was  representing  a  pris 
oner,  we  had  a  perfect  right 
to  steal  anything  on  this 
place  we  had  the  least  use 
for,  to  get  ourselves  out  of 
prison  with.  He  said  if  we 
warn't  prisoners  it  would  be 
a  very  different  thing,  and 
nobody  but  a  mean  ornery 
person  would  steal  when  he 
warn't  a  prisoner.  So  we 
allowed  we  would  steal  every 
thing  there  was  that  come 
handy.  And  yet  he  made  a 
mighty  fuss,  one  day,  after 
that,  when  I  stole  a  water 
melon  out  of  the  nigger  patch 
and  eat  it ;  and  he  made  me 
go  and  give  the  niggers  a 
dime,  without  telling  them 
what  it  was  for.  Tom  said 
that  what  he  meant  was,  we 

could  steal  anything  we  needed.  Well,  I  says,  I  needed  the  watermelon.  But 
lie  said  I  didn't  need  it  to  get  out  of  prison  with,  there's  where  the  difference 
was.  He  said  if  I'd  a  wanted  it  to  hide  a  knife  in,  and  smuggle  it  to  Jim  to  kill 
the  seneskal  with,  it  would  a  been  all  right.  So  I  let  it  go  at  that,  though  I 
couldn't  see  no  advantage  in  my  representing  a  prisoner,  if  I  got  to  set  down  and 
chaw  over  a  lot  of  gold-leaf  distinctions  like  that,  every  time  I  see  a  chance  to  hog 
a  watermelon. 

Well,  as  I  was  saying,  we  waited  that  morning  till  everybody  was  settled 
20 


THE   BREAKFAST-HORN. 


306  THE  ADVENTURES  OF  HUCKLEBERRY  FINN. 

down  to  business,  and  nobody  in  sight  around  the  yard  ;  then  Tom  he  carried  the 
sack  into  the  lean-to  whilst  I  stood  off  a  piece  to  keep  watch.  By-and-by  he 
come  out,  and  we  went  and  set  down  on  the  wood-pile,  to  talk.  He  says  : 

"Everything's  all  right,  now,  except  tools  :  and  that's  easy  fixed." 

"Tools?"  I  says. 

"Yes." 

"Tools  for  what?" 

"  Why,  to  dig  with.     We  ain't  agoing  to  gnaw  Mm  out,  are  we  ?  " 

"  Ain't  them  old  crippled  picks  and  things  in  there  good  enough  to  dig  a 
nigger  out  with  ?  "  I  says. 

He  turns  on  me  looking  pitying  enough  to  make  a  body  cry,  and  says  : 

"  Huck  Finn,  did  you  ever  hear  of  a  prisoner  having  picks  and  shovels,  and  all 
the  modern  conveniences  in  his  wardrobe  to  dig  himself  out  witli  ?  Now  I  want 
to  ask  you — if  you  got  any  reasonableness  in  you  at  all — what  kind  of  a  show 
would  that  give  him  to  be  a  hero  ?  Why,  they  might  as  well  lend  him  the  key, 
and  done  with  it.  Picks  and  shovels — why  they  wouldn't  furnish  'em  to  a 
king." 

"  Well,  then,"  I  says,  "if  we  don't  want  the  picks  and  shovels,  what  do  we 
want  ?  " 

"A  couple  of  case-knives." 

"To  dig  the  foundations  out  from  under  that  cabin  with  ?" 

"Yes." 

"  Confound  it,  it's  foolish,  Tom." 

"It  don't  make  no  difference  how  foolish  it  is,  it's  the  right  way — and  it's  the 
regular  way.  And  there  ain't  no  other  way,  that  ever  /  heard  of,  and  I've  real 
all  the  books  that  gives  any  information  about  these  things.  They  always  dig 
out  with  a  case-knife— and  not  through  dirt,  mind  you  ;  generly  it's  through 
solid  rock.  And  it  takes  them  weeks  and  weeks  and  weeks,  and  for  ever  and 
ever.  Why,  look  at  one  of  them  prisoners  in  the  bottom  dungeon  of  the  Castle 
Deef,  in  the  harbor  of  Marseilles,  that  dug  himself  out  that  way ;  how  long  was 
he  at  it,  you  reckon  ?  ' ' 
"  I  don't  know." 


A  DEEP  HOLE. 


307 


That's  the  kind.     I  wish 


"Well,  guess." 

"  I  don't  know.     A  month  and  a  half  ?  " 

"  Thirty-seven  year — and  he  come  out  in  China, 
the  bottom  of  this  fortress  was  solid  rock." 

"Jim  don't  know  nobody  in  China." 

"  What's  that  got  to  do  with  it  ?    Neither  did  that  other  fellow.      But  you're 
always  a-wandering  off  on  a  side  issue.     Why  can't  you  stick  to  the  main  point  ?  " 

"All  right — /  don't  care  where  he 
comes  out,  so  he  comes  out ;  and  Jim 
don't,  either,  I  reckon.  But  there's  one 
thing,  anyway — Jim's  too  old  to  be  dug 
out  with  a  case-knife,  He  won't  last." 

"  Yes  he  will  last,  too.  You  don't 
reckon  it's  going  to  take  thirty-seven 
years  to  dig  out  through  a  dirt  founda 
tion,  do  you  ?  " 

"  How  long  will  it  take,  Tom  ?" 

"  Well,  we  can't  resk  being  as  long 
as  we  ought  to,  because  it  mayn't  take 
very  long  for  Uncle  Silas  to  hear  from 
down  there  by  New  Orleans.  He'll  hear 
Jim  ain't  from  there.  Then  his  next 
move  will  be  to  advertise  Jim,  or  some 
thing  like  that.  So  we  can't  resk  being 
as  long  digging  him  out  as  we  ought  to. 
By  rights  I  reckon  we  ought  to  be  a 
couple  of  years ;  but  we  can't.  Things 
being  so  uncertain,  what  I  recommend  is 


SMOUCHINO  THE   KNIVES. 


this  :  that  we  really  dig  right  in,  as  quick  as  we  can  ;  and  after  that,  we  can  let 
on,  to  ourselves,  that  we  was  at  it  thirty-seven  years.  Then  we  can  snatch  him 
out  and  rush  him  away  the  first  time  there's  an  alarm.  Yes,  I  reckon  that'll  be 
the  best  way  " 


308  THE  ADVENTURES  OF  HUCKLEBERRY  FINN. 

"Now,  there's  sense  in  that,"  I  says.  "Letting  on  don't  cost  nothing; 
letting  on  ain't  no  trouble  ;  and  if  it's  any  object,  I  don't  mind  letting  on  we  was 
at  it  a  hundred  and  fifty  year.  It  wouldn't  strain  me  none,  after  I  got  my  hand 
in.  So  I'll  mosey  along  now,  and  smouch  a  couple  of  case-knives." 

" Smouch  three,"  he  says  ;  "we  want  one  to  make  a  saw  out  of." 

"Tom,  if  it  ain't  unregular  and  irreligious  to  sejest  it,"  I  says,  "there's  an 
old  rusty  saw-blade  around  yonder  sticking  under  the  weatherboarding  behind 
the  smoke-house." 

He  looked  kind  of  weary  and  discouraged-like,  and  says  : 

"  It  ain't  no  use  to  try  to  learn  you  nothing,  Huck.  Eun  along  and  smoucb 
the  knives — three  of  them."  So  I  done  it. 


XXXVI 


/\S  soon  as  we  reckoned  everybody 
was  asleep,  that  night,  we  went  down 
the  lightning-rod,  and  shut  ourselves 
up  in  the  lean-to,  and  got  out  our 
pile  of  fox-fire,  and  went  to  work. 
We  cleared  everything  out  of  the  way, 
about  four  or  five  foot  along  the  mid 
dle  of  the  bottom  log.  Tom  said  he 
was  right  behind  Jim's  bed  now,  and 
we'd  dig  in  under  it,  and  when  we  got 
through  there  couldn't  nobody  in  the 
cabin  ever  know  there  was  any  hole 
there,  because  Jim's  counterpin  hung 
down  most  to  the  ground,  and  you'd 
have  to  raise  it  up  and  look  under  to 
see  the  hole.  So  we  dug  and  dug, 
with  the  case-knives,  till  most  mid 
night  ;  and  then  we  was  dog-tired,  and 
our  hands  was  blistered,  and  yet  you 
couldn't  see  we'd  done  anything,  hardly.  At  last  I  says  : 

"This  ain't  no  thirty-seven  year  job,  this  is  a  thirty-eight  year  job,  Tom 
Sawyer." 

He  never  said  nothing.  But  he  sighed,  and  pretty  soon  he  stopped  dig 
ging,  and  then  for  a  good  little  while  I  knowed  he  was  thinking.  Then  he 
savs : 


GOTXO   DOWN  THE   LTOHTNTNO-KOD. 


310  THE  ADVENTURES  OF  HUCKLEBERRY  FINN. 

<4  It  a'n't  no  use,  Huck,  it  ain't  agoing  to  work.  If  we  was  prisoners  it 
would,  because  then  we'd  have  as  many  years  as  we  wanted,  and  no  hurry ;  and 
we  wouldn't  get  but  a  few  minutes  to  dig,  every  day,  while  they  was  changing 
watches,  and  so  our  hands  wouldn't  get  blistered,  and  we  could  keep  it  up  right 
along,  year  in  and  year  out,  and  do  it  right,  and  the  way  it  ought  to  be  done. 
But  we  can't  fool  along,  we  got  to  rush;  we  ain't  got  no  time  to  spare.  If  we  was 
to  put  in  another  night  this  way,  we'd  have  to  knock  off  for  a  week  to  let  our 
hands  get  well— couldn't  touch  a  case-knife  with  them  sooner." 

"  Well,  then,  what  we  going  to  do,  Tom  ?  " 

"  I'll  tell  you.  It  ain't  right,  and  it  ain't  moral,  and  I  wouldn't  like  it  to  get 
out — but  there  ain't  only  just  the  one  way;  we  got  to  dig  him  out  with  the  picks, 
and  let  on  it's  case-knives." 

"Now  you're  talking!"  I  says  ;  " your  head  gets  leveler  and  leveler  all  the 
time,  Tom  Sawyer,"  I  says.  "  Picks  is  the  thing,  moral  or  no  moral ;  and  as  for 
me,  I  don't  care  shucks  for  the  morality  of  it,  nohow.  When  I  start  in  to  steal 
a  nigger,  or  a  watermelon,  or  a  Sunday-school  book,  I  ain't  no  ways  particular 
how  it's  done  so  it's  done.  What  I  want  is  my  nigger ;  or  what  I  want  is  my 
watermelon  ;  or  what  I  want  is  my  Sunday-school  book  ;  and  if  a  pick's  the  hand 
iest  thing,  that's  the  thing  I'm  agoing  to  dig  that  nigger  or  that  watermelon  or 
that  Sunday-school  book  out  with  ;  and  I  don't  give  a  dead  rat  what  the  authori 
ties  thinks  about  it  nuther." 

"Well,"  he  says,  "there's  excuse  for  picks  and  letting-on  in  a  case  like  this  ; 
if  it  warn'fc  so,  I  wouldn't  approve  of  it,  nor  I  wouldn't  stand  by  and  see  the  rules 
broke — because  right  is  right,  and  wrong  is  wrong,  and  a  body  ain't  got  no  busi 
ness  doing  wrong  when  he  ain't  ignorant  and  knows  better.  It  might  answer  for 
you  to  dig  Jim  out  with  a  pick,  without  any  letting-on,  because  you  don't  know 
no  better ;  but  it  wouldn't  for  me,  because  I  do  know  better.  Gimme  a  case- 
knife." 

He  had  his  own  by  him,  but  I  handed  him  mine.  He  flung  it  down,  and 
says  : 

"  Gimme  a  case-knife." 

I  didn't  know  just  what  to  do — but  then  I  thought.     I  scratched  around 


HIS  LEVEL  BEST. 


311 


amongst  the  old  tools,  and  got  a  pick-ax  and  give  it  to  him,  and  he  took  it  and 
went  to  work,  and  never  said  a  word. 

He  was  always  just  that  particular.    Full  of  principle 

So  then  I  got  a  shovel,  and  then  we  picked  and  shoveled,  turn  about,  and 
made  the  fur  fly.  We  stuck  to  it 
about  a  half  an  hour,  which  was  as 
long  as  we  could  stand  up  ;  but  we 
had  a  good  deal  of  a  hole  to  show 
for  it.  When  I  got  up  stairs,  I 
looked  out  at  the  window  and  see 
Tom  doing  his  level  best  with  the 
lightning-rod,  but  he  couldn't  come 
it,  his  hands  was  so  sore.  At  last 
he  says: 

"  It  ain't  no  use,  it  can't  be 
done.  What  you  reckon  I  better 
do  ?  Can't  you  think  up  no  way  ?" 

"Yes,"  I  says,  "but  I  reckon 
it  ain't  regular.  Come  up  the 
stairs,  and  let  on  it's  a  lightning- 
rod." 

So  he  done  it. 

Next  day  Tom  stole  a  pewter 
spoon  and  a  brass  candlestick  in  the 

house,  for  to  make  some  pens  for  Jim  out  of,  and  six  tallow  candles  ;  and  I  hung 
around  the  nigger  cabins,  and  laid  for  a  chance,  and  stole  three  tin  plates.  Tom 
said  it  wasn't  enough;  but  I  said  nobody  wouldn't  ever  see  the  plates  that  Jim 
thro  wed  out,  because  they'd  fall  in  the  dog-fennel  and  jimpson  weeds  under  the 
window-hole — then  we  could  tote  them  back  and  he  could  use  them  over  again. 
So  Tom  was  satisfied.  Then  he  says  : 

"  Now,  the  thing  to  study  out  is,  how  to  get  the  things  to  Jim."  ,  :, 

"Take  them  in  through  the  hole,"  I  says,  "  when  we  get  it  done." 


STEALING   PPOON9. 


312  THE  ADVENTURES  OF  HUCKLEBERRY  FINN. 

He  only  just  looked  scornful,  and  said  something  about  nobody  ever  heard  of 
such  an  idiotic  idea,  and  then  he  went  to  studying.  By-and-by  he  said  he  had 
ciphered  out  two  or  three  ways,  but  there  warn't  no  need  to  decide  on  any  of 
them  yet.  Said  we'd  got  to  post  Jim  first. 

That  night  we  went  down  the  lightning-rod  a  little  after  ten,  and  took  one  of 
the  candles  along,  and  listened  under  the  window-hole,  and  heard  Jim  snoring ; 
so  we  pitched  it  in,  and  it  didn't  wake  him.  Then  we  whirled  in  with  the  pick 
and  shovel,  and  in  about  two  hours  and  a  half  the  job  was  done.  We  crept  in 
under  Jim's  bed  and  into  the  cabin,  and  pawed  around  and  found  the  candle  and 
lit  it,  and  stood  over  Jim  a  while,  and  found  him  looking  hearty  and  healthy,  and 
then  we  woke  him  up  gentle  and  gradual.  He  was  so  glad  to  see  us  he  most 
cried  ;  and  called  us  honey,  and  all  the  pet  names  he  could  think  of ;  and  was  for 
having  us  hunt  up  a  cold  chisel  to  cut  the  chain  off  of  his  leg  with,  right  away, 
and  clearing  out  without  losing  any  time.  But  Tom  he  showed  him  how  un- 
regular  it  would  be,  and  set  down  and  told  him  all  about  our  plans,  and  how  we 
could  alter  them  in  a  minute  any  time  there  was  an  alarm;  and  not  to  be  the  least 
afraid,  because  we  would  see  he  got  away,  sure.  So  Jim  he  said  it  was  all  right, 
and  we  set  there  and  talked  over  old  times  a  while,  and  then  Tom  asked  a  lot  of 
questions,  and  when  Jim  told  him  Uncle  Silas  come  in  every  day  or  two  to  pray 
with  him,  and  Aunt  Sally  come  in  to  see  if  he  was  comfortable  and  had  plenty  to 
eat,  and  both  of  them  was  kind  as  they  could  be,  Tom  says  : 

"Now  I  know  how  to  fix  it.     We'll  send  you  some  things  by  them." 

I  said,  "  Don't  do  nothing  of  the  kind ;  it's  one  of  the  most  jackass  ideas  I 
ever  struck  ;"  but  he  never  paid  no  attention  to  me  ;  went  right  on.  It  was  his 
way  when  he'd  got  his  plans  set. 

So  he  told  Jim  how  we'd  have  to  smuggle  in  the  rope-ladder  pie,  and  other  large 
things,  by  Nat,  the  nigger  that  fed  him,  and  he  must  be  on  the  lookout,  and  not 
be  surprised,  and  not  let  Nat  see  him  open  them  ;  and  we  would  put  small  things 
in  uncle's  coat  pockets  and  he  must  steal  them  out ;  and  we  would  tie  things  to 
aunt's  apron  strings  or  put  them  in  her  apron  pocket,  if  we  got  a  chance  ;  and 
told  him  what  they  would  be  and  what  they  was  for.  And  told  him  how  to  keep 
a  journal  on  the  shirt  with  his  blood,  and  all  that.  He  told  him  everything. 


A  BEQUEST  TO  POSTERITY.  313 

Jim  he  couldn't  see  no  sense  in  the  most  of  it,  but  he  albwtd  we  was  white  folks 
and  knowed  better  than  him ;  so  he  was  satisfied,  and  said  he  would  do  it  all  just 
as  Tom  said. 

Jim  had  plenty  corn-cob  pipes  and  tobacco  ;  so  we  had  a  right  down  good 
sociable  time ;  then  we  crawled  out  through  the  hole,  and  so  home  to  bed,  with 
hands  that  looked  like  they'd  been  chawed.  Tom  was  in  high  spirits.  He  said 
it  was  the  best  fun  he  ever  had  in  his  life,  and  the  most  intellectural ;  and  said  if 
he  only  could  see  his  way  to  it  we  would  keep  it  up  all  the  rest  of  our  lives 
and  leave  Jim  to  our  children  to  get  out ;  for  he  believed  Jim  would  come 
to  like  it  better  and  better  the  more  he  got  used  to  it.  He  said  that  in  that 
way  it  could  be  strung  out  to  as  much  as  eighty  year,  and  would  be  the  best 
time  on  record.  And  he  said  it  would  make  us  all  celebrated  that  had  a  hand 
in  it. 

In  the  morning  we  went  out  to  the  wood-pile  and  chopped  up  the  brass  candle 
stick  into  handy  sizes,  and  Tom  put  them  and  the  pewter  spoon  in  his  pocket. 
Then  we  went  to  the  nigger  cabins,  and  while  I  got  Nat's  notice  off,  Tom  shoved 
a  piece  of  candlestick  into  the  middle  of  a  corn-pone  that  was  in  Jim's  pan,  and 
we  went  along  with  Nat  to  see  how  it  would  work,  and  it  just  worked  noble  ; 
when  Jim  bit  into  it  it  most  mashed  all  his  teeth  out ;  and  there  warn't  ever  any 
thing  could  a  worked  better.  Tom  said  so  himself.  Jim  he  never  let  on  but  what 
it  was  only  just  a  piece  of  rock  or  something  like  that  that's  always  getting  into 
bread,  you  know  ;  but  after  that  he  never  bit  into  nothing  but  what  he  jabbed  his 
fork  into  it  in  three  or  four  places,  first. 

And  whilst  we  was  a  standing  there  in  the  dimmish  light,  here  comes  a  couple 
of  the  hounds  bulging  in,  from  under  Jim's  bed  ;  and  they  kept  on  piling  in  till 
there  was  eleven  of  them,  and  there  warn't  hardly  room  in  there  to  get  your 
breath.  By  jings,  we  forgot  to  fasten  that  lean-to  door.  The  nigger  Nat  he 
only  just  hollered  "  witches  !"  once,  and  keeled  over  onto  the  floor  amongst  the 
dogs,  and  begun  to  groan  like  he  was  dying.  Tom  jerked  the  door  open  and 
flung  out  a  slab  of  Jim's  meat,  and  the  dogs  went  for  it,  and  in  two  seconds  he 
was  out  himself  and  back  again  and  shut  the  door,  and  I  knowed  he'd  fixed  the 
other  door  too.  Then  he  went  to  work  on  the  nigger,  coaxing  him  and  petting 


314 


THE  ADVENTURES  OF  HUCKLEBERRY  FINN. 


him,  and  asking  him  if  he'd  been  imagining  he  saw  something  again.     He  raised 
up,  and  blinked  his  eyes  around,  and  says  : 

"  Mars  Sid,  you'll  say  I's  a  fool,  but  if  I  didn't  b'lieve  I  see  most  a  million 
dogs,  er  devils,  er  some'n,  I  wisht  I  may  die  right  heah  in  dese  tracks.  I  did,  mos' 
sholy.  Mars  Sid,  I  felt  um — I  felt  um,  sah  ;  dey  was  all  over  me.  Dad  fetch  it, 

I  jis'  wisht  I  could  git  my  han's 
on  one  er  dem  witches  jis'  wunst 
— on'y  jis'  wunst — it's  all  /'d 
ast.  But  mos'Iy  I  wisht  dey'd 
lemme  'lone,  I  does." 
Tom  says: 

"  Well,  I  tell  you  what  1 
think.  What  makes  them  come 
here  just  at  this  runaway  nig 
ger's  breakfast-time  ?  It's  be 
cause  they're  hungry;  that's  the 
reason.  You  make  them  a 
witch  pie  ;  that's  the  thing  for 
you  to  do." 

"But  my  Ian',  Mars  Sid, 
how's  /  gwyne  to  make  'm  a 
witch  pie  ?  I  doan'  know  how 
to  make  it.  I  hain't  ever  hearn 
er  sich  a  thing  b'fo..'" 

"Well,  then,  I'll  have  to 
make  it  myself." 

"  Will  you  do  it,  honey  ? — will  you  ?  I'll  wusshup  de  groun'  und'  yo'  foot,  I 
will  ! " 

"All  right,  I'll  do  it,  seeing  it's  you,  and  you've  been  good  to  us  and  showed 
us  the  runaway  nigger.  But  you  got  to  be  mighty  careful.  When  we  come 
around,  you  turn  your  back  ;  and  then  whatever  we've  put  in  the  pan,  don't  you 
let  on  you  see  it  at  all.  And  don't  you  look,  when  Jim  unloads  the  pan — some- 


TOM   ADVISES   A  WITCH   PIK. 


A  HIGH  FIGURE.  315 


thing  might  happen,  I  don't  know  what.     And  above  all,  don't  you  handle  the 
witch-things." 

"ffannel  'm  Mars  Sid  ?  What  is  you  a  talkin'  'bout  ?  I  wouldn'  lay  de 
weight  er  my  finger  on  urn,  not  f'r  ten  hund'd  thousV  billion  dollars,  I 
wouldn't." 


XA  A 
X 
A 


That  I  was  all  fixed.  So  then  we  went  away 
and  went  to  the  rubbage-pile  in  the 
back  yard  where  they  keep  the  old 
boots,  and  rags,  and  pieces  of 
bottles,  and  wore-out  tin  things, 
and  all  such  truck,  and  scratched 
around  and  found  an  old  tin  wash- 
pan  and  stopped  up  the  holes  as  well 
as  we  could,  to  bake  the  pie  in,  and 
took  it  down  cellar  and  stole  it  full 
of  flour,  and  started  for  breakfast 
and  found  a  couple  of  shingle-nails 
that  Tom  said  would  be  handy  for  a 
prisoner  to  scrabble  his  name  and 
sorrows  on  the  dungeon  walls  with, 
and  dropped  one  of  them  in  Aunt 
Sally's  apron  pocket  which  was  hanging  on  a  chair,  and  t'other  we  stuck  in  the 
band  of  Uncle  Silas's  hat,  which  was  on  the  bureau,  because  we  heard  the 
children  say  their  pa  and  ma  was  going  to  the  runaway  nigger's  h  use  this  morn 
ing,  and  then  went  to  breakfast,  and  Tom  dropped  the  pewter  spoon  in  Uncle 
Silas's  coat  pocket,  and  Aunt  Sally  wasn't  come  yet,  so  we  had  to  wait  a  little 
while. 

And  when  she  come  she  was  hot,  and  red,  and  cross,  and  couldn't  hardly  wait 
for  the  blessing  ;   and  then  she  went  to  sluicing  out  coffee  with  one  hand  and 


THE  RUBBAGE-PILE. 


THE  LAST  SHIRT.  317 


cracking    the  handiest  child's  head  with  her  thimble  with  the    other,    and 


"  I've  hunted  high,  and  I've  hunted  low,  and  it  does  beat  all,  what  has  be 
come  of  your  other  shirt." 

My  heart  fell  down  amongst  my  lungs  and  livers  and  things,  and  a  hard  piece 
of  corn-crust  started  down  my  throat  after  it  and  got  met  on  the  road  with  a 
cough  and  was  shot  across  the  table  and  took  one  of  the  children  in  the 
eye  and  curled  him  up  like  a  fishing-worm,  and  let  a  cry  out  of  him  the  size  of  a 
war-whoop,  and  Tom  he  turned  kinder  blue  around  the  gills,  and  it  all 
amounted  to  a  considerable  state  of  things  for  about  a  quarter  of  a  minute  or  as 
much  as  that,  and  I  would  a  sold  out  for  half  price  if  there  was  a  bidder.  But 
after  that  we  was  all  right  again — it  was  the  sudden  surprise  of  it  that  knocked 
us  so  kind  of  cold.  Uncle  Silas  he  says  : 

"  It's  most  uncommon  curious,  I  can't  understand  it.  I  know  perfectly  well 
I  took  it  off,  because— 

"  Because  you  hain't  got  but  one  on.  Just  listen  at  the  man  !  /  know  you 
took  it  off,  and  know  it  by  a  better  way  than  your  wool-gethering  memory,  too, 
because  it  was  on  the  clo'es-line  yesterday — I  see  it  there  myself.  But  it's  gone — 
that's  the  long  and  the  short  of  it,  and  you'll  just  have  to  change  to  a  red  flann'l 
one  till  I  can  get  time  to  make  a  new  one.  And  it'll  be  the  third  I've  made  in  two 
years  ;  it  just  keeps  a  body  on  the  jump  to  keep  you  in  shirts  ;  and  whatever  you  do 
manage  to  do  with  'm  all,  is  more'n  /  can  make  out.  A  body'd  think  you  would 
learn  to  take  some  sort  of  care  of  'em,  at  your  time  of  life." 

"  I  know  it,  Sally,  and  I  do  try  all  I  can.  But  it  oughtn't  to  be  altogether 
my  fault,  because  you  know  I  don't  see  them  nor  have  nothing  to  do  with  them 
except  when  they're  on  me ;  and  I  don't  believe  I've  ever  lost  one  of  them  ojjf 
of  me." 

"  Well,  it  ain't  your  fault  if  you  haven't,  Silas — you'd  a  done  it  if  you  could, 
I  reckon.  And  the  shirt  ain't  all  that's  gone,  nuther.  Ther's  a  spoon  gone  ;  and 
that  ain't  all.  There  was  ten,  and  now  ther's  only  nine.  The  calf  got  the  shirl 
I  reckon,  but  the  calf  never  took  the  spoon,  that's  certain." 

"Why,  what  else  is  gone,  Sally  ? " 


318 


THE  ADVENTURES  OF  HUCKLEBERRY  FINN. 


"  Ther's  six  candles  gone — that's  what.  The  rats  could  a  got  the  candles, 
and  I  reckon  they  did  ;  I  wonder  they  don't  walk  off  with  the  whole  place,  the 

way  you're  always  going  to  stop  their  holes 
and  don't  do  it ;  and  if  they  warn't  fools 
they'd  sleep  in  your  hair,  Silas — you'd  never 
find  it  out ;  but  you  can't  lay  the  spoon  on 
the  rats,  and  that  I  know" 

"  Well,  Sally,  I'm  in  fault,  and  I  acknowl 
edge  it ;  I've  been  remiss  ;  but  I  won't  let 
to-morrow  go  by  without  stopping  up  them 
holes." 

"  Oh,  I  wouldn't  hurry,  next  year'll  do. 
Matilda  Angelina  Araminta  Phelps  !  " 

Whack  comes  the  thimble,  and  the  child 
snatches  her  claws  out  of  the  sugar-bowl 
without  fooling  around  any.  Just  then,  the 
nigger  woman  steps  onto  the  passage,  and 


"MISSUS,   DEY'S  A  SHEET  GONE.' 


"Missus,  dey's  a  sheet  gone." 
"  A    sheet    gone  !    Well,  for    the    land's 
sake  ! " 

"I'll   stop  up    them  holes   to-day,"  says 
Uncles  Silas,  looking  sorrowful. 

"  Oh,  do  shet  up  ! — spose  the  rats  took  the  sheet  f     Where's  it  gone,  Lize  ?  " 
"  Clah  to  goodness  I  hain't  no  notion,  Miss  Sally.     She  wuz  on  de  clo's-line 
yistiddy,  but  she  done  gone  ;  she  ain'  dah  no  mo/  now." 

"I  reckon  the  world  is  coming  to  an  end.     I  never  see  the  beat  of  it,  in  all 
my  born  days.     A  shirt,  and  a  sheet,  and  a  spoon,  and  six  can— 

"  Missus,"  comes  a  young  yaller  wench,  "dey's  a  brass  cannelstick  miss'n." 
"  Cler  out  from  here,  you  hussy,  er  I'll  take  a  skillet  to  ye  ! " 
Well,  she  was  just  a  biling.     I  begun  to  lay  for  a  chance  ;  I  reckoned  I  would 
sneak  out  and  go  for  the  woods  till  the  weather  moderated.     She  kept  a  raging 


MOONING  AROUND.  319 


right  along,  running  her  insurrection  all  by  herself,  and  everybody  else  mighty 
meek  and  quiet ;  and  at  last  Uncle  Silas,  looking  kind  of  foolish,  fishes  up  that 
spoon  out  of  his  pocket.  She  stopped,  with  her  mouth  open  and  her  hands  up  ; 
and  as  for  me,  I  wished  I  was  in  Jeruslem  or  somewheres.  But  not  long  ;  be 
cause  she  says  : 

"  It's  just  as  I  expected.  So  you  had  it  in  your  pocket  all  the  time  ;  and  like 
as  not  you've  got  the  other  things  there,  too.  How'd  it  get  there  ?" 

"I  reely  don't  know,  Sally,"  he  says,  kind  of  apologizing,  "  or  you  know  1 
would  tell.  I  was  a-studying  over  my  text  in  Acts  Seventeen,  before  breakfast, 
and  I  reckon  I  put  it  in  there,  not  noticing,  meaning  to  put  my  Testament  in, 
and  it  must  be  so,  because  my  Testament  ain't  in,  but  I'll  go  and  see,  and  if  the 
Testament  is  where  I  had  it,  I'll  know  I  didn't  put  it  in,  and  that  will  show  that 
I  laid  the  Testament  down  and  took  up  the  spoon,  and " 

"  Oh,  for  the  land's  sake  !  Give  a  body  a  rest !  Go  'long  now,  the  whole 
kit  and  biling  of  ye  ;  and  don't  come  nigh  me  again  till  I've  got  back  my  peace  of 
mind." 

I'd  a  heard  her,  if  she'd  a  said  it  to  herself,  let  alone  speaking  it  out ;  and  I'd 
a  got  up  and  obeyed  her,  if  I'd  a  been  dead.  As  we  was  passing  through  the 
getting- room,  the  old  man  he  took  up  his  hat,  and  the  shingle-nail  fell  out  on  the 
floor,  and  he  just  merely  picked  it  up  and  laid  it  on  the  mantel-shelf,  and  never 
said  nothing,  and  went  out.  Tom  see  him  do  it,  and  remembered  about  the 
spoon,  and  says  : 

"Well,  it  ain't  no  use  to  send  things  by  him  no  more,  he  ain't  reliable." 
Then  he  says  :  "  But  he  done  us  a  good  turn  with  the  spoon,  anyway,  without 
knowing  it,  and  so  we'll  go  and  do  him  one  without  him  knowing  it — stop  up  his 
rat-holes." 

There  was  a  noble  good  lot  of  them,  down  cellar,  and  it  took  us  a  whole  hour, 
but  we  done  the  job  tight  and  good,  and  ship-shape.  Then  we  heard  steps  on 
the  stairs,  and  blowed  out  our  light,  and  hid  ;  and  here  comes  the  old  man,  with 
a  candle  in  one  hand  and  a  bundle  of  stuff  in  t'other,  looking  as  absent-minded 
as  year  before  last.  He  went  a  mooning  around,  first  to  one  rat-hole  and  then 
another,  till  he'd  been  to  them  all.  Then  he  stood  about  five  minutes,  picking 


320  TEE  ADVENTURES  OF  HUCKLEBERRY  FINN. 

tallow-drip  off  of  his  candle  and  thinking.     Then  he  turns  off  slow  and  dreamy 
towards  the  stairs,  saying  : 

"  Well,  for  the  life  of  me  I  can't  remember  when  I  done  it.  I  could  show 
her  now  that  I  warn't  to  blame  on  account  of  the  rats.  But  never  mind — let  it 
go.  I  reckon  it  wouldn't  do  no  good." 

And  so  he  went  on  a  mumbling  up  stairs,  and  then  we  left.  He  was  a  mighty 
nice  old  man.  And  always  is. 

Tom  was  a  good  deal  bothered  about  what  to  do  for  a  spoon,  but  he  said  we'd 
got  to  have  it  ;  so  he  took  a  think.  When  he  had  ciphered  it  out,  he  told  me  how 
we  was  to  do  ;  then  we  went  and  waited  around  the  spoon-basket  till  we  see 
Aunt  Sally  coming,  and  then  Tom  went  to  counting  the  spoons  and  laying  them 
out  to  one  side,  and  I  slid  one  of  them  up  my  sleeve,  and  Tom  says  : 

"  Why,  Aunt  Sally,  there  ain't  but  nine  spoons,  yet." 

She  says  : 

( '  Go  'long  to  your  play,  and  don't  bother  me.  I  know  better,  I  counted  'm 
myself." 

"  Well,  I've  counted  them  twice,  Aunt}',  and  /can't  make  but  nine." 

She  looked  out  of  all  patience,  but  of  course  she  come  to  count —anybody 
would. 

"  I  declare  to  gracious  ther*  ain't  but  nine  !  "  she  says.  "  Why,  what  in  the 
world— plague  take  the  things,  I'll  count  'm  again." 

So  I  slipped  back  the  one  I  had,  and  when  she  got  done  counting,  she  says  : 

"Hang  the  troublesome  rubbage,  ther's  ten,  now  !"  and  she  looked  huffy  and 
bothered  both.  But  Tom  says  : 

"Why,  Aunty,  /don't  think  there's  ten." 

"  You  numskull,  didn't  you  see  me  count  'm  ?  " 

"  I  know,  but " 

•'  Well,  I'll  count  'm  again." 

So  I  smouched  one,  and  they  come  out  nine  same  as  the  other  time.  Well, 
she  was  in  a  tearing  way — just  a  trembling  all  over,  she  was  so  mad.  But  she 
counted  and  counted,  till  she  got  that  addled  she'd  start  to  count-in  the  basket 
for  a  spoon,  sometimes  ;  and  so,  three  times  they  come  out  right,  and  three  times 


SAILING  ORDERS. 


321 


they  come  out  wrong.     Then  she  grabbed  up  the  basket  and  slammed  it  across  the 

house  and  knocked  the  cat  galley-west  ;  and  she  said  cle'r  out  and  let  her  have 

some  peace,  and  if  we  come  bothering 

around   her  again  betwixt  that  and 

dinner,  she'd  skin  us.     So  we  had  the 

odd  spoon  ;    and  dropped  it  in  her 

apron  pocket  whilst  she  was  a  giving  us 

our  sailing-orders,  and  Jim  got  it  all 

right,  along  with  her  shingle-nail,  be 

fore  noon.      We  was  very  well  satis 

fied  with  this  business,  and  Tom  al- 

lowed  it  was  worth  twice  the  trouble 

it    took,    because    he    said    now  she 

couldn't  ever  count  them  spoons  twice 

alike    again    to    save  her   life  ;    and 

wouldn't  believe  she'd  counted  them 

right,  if  she  did  ;  and  said  that  after 

she'd  about  counted  her  head  off,  for 

the  next  three  days,  he  judged  she'd 

give  it  up  and  offer  to  kill  anybody 

that  wanted  her  to  ever  count  them  any  more. 

So  we  put  the  sheet  back  on  the  line,  that  night,  and  stole  one  out  of  her 
closet  ;  and  kept  on  putting  it  back  and  stealing  it  again,  for  a  couple  of  days, 
till  she  didn't  know  how  many  sheets  she  had,  any  more,  and  said  she  didn't 
care,  andwarn't  agoing  to  bullyrag  the  rest  of  her  soul  out  about  it,  and  wouldn't 
count  them  again  not  to  save  her  life,  she  druther  die  first. 

So  we  was  all  right  now,  as  to  the  shirt  and  the  sheet  and  the  spoon  and  the 
candles,  by  the  help  of  the  calf  and  the  rats  and  the  mixed-up  counting  ;  and  as 
to  the  candlestick,  it  warn't  no  consequence,  it  would  blow  over  by-and-by. 

But  that  pie  was  a  job  ;  we  had  no  end  of  trouble  with  that  pie.  We  fixed  it 
up  away  down  in  the  woods,  and  cooked  it  there  ;  and  we  got  it  done  at  last,  and 

very  satisfactory,  too  ;  but  not  all  in  one  day  ;  and  we  had  to  use  up  three  wash- 
21 


IN  A  TEARING  WAT. 


322 


THE  ADVENTURES  OF  HUCKLEBERRY  FINN. 


pans  full  of  flour,  before  we  got  through,  and  we  got  burnt  pretty  much  all 
over,  in  places,  and  eyes  put  out  with  the  smoke ;  because,  you  see,  we  didn't 
want  nothing  but  a  crust,  and  we  couldn't  prop  it  up  right,  and  she  would 
always  cave  in.  But  of  course  we  thought  of  the  right  way  at  last ;  which  was 
to  cook  the  ladder,  too,  in  the  pie.  So  then  we  laid  in  with  Jim,  the  second  night, 
and  tore  up  the  sheet  all  in  little  strings,  and  twisted  them  together,  and  long 
before  daylight  we  had  a  lovely  rope,  that  you  could  a  hung  a  person  with. 
We  let  on  it  took  nine  months  to  make  it. 

And  in  the  forenoon  we  took  it  down  to 
the  woods,  but  it  wouldn't  go  in  the  pie. 
Being  made  of  a  whole  sheet,  that  way,  there 
was  rope  enough  for  forty  pies,  if  we'd  a 
wanted  them,  and  plenty  left  over  for  soup, 
or  sausage,  or  anything  you  choose.  We 
could  a  had  a  whole  dinner. 

But  we  didn't  need  it.  All  we  needed  was 
just  enough  for  the  pie,  and  so  we  throwed 
the  rest  away.  We  didn't  cook  none  of  the 
pies  in  the  washpan,  afraid  the  solder  would 
melt ;  but  Uncle  Silas  he  had  a  noble  brass 
warming-pan  which  he  thought  considerable 
of,  because  it  belonged  to  one  of  his  ancestors 
with  a  long  wooden  handle  that  come  over 
from  England  with  William  the  Conqueror 
in  the  Mayflower  or  one  of  them  early  ships 
and  was  hid  away  up  garret  with  a  lot  of 
other  old  pots  and  things  that  was  valuable,  not  on  account  of  being  any  account 
because  they  warn't,  but  on  account  of  them  being  relicts,  you  know,  and  we 
snaked  her  out,  private,  and  took  her  down  there,  but  she  failed  on  the  first  pies, 
because  we  didn't  know  how,  but  she  come  up  smiling  on  the  last  one.  We  took 
and  lined  her  with  dough,  and  set  her  in  the  coals,  and  loaded  her  up  with  rag- 
rope,  and  put  on  a  dough  roof,  and  shut  down  the  lid,  and  put  hot  embers  oil 


ONE   OP  HIS  ANCESTERS. 


THE    WITCH  PIE.  323 


top,  and  stood  off  five  foot,  with  the  long  handle,  cool  and  comfortable,  and  in 
fifteen  minutes  she  turned  out  a  pie  that  was  a  satisfaction  to  look  at.  But  the 
person  that  et  it  would  want  to  fetch  a  couple  of  kags  of  toothpicks  along,  for 
if  that  rope-ladder  wouldn't  cramp  him  down  to  business,  I  don't  know  nothing 
what  I'm  talking  about,  and  lay  him  in  enough  stomach-ache  to  last  him  till  next 
time,  too. 

Nat  didn't  look,  when  we  put  the  witch-pie  in  Jim's  pan  ;  and  we  put  the  three 
tin  plates  in  the  bottom  of  the  pan  under  the  vittles  ;  and  so  Jim  got  everything 
all  right,  and  as  soon  as  he  was  by  himself  he  busted  into  the  pie  and  hid  the  rope- 
ladder  inside  of  his  straw  tick,  and  scratched  some  marks  on  a  tin  plate  and 
throwed  it  out  of  the  window-hole. 


them  pens  was  a  distressid- 
tough  job,  and  so  was  the  saw  ;  and 
Jim  allowed  the  inscription  was 
going  to  be  the  toughest  of  all, 
That's  the  one  which  the  prisoner 
has  to  scrabble  on  the  wall.  But  we 
had  to  have  it ;  Tom  said  we'd  got 
to ;  there  warn't  no  case  of  a  state 
prisoner  not  scrabbling  his  inscrip 
tion  to  leave  behind,  and  his  coat  of 
arms. 

"  Look  at  Lady  Jane  Grey,"  he 
says;  "look  at  Gilford  Dudley; 
look  at  old  Northumberland  !  Why, 
Huck,  spose  it  is  considerble  trouble? 
— what  you  going  to  do  ? — how  you 
going  to  get  around  it  ?  Jim's  got 
JIM'S  COAT  or  ARMS.  to  do  his  inscription  and  coat  of 

arms.     They  all  do." 
Jim  says  : 

"Why,  Mars  Tom,  I  hain't  got  no  coat  o'  arms  ;  I  hain't  got  nuffn  but  dish- 
yer  ole  shirt,  en  you  knows  I  got  to  keep  de  journal  on  dat." 

"Oh,  you  don't  understand,  Jim  ;  a  coat  of  arms  is  very  different." 
"Well,"  I  says,  "  Jim's  right,  anyway,  when  he  says  he  hain't  got  no  coat  of 
arms,  because  he  hain't. " 


THE  COAT  OF  ARMS.  325 


"I  reckon  /knowed  that,"  Tom  says,  "but  you  bet  he'll  have  one  before  he 
goes  out  of  this — because  he's  going  out  right,  and  there  ain't  going  to  be  no 
flaws  in  his  record." 

So  whilst  me  and  Jim  filed  away  at  the  pens  on  a  brickbat  apiece,  Jim  a 
making  his'n  out  of  the  brass  and  I  making  mine  out  of  the  spoon,  Tom  set  to 
work  to  think  out  the  coat  of  arms.  By-and-by  he  said  he'd  struck  so  many  good 
ones  he  didn't  hardly  know  which  to  take,  but  there  was  one  which  he  reckoned 
he'd  decide  on.  He  says  : 

"  On  the  scutcheon  we'll  have  a  bend  or  in  the  dexter  base,  a  sal  tire  murrey 
in  the  fess,  with  a  dog,  couchant,  for  common  charge,  and  under  his  foot  a  chain 
embattled,  for  slavery,  with  a  chevron  vert  in  a  chief  engrailed,  and  three 
invected  lines  on  a  field  azure,  with  the  nombril  points  rampant  on  a  dancette 
indented ;  crest,  a  runaway  nigger,  sable,  with  his  bundle  over  his  shoulder  on  a 
bar  sinister  :  and  a  couple  of  gules  for  supporters,  which  is  you  and  me  ; 
motto,  Maggiore  fretta,  minor e  atto.  Got  it  out  of  a  book— means,  the  more 
haste,  the  less  speed." 

"Geewhillikins,"  I  says,  "but  what  does  the  rest  of  it  mean  ?  " 

"  We  ain't  got  no  time  to  bother  over  that,"  he  says,  "we  got  to  dig  in  like 
all  git-out." 

"  Well,  anyway,"  I  says,  "what's  some  of  it  ?    What's  a  fess  ?  " 

"A  fess — a  fess  is — you  don't  need  to  know  what  a  fess  is.  I'll  show  him 
how  to  make  it  when  he  gets  to  it." 

"Shucks,  Tom,"  I  says,  "I  think  you  might  tell  a  person.  What's  a  bar 
sinister  ?  " 

"  Oh,  /don't  know.     But  he's  got  to  have  it.     All  the  nobility  does." 

That  was  just  his  way.  If  it  didn't  suit  him  to  explain  a  thing  to  you,  he 
wouldn't  do  it.  *  You  might  pump  at  him  a  week,  it  wouldn't  make  no 
difference. 

He'd  got  all  that  coat  of  arms  business  fixed,  so  now  he  started  in  to  finish 
up  the  rest  of  that  part  of  the  work,  which  was  to  plan  out  a  mournful  inscrip 
tion — said  Jim  got  to  have  one,  like  they  all  done.  He  made  up  a  lot,  and  wrote 
them  out  on  a  paper,  and  read  them  off,  so  : 


326  THE  ADVENTURES  OF  HUCKLEBERRY  FINN. 

1.  Here  a  captive  heart  busted. 

2.  Here  a  poor  prisoner,  forsook  by  the  world  and  friends,  fretted  out  his 
sorrowful  life. 

3.  Here  a  lonely  heart  broke,  and  a  worn  spirit  went  to  its  rest,  after  thirty- 
seven  years  of  solitary  captivity. 

4.  Here,  homeless  and  friendless,  after  thirty-seven  years  of  bitter  captivity, 
perished  a  noble  stranger,  natural  son  of  Louis  XIV. 

Tom's  voice  trembled,  whilst  he  was  reading  them,  and  he  most  broke  down. 
When  he  got  done,  he  couldn't  no  way  make  up  his  mind  which  one  for  Jim  to 
scrabble  onto  the  wall,  they  was  all  so  good ;  but  at  last  he  allowed  he  would  let 
him  scrabble  them  all  on.  Jim  said  it  would  take  him  a  year  to  scrabble  such  a 
lot  of  truck  onto  the  logs  with  a  nail,  and  he  didn't  know  how  to  make  letters, 
besides  ;  but  Tom  said  he  would  block  them  out  for  him,  and  then  he  wouldn't 
have  nothing  to  do  but  just  follow  the  lines.  Then  pretty  soon  he  says  : 

"  Come  to  think,  the  logs  ain't  agoing  to  do  ;  they  don't  have  log  walls  in  a 
dungeon  :  we  got  to  dig  the  inscriptions  into  a  rock.  We'll  fetch  a  rock." 

Jim  said  the  rock  was  worse  than  the  logs  ;  he  said  it  would  take  him  such  a 
pison  long  time  to  dig  them  into  a  rock,  he  wouldn't  ever  get  out.  But  Tom  said 
he  would  let  me  help  him  do  it.  Then  he  took  a  look  to  see  how  me  and  Jim 
was  getting  along  with  the  pens.  It  was  most  pesky  tedious  hard  work  and  slow, 
and  didn't  give  my  hands  no  show  to  get  well  of  the  sores,  and  we  didn't  seem  to 
make  no  headway,  hardly.  So  Tom  says  : 

"  I  know  how  to  fix  it.  We  got  to  have  a  rock  for  the  coat  of  arms  and 
mournful  inscriptions,  and  we  can  kill  two  birds  with  that  same  rock.  There's  a 
gaudy  big  grindstone  down  at  the  mill,  and  we'll  smouch  it,  and  carve  the  things 
on  it,  and  file  out  the  pens  and  the  saw  on  it,  too." 

It  warn't  no  slouch  of  an  idea  ;  and  it  warn't  no  slouch  of  a  grindstone 
nuther ;  but  we  allowed  we'd  tackle  it.  It  warn't  quite  midnight,  yet,  so  we 
cleared  out  for  the  mill,  leaving  Jim  at  work.  We  smouched  the  grindstone, 
and  set  out  to  roll  her  home,  but  it  was  a  most  nation  tough  job.  Sometimes,  do 
what  we  could,  we  couldn't  keep  her  from  falling  over,  and  she  come  mighty 


A   SKILLED  SUPERINTENDENT. 


327 


near  mashing  us,  every  time.  Tom  said  she  was  going  to  get  one  of  us,  sure, 
before  we  got  through.  We  got  her  half  way ;  and  then  we  was  plumb  played 
out,  and  most  drownded  with  sweat.  We  see  it  wanrt  no  use,  we  got  to  go  and 
fetch  Jim.  So  he  raised  up  his  bed  and  slid  the  chain  off  of  the  bed -leg,  and 
wrapt  it  round  and  round  his  neck,  and  we  crawled  out  through  our  hole  and 
down  there,  and  Jim  and  me  laid  into  that  grindstone  and  walked  her  along  like 


A    TOTTGH  JOB 


nothing ;  and  Tom  superintended.     He  could  out-superintend  any  boy  I  ever  see. 
He  knowed  how  to  do  everything. 

Our  hole  was  pretty  big,  but  it  warn't  big  enough  to  get  the  grindstone 
through  ;  but  Jim  he  took  the  pick  and  soon  made  it  big  enough.  Then  Tom 
marked  out  them  things  on  it  with  the  nail,  and  set  Jim  to  work  on  them,  with 
the  nail  for  a  chisel  and  an  iron  bolt  from  the  rubbage  in  the  lean-to  for  a 


328  THE  ADVENTURES  OF  HUCKLEBERRY  FINN. 

hammer,  and  told  him  to  work  till  the  rest  of  his  candle  quit  on  him,  and  then 
he  could  go  to  bed,  and  hide  the  grindstone  under  his  straw  tick  and  sleep  on  it. 
Then  we  helped  him  fix  his  chain  back  on  the  bed-leg,  and  was  ready  for  bed  our 
selves.  But  Tom  thought  of  something,  and  says  : 

"  You  got  any  spiders  in  here,  Jim  ?" 

"  No,  sah,  thanks  to  goodness  I  hain't,  Mars  Tom." 

"  All  right,  we'll  get  you  some," 

"  But  bless  you,  honey,  I  doan'  want  none.  I's  afeard  un  um.  I  jis'  's  soon 
have  rattlesnakes  aroun'." 

Tom  thought  a  minute  or  two,  and  says  : 

"  It's  a  good  idea.  And  I  reckon  it's  been  done.  It  must  a  been  done  ;  it 
stands  to  reason.  Yes,  it's  a  prime  good  idea.  Where  could  you  keep  it  ?  " 

"  Keep  what,  Mars  Tom  ?  " 

"Why,  a  rattlesnake." 

"  De  goodness  gracious  alive,  Mars  Tom  !  Why,  if  dey  was  a  rattlesnake  to 
come  in  heah,  I'd  take  en  bust  right  out  thoo  dat  log  wall,  I  would,  wid  my 
head." 

"Why,  Jim,  you  wouldn't  be  afraid  of  it,  after  a  little.     You  could  tame  it." 

"  Tame  it  I" 

"  Yes — easy  enough.  Every  animal  is  grateful  for  kindness  and  petting,  and 
they  wouldn't  think  of  hurting  a  person  that  pets  them.  Any  book  will  tell 
you  that.  You  try — that's  all  I  ask  ;  just  try  for  two  or  three  days.  Why,  you 
can  get  him  so,  in  a  little  while,  that  he'll  love  you  ;  and  sleep  with  you  ;  and 
won't  stay  away  from  you  a  minute  ;  and  will  let  you  wrap  him  round  your  neck 
and  put  his  head  in  your  mouth." 

"  Please.  Mars  Tom — doan'  talk  so  !  I  can't  star?  it !  He'd  let  me  shove  his 
head  in  my  mouf — fer  a  favor,  hain't  it  ?  I  lay  he'd  wait  a  pow'ful  long  time  'fo' 
I  ast  him.  En  mo'  en  dat,  I  doan'  want  him  to  sleep  wid  me." 

"  Jim,  don't  act  so  foolish.  A  prisoner's  got  to  have  some  kind  of  a  dumb 
pet,  and  if  a  rattlesnake  hain't  ever  been  tried,  why,  there's  more  glory  to  be 
gained  in  your  being  the  first  to  ever  try  it  than  any  other  way  you  could  ever 
think  of  to  save  your  life." 


UNPLEASANT  GLORY.  329 


"Why,  Mars  Tom,  I  doan'  want  no  sich  glory.  Snake  take  'n  bite  Jim's 
chin  off,  den  whah  is  de  glory  ?  No,  sah,  I  doan'  want  no  sich  doin's." 

"  Blame  it,  can't  you  try  f  I  only  want  you  to  try — you  needn't  keep  it  up  if 
it  don't  work." 

•'  Bat  de  trouble  all  done,  ef  de  snake  bite  me  while  I's  a  tryin'  him. 
Mars  Tom,  I's  willin'  to  tackle  mos'  anything  'at  ain't  on  reasonable,  but  ef  you 


BUTTONS  ON  THEIR  TAILS. 


en  Huck  fetches  a  rattlesnake  in  heah  for  me  to  tame,  I's  gwyne  to  leave,  dat's 
shore." 

"Well,  then,  let  it  go,  let  it  go,  if  you're  so  bullheaded  about  it.  We  can  get 
you  some  garter-snakes  and  you  can  tie  some  buttons  on  their  tails,  and  let  on 
they're  rattlesnakes,  and  I  reckon  that'll  have  to  do." 

"  I  k'n  stan'  dem,  Mars  Tom,  but  blame'  'f  I  couldn'  get  along  widout  um, 
I  tell  you  dat.  I  never  knowed  b'fo',  't  was  so  much  bother  and  trouble  to  be  a 
prisoner." 

"Well,  it  always  is,  when  it's  done  right.  You  got  any  rats  around 
here?" 

"No,  sah,  I  hain't  seed  none." 

"  Well,  we'll  get  you  some  rats." 


330  THE  ADVENTURES  OF  HUCKLEBERRY  FINN. 

"  Why,  Mars  Tom,  I  doan'  want  no  rats.  Dey's  de  dad-blamedest  creturs  to 
sturb  a  body,  en  rustle  roun'  over  'im,  en  bite  his  feet,  when  he's  tryin'  to  sleep,  I 
ever  see.  No,  sah,  gimme  g'yarter-snakes,  'f  1's  got  to  have  'm,  but  doan'  gimme 
no  rats,  I  am'  got  no  use  f  r  um,  skasely." 

"  But  Jim,  you  got  to  have  'em — they  all  do.  So  don't  make  no  more  fuss 
about  it.  Prisoners  ain't  ever  without  rats.  There  ain't  no  instance  of  it. 
And  they  train  them,  and  pet  them,  and  learn  them  tricks,  and  they  get  to 
be  as  sociable  as  flies.  But  you  got  to  play  music  to  them.  You  got  anything 
to  play  music  on  ?  " 

"  I  ain'  got  nuffn  but  a  coase  comb  en  a  piece  o'  paper,  en  a  juice-harp  ;  but 
I  reck'n  dey  wouldn'  take  no  stock  in  a  juice-harp." 

"  Yes  they  would.  They  don't  care  what  kind  of  music  'tis.  A  Jew-sharp's 
plenty  good  enough  for  a  rat.  All  animals  likes  music— in  a  prison  they  dote  on 
it.  Specially,  painful  music ;  and  you  can't  get  no  other  kind  out  of  a  jews- 
harp.  It  always  interests  them  ;  they  come  out  to  see  what's  the  matter  with  you. 
Yes,  you're  all  right  ;  you're  fixed  very  well.  You  want  to  set  on  your  bed, 
nights,  before  you  go  to  sleep,  and  early  in  the  mornings,  and  play  your  jews- 
harp  ;  play  The  Last  Link  is  Broken — that's  the  thing  that'll  scoop  a  rat, 
quicker'n  anything  else  :  and  when  you've  played  about  two  minutes,  you'll  see 
all  the  rats,  and  the  snakes,  and  spiders,  and  things  begin  to  feel  worried 
about  you,  and  come.  And  they'll  just  fairly  swarm  over  you,  and  have  a  noble 
good  time." 

"  Yes,  dey  will,  I  reck'n,  Mars  Tom,  but  what  kine  er  time  is  Jim  havin'  ? 
Blest  if  I  kin  see  de  pint.  But  I'll  do  it  ef  I  got  to.  I  reck'n  I  better  keep  de 
animals  satisfied,  en  not  have  no  trouble  in  de  house." 

Tom  waited  to  think  over,  and  see  if  there  wasn't  nothing  else ;  and  pretty 
soon  he  says  : 

"  Oh— there's  one  thing  I  forgot.  Could  you  raise  a  flower  here,  do  you 
reckon  ? " 

"  I  doan'  know  but  maybe  I  could,  Mars  Tom  ;  but  it's  tolable  dark  in 
heah,  en  I  ain'  got  no  use  f'r  no  flower,  nohow,  en  she'd  be  a  pow'ful  sight  o' 
trouble." 


A   TEARFUL  SUBJECT. 


331 


"  Well,  you  try  it,  anyway.    Some  other  prisoners  has  done  it." 

"  One  er  dem  big  cat-tail-lookin'  mullen-stalks  would  grow  in  heah,  Mars  Tom, 
I  reck'n,  but  she  wouldn'  be  wuth  half  de  trouble  she'd  coss." 

''Don't  you  believe  it.  We'll  fetch  you  a  little  one,  and  you  plant  it  in  the 
corner,  over  there,  and  raise  it.  And  don't  call  it  mullen,  call  it  Pitchiola — 
that's  its  right  name,  when  it's  in  a  prison.  And  you  want  to  water  it  with  your 
tears." 

"Why,  I  got  plenty  spring  water,  Mars  Tom." 

"  You  don't  want  spring  water  ;  you  want  to  water  it  with  your  tears.  It's 
the  way  they  always  do." 

"  Why,  Mars  Tom,  I  lay  I  kin  raise  one  er  dem  mullen-stalks  twyste  wid 
spring  water  whiles  another  man's  a  start9 n  one  wid  tears." 

"  That  ain't  the  idea.     You  got  to  do  it  with  tears." 

"  She'll  die  on  my  han's,  Mars  Tom,  she  sholy  will ;  kase  I  doan'  skasely  ever 
cry." 

So  Tom  was  stumped.     But  he  studied  it  over,  and  then  said  Jim  would  have 
to  worry  along  the  best  he  could 
with    an    onion.      He   promised 
he  would  go  to  the  nigger  cabins 
and  drop  one,  private,  in  Jim's 
coffee-pot,  in  the  morning.     Jim 
said  he  would  "  jis'  's  soon  have 
tobacker  in  his  coffee  ; "  and  found 
so  much  fault  with  it,  and  with 
the  work  and  bother  of  raising 
the  mullen,  and  Jews-harping  the 
rats,  and  petting  and  flattering  - 
up  the   snakes  and  spiders  and 
things,  on  top  of  all  the  other 
work  he  had  to  do  on  pens,  and 
inscriptions,  and  journals,  and  things,  which  made  it  more  trouble  and  worry  and 
responsibility  to  be  a  prisoner  than  anything  he  ever  undertook,  that  Tom  most 


I  V 


IKKIOATION. 


332  THE  ADVENTURES  OF  HUCKLEBERRY  FINN. 

lost  all  patience  with  him  ;  and  said  he  was  just  leadened  down  with  more 
gaudier  chances  than  a  prisoner  ever  had  in  the  world  to  make  a  name  for  him 
self,  and  yet  he  didn't  know  enough  to  appreciate  them,  and  they  was  just  about 
wasted  on  him.  So  Jim  he  was  sorry,  and  said  he  wouldn't  behave  so  no  more, 
and  then  me  and  Tom  shoved  for  bed. 


Chapter  XXXIX 


ie  morning  we  went  up  to  the  village 
and  bought  a  wire  rat  trap  and  fetch 
ed  it  down,  and  unstopped  the  best  rat 
hole,  and  in  about  an  hour  we  had  fifteen 
of  the  bulliest  kind  of  ones  ;  and  then  we 
took  it  and  put  it  in  a  safe  place  under 
Aunt  Sally's  bed.  But  while  we  was  gone 
for  spiders,  little  Thomas  Franklin  Ben 
jamin  Jefferson  Elexander  Phelps  found 
it  there,  and  opened  the  door  of  it  to  see 
if  the  rats  would  come  out,  and  they  did  ; 
and  Aunt  Sally  she  come  in,  and  when  we 
got  back  she  was  a  standing  on  top  of  the 
bed  raising  Cain,  and  the  rats  was  doing 
what  they  could  to  keep  off  the  dull  times 
for  her.  So  she  took  and  dusted  us  both 
with  the  hickry,  and  we  was  as  much  as 
two  hours  catching  another  fifteen  or  six 
teen,  drat  that  meddlesome  cub,  and  they 
warn't  the  likeliest,  nuther,  because  the  first  haul  was  the  pick  of  the  flock.  I 
never  see  a  likelier  lot  of  rats  than  what  that  first  haul  was. 

We  got  a  splendid  stock  of  sorted  spiders,  and  bugs,  and  frogs,  and  cater 
pillars,  and  one  thing  or  another  ;  and  we  like-to  got  a  hornet's  nest,  but  we 
didn't.  The  family  was  at  home.  We  didn't  give  it  right  up,  but  staid  with 
them  as  long  as  we  could ;  because  we  allowed  we'd  tire  them  out  or  they'd 


KEEPING   OFF  DULL  TIMES. 


334  THE  ADVENTURES  OF  HUCKLEBERRY  FINN. 

got  to  tire  us  out,  and  they  done  it.  Then  we  got  allycumpain  and  rubbed  on 
the  places,  and  was  pretty  near  all  right  again,  but  couldn't  set  down  convenient. 
And  so  we  went  for  the  snakes,  and  grabbed  a  couple  of  dozen  garters  and  house- 
snakes,  and  put  them  in  a  bag,  and  put  it  in  our  room,  and  by  that  time  it  was 
supper  time,  and  a  rattling  good  honest  day's  work ;  and  hungry  ? — oh,  no,  I 
reckon  not !  And  there  warn't  a  blessed  snake  up  there,  when  we  went  back — we 
didn't  half  tie  the  sack,  and  they  worked  out,  somehow,  and  left.  But  it  didn't 
matter  much,  because  they  was  still  on  the  premises  somewheres.  So  we  judged 
we  could  get  some  of  them  again.  No,  there  warn't  no  real  scarcity  of  snakes 
about  the  house  for  a  considerble  spell.  You'd  see  them  dripping  from  the 
rafters  and  places,  every  now  and  then  ;  and  they  generly  landed  in  your  plate, 
or  down  the  back  of  your  neck,  and  most  of  the  time  where  you  didn't  want  them. 
Well,  they  was  handsome,  and  striped,  and  there  warn't  no  harm  in  a  million  of 
them  ;  but  that  never  made  no  difference  to  Aunt  Sally,  she  despised  snakes,  be  the 
breed  what  they  might,  and  she  couldn't  stand  them  no  way  you  could  fix  it ;  and 
every  time  one  of  them  flopped  down  on  her,  it  didn't  make  no  difference  what 
she  was  doing,  she  would  just  lay  that  work  down  and  light  out.  I  never  see 
such  a  woman.  And  you  could  hear  her  whoop  to  Jericho.  You  couldn't  get 
her  to  take  aholt  of  one  of  them  with  the  tongs.  And  if  she  turned  over 
and  found  one  in  bed,  she  would  scramble  out  and  lift  a  howl  that  you  would 
think  the  house  was  afire.  She  disturbed  the  old  man  BO,  that  he  said  he 
could  most  wish  there  hadn't  ever  been  no  snakes  created.  Why,  after  every  last 
snake  had  been  gone  clear  out  of  the  house  for  as  much  as  a  week,  Aunt  Sally 
warn't  over  it  yet ;  she  warn't  near  over  it ;  when  she  was  setting  thinking  about 
something,  you  could  touch  her  on  the  back  of  her  neck  with  a  feather  and  she 
would  jump  right  out  of  her  stockings.  It  was  very  curious.  But  Tom  said  all 
women  was  just  so.  He  said  they  was  made  that  way;  for  some  reason  or 
other. 

We  got  a  licking  every  time  one  of  our  snakes  come  in  her  way  ;  and  she  al 
lowed  these  lickings  warn't  nothing  to  what  she  would  do  if  we  ever  loaded  up  the 
place  again  with  them.  I  didn't  mind  the  lickings,  because  they  didn't  amount 
to  nothing;  but  I  minded  the  trouble  we  had,  to  lay  in  another  lot.  But  we  got 


LIVELY  BED  FELLOWS. 


335 


them  laid  in,  and  all  the  other  things  ;  and  you  never  see  a  cabin  as  blithesome  as 
Jim's  was  when  they'd  all  swarm  out  for  music  and  go  for  him.  Jim  didn't  like 
the  spiders,  and  the  spiders  didn't  like  Jim  ;  and  so  they'd  lay  for  him  and  make 
it  mighty  warm  for  him.  And  he  said  that  between  the  rats,  and  the  snakes,  and 
the  grindstone,  there  warn't  no  room  in  bed  for  him,  skasely  ;  and  when  there 
was,  a  body  couldn't  sleep,  it  was  so  lively,  and  it  was  always  lively,  he  said,  be 
cause  they  never  all  slept  at  one  time,  but  took  turn  about,  so  when  the  snakes 
was  asleep  the  rats  was  on  deck,  and  when  the  rats  turned  in  the  snakes  come  on 
watch,  so  he  always  had  one  gang  under  him,  in  his  way,  and  t'other  gang  hav 
ing  a  circus  over  him,  and  if  he  got  up  to  hunt  a  new  place,  the  spiders  would 
take  a  chance  at  him  as  he  crossed  over.  He  said  if  he  ever  got  out,  this  time,  he 
wouldn't  ever  be  a  prisoner  again,  not  for  a  salary. 

Well,  by  the  end  of  three  weeks,  everything  was  in  pretty  good  shape.  The 
shirt  was  sent  in  early,  in  a  pie,  and  every 
time  a  rat  bit  Jim  he  would  get  up  and 
write  a  little  in  his  journal  whilst  the  ink 
was  fresh  ;  the  pens  was  made,  the  in 
scriptions  and  so  on  was  all  carved  on 
the  grindstone  ;  the  bed-leg  was  sawed  in 
two,  and  we  had  et  up  the  sawdust,  and  it 
give  us  a  most  amazing  stomach-ache. 
We  reckoned  we  was  all  going  to  die,  but 
didn't.  It  was  the  most  undigestible 
sawdust  1  ever  see ;  and  Tom  said  the 
same.  But  as  I  was  saying,  we'd  got  all 
the  work  done,  now,  at  last ;  and  we  was 
all  pretty  much  fagged  out,  too,  but 
mainly  Jim.  The  old  man  had  wrote  a 
couple  of  times  to  the  plantation  below 
Orleans  to  come  and  get  their  runaway  nigger,  but  hadn't  got  no  answer,  because 
there  warn't  no  such  plantation  ;  so  he  allowed  he  would  advertise  Jim  in  the  St. 
Louis  and  New  Orleans  papers ;  and  when  he  mentioned  the  St.  Louis  ones,  it 


lit 


SAWDUST   DIET. 


336  THE  ADVEN1URES  OF  HUCKLEBERRY  FINN. 

give  me  the  cold  shivers,  and  I  see  we  hadn't  no  time  to  lose.     So  Tom  said, 
now  for  the  nonnamous  letters. 

"What's  them  ?  "  I  says. 

"  Warnings  to  the  people  that  something  is  up.  Sometimes  it's  done  one 
way,  sometimes  another.  But  there's  always  somebody  spying  around,  that  gives 
notice  to  the  governor  of  the  castle.  When  Louis  XVI.  was  going  to  light  out  of 
the  Tooleries,  a  servant  girl  done  it.  It's  a  very  good  way,  and  so  is  the  non 
namous  letters.  We'll  use  them  both.  And  it's  usual  for  the  prisoner's  mother 
to  change  clothes  with  him,  and  she  stays  in,  and  he  slides  out  in  her  clothes. 
We'll  do  that  too." 

"  But  looky  here,  Tom,  what  do  we  want  to  warn  anybody  for,  that  some 
thing's  up  ?  Let  them  find  it  out  for  themselves — it's  their  lookout." 

"Yes,  I  know;  but  you  can't  depend  on  them.  It's  the  way  they've  acted 
from  the  very  start — left  us  to  do  everything.  They're  so  confiding  and  mullet- 
headed  they  don't  take  notice  of  nothing  at  all.  So  if  we  don't  give  them  notice, 
there  won't  be  nobody  nor  nothing  to  interfere  with  us,  and  so  after  all  our 
hard  work  and  trouble  this  escape  '11  go  off  perfectly  flat:  won't  amount  to  noth 
ing—won't  be  nothing  to  it." 

"  Well,  as  for  me,  Tom,  that's  the  way  I'd  like." 

"  Shucks,"  he  says,  and  looked  disgusted.     So  I  says  : 

"  But  I  ain't  going  to  make  no  complaint.  Anyway  that  suits  you  suits  me. 
What  you  going  to  do  about  the  servant-girl  ?" 

"You'll  be  her.  You  slide  in,  in  the  middle  of  the  night,  and  hook  that 
yaller  girl's  frock." 

:'  Why,  Tom,  that'll  make  trouble  next  morning  ;  because  of  course  she  prob'- 
bly  hain't  got  any  but  that  one." 

"I  know  ;  but  you  don't  want  it  but  fifteen  minutes,  to  carry  the  nonnamous 
letter  and  shove  it  under  the  front  door." 

"All  right,  then,  I'll  do  it ;  but  I  could  carry  it  just  as  handy  in  my  own 
togs." 

"You  wouldn't  look  like  a  servant-girl  then,  would  you  ?" 

"No,  but  there  won't  be  nobody  to  see  what  I  look  like,  anyway." 


THE  STRAW  DUMMY. 


337 


"  That  ain't  got  nothing  to  do  with  it.  The  thing  for  us  to  do,  is  just  to  do 
our  duty,  and  not  worry  about  whether  anybody  sees  us  do  it  or  not.  Hain't  you 
got  no  principle  at  all  ?  " 

"All    right,   I   ain't    saying   nothing;  I'm   the   servant-girl.      Who's    Jim's 
mother?" 

"I'm  his  mother.  I'll 
hook  a  gown  from  Aunt 
Sally." 

"  Well,  then,  you'll  have 
to  stay  in  the  cabin  when  me 
and  Jim  leaves." 

"Not  much.  I'll  stuff 
Jim's  clothes  full  of  straw 
and  lay  it  on  his  bed  to  re 
present  his  mother  in  dis 
guise,  and  Jim  '11  take  the 
nigger  woman's  gown  off  of 
me  and  wear  it,  and  we'll  all 
evade  together.  When  a  pri 
soner  of  style  escapes,  it's 
called  an  evasion.  It's  al 
ways  called  so  when  a  king 
escapes,  f'rinstance.  And  the 
same  with  a  king's  son  ;  it 
don't  make  no  difference 
whether  he's  a  natural  one  or  an  unnatural  one." 

So  Tom  he  wrote  the  nonnamous  letter,  and  I  smouched  the  yaller  wencn's 
frock,  that  night,  and  put  it  on,  and  shoved  it  under  the  front  door,  the  way  Tom 
told  me  to.  It  said  : 

Beware.     Trouble  is  brewing.    Keep  a  sharp  lookout.    UNKNOWN  FRIEND. 
"Next  night  we  stuck  a  picture  which  Tom  drawed  in  blood,  of  a  skull  and 

crossbones,  on  the  front  door  ;  and  next  night  another  one    of  a  coffin,  on  the 
22 


TROUBLE   IS    BRKWINO. 


338  THE  ADVENTURES  OF  HUCKLEBERRY  FINN. 

back  door.  I  never  see  a  family  in  such  a  sweat.  They  couldn't  a  been  worse 
scared  if  the  place  had  a  been  full  of  ghosts  laying  for  them  behind  everything 
and  under  the  beds  and  shivering  through  the  air.  If  a  door  banged,  Aunt  Sally 
she  jumped,  and  said  "  ouch  ! "  if  anything  fell,  she  jumped  and  said  "ouch  !" 
if  you  happened  to  touch  her,  when  she  warn't  noticing,  she  done  the  same  ;  she 
couldn't  face  noway  and  be  satisfied,  because  she  allowed  there  was  something 
behind  her  every  time — so  she  was  always  a  whirling  around,  sudden,  and  saying 
"ouch,"  and  before  she'd  get  two-thirds  around,  she'd  whirl  back  again,  and 
say  it  again  ;  and  she  was  afraid  to  go  to  bed,  but  she  dasn't  set  up.  So  the 
thing  was  working  very  well,  Tom  said ;  he  said  he  never  see  a  thing  work  more 
satisfactory.  He  said  it  showed  it  was  done  right. 

So  he  said,  now  for  the  grand  bulge  !  So  the  very  next  morning  at  the 
streak  of  dawn  we  got  another  letter  ready,  and  was  wondering  what  we  better 
do  with  it,  because  we  heard  them  say  at  supper  they  was  going  to  have  a  nigger 
on  watch  at  both  doors  all  night.  Tom  he  went  down  the  lightning-rod  to  spy 
around  ;  and  the  nigger  at  the  back  door  was  asleep,  and  he  stuck  it  in  the  back 
of  his  neck  and  come  back.  This  letter  said  : 

Don't  betray  me,  I  wish  to  be  your  friend.  There  is  a  desprate  gang  of  cutthroats  from  over 
in  the  Ingean  Territory  going  to  steal  your  runaway  nigger  to-night,  and  they  have  been  trying  to 
scare  you  so  as  you  will  stay  in  the  house  and  not  bother  them.  I  am  one  of  the  gang,  but  have 
got  religgion  and  wish  to  quit  it  and  lead  a  honest  life  again,  and  will  betray  the  helish  design. 
They  will  sneak  down  from  northards,  along  t7ie  fence,  at  midnight  exact,  with  a  false  key,  and  go 
in  the  nigger's  cabin  to  get  him.  1  am  to  be  off  a  piece  and  blow  a  tin  horn  if  I  see  any  danger  ; 
but  stead  of  that,  I  will  BA  like  a  sheep  soon  as  they  get  in  and  not  blow  at  all ;  then  whilst  they  are 
getting  his  chains  loose,  you  slip  there  and  lock  them  in,  and  can  kill  them  at  your  leasure.  Don't 
do  anything  but  just  the  way  I  am  telling  you,  if  you  do  they  will  suspicion  something  and  raise 
whoop jamboreehoo.  I  do  not  wish  any  reward  but  to  know  I  have  done  the  right  thing. 

UNKNOWN  FRIEND. 


XL 


We  was  feeling  pretty  good,  after  break 
fast,  and  took  my  canoe  and  went 
over  the  river  a  fishing,  with  a  lunch, 
and  had  a  good  time,  and  took  a  look 
at  the  raft  and  found  her  all  right, 
and  got  home  late  to  supper,  and 
found  them  in  such  a  sweat  and 
.worry  they  didn't  know  which  end 
they  was  standing  on,  and  made  us 
go  right  off  to  bed  the  minute  we 
was  done  supper,  and  wouldn't  tell 
us  what  the  trouble  was,  and  never 
let  on  a  word  about  the  new  letter, 
but  didn't  need  to,  because  we 
knowed  as  much  about  it  as  any 
body  did,  and  as  soon  as  we  was 

half  up  stairs  and  her  back  was  turned,  we  slid  for  the  cellar  cubboard  and  loaded 
up  a  good  lunch   and  took  it  up  to  our  room  and  went  to  bed,  and  got  up 
about  half-past  eleven,  and  Tom  put  on  Aunt  Sally's  dress  that  he  stole  and 
was  going  to  start  with  the  lunch,  but  says  : 
"Where's  the  butter?" 

"  I  laid  out  a  hunk  of  it,"  I  says,  "  on  a  piece  of  a  corn-pone." 
"  Well,  you  left  it  laid  out,  then— it  ain't  here." 
"  We  can  get  along  without  it,"  I  says. 
"We  can  get  along  with  it,  too,"  he  says  ;  "  just  you  slide  down  cellar  and 


•tic. 


340  THE  ADVENTURES  OF  HUCKLEBERRY  FINN. 


fetch  it.  And  then  mosey  right  down  the  lightning-rod  and  come  along.  I'll 
go  and  stuff  the  straw  into  Jim's  clothes  to  represent  his  mother  in  disguise,  and 
be  ready  to  ba  like  a  sheep  and  shove  soon  as  you  get  there. " 

So  out  he  went,  and  down  cellar  went  I.  The  hunk  of  butter,  big  as  a 
person's  fist,  was  where  I  had  left  it,  so  I  took  up  the  slab  of  corn-pone  with  it 
on,  and  bio  wed  out  my  light,  and  started  up  stairs,  very  stealthy,  and  got  up  to 
the  main  floor  all  right,  but  here  comes  Aunt  Sally  with  a  candle,  and  I  clapped 
the  truck  in  my  hat,  and  clapped  my  hat  on  my  head,  and  the  next  second  she 
see  me  ;  and  she  says  : 

"  You  been  down  cellar  ?  " 

"Yes'm." 

"What  you  been  doing  down  there  ?" 

"Noth'n." 

"Noth'n!" 

"No'm." 

"  Well,  then,  what  possessed  you  to  go  down  there,  this  time  of  night  ?  " 

"I  don't  know'm." 

"  You  don't  know  ?  Don't  answer  me  that  way,  Tom,  I  want  to  know  what 
you  been  doing  down  there  ?  " 

"I  hain't  been  doing  a  single  thing,  Aunt  Sally,  I  hope  to  gracious  if  I 
have." 

I  reckoned  she'd  let  me  go,  now,  and  as  a  generl  thing  she  would ;  but  I 
spose  there  was  so  many  strange  things  going  on  she  was  just  in  a  sweat  about 
every  little  thing  that  warn't  yard-stick  straight ;  so  she  says,  very  decided  : 

"You  just  march  into  that  setting-room  and  stay  there  till  1  come.  You 
been  up  to  something  you  no  business  to,  and  I  lay  I'll  find  out  what  it  is  before 
I'm  done  with  you." 

So  she  went  away  as  I  opened  the  door  and  walked  into  the  setting-room.  My, 
but  there  was  a  crowd  there  !  Fifteen  farmers,  and  every  one  of  them  had  a  gun. 
I  was  most  powerful  sick,  and  slunk  to  a  chair  and  set  down.  They  was  setting 
around,  some  of  them  talking  a  little,  in  a  low  voice,  and  all  of  them  fidgety  and 
uneasy,  but  trying  to  look  like  they  warn't ;  but  I  knowed  they  was,  because  they 


THK   VIGILANCE  COMMITTEE.  34} 


was  always  taking  off  their  hats,  and  putting  them  on,  and  scratching  their  heads, 
and  changing  their  seats,  and  fumbling  with  their  buttons.  I  warn't  easy  myself, 
but  I  didn't  take  my  hat  off,  all  the  same. 

I  did  wish  Aunt  Sally  would  come,  and  get  done  with  me,  and  lick  me,  if 
she  wanted  to,  and  let  me  get  away  and  tell  Tom  how  we'd  overdone  this  thing, 
and  what  a  thundering  hornet's  nest  we'd  got  ourselves  into,  so  we  could  stop 


EVERY  ONE  HAD  A  GUN. 


fooling  around,  straight  off,  and  clear  out  with  Jim  before  these  rips  got  out  of 
patience  and  come  for  us. 

At  last  she  come,  and  begun  to  ask  me  questions,  but  I  couldn't  answer  them 
straight,  I  didn't  know  which  end  of  me  was  up  ;  because  these  men  was  in  such 
a  fidget  now,  that  some  was  wanting  to  start  right  now  and  lay  for  them  desper 
adoes,  and  saying  it  warn't  but  a  few  minutes  to  midnight ;  and  others  was  trying 
to  get  them  to  hold  on  and  wait  for  the  sheep-signal ;  and  here  was  aunty 
pegging  away  at  the  questions,  and  me  a  shaking  all  over  and  ready  to  sink  down 
in  my  tracks  I  was  that  scared  ;  and  the  place  getting  hotter  and  hotter,  and  the 
butter  beginning  to  melt  and  run  down  my  neck  and  behind  my  ears  :  and  pretty 


342  THE  ADVENTURES  OF  HUCKLEBERRY  FINN. 

soon,  when  one  of  them  says,  "  I'm  for  going  and  getting  in  the  cabin  first,  and 
right  now,  and  catching  them  when  they  come,"  I  most  dropped  ;  and  a  streak  of 
butter  come  a  trickling  down  my  forehead,  and  Aunt  Sally  she  see  it,  and  turns 
white  as  a  sheet,  and  says  : 

"  For  the  land's  sake  what  is  the  matter  with  the  child  ! — he's  got  the 
brain  fever  as  shore  as  you're  born,  and  they're  oozing  out !" 

And  everybody  runs  to  see,  and  she  snatches  off  my  hat,  and  out  comes  the 
bread,  and  what  was  left  of  the  butter,  and  she  grabbed  me,  and  hugged  me,  and 


"  Oh,  what  a  turn  you  did  give  me  !  and  how  glad  and  grateful  I  am  it  ain't 
no  worse ;  for  luck's  against  us,  and  it  never  rains  but  it  pours,  and  when  I  see 
that  truck  I  thought  we'd  lost  you,  for  I  knowed  by  the  color  and  all,  it  was  just 
like  your  brains  would  be  if—  Dear,  dear,  whyd'nt  you  tell  me  that  was  what 
you'd  been  down  there  for,  /  wouldn't  a  cared.  Now  cler  out  to  bed,  and  don't 
lemme  see  no  more  of  you  till  morning  !  " 

I  was  up  stairs  in  a  second,  and  down  the  lightning-rod  in  another  one,  and 
shinning  through  the  dark  for  the  lean-to.  I  couldn't  hardly  get  my  words  out, 
I  was  so  anxious;  but  I  told  Tom  as  quick  as  I  could,  we  must  jump  for  it,  now, 
and  not  a  minute  to  lose — the  house  full  of  men,  yonder,  with  guns  ! 

His  eyes  just  blazed  ;  and  he  says : 

"No  ! — is  that  so  ?  Ain't  it  bully  !  Why,  Huck,  if  it  was  to  do  over  again, 
I  bet  I  could  fetch  two  hundred  !  If  we  could  put  it  off  till " 

"  Hurry  !  hurry!  "  I  says.      "  Where's  Jim  ?  " 

"  Right  at  your  elbow  ;  if  you  reach  out  your  arm  you  can  touch  him.  He's 
dressed,  and  everything's  ready.  Now  we'll  slide  out  and  give  the  sheep- 
signal." 

But  then  we  heard  the  tramp  of  men,  coming  to  the  door,  and  heard  them 
begin  to  fumble  with  the  padlock  ;  and  heard  a  man  say  : 

"  I  told  you  we'd  be  too  soon  ;  they  haven't  come — the  door  is  locked.  Here, 
I'll  lock  some  of  you  into  the  cabin  and  you  lay  for  'em  in  the  dark  and  kill  'em 
when  they  come  ;  and  the  rest  scatter  around  a  piece,  and  listen  if  you  can  hear 
'em  coming." 


A  LIVELY  RUN. 


343 


So  in  they  come,  but  couldn't  see  us  in  the  dark,  and  most  trod  on  us  whilst 
we  was  hustling  to  get  under  the  bed.  But  we  got  under  all  right,  and  out 
through  the  hole,  swift  but  soft — Jim  first,  me  next,  and  Tom  last,  which  was 
according  to  Tom's  orders.  Now  we  was  in  the  lean-to,  and  heard  trampings 
close  by  outside.  So  we  crept  to  the  door,  and  Tom  stopped  us  there  and  put  his 
eye  to  the  crack,  but  couldn't  make  out 
nothing,  it  was  so  dark  ;  and  whispered 
and  said  he  would  listen  for  the  steps  to 
get  further,  and  when  he  nudged  us  Jim 
must  glide  out  first,  and  him  last.  So 
he  set  his  ear  to  the  crack  and  listened, 
and  listened,  and  listened,  and  the  steps 
a  scraping  around,  out  there,  all  the  time; 
and  at  last  he  nudged  us,  and  we  slid  out, 
and  stooped  down,  not  breathing,  and 
not  making  the  least  noise,  and  slipped 
stealthy  towards  the  fence,  in  Injun  file, 
and  got  to  it,  all  right,  and  me  and  Jim 
over  it ;  but  Tom's  britches  catched 
fast  on  a  splinter  on  the  top  rail,  and 
then  he  hear  the  steps  coming,  so  he 
had  to  pull  loose,  which  snapped  the 
splinter  and  made  a  noise ;  and  as  he 
dropped  in  our  tracks  and  started, 
somebody  sings  out : 

"  Who's  that  ?    Answer,  or  I'll  shoot  ! " 

But  we  didn't  answer  ;  we  just  unfurled  our  heels  and  shoved.  Then  there 
was  a  rush,  and  a  bang,  bang,  bang  !  and  the  bullets  fairly  whizzed  around  us  ! 
"We  heard  them  sing  out  : 

"Here  they  are  !  They've  broke  for  the  river  !  after  'em,  boys  !  And  turn 
loose  the  dogs  !  " 

So  here  they  come,  full  tilt.     We  could  hear  them,  because  they  wore  boots, 


TOM   CAUGHT   ON    A   SPLINTER. 


344  THE  ADVENTURES  OF  HUCKLEBERRY  FINN. 

and  yelled,  but  we  didn't  wear  no  boots,  and  didn't  yell.  We  was  in  the  path  to 
the  mill ;  and  when  they  got  pretty  close  onto  us,  we  dodged  into  the  bush  and  let 
them  go  by,  and  then  dropped  in  behind  them.  They'd  had  all  the  dogs  shut  up, 
so  they  wouldn't  scare  off  the  robbers  ;  but  by  this  time  somebody  had  let  them 
loose,  and  here  they  come,  making  pow-wow  enough  for  a  million  ;  but  they  was 
our  dogs  ;  so  we  stopped  in  our  tracks  till  they  catched  up  ;  and  when  they  see  iv 
warn' t  nobody  but  us,  and  no  excitement  to  offer  them,  they  only  just  said  howdy, 
and  tore  right  ahead  towards  the  shouting  and  clattering ;  and  then  we  up  steam 
again  and  whizzed  along  after  them  till  we  was  nearly  to  the  mill,  and  then  struck 
up  through  the  bush  to  where  my  canoe  was  tied,  and  hopped  in  and  pulled  for 
dear  life  towards  the  middle  of  the  river,  but  didn't  make  no  more  noise  than 
we  was  obleeged  to.  Then  we  struck  out,  easy  and  comfortable,  for  the  island 
where  my  raft  was  ;  and  we  could  hear  them  yelling  and  barking  at  each  other  all 
up  and  down  the  bank,  till  we  was  so  far  away  the  sounds  got  dim  and  died  out. 
And  when  we  stepped  onto  the  raft,  I  says  : 

"Now,  old  Jim,  you're  a  free  man  again,  and  I  bet  you  won't  ever  be  a  slave 
no  more." 

"En  a  mighty  good  job  it  wuz,  too,  Huck.  It 'uz  planned  beautiful,  en  it  'uz 
done  beautiful ;  en  dey  ain't  nobody  kin  git  up  a  plan  dat's  mo'  mixed-up  en 
splendid  den  what  dat  one  wuz." 

We  was  all  as  glad  as  we  could  be,  but  Tom  was  the  gladdest  of  all,  because 
he  had  a  bullet  in  the  calf  of  his  leg. 

When  me  and  Jim  heard  that,  we  didn't  feel  so  brash  as  what  we  did  before. 
It  was  hurting  him  considerble,  and  bleeding ;  so  we  laid  him  in  the  wigwam 
and  tore  up  one  of  the  duke's  shirts  for  to  bandage  him,  but  he  says  : 

"  Gimme  the  rags,  I  can  do  it  myself.  Don't  stop,  now ;  don't  fool  around 
here,  and  the  evasion  booming  along  so  handsome  ;  man  the  sweeps,  and  set  her 
loose  !  Boys,  we  done  it  elegant ! — 'deed  we  did.  I  wish  we'd  a  had  the  handling 
of  Louis  XVI.,  there  wouldn't  a  been  no  '  Son  of  Saint  Louis,  ascend  to  heaven  !' 
wrote  down  in  his  biography  :  no,  sir,  we'd  a  whooped  him  over  the  border — 
that's  what  we'd  a  done  with  Mm — and  done  it  just  as  slick  as  nothing  at  all,  too. 
Man  the  sweeps — man  the  sweeps  !  " 


JIM  ADVISES  A  DOCTOR. 


345 


But  me  and  Jim  was  consulting — and  thinking.  And  after  we'd  thought  a 
minute,  I  says  : 

"Say  it,  Jim." 

So  he  says  : 

"Well,  den,  dis  is  de  way  it  look  to  me,  Huck.  Ef  it  wuz  Mm  dat  'uz 
bein'  sot  free,  en  one  er  de  boys  wuz  to  git  shot,  would  he  say,  'Go  on 
en  save  me,  neminine  'bout  a  doctor  f'r  to  save  dis  one  ?  Is  dat  like  Mars 
Tom  Sawyer  ?  Would  he  say  dat  ?  You  bet  he  wouldn't !  Well,  den,  is  Jim 
gwyne  to  say  it  ?  No,  sah— I  doan'  budge  a  step  out'n  dis  place,  'dout  a  doctor; 
not  if  it's  forty  year  ! " 

I  knowed  he  was  white  inside, 
and  I  reckoned  he'd  say  what  he  did 
say — so  it  was  all  right,  now,  and  I 
told  Tom  I  was  agoing  for  a  doctor. 
He  raised  considerble  row  about  it, 
but  me  and  Jim  stuck  to  it  and 
wouldn't  budge  ;  so  he  was  for  crawl 
ing  out  and  setting  the  raft  loose 
himself  ;  but  we  wouldn't  let  him. 
Then  he  give  us  a  piece  of  his  mind 
— but  ifc  didn't  do  no  good. 

So  when  he  see  me  getting  the 
canoe  ready,  he  says  : 

"Well,  then,  if  you're  bound  to 
go,  I'll  tell  you  the  way  to  do,  when 
you  get  to  the  village.  Shut  the 
door,  and  blindfold  the  doctor  tight 
and  fast,  and  make  him  swear  to  be 
silent  as  the  grave,  and  put  a  purse 
full  of  gold  in  his  hand,  and  then 
take  and  lead  him  all  around  the  back  alleys  and  everywheres,  in  the  dark,  and 
then  fetch  him  here  in  the  canoe,  in  a  roundabout  way  amongst  the  islands. 


JIM  ADVISES   A   DOCTOR. 


346  THE  ADVENTURES  OF  HUCKLEBERRY  FINN. 

and  search  him  and  take  his  chalk  away  from  him,  and  don't  give  it  back  to 
him  till  you  get  him  back  to  the  village,  or  else  he  will  chalk  this  raft  so 
he  can  find  it  again.  It's  the  way  they  all  do." 

So  I  said  I  would,  and  left,  and  Jim  was  to  hide  in  the  woods  when  he  see 
the  doctor  coming,  till  he  was  gone  again. 


Chabter  XL 


THE   DOCTOR. 


doctor  was  an  old  man  ;  a  very  nice, 
kind-looking  old  man,  when  I  got 
him  up.  I  told  him  me  and  my 
brother  was  over  on  Spanish  Island 
hunting,  yesterday  afternoon,  and 
camped  on  a  piece  of  a  raft  we  found, 
and  about  midnight  he  must  a  kicked 
his  gun  in  his  dreams,  for  it  went  off 
and  shot  him  in  the  leg,  and  we 
wanted  him  to  go  over  there  and 
fix  it  and  not  say  nothing  about  it, 
nor  let  anybody  know,  because  we 
wanted  to  come  home  this  evening, 
and  surprise  the  folks. 
,  "Who  is  your  folks  ?  "  he  says. 
"The  Phelpses,  down  yonder." 
And  after  a  minute,  he  says :  "  How'd  you  say  he  got 


"Oh,"  he  says, 
shot?" 

"He  had  a  dream,"  I  says,  "and  it  shot  him." 

"  Singular  dream,"  he  says. 

So  he  lit  up  his  lantern,  and  got  his  saddle-bags,  and  we  started.  But  when 
he  see  the  canoe,  he  didn't  like  the  look  of  her — said  sbe  was  big  enough  for  one, 
but  didn't  look  pretty  safe  for  two.  I  says  : 

"  Oh,  you  needn't  be  afeard,  sir,  she  carried  the  three  of  us,  easy  enough." 

"What  three?" 


348 


THE  ADVENTURES  OF  HUCKLEBERRY  FINN. 


"  Why,  me  and  Sid,  and — and — and  the  guns  ;  that's  what  I  mean." 
"  Oh,"  he  says. 

But  he  put  his  foot  on  the  gunnel,  and  rocked  her  ;  and  shook  his  head,  and  said 
he  reckoned  he'd  look  around  for  a  bigger  one.  But  they  was  all  locked  and  chained  ; 
so  he  took  my  canoe,  and  said  for  me  to  wait  till  he  come  back,  or  I  could  hunt 
around  further,  or  maybe  I  better  go  down  home  and  get  them  ready  for  the  sur 
prise,  if  I  wanted  to.  But  I  said  I  didn't ;  so  I  told  him  just  how  to  find  the 
raft,  and  then  he  started. 

I  struck  an  idea,  pretty   soon.     I  says  to  myself,  spos'n  he  can't  fix  that 

leg  just  in  three  shakes  of  a 
sheep's  tail,  as  the  saying  is  ? 
spos'n  it  takes  him  three  or 
four  days  ?  What  are  we  going 
to  do  ? — lay  around  there  till 
he  lets  the  cat  out  of  the 
bag  ?  No,  sir,  I  know  what  Fll 
do.  'I'll  wait,  and  when  he  comes 
back,  if  he  says  he's  got  to  go 
any  more,  I'll  get  down  there, 
too,  if  I  swim ;  and  we'll  take 
and  tie  him,  and  keep  him,  and 
shove  out  down  the  river  ;  and 
when  Tom's  done  with  him, 
we'll  give  him  what  it's  worth, 
or  all  we  got,  and  then  let  him 
get  shore. 

So  then  I  crept  into  a  lumber 
pile  to  get  some  sleep  ;  and  next 
time  I  waked  up  the  sun  was 
away  up  over  my  head  !  I  shot 

out  and  went  for  the  doctor's  house,  but  they  told  me  he'd  gone  away  in  the 
night,  some  time  or  other,  and  warn't  back  yet.      Well,  thinks  I,  that  looks 


UNCLE  SFLAS   IN  DANGEK. 


UNCLE  SILAS.  349 


powerful  bad  for  Tom,  and  I'll  dig  out  for  the  island,  right  off.  So  away  I 
shoved,  and  turned  the  corner,  and  nearly  rammed  my  head  into  Uncle  Silas's 
stomach  !  He  says  : 

"  Why,  Tom  !    Where  you  been,  all  this  time,  you  rascal  ?  " 

"  /  hain't  been  nowheres,"  I  says,  "  only  just  hunting  for  the  runaway  nigger 
— me  and  Sid." 

"Why,  where  ever  did  you  go?"  he  says.  "Your  aunt's  been  mighty  un 
easy." 

"  She  needn't,"  I  says,  "  because  we  was  all  right.  We  followed  the  men  and 
the  dogs,  but  they  out- run  us,  and  we  lost  them  ;  but  we  thought  we  heard  them 
on  the  water,  so  we  got  a  canoe  and  took  out  after  them,  and  crossed  over  but 
couldn't  find  nothing  of  them  ;  so  we  cruised  along  up-shore  till  we  got  kind  of 
tired  and  beat  out ;  and  tied  up  the  canoe  and  went  to  sleep,  and  never  waked 
up  till  about  an  hour  ago,  then  we  paddled  over  here  to  hear  the  news,  and 
Sid's  at  the  post-office  to  see  what  he  can  hear,  and  I'm  a  branching  out  to  get 
something  to  eat  for  us,  and  then  we're  going  home." 

So  then  we  went  to  the  jtost-office  to  get  "Sid  "  ;  but  just  as  I  suspicioned,  he 
warn't  there  ;  so  the  old  man  he  got  a  letter  out  of  the  office,  and  we  waited  a 
while  longer  but  Sid  didn't  come  ;  so  the  old  man  said  come  along,  let  Sid  foot  it 
home,  or  canoe-it,  when  he  got  done  fooling  around — but  we  would  ride.  I 
couldn't  get  him  to  let  me  stay  and  wait  for  Sid ;  and  he  said  there  warn't  no 
use  in  it,  and  I  must  come  along,  and  let  Aunt  Sally  see  we  was  all  right. 

When  we  got  home,  Aunt  Sally  was  that  glad  to  see  me  she  laughed  and  cried 
both,  and  hugged  me,  and  give  me  one  of  them  lickings  of  hern  that  don't  amount 
to  shucks,  and  said  she'd  serve  Sid  the  same  when  he  come. 

And  the  place  was  plumb  full  of  farmers  and  farmers'  wives,  to  dinner  ;  and 
such  another  clack  a  body  never  heard.  Old  Mrs.  Hotchkiss  was  the  worst ;  her 
tongue  was  agoing  all  the  time.  She  says  : 

"Well,  Sister  Phelps,  I've  ransacked  that-air  cabin  over  an' I  b'lieve  the 
nigger  was  cr^zy.  I  says  so  to  Sister  Damrell— didn't  I,  Sister  Damrell  ?— s'l, 
he's  crazy,  s'l— -fiiem's  the  very  words  I  said.  You  all  hearn  me  :  he's  crazy,  s'l ; 
everything  shows  it,  s'l.  Look  at  that-air  grindstone,  s'l ;  want  to  tell  me'i  any 


350 


THE  ADVENTURES  OF  HUCKLEBERRY  FINN. 


cretur  'ts  in  his  right  mind  's  agoin'  to  scrabble  all  them  crazy  things  onto  a 
grindstone,  s'l  ?  Here  sich  V  sich  a  person  busted  his  heart ;  'n'  here  so  'n'  so 
pegged  along  for  thirty-seven  year,  'n'  all  that — natcherl  son  o'  Louis  somebody, 
'n'  sich  everlast'n  rubbage.  He's  plumb  crazy,  s'l ;  it's  what  I  says  in  the 
fust  place,  it's  what  I  says  in  the  middle,  'n'  it's  what  I  says  last  'n'  all  the  time 
— the  nigger's  crazy — crazy  's  Nebokoodneezer,  s'l." 

' '  An'  look  at  that-air  ladder  made 
out'n  rags,  Sister  Hotchkiss,"  says  old 
Mrs.  Damrell,  "  what  in  the  name  o' 

goodness  could  he  ever  want  of " 

"  The  very  words  I  was  a-sayin'  no 
longer  ago  th'n  this  minute  to  Sister 
Utterback,  'n'  she'll  tell  you  so  herself. 
Sh-she,  look  at  that-air  rag  ladder, 
sh-she ;  'n'  s'l,  yes,  look  at  it,  s'l — 
what  could  he  a  wanted  of  it,  s'l. 

Sh-she,  Sister  Hotchkiss,  sh-she " 

"But  how  in  the  nation 'd  they 
ever  git  that  grindstone  in  there,  any- 

way  r  'n'  who  dug  that-air  hole?  'n'  who " 

"  My  very  words,  Brer  Penrod  !  I  was  a-sayin' — pass  that-air  sasser  o' 
m'lasses,  won't  ye  ? — I  was  a-sayin'  to  Sister  Dunlap,  jist  this  minute,  how  did 
they  git  that  grindstone  in  there,  s'l.  Without  help,  mind  you— 'thout  help  ! 
Thar's  wher'  'tis.  Don't  tell  me,  s'l ;  there  wuz  help,  s'l ;  'n'  ther'  wuz  aplenty 
help,  too,  s'l ;  ther's  ben  a  dozen  a-helpin'  that  nigger,  'n'  I  lay  I'd  skin  every 

last  nigger  on  this  place,  i>ut  Fd  find  out  who  done  it,  s'l ;  'n'  moreover,  s'l " 

"A  dozen  says  you  \— forty  couldn't  a  done  everything  that's  been  done. 
Look  at  them  case-knife  saws  and  things,  how  tedious  they've  been  made  ;  look 
at  that  bed-leg  sawed  off  with  'm,  a  week's  work  for  six  men  ;  look  at  that  nigger 

made  out'n  straw  on  the  bed  ;  and  look  at " 

"  You  may  well  say  it,  Brer  Hightower  !  It's  jist  as  I  was  a-sayin'  to  Brer 
Phelps,  his  own  self.  S'e,  what  do  you  think  of  it,  Sister  Hotchkiss,  s'e  ?  think 


OM>  MK3.    HOTCHKISS. 


3Z8TJEB  HOTCHKISS.  351 


o'  what,  Brer  Phelps,  s'I»?  think  o'  that  bed-leg  sawed  off  that  a  way,  s'e  ?  think 
of  it,  s'l  ?  I  lay  it  never  sawed  itself  off,  s'l — somebody  sawed  it,  s'l ;  that's  my 
opinion,  take  it  or  leave  it,  it  mayn't  be  no  'count,  s'l,  but  sich  as  Jt  is,  it's  my 
opinion,  s'l,  'n'  if  anybody  k'n.  start  a  better  one,  s'l,  let  him  do  it,  s'l,  that's  all. 
I  says  to  Sister  Dunlap,  s'l " 

"  Why,  dog  my  cats,  they  must  a  ben  a  house-full  o'  niggers  in  there  every 
night  for  four  weeks,  to  a  done  all  that  work,  Sister  Phelps.  Look  at  that  shirt 
— every  last  inch  of  it  kivered  over  with  secret  African  writ'n  done  with  blood! 
Must  a  ben  a  raft  uv  'm  at  it  right  along,  all  the  time,  amost.  Why,  I'd  give 
two  dollars  to  have  it  read  to  me  ;  'n'  as  for  the  niggers  that  wrote  it,  I  'low  I'd 
take'n'  lash  Jm  t'll " 

"  People  to  help  him,  Brother  Marples  !  Well,  I  reckon  you'd  think  so,  if  you'd 
a  been  in  this  house  for  a  while  back.  Why,  they've  stole  everything  they  could 
lay  their  hands  on — and  we  a  watching,  all  the  time,  mind  you.  They  stole  that 
shirt  right  off  o'  the  line  !  and  as  for  that  sheet  they  made  the  rag  ladder  out  of 
ther'  ain't  no  telling  how  many  times  they  didn't  steal  that ;  and  flour,  and 
candles,  and  candlesticks,  and  spoons,  and  the  old  warming-pan,  and  most  a 
thousand  things  that  I  disremember,  now,  and  my  new  calico  dress  ;  and  me,  and 
Silas,  and  my  Sid  and  Tom  on  the  constant  watch  day  and  night,  as  I  was  a  tell 
ing  you,  and  not  a  one  of  us  could  catch  hide  nor  hair,  nor  sight  nor  sound  of 
them  ;  and  here  at  the  last  minute,  lo  and  behold  you,  they  slides  right  in  under 
our  noses,  and  fools  us,  and  not  only  fools  us  but  the  Injun  Territory  robbers  too, 
and  actuly  gets  away  with  that  nigger,  safe  and  sound,  and  that  with  sixteen 
men  and  twenty-two  dogs  right  on  their  very  heels  at  that  very  time  !  I  tell  you,  it 
just  bangs  anything  I  ever  heard  of.  Why,  sperits  couldn't  a  done  better,  and 
been  no  smarter.  And  I  reckon  they  must  a  been  sperits — because,  you  know  our 
dogs,  and  ther5  ain't  no  better  ;  well,  them  dogs  never  even  got  on  the  track  of 
'm,  once  !  You  explain  that  to  me,  if  you  can  ! — any  of  you  I " 

"Well,  it  does  beat " 

"  Laws  alive,  I  never — 

"  So  help  me,  I  wouldn't  a  be " 


"  House-  thieves  as  well  as — 


352  THE  ADVENTURES  OF  HUCKLEBERRY  FINN. 

"  Goodnessgracioussakes,  I'd  a  ben  afeard  to  live  in<gich  a " 

"  Traid  to  live  ! — why,  I  was  that  scared  I  das'nt  hardly  go  to  bed,  or  get  up,  or 
lay  down,  or  set  down,  Sister  Eidgeway.  Why,  they'd  steal  the  very — why,  good 
ness  sakes,  you  can  guess  what  kind  of  a  fluster  J  was  in  by  the  time  midnight 
come,  last  night.  I  hope  to  gracious  if  I  warn't  afraid  they'd  steal  some  o'  the 
family  !  I  was  just  to  that  pass,  I  didn't  have  no  reasoning  faculties  no  more. 
It  looks  foolish  enough,  now,  in  the  day-time  ;  but  I  says  to  myself,  there's  my 
two  poor  boys  asleep,  'way  up  stairs  in  that  lonesome  room,  and  I  declare  to  good 
ness  I  was  that  uneasy  't  I  crep'  up  there  and  locked  'ein  in  !  I  did.  And  any 
body  would.  Because,  you  know,  when  you  get  scared,  that  way,  and  it  keeps  run 
ning  on,  and  getting  worse  and  worse,  all  the  time,  and  your  wits  gets  to  addling, 
and  you  get  to  doing  all  sorts  o'  wild  things,  and  by-and-by  you  think  to  your 
self,  spos'n  /  was  a  boy,  and  was  away  up  there,  and  the  door  ain't  locked,  and 

you "  She  stopped,  looking  kind  of  wondering,  and  then  she  turned  her 

head  around  slow,  and  when  her  eye  lit  on  me — I  got  up  and  took  a  walk. 

Says  I  to  myself,  I  can  explain  better  how  we  come  to  not  be  in  that  room 
this  morning,  if  I  go  out  to  one  side  and  study  over  it  a  little.  So  I  done  it.  But 
I  dasn't  go  fur,  or  she'd  a  sent  for  me.  And  when  it  was  late  in  the  day,  the 
people  all  went,  and  then  I  come  in  and  told  her  the  noise  and  shooting  waked 
up  me  and  "  Sid,"  and  the  door  was  locked,  and  we  wanted  to  see  the  fun,  so  we 
went  down  the  lightning-rod,  and  both  of  us  got  hurt  a  little,  and  we  didn't 
never  want  to  try  that  no  more.  And  then  I  went  on  and  told  her  all  what  I 
told  Uncle  Silas  before  ;  and  then  she  said  she'd  forgive  us,  and  maybe  it  was  all 
right  enough  anyway,  and  about  what  a  body  might  expect  of  boys,  for  all  boys  was  a 
pretty  harum-scarum  lot,  as  fur  as  she  could  see  ;  and  so,  as  long  as  no  harm 
hadn't  come  of  it,  she  judged  she  better  put  in  her  time  being  grateful  we  was 
alive  and  well  and  she  had  us  still,  stead  of  fretting  over  what  was  past  and  done. 
So  then  she  kissed  me,  and  patted  me  on  the  head,  and  dropped  into  a  kind  of  a 
brown  study  ;  and  pretty  soon  jumps  up,  and  says  : 

"  Why,  lawsamercy,  it's  most  night,  and  Sid  not  come  yet  !  What  has  become 
of  that  boy  ?  " 

I  see  my  chance  ;  so  I  skips  up  and  says  : 


AUNT  SALLY  IN  TROUBLE. 


353 


"  I'll  run  right  up  to  town  and  get  him,"  I  says. 

"  No  you  won't,"  she  says.     "  You'll  stay  right  wher'  you  are  ;  one's  enough 
to  be  lost  at  a  time.     If  he  ain't  here  to  supper,  your  uncle  '11  go." 

Well,  he  warn't  there  to  supper ;  so  right  after  supper  uncle  went. 

He  come  back  about  ten,  a  little  bit  uneasy  ;  hadn't  run  across  Tom's  track. 
Aunt  Sally  was  a  good  deal  uneasy ;  but  Uncle  Silas  he  said  there  warn't  no  occa 
sion  to  be — boys  will  be  boys,  he  said,  and  you'll  see  this  one  turn  up  in  the  morning, 
all  sound  and  right.     So  she  had  to  be 
satisfied.     But  she  said  she'd  set  up  for 
him  a  while,  anyway,  and  keep  a  light 
burning,  so  he  could  see  it. 

And  then  when  I  went  up  to  bed 
she  come  up  with  me  and  fetched  her 
candle,  and  tucked  me  in,  and 
mothered  me  so  good  I  felt  mean,  and 
like  I  couldn't  look  her  in  the  face  ; 
and  she  set  down  on  the  bed  and 
talked  with  me  a  long  time,  and  said 
what  a  splendid  boy  Sid  was,  and  didn't 
seem  to  want  to  ever  stop  talking  about 
him ;  and  kept  asking  me  every  now 
and  then,  if  I  reckoned  he  could  a  got 
lost,  or  hurt,  or  maybe  drown ded,  and 
might  be  laying  at  this  minute,  some- 
wheres,  suffering  or  dead,  and  she  not 
by  him  to  help  him,  and  so  the  tears  would  drip  down,  silent,  and  I  would  tell 
her  that  Sid  was  all  right,  and  would  be  home  in  the  morning,  sure ;  and  she 
would  squeeze  my  hand,  or  maybe  kiss  me,  and  tell  me  to  say  it  again,  and  keep 
on  saying  it,  because  it  done  her  good,  and  she  was  in  so  much  trouble.  And  when 
she  was  going  away,  she  looked  down  in  my  eyes,  so  steady  and  gentle,  and  says  : 

"The  door  ain't  going  to  be  locked,  Tom  ;  and  there's  the  window  and  the 
rod  ;  but  you'll  be  good,  won't  you  ?    And  you  won't  go  ?    For  my  sake." 


AUNT  SALLY   TALKS   TO   HFCK. 


354  THE  ADVENTURES  OF  HUCKLEBERRY  FINN. 

Laws  knows  I  wanted  to  go,  bad  enough,  to  see  about  Tom,  and  was  all  intend 
ing  to  go  ;  but  after  that,  I  wouldn't  a  went,  not  for  kingdoms. 

But  she  was  on  my  mind,  and  Tom  was  on  my  mind  ;  so  I  slept  very  restless. 
And  twice  I  went  down  the  rod,  away  in  the  night,  and  slipped  around  front, 
and  see  her  setting  there  by  her  candle  in  the  window  with  her  eyes  towards  the 
road  and  the  tears  in  them ;  and  I  wished  I  could  do  something  for  her,  but  I 
couldn't,  only  to  swear  that  I  wouldn't  never  do  nothing  to  grieve  her  any  more. 
And  the  third  time,  I  waked  up  at  dawn,  and  slid  down,  and  she  was  there  yet, 
and  her  candle  was  most  out,  and  her  old  gray  head  was  resting  on  her  hand,  and 
she  was  asleep. 


jter" 


|e  old  man  was  up  town  again,  before 
breakfast,  but  couldn't  get  no  track  of 
Tom ;  and  both  of  them  set  at  the 
table,  thinking,  and  not  saying  noth 
ing,  and  looking  mournful,  and  their 
coffee  getting  cold,  and  not  eating  any 
thing.  And  by-and-by  the  old  man 
says  : 

"Did  I  give  you  the  letter  ?" 
"What  letter?" 

"The  one  I  got  yesterday  out  of 
the  post-office." 

"No,  you  didn't  give  me  no  let 
ter." 

"  Well,  I  must  a  forgot  it." 
So  he  rummaged  his  pockets,  and 
then  went  off  somewheres  where  he  had 
laid  it  down,  and  fetched  it,  and  give  it  to  her.     She  says  : 
"  Why,  it's  from  St.  Petersburg— it's  from  Sis." 

I  allowed  another  walk  would  do  me  good  ;  but  I  couldn't  stir.  But  before 
she  could  break  it  open,  she  dropped  it  and  run — for  she  see  something.  And  so 
did  I.  It  was  Tom  Sawyer  on  a  mattress  ;  and  that  old  doctor  ;  and  Jim,  in  her 
calico  dress,  with  his  hands  tied  behind  him ;  and  a  lot  of  people.  I  hid  the 
letter  behind  the  first  thing  that  come  handy,  and  rushed.  She  flung  herself  at 
Tom,  crying,  and  says  : 


TOM  8AWYBR  WOUNDED. 


356  THE  ADVENTURES  OF  HUCKLEBERRY  FINN. 

"  Oh,  he's  dead,  he's  dead,  I  know  he's  dead  !" 

And  Tom  he  turned  his  head  a  little,  and  muttered  something  or  other,  which 
showed  he  warn't  in  his  right  mind  ;  then  she  flung  up  her  hands,  and  says  : 

"  He's  alive,  thank  God  !  And  that's  enough  !  "  and  she  snatched  a  kiss  of 
him,  and  flew  for  the  house  to  get  the  bed  ready,  and  scattering  orders  right  and 
left  at  the  niggers  and  everybody  else,  as  fast  as  her  tongue  could  go,  every  jump 
of  the  way. 

I  followed  the  men  to  see  what  they  was  going  to  do  with  Jim  ;  and  the  old 
doctor  and  Uncle  Silas  followed  after  Tom  into  the  house.  The  men  was  very 
huffy,  and  some  of  them  wanted  to  hang  Jim,  for  an  example  to  all  the  other 
niggers  around  there,  so  they  wouldn't  be  trying  to  run  away,  like  Jim  done,  and 
making  such  a  raft  of  trouble,  and  keeping  a  whole  family  scared  most  to  death  for 
days  and  nights.  But  the  others  said,  don't  do  it,  it  wouldn't  answer  at  all,  he 
ain't  our  nigger,  and  his  owner  would  turn  up  and  make  us  pay  for  him,  sure.  So 
that  cooled  them  down  a  little,  because  the  people  that's  always  the  most  anxious 
for  to  hang  a  nigger  that  hain't  done  just  right,  is  always  the  very  ones  that  ain't 
the  most  anxious  to  pay  for  him  when  they've  got  their  satisfaction  out  of  him. 

They  cussed  Jim  considerble,  though,  and  give  him  a  cuff  or  two,  side  the 
head,  once  in  a  while,  but  Jim  never  said  nothing,  and  he  never  let  on  to  know 
me,  and  they  took  him  to  the  same  cabin,  and  put  his  own  clothes  on  him,  and 
chained  him  again,  and  not  to  no  bed-leg,  this  time,  but  to  a  big  staple  drove 
into  the  bottom  log,  and  chained  his  hands,  too,  and  both  legs,  and  said  he  warn't 
to  have  nothing  but  bread  and  water  to  eat,  after  this,  till  his  owner  come  or  he 
was  sold  at  auction,  because  he  didn't  come  in  a  certain  length  of  time,  and  filled 
up  our  hole,  and  said  a  couple  of  farmers  with  guns  must  stand  watch  around 
about  the  cabin  every  night,  and  a  bull-dog  tied  to  the  door  in  the  day-time  ;  and 
about  this  time  they  was  through  with  the  job  and  was  tapering  off  with  a  kind 
of  generl  good-bye  cussing,  and  then  the  old  doctor  comes  and  takes  a  look,  and 
says  : 

"  Don't  be  no  rougher  on  him  than  you're  obleeged  to,  because  he  ain't  a  bad 
nigger.  When  I  got  to  where  I  found  the  boy,  I  see  I  couldn't  cut  the  bullet  out 
without  some  help,  and  he  warn't  in  no  condition  for  me  to  leave,  to  go  and  get 


THE  DOCTORS  STORY. 


357 


help  ;  and  he  got  a  little  worse  and  a  little  worse,  and  after  a  long  time  he  went 
out  of  his  head,  and  wouldn't  let  me  come  anigh  him,  any  more,  and  said  if  I 
chalked  his  raft  he'd  kill  me,  and  no  end  of  wild  foolishness  like  that,  and  I  see 
I  couldn't  do  anything  at  all  with  him  ;  so  I  says,  I  got  to  have  help,  somehow ; 
and  the  minute  I  says  it,  out  crawls  this  nigger  from  somewheres,  and  says  he'll 
help,  and  he  done  it,  too,  and  done  it 
very  well.  Of  course  I  judged  he 
must  be  a  runaway  nigger,  and  there 
I  was  !  and  there  I  had  to  stick,  right 
straight  along  all  the  rest  of  the  day, 
and  all  night.  It  was  a  fix,  I  tell 
you  !  I  had  a  couple  of  patients  with 
the  chills,  and  of  course  I'd  of  liked 
to  run  up  to  town  and  see  them,  but 
I  dasn't,  because  the  nigger  might  get 
away,  and  then  I'd  be  to  blame  ;  and 
yet  never  a  skiff  come  close  enough 
for  me  to  hail.  So  there  I  had  to 
stick,  plumb  till  daylight  this  morn 
ing  ;  and  I  never  see  a  nigger  that 
was  a  better  nuss  or  faithfuller,  and 
yet  he  was  res  king  his  freedom  to  do 
it,  and  was  all  tired  out,  too,  and  I 
see  plain  enough  he'd  been  worked 
main  hard,  lately.  I  liked  the  nigger  for  that ;  I  tell  you,  gentlemen,  a  nigger 
like  that  is  worth  a  thousand  dollars — and  kind  treatment,  too.  I  had  every 
thing  I  needed,  and  the  boy  was  doing  as  well  there  as  he  would  a  done  at  home 
— better,  maybe,  because  it  was  so  quiet ;  but  there  I  was,  with  both  of  'm  on  my 
hands  ;  and  there  I  had  to  stick,  till  about  dawn  this  morning  ;  then  some  men 
in  a  skiff  come  by,  and  as  good  luck  would  have  it,  the  nigger  was  setting  by  the 
pallet  witn  his  head  propped  on  his  knees,  sound  asleep ;  so  I  motioned  them  in, 
quiet,  and  they  slipped  up  on  him  and  grabbed  him  and  tied  him  before  he 


THE   DOCTOR   SPEAKS   FOR  JIM. 


358  THE  ADVENTURES  OF  HUCKLEBERRY  FINN. 

knowed  what  he  was  about,  and  we  never  had  no  trouble.  And  the  boy  being  in 
a  kind  of  a  flighty  sleep,  too,  we  muffled  the  oars  and  hitched  the  raft  on,  and 
towed  her  over  very  nice  and  quiet,  and  the  nigger  never  made  the  least  row  nor 
said  a  word,  from  the  start.  He  ain't  no  bad  nigger,  gentlemen  ;  that's  what  I 
think  about  him." 

Somebody  says  : 

"  Well,  it  sounds  very  good,  doctor,  I'm  obleeged  to  say." 

Then  the  others  softened  up  a  little,  too,  and  I  was  mighty  thankful  to  that 
old  doctor  for  doing  Jim  that  good  turn  ;  and  I  was  glad  it  was  according  to  my 
judgment  of  him,  too  ;  because  I  thought  he  had  a  good  heart  in  him  and  was  a 
good  man,  the  first  time  I  see  him.  Then  they  all  agreed  that  Jim  had  acted 
very  well,  and  was  deserving  to  have  some  notice  took  of  it,  and  reward.  So 
every  one  of  them  promised,  right  out  and  hearty,  that  they  wouldn't  cuss  him 
no  more. 

Then  they  come  out  and  locked  him  up.  I  hoped  they  was  going  to  say 
he  could  have  one  or  two  of  the  chains  took  oil,  because  they  was  rotten 
heavy,  or  could  have  meat  and  greens  with  his  bread  and  water,  but  they 
didn't  think  of  it,  and  I  reckoned  it  warn't  best  for  me  to  mix  in,  but  I 
judged  I'd  get  the  doctor's  yarn  to  Aunt  Sally,  somehow  or  other,  as  soon  as  I'd 
got  through  the  breakers  that  was  laying  just  ahead  of  me.  Explanations,  I  mean, 
of  how  I  forgot  to  mention  about  Sid  being  shot,  when  I  was  telling  how  him 
and  me  put  in  that  dratted  night  paddling  around  hunting  the  runaway  nigger. 

But  I  had  plenty  time.  Aunt  Sally  she  stuck  to  the  sick-room  all  day  and  all 
night ;  and  every  time  I  see  Uncle  Silas  mooning  around,  I  dodged  him. 

Next  morning  I  heard  Tom  was  a  good  deal  better,  and  they  said  Aunt  Sally 
was  gone  to  get  a  nap.  So  I  slips  to  the  sick-room,  and  if  I  found  him  awake  I 
reckoned  we  could  put  up  a  yarn  for  the  family  that  would  wash.  But  he  was 
sleeping,  and  sleeping  very  peaceful,  too  ;  and  pale,  not  fire-faced  the  way  he  was 
when  he  come.  So  I  set  down  and  laid  for  him  to  wake.  In  about  a  half  an 
hour,  Aunt  Sally  comes  gliding  in,  and  there  I  was,  up  a  stump  again  !  She  mo 
tioned  me  to  be  still,  and  set  down  by  me,  and  begun  to  whisper,  and  said  we 
could  all  be  joyful  now,  because  all  the  symptoms  was  first  rate,  and  he'd  been 


TOM  CONFESSES.  359 


sleeping  like  that  for  ever  so  long,  and  looking  better  and  peacefuler  all  the 
time,  and  ten  to  one  he'd  wake  up  in  his  right  mind. 

So  we  set  there  watching,  and  by-and-by  he  stirs  a  bit,  and  opened  his  eyes 
very  natural,  and  takes  a  look,  and  says  : 

' '  Hello,  why  I'm  at  home  !    How's  that  ?     Where's  the  raft  ?  " 

"  It's  all  right,"  1  says. 

"Andc/iww?" 

"  The  same,"  I  says,  but  couldn't  say  it  pretty  brash.  But  he  never  noticed, 
but  says  : 

"  Good  !    Splendid  !    Now  we're  all  right  and  safe  !    Did  you  tell  Aunty  ?  " 

I  was  going  to  say  yes  ;  but  she  chipped  in  and  says  : 

"About  what,  Sid?" 

"Why,  about  the  way  the  whole  thing  was  done." 

"What  whole  thing?" 

"  Why,  the  whole  thing.  There  ain't  but  one  ;  how  we  set  the  runaway  nig 
ger  free — me  and  Tom. " 

"  Good  land  !  Set  the  run—  What  is  the  child  talking  about !  Dear,  dear, 
out  of  his  head  again  ! " 

"  No,  I  ain't  out  of  my  HEAD  ;  I  know  all  what  I'm  talking  about.  We  did 
set  him  free — me  and  Tom.  We  laid  out  to  do  it,  and  we  done  it.  And  we  done 
it  elegant,  too."  He'd  got  a  start,  and  she  never  checked  him  up,  just  set  and 
stared  and  stared,  and  let  him  clip  along,  and  I  see  it  warn't  no  use  for  me  to  put 
in.  "Why,  Aunty,  it  cost  us  a  power  of  work — weeks  of  it — hours  and  hours, 
every  night,  whilst  you  was  all  asleep.  And  we  had  to  steal  candles,  and  the 
sheet,  and  the  shirt,  and  your  dress,  and  spoons,  and  tin  plates,  and  case-knives, 
and  the  warming-pan,  and  the  grindstone,  and  flour,  and  just  no  end  of  things,  and 
you  can't  think  what  work  it  was  to  make  the  saws,  and  pens,  and  inscriptions, 
and  one  thing  or  another,  and  you  can't  think  half  the  fun  it  was.  And  we  had 
to  make  up  the  pictures  of  coffins  and  things,  and  nonnamous  letters  from  the 
robbers,  and  get  up  and  down  the  lightning-rod,  and  dig  the  hole  into  the  cabin, 
and  make  the  rope-ladder  and  send  it  in  cooked  up  in  a  pie,  and  send  in  spoons 
and  things  to  work  with,  in  your  apron  pocket  " 


360  THE  ADVENTURES  OF  HUCKLEBERRY  FINN. 

"  Mercy  sakes  !" 

— "and  load  up  the  cabin  with  rats  and  snakes  and  so  on,  for  company  for 
Jim  ;  and  then  you  kept  Torn  here  so  long  with  the  butter  in  his  hat  that  you  come 
near  spiling  the  whole  business,  because  the  men  come  before  we  was  out  of  the 
cabin,  and  we  had  to  rush,  and  they  heard  us  and  let  drive  at  us,  and  I  got  my 
share,  and  we  dodged  out  of  the  path  and  let  them  go  by,  and  when  the  dogs 
come  they  warn't  interested  in  us,  but  went  for  the  most  noise,  and  we  got  our 
canoe,  and  made  for  the  raft,  and  was  all  safe,  and  Jim  was  a  free  man,  and  we 
done  it  all  by  ourselves,  and  wasn't  it  bully,  Aunty  ! " 

"  Well,  I  never  heard  the  likes  of  it  in  all  my  born  days  !  So  it  was  you,  you 
little  rapscallions,  that's  been  making  all  this  trouble,  and  turned  everybody's  wits 
clean  inside  out  and  scared  us  all  most  to  death.  I've  as  good  a  notion  as  ever  I 
had  in  my  life,  to  take  it  out  o'  you  this  very  minute.  To  think,  here  I've  been, 
night  after  night,  &—you  just  get  well  once,  you  young  scamp,  and  I  lay  I'll 
tan  the  Old  Harry  out  o'  both  o'  ye  ! " 

But  Tom,  he  was  so  proud  and  joyful,  he  just  couldn't  hold  in,  and  his  tongue 
just  went  it — she  a-chipping  in,  and  spitting  fire  all  along,  and  both  of  them  go 
ing  it  at  once,  like  a  cat-convention  ;  and  she  says  : 

"  Well,  you  get  all  the  enjoyment  you  can  out  of  it  now,  for  mind  I  tell  you 
if  I  catch  you  meddling  with  him  again " 

"  Meddling  with  who  ?  "  Tom  says,  dropping  his  smile  and  looking  surprised. 

"  With  who?    Why,  the  runaway  nigger,  of  course.     Who'd  you  reckon  ?" 

Tom  looks  at  me  very  grave,  and  says  : 

"  Tom,  didn't  you  just  tell  me  he  was  all  right  ?    Hasn't  he  got  away  ?  " 

"  Him  9  "  says  Aunt  Sally  ;  "  the  runaway  nigger  ?  'Deed  he  hasn't.  They've 
got  him  back,  safe  and  sound,  and  he's  in  that  cabin  again,  on  bread  and  water, 
and  loaded  down  with  chains,  till  he's  claimed  or  sold  ! " 

Tom  rose  square  up  in  bed,  with  his  eye  hot,  and  his  nostrils  opening  and 
shutting  like  gills,  and  sings  out  to  me  : 

'  They  hain't  no  right  to  shut  him  up  !  Shove  ! — and  don't  you  lose  a  minute. 
Turn  him  loose  !  he  ain't  no  slave ;  he's  as  free  as  any  cretur  that  walks  this  earth ! " 

"What  does  the  child  mean  ?  " 


AUNT  POLLY  ARRIVES. 


361 


"  I  mean  every  word  I  say,  Aunt  Sally,  and  if  somebody  don't  go,  7'11  go.     I've 
knowed  him  all  his  life,   and  so  has  Tom,  there.     Old  Miss  Watson  died  two 
months  ago,  and  she  was  ashamed  she 
ever  was  going  to  sell  him  down  the 
river,  and  said  so ;   and  she  set  him 
free  in  her  will." 

"  Then  what  on  earth  did  you  want 
to  set  him  free  for,  seeing  he  was  al 
ready  free  ?  " 

"  Well,  that  is  a  question,  I  must 
say ;  and  just  like  women  !     Why,  I 
wanted  the  adventure  of  it ;  and  I'd  a    . 
waded  neck-deep  in  blood  to — good 
ness  alive,  AUNT  POLLY  ! " 

If  she  warn't  standing  right  there, 
just  inside  the  door,  looking  as  sweet 
and  contented  as  an  angel  half -full  of 
pie,  I  wish  I  may  never  ! 

Aunt  Sally  jumped  for  her,  and 
most  hugged  the  head  off  of  her,  and  cried  over  her,  and  I  found  a  good  enough 
place  for  me  under  the  bed,  for  it  was  getting  pretty  sultry  for  us,  seemed  to  me. 
And  I  peeped  out,  and  in  a  little  while  Tom's  Aunt  Polly  shook  herself  loose  and 
stood  there  looking  across  at  Tom  over  her  spectacles — kind  of  grinding  him  into 
the  earth,  you  know.  And  then  she  says  : 

"  Yes,  you  better  turn  y'r  head  away — I  would  if  I  was  you,  Tom." 

"  Oh,  deary  me  !  "  says  Aunt  Sally  ;  "  is  he  changed  so  ?  Why,  that  ain't  Tom 
it's  Sid  ;  Tom's — Tom's — why,  where  is  Tom  ?  He  was  here  a  minute  ago." 

"  You  mean  where's  Huck  Finn — that's  what  you  mean  !  I  reckon  I  hain't 
raised  such  a  scamp  as  my  Tom  all  these  years,  not  to  know  him  when  I  see  him. 
That  would  be  a  pretty  howdy-do.  Come  out  from  under  that  bed,  Huck  Finn." 

So  I  done  it.     But  not  feeling  brash. 

Aunt  Sally  she  was  one  of  the  mixed-upest  looking  persons  I  ever  see  ;  except 


TOM  ROSE   SQUARE   UP  IN  BED. 


362 


THE  ADVENTURES  OF  HUCKLEBERRY  FINN. 


one,  and  that  was  Uncle  Silas,  when  he  come  in,  and  they  told  it  all  to  him.  It- 
kind  of  made  him  drunk,  as  you  may  say,  and  he  didn't  know  nothing  at  all  the 
rest  of  the  day,  and  preached  a  prayer-meeting  sermon  that  night  that  give  him 
a  rattling  ruputation,  because  the  oldest  man  in  the  world  couldn't  a  understood 
it.  So  Tom's  Aunt  Polly,  she  told  all  about  who  I  was,  and  what ;  and  I  had  to 
up  and  tell  how  I  was  in  such  a  tight  place  that  when  Mrs.  Phelps  took  me  for 
Tom  Sawyer — she  chipped  in  and  says,  "  Oh,  go  on  and  call  me  Aunt  Sally,  I'm 
used  to  it,  now,  and  'tain't  no  need  to  change  " — that  when  Aunt  Sally  took  me 
for  Tom  Sawyer,  I  had  to  stand  it — there  warn't  no  other  way,  and  I  knowed  he 
wouldn't  mind,  because  it  would  be  nuts  for  him,  being  a  mystery,  and  he'd 
make  an  adventure  out  of  it  and  be  perfectly  satisfied.  And  so  it  turned  out, 
and  he  let  on  to  be  Sid,  and  made  things  as  soft  as  he  could  for  me. 

And  his  Aunt  Polly  she  said  Tom  was  right  about  old  Miss  Watson  setting 
Jim  free  in  her  will ;  and  so,  sure  enough,  Tom  Sawyer  had  gone  and  took  all 
that  trouble  and  bother  to  set  a  free  nigger  free  ! 
and  I  couldn't  ever  understand,  before,  until  that 
minute  and  that  talk,  how  he  could  help  a  body 
set  a  nigger  free,  with  his  bringing-up. 

Well,  Aunt  Polly  she  said  that  when  Aunt  Sally 
wrote  to  her  that  Tom  and  Sid  had  come,  all  right 
and  safe,  she  says  to  herself  : 

"  Look  at  that,  now  !  I  might  have  expected 
it,  letting  him  go  off  that  way  without  anybody 
to  watch  him.  So  now  I  got  to  go  and  trapse  all 
the  way  down  the  river,  eleven  hundred  mile,  and 
find  out  what  that  creetur'sup  to,  this  time  ;  as  long 
as  I  couldn't  seem  to  get  any  answer  out  of  you 
about  it." 

"Why,  I  never  heard  nothing  from  you,"  says 
Aunt  Sally. 

"Well,  I  wonder  !    Why,  I  wrote  to  you  twice,  to  ask  you  what  you  could 
mean  by  Sid  being  here." 


"HAND  OUT  THEM  LETTERS. 


"HAND  OUT  THEM  LETTERS."  363 


"  Well,  I  never  got  'em,  Sis." 

Aunt  Polly,  she  turns  around  slow  and  severe,  and  says  : 

"You,  Tom!" 

"  Well — what  ?"  he  says,  kind  of  pettish. 

"  Don't  you  what  me,  you  impudent  thing — hand  out  them  letters." 

"  What  letters?" 

"  TJiem  letters.     I  be  bound,  if  I  have  to  take  aholt  of  you  I'll 


"  They're  in  the  trunk.  There,  now.  And  they're  just  the  same  as  they 
was  when  I  got  them  out  of  the  office.  I  hain't  looked  into  them,  I  hain't 
touched  them.  But  I  knowed  they'd  make  trouble,  and  I  thought  if  you  warn't 
in  no  hurry,  I'd 

"Well,  you  do  need  skinning,  there  ain't  no  mistake  about  it.  And  I  wrote 
another  one  to  tell  you  I  was  coming  ;  and  I  spose  he " 

"No,  it  come  yesterday;  I  hain't  read  it  yet,  but  it's  all  right,  I've  got 
that  one." 

I  wanted  to  offer  to  bet  two  dollars  she  hadn't,  but  I  reckoned  maybe  it  was 
just  as  safe  to  not  to.  So  I  never  said  nothing. 


J? 


ff 


first  time  I  catched  Tom,  pri 
vate,  I  asked  him  what  was  his 
idea,  time  of  the  evasion  ? — what  it 
was  he'd  planned  to  do  if  the  eva 
sion  worked  all  right  and  he  man 
aged  to  set  a  nigger  free  that  was 
already  free  before  ?  And  he  said, 
what  he  had  planned  in  his  head, 
from  the  start,  if  we  got  Jim  out  all 
safe,  was  for  us  to  run  him  down  the 
river,  on  the  raft,  and  have  advent 
ures  plumb  to  the  mouth  of  the 
river,  and  then  tell  him  about  his 
being  free,  and  take  him  back  up 
home  on  a  steamboat,  in  style,  and 
pay  him  for  his  lost  time,  and  write 
word  ahead  and  get  out  all  the  nig 
gers  around,  and  have  them  waltz 
him  into  town  with  a  torchlight 

procession  and  a  brass  band,  and  then  he  would  be  a  hero,  and  so  would  we. 
But  I  reckoned  it  was  about  as  well  the  way  it  was. 

We  had  Jim  out  of  the  chains  in  no  time,  and  when  Aunt  Polly  and  Uncle 
Silas  and  Aunt  Sally  found  out  how  good  he  helped  the  doctor  nurse  Tom,  they 
made  a  heap  of  fuss  over  him,  and  fixed  him  up  prime,  and  give  him  all  he 
wanted  to  eat,  and  a  good  time,  and  nothing  to  do.  And  we  had  him  up  to  the 


OUT    OF   BONDAGE. 


PAYING   THE  CAPTIVE. 


365 


sick-room  ;  and  had  a  high  talk ;  and  Tom  give  Jim  forty  dollars  for  being 
prisoner  for  us  so  patient,  and  doing  it  up  so  good,  and  Jim  was  pleased  most  to 
death,  and  busted  out,  and  says  : 

"Dali,  now,  Huck,  what  I  tell  you  ? — what  I 
tell  you  up  dah  on  Jackson  islan'  ?  I  tole  you  I 
got  a  hairy  breas',  en  what's  de  sign  un  it ;  en  I 
tole  you  I  ben  rich  wunst,  en  gwineter  to  be  rich 
agin  ;  en  it's  come  true  ;  en  heah  she  is  I  Dah, 
now  !  doan'  talk  to  me — signs  is  signs,  mine 
I  tell  you  ;  en  I  knowed  jis'  's  well  'at  I  'uz 
gwineter  be  rich  agin  as  I's  a  stannin'  heah  dis 
minute ! " 

And  then  Tom  he  talked  along,  and  talked 
along,  and  says,  le's  all  three  slide  out  of  here, 
one  of  these  nights,  and  get  an  outfit,  and  go  for 
howling  adventures  amongst  the  Injuns,  over  in 
the  Territory,  for  a  couple  of  weeks  or  two  ;  and 
I  says,  all  right,  that  suits  me,  but  I  aint  got  no 

money  for  to  buy  the  outfit,  and  I  reckon  I  couldn't  get  none  from  home,  because 
it's  likely  pap's  been  back  before  now,  and  got  it  all  away  from  Judge  Thatcher 
and  drunk  it  up. 

"No  he  hain't,"  Tom  says;  "it's  all  there,  yet — six  thousand  dollars  and 
more ;  and  your  pap  hain't  ever  been  back  since.  Hadn't  when  I  come  away, 
anyhow." 

Jim  says,  kind  of  solemn  : 

"  He  ain't  a  comin'  back  no  mo',  Huck." 

I  says  : 

"Why,  Jim?" 

"Nemmine  why,  Huck  —  but  he  ain't  comin'  back  no  mo'." 

But  I  kept  at  him  ;  so  at  last  he  says  : 

"  Doan'  you  'member  de  house  dat  was  float'n  down  de  river,  en  dey  wuz  a 
man  in  dah,  kivered  up,  en  I  went  in  en  unkivered  him  and  didn'  let  you 


TOM'S  LIBERALITY. 


366 


THE  ADVENTURES  OF  HUCKLEBERRY  FINN. 


come  in  ?    Well,  den,  you  k'n  git  yo'  money  when  you  wants  it ;  kase  dat  wuz 
him." 

Tom's  most  well,  now,  and  got  his  bullet  around  his  neck  on  a  watch-guard 
for  a  watch,  and  is  always  seeing  what  time  it  is,  and  so  there  ain't  nothing  more 
to  write  about,  and  I  am  rotten  glad  of  it,  because  if  Pd  a  knowed  what  a  trouble 
it  was  to  make  a  book  I  wouldn't  a  tackled  it  and  aint't  agoing  to  no  more.  But 
I  reckon  I  got  to  light  out  for  the  Territory  ahead  of  the  rest,  because  Aunt  Sally 
she's  going  to  adopt  me  and  sivilize  me  and  I  can't  stand  it.  I  been  there  before. 


THE   END.      YOURS  TRULY,    BUCK   FINN. 


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